Bun In The Oven

Lauren got one of the Cuddle 'N Coo dolls for Christmas. My mom ordered it shortly after all of the "Islam is the light" controversy so that Lauren would be sure to get one before they were pulled from shelves. Lauren took to this doll time and time again when we were perusing the toy aisles before Christmas. Lauren loves the doll and for the first time has given the baby a real name. Her name is Sally Baby compared to her other dolls Potty Girl, Naked Baby, Pink Baby and so on. The talking has started to bother her, but she won't admit it. I have caught her covering the baby's face so she won't have to hear her and tonight she searched and searched for Sally Baby before she went to bed. When she found her, she brought her to her bedroom, opened the door to her play oven, put Sally Baby in, closed the door and climbed into her bed. When I questioned her about Sally Baby sleeping in the oven she said it was so the baby wouldn't wake her up.

Come On Man, It's The Holidays

Have you seen the commercial with the gingerbread people for AT&T. As much as I HATE AT&T (which is several other stories), I love this commercial. It is funny EVERY time I see it! My kids have picked up on my uncontrollable chuckling every time the gingerbread man says "Oh come on man, it's the holidays"

Which brings me to today. I had to take all three kids to the courthouse several towns over to pay a speeding ticket and sign my probation papers. The customer service desk is right outside the courtroom so the kids got to experience all sorts of things. A mother and her teenage son stepped up to the window next to us to plead the kid's case. The mother was giving all sorts of excuses about the kid being in rehab, etc. Mom was pulling out all of the stops; I didn't realize how closely the kids were listening until she said, "well, it's the holidays blah, blah, blah". Then Ben loudly shouts out a "Come on man, it's the holidays!”

I don't know if the lady and teenager heard him, but I can guarantee you the man on the other side of us that was about to wet his pants heard. That kid is funny!

Jack On Baseball

Jack: Mom, will you get me a shirt to wear outside?
Me: Sure! (Handing him his old baseball jersey)
Lauren: His football shirt?
Me: That is his baseball jersey.
Jack: Yeah Lauren, didn't you ever watch any of my games? I was the one messing around in the dirt.

Happy Birthday

Ben: Whose birthday is coming up?
Me: You tell me!
Ben: Daddy! And, Jesus!
Me: Very good!
Ben: Is Jesus going to have a birthday party?
Me: Yes, Christmas is his birthday party.
Ben: Can I go?
Me: Absolutely, everyone is invited!
Ben: Where is his party going to be?
Me: At church.
Ben: Is there going to be a bounce house at church?
Me: I doubt it.
Ben: What are we going to do for fun at church?
Me: Sing Christmas carols.
Ben: What kind of party is daddy having? Will he have a bounce house?

You Don't Always Get What You Want!

Today was breakfast with Santa at Jack's school. In addition to the rubbery pancakes and congealed sausage the kids got to shop at Elf Land. Elf Land gives the kids the opportunity to shop by themselves and buy gifts for their family. Jack decided that he was going to buy gifts for Ben, Lauren, Mommy, Daddy, Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma Judy. He counted out all of his quarters, and then started planning his shopping attack.

Jack: What do you want for Christmas Mom?
Me: I could really use a new set of measuring cups.
Jack: Well, I will see what I can do, but like you always say you don't always get what you want.

When Jack emerged from Elf Land he was carrying 4 gifts, one for Ben, one for me and two for Lauren.

Me: Jack did you forget anyone?
Jack: Nope!
Me: What about Daddy, Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma Judy?
Jack: Oh no, I have to go back in!

Trash or Treasure

Go ahead, call me a dork, let's get it over with. I have been collecting the state quarters since they came out in 1999. I only need three more quarters. Travis was going through his change glass for me when Jack came in.

Jack: What are you doing?
Me: Looking for the rest of the quarters for my collection.
Jack: Can I see?
Me: Sure, see I have everything except Oklahoma, Arizona and Hawaii.
Jack: When you get those are you going to throw it away?
Me: NO! Are you kidding me?
Jack: Well that is what you do with all of my work that I bring home from school. You look at it then you throw it in the trashcan.

Potty Problems

Lauren has been in heaven the last two days. We gave her a "Potty Doll" for Nate and Spence's birthday. This baby caught my eye because it has the toilet Lauren wants without the mess, the doll doesn't actually pee. I haven't seen her without her baby named, Potty Girl, since she opened the gift yesterday. She carries her around putting her on the potty every few minutes; she even slept with her last night. Her brother's have been tormenting her by turning the doll or the potty off. Because she wasn't the one that turned it off she always assumed that it was broken. So, I wasn't alarmed when I heard...

Lauren: Mommy, my potty won't flush!

I was in the middle of wrapping gifts.

Me: Okay honey, I am in the middle of something, I will fix your potty in a minute.

The next thing I heard was my darling little girl splashing in water on the bathroom floor and water erupting from the toilet. The formerly half full toilet paper roll was empty and Lauren's deposit was dangerously close to floating out of the potty. I opened the linen closet in search of the plunger with no luck. I ran to the other bathroom to grab the plunger. I plunged with all my might. I momentarily had superhuman powers and plunged right through the poop. When I got the waterfall stopped I realized the bottom inch of my jeans was soaking up the dirty toilet water. I did my best to swallow the vomit that rushed up my throat. Lauren could sense my disgust as I barked orders to get more towels, get out of the way and be quiet.

Lauren: Mommy, I TOLD YOU that I was having a problem.
Me: Yes, honey you did...

Unanswered Prayers

Seven years ago today I was praying like I never had before or have since. I had given birth to extremely premature twins. We were prepped that Nate wouldn't make it, but we had a lot of hope for Spence. Both boys were born, lived a few hours and died December 9th, 2001. I can easily pinpoint this as the worst day of my life.

If Nate and Spence had lived, we would have never met Jack, Ben or Lauren. I can't imagine my life without those three! I think I love them even more intensely than the average mother because of what we went through with Nate and Spence. I never want to relive December 9th, 2001, but I wouldn't give it up for all the money in the world. I love my family and can't imagine it any other way. I guess Garth was right "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers".

I love you Nate and Spence and can't wait to meet you again!

Birthday Bragging

I carpool with a neighbor to school. I drop off and she picks up. The boys are always trying to top each other. This morning I overheard this conversation.

Jack: We get birthday presents tomorrow!
James: It isn't your birthday.
Jack: I know that.
James: Then why do you get birthday presents tomorrow?
Jack: Tomorrow is my brothers' birthday; they can't open presents because they are in heaven so we get the presents instead.
James: I wish my sister was in heaven!

Here I was thinking I was doing the right thing by making the kids aware of Nate and Spence in a positive way. But, somehow it has turned into the neighbor boy wishing death on his sister.

Stained Pants On Fire

This morning Jack got ready as fast as he could so that he could color his Santa homework for school. The washable crayons that Ben and Lauren use are worn, broken and unorganized. The only new box of crayons I had wasn't washable. I assumed Jack could be trusted with them. I got him started and sat with him at the table for a few minutes while he colored. I was only gone for a couple minutes when he approached me with a red crayon in his hand.

Jack: Mom, I just noticed that I have a stain on my jeans. (Pointing at a fist sized scribble on the thigh of his school jeans)
Me: What happened?
Jack: I don't know it must have been there when I put them on.
Me: I don't think you are telling me the truth.
Jack: Why not?
Me: Because you are holding a red crayon and it is a red crayon stain on your jeans. What really happened?
Jack: I drew a happy face on my jeans, and then I thought you would be mad at me so I scribbled it out.
Me: Jack, those crayons are not washable; I hope that stain comes out!
Jack: It isn't my fault!
Me: Then whose fault is it?
Jack: You didn't tell me they weren't washable!
Me: But who colored on your jeans?
Jack: Me.
Me: Then whose fault is it?
Jack: Mine. I'm sorry.

Most of the time he is so mature and smart, and then there are times that I just wonder if someone switched his pancakes with retard sandwiches for breakfast!

Black Friday Bait and Switch

I think I can finally write about my disappointing Black Friday experience. I have the stockings hung by the mantle with care.

I have meticulously decorated all three Christmas trees and placed the coordinating gifts beneath them.



I am now in a better frame of mind, so I can tell you the sad, sad story.

I asked Travis early the morning of Thanksgiving Day to go buy me a newspaper. He didn't leave right away as I had hoped; as a matter of fact he didn't go until about 11. By 11, Walmart was sold out of papers. He called me from the store to ask me how important a paper was to me. I explained how much money was potentially on the line so he headed for the gas station. There weren't any papers there either! He resorted to "stealing" one of our neighbors that we knew were out of town for Thanksgiving. By the time he got home with the paper I didn't have anytime to go through the ads before we left for my aunt and uncle's house.

We didn't get home from Thanksgiving dinner until 9 or 10. Yes, I was full and tired, but I still went through the ads page by page. I even went through the stores that I don't normally go to. Nothing. There wasn't anything that was worth getting up at the crack of dawn for. There were a few good buys at Walmart, but there wasn't anything I couldn't live without. I decided that I wouldn't set an alarm; I would just go to Walmart when I got up and if they didn't have the things I wanted it wasn't meant to be.

Come to find out, there was no need to set an alarm as my cell phone rang at 5:30am. You see I have to have a very loud ring so I can hear my phone when I am out and about with 3 screaming kids. It was my mother and sister who assumed that I had already been out shopping for two hours like they were. I didn't get up to answer but I was awake. I laid in bed for 10 or 15 minutes then decided I should get up and check Walmart out. I drove to Walmart as I talked to my mom and sister on the phone. I found everything I wanted at Walmart. I had to settle for the blue $9 vacuum rather than the pink that I really wanted. But, all in all a successful trip. My mom and sister quilted me into making the trek to Sears for a watch for my dad. It was a Timex watch for $19.95, marked down from $40. It was a deal I couldn't refuse. I drove across town in a downpour. I had to park 3 miles away and run inside. I don't know why I ran; I really don't know how I would have gotten any more wet. I went immediately to the watch counter. The Timex watches were locked in a glass case. Are you kidding me, locked? There was only one clerk working the counter. I waited patiently while an Indian (dot not tomahawk) blew their wad on $1200 in Sears jewelry. They discussed the extended warranty on every cheap piece of jewelry they were purchasing. Then to top it off they wanted everything individually gift-wrapped. Why did the only clerk at the watch counter have to wrap it all? Finally it was my turn. I had staked out the watch and was ready to go.
Me: I need the $20 Timex.
The clerk went on a search of her case.
Me: It is right here.
Clerk: Oh, thanks. That will be $30.
Me: No that is on sale for $19.95.
I quickly flipped through my ad and pointed to the sale.
Clerk: This watch has gray buttons and the one in the ad has orange buttons.
Me: They are the same watch, they are both Ironman watches and they are both regularly $40.
Clerk: Oh, but they have different numbers. This one is one digit off.
Me: I understand that the numbers are different because the buttons are different colored, but they are the same watch.
Clerk: I am sorry; we sold that one a little while ago.
Me: That one? You only had one?
Clerk: Yes.
Me: I feel like I have waited very patiently while you helped other customers and I think you should give me this watch for the sale price.
Clerk: Let me call my manager...

Clerk: I can give you 10% off, but I can't give you the sale price.
Me: Fine.

I was hacked! But, I bought the watch anyway. My dad needed a birthday gift. I was at Sears. I just needed to get the job done. But it really makes me mad! How dare you advertise a watch that you only have one of in order to get me into your store to spend more? I learned about this trick in marketing class...that is bait and switch!!

Santa Savy

If you read my previous post, you know I am not a real Santa expert, but I am pretty proud of this one. My friend turned me on to this website. You write your own letter from Santa to your kids, send it to the post office in a self-addressed, stamped envelope and they send it back with a North Pole postmark.

This is the letter Santa is sending to my kids. Please feel free to borrow any or this entire letter!

Dear Jack, Ben and Lauren,

Thank you for the nice letter Jack! I love how you used such good manors when you sent me your Christmas list. I can tell you are working hard on your writing and know you are an excellent student.

A long time ago, before there were cars, airplanes, DVDs, Barbies, Nintendos and yes, even Santa, a child was born in a manger. What’s a manger? It’s a small wooden building that is meant to house animals – sort of like a stable. His parents traveled a very long way before they reached Bethlehem. It was very cold that night and they looked everywhere for a room but there wasn’t any. Then an innkeeper allowed them to sleep in his manger.

A bright star shown over Bethlehem that night. People all over saw the light and many followed it including three kings from foreign lands known as the Three Wise Men. They believed that the King of the Jews was to be born under it. They bowed down before Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus and gave him gold, frankincense (which is a sweet smelling incense), and myrrh (which is a special perfume).

The child born in that small stable was Jesus Christ, The Son of God, and our Savior. This was the very first Christmas ever! With all the holiday gifts and fun, always remember the true reason for the season.

For Christmas, I will bring each of you THREE gifts just like Jesus received from the Wise Men. I have been watching you all year and I am proud of your behavior. I have noticed that all of you occasionally have difficult times doing as you are told and being polite. Do your best this holiday season, I am watching and I believe in you! I will work hard to bring you everything on your list as long as you continue to make me proud!

Your elf, Mr. Scotters, is looking forward to spending the holiday season with you at your house. He will be reporting everything you do back to me every night. So, make me proud and remember to be kind and compassionate just like Rachael.

Merry Christmas,
Santa

Naughty Sister

Jack: Mom, do we have a new, unwrapped toy that I can take to school?
Me: What do you need that for?
Jack: They are for our sister school.
Me: Yes, I have something you can take. Do you know why we do that?
Jack: No.
Me: This gift will go to a little girl in a family that doesn't have much money. This will probably be the only Christmas present she will get this year. They probably won't have a fancy Christmas dinner and they probably don't have a nice house to live in or nice cars to drive.
Jack: Why doesn't Santa bring toys to poor kids? Was she naughty?

Busted! How do you answer that one? I have a girlfriend that has told her kids the truth about Santa because she doesn't feel right 'lying' to her kids. I was feeling like she was a little nuts until that question. Oh, what a tangled web weave. When first we practice to deceive.

Me: Doesn't it feel good to give rather than receive?
Jack: Yeah, but I like to receive too!

Santa Sighting

We had a family outing to see Santa yesterday. The Santa that I have had the kids' pictures taken with for the last 4 years moved from the mall. Santa is now at an outdoor mall so Donner and Blitzen can come with. It is a really cool set up; Santa sits by a big stone fireplace and the reindeer are at the beginning of the line. The kids and I loved Santa's new digs. Travis considered the outdoor venue to be another element to complain about...it was cold, the reindeer smelled and the line was long. I can't even count how many times we went to see Santa last year. I was trying for the perfect picture, but Ben and Lauren cried every time. I have been talking Santa up for the laat couple weeks. We talked about how nice Santa was and they he isn't scary. They knew that Santa wouldn't be able to understand what they wanted him to bring if they were crying. Ben and Lauren were acting really brave when we were at the end of the line. The closer we got to Santa the quieter Ben got. When it was our turn Ben froze up. Lauren and Jack marched right up to Santa and told him their desires. Ben stayed back between my legs. I walked him up to Santa with him clinging to my knee. I helped Santa get the kids lined up for the photo and walked away. When I turned around I realized that Ben was still stuck to me like glue! I walked him back, plopped him on the big guys lap and got out of the way so the photographer could snap the picture. Maybe they will smile next year...

Free Diapers

I have half a pack of CVS store brand diapers free to the first person at my door. That's right, we don't need diapers at our house anymore!! We have gone two days and NIGHTS without an accident! Just like I always knew, when he was ready he would do it all by himself! As soon as he knew it wouldn't hurt him to pee in the potty we were off and running! He is still a little quirky; he only wants to use the upstairs potty. He doesn't like the elongated potties that we have downstairs. So, I have been getting my exercise by running up and down the stairs as soon as he says the word. He still needs a little moral support when he goes so he wants someone in the room with him. It won't be long until he is totally self-sufficient! He won't even eat Cheerios anymore because there is a Pampers coupon on it. He is convinced the cereal is for babies just like diapers!

Thanksgiving Break Day One

Lauren: (Crying as though her arm has been severed) Mom, I'm hurt!
Me: What happened? (Trying to act as sincere as a mother midstream sitting on the toilet can be)
Lauren: Benny pushed me!

Enter Ben.

Ben: But, she was being mean to me.
Me: Lauren, were you being mean?
Lauren: No, I didn't do anything!
Me: I want you guys to be nice to each other, I think you should both say sorry.
Ben: But, the wall catched her!

Pretty Please

Today Jack wrote his letter to Santa. It was so cute! He wrote "Der Senta" then looked to me for letter writing advice.

Jack: What should I write next?
Me: How about I want a...
Jack: I don't think it would be very nice to say I want, I think it would be better to say please.
Me: I think you are absolutely right!

He went on to write:

Ples bring me a Nintendo DS, Hitec Lan Str and Madgasr Tow.

Lov Jack

So, if anyone knows what a Hi-tech Land Star Helicopter is please fill me in! I certainly can't deny a kid that was so polite when he asked...right?

Lauren's List

Today my friend Lucinda watched Ben and Lauren this morning while I had my annual MRI. Lucinda has a 6-week-old baby girl. She is a beautiful baby with jet-black hair and porcelain skin. She looks like Snow White. Lauren was in love. The baby was better than any doll she has ever played with! When we got home she told me all about her.

Lauren: I am going to ask Santa for a real black baby!
Me: What?
Lauren: I want a real baby girl like Ms. Lucinda's.
Me: Ms. Lucinda's baby isn't black.
Lauren: Her hair is black that is the kind of baby I want!

I think if she actually asked Santa for a 'real black baby' it would be even tackier than when my sister asked Santa for $2000.

Breaking News

At exactly
3 Years
3 Months
10 Days
7 Hours
8 Minutes

Benny went peepee in the potty! Not everyone would consider this success, but we do! At the very least everyone can agree it is a break through! This is the kid that cries and clings to me when I put him on the potty. Up until today he wouldn't go in the potty even if he had to go. I could put him on the toilet and he would actually hold it. Tonight I put him in the tub and in a panicked voice he said, "I am going peepee in the tub!" I pulled him out, dropped him on the potty AND he finished in the potty! Travis and I made a huge deal about it and let him pick a prize. He was really proud of himself. I am very hopeful that this is the start of diaper freedom.

Full Circle

Jack: I am going to ask Santa for a Nintendo DS and a sled!
Lauren: I am going to ask him for a stroller!
Me: Benny, what are you going to ask Santa for?
Ben: Just a small book.

This is the same kid who wanted everything in The Big Toy Book including the wheelchair...I don't get it, but I like the change!

Matters

What doesn't matter...
1. The race of our president elect.
2. The breed of the prospective first dog elect.
3. Hugh's former girlfriend, Kendra, is engaged.
4. The first dog, Barney, bit a reporter.
5. How much Palin spent on her clothes and where she got her glasses.

What does matter...
1. The state of our economy.
2. The country's hope for change.
3. Parents are abandoning teenagers at hospitals in Nebraska.
4. The woman who killed her baby by cutting her arms off is being released.
5. More people lost their jobs today.
...and the list goes on...

COME ON PEOPLE; LET'S GET OUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT!

Feast vs. Fired

Me: Do you want the WHOLE family to join you at school for your Thanksgiving feast?
Jack: YEAH!!!!
Me: Okay, I will turn this in.
Jack: Wait a minute...Does daddy have the day off?
Me: No
Jack: Then I just want you and the babies to come.
Me: Why not daddy?
Jack: It isn't worth daddy losing his job over.
Me: Daddy won't lose his job if he comes to lunch.
Jack: Yes he will! If he skips work he will get fired!
Me: Daddy gets to go to lunch; he will eat at your feast for his lunch break.
Jack: Okay, he can come as long as he doesn't get fired.

All I Want For Christmas Is...Everything

My mom has already started her Christmas shopping. Yes, she is a big show off, but let's get back to me...I mean Ben. My mom wanted me to have the kids go through the Toys R Us Big Toy Book and make a list of things they would like for Christmas. All three of the kids picked at least one thing on every page, but Ben took the cake. Benny circled every single boy toy in the catalog. It didn't matter if the toy was geared towards 6 month olds or 16 year olds he wanted it all! He even went as far as to circle the politically correct model in the wheelchair. He told me that he wanted to ride in that chair with wheels! I can see his letter to Santa now:

Dear Santa,

I have included a copy of the Big Toy Book so that I don't have to write everything down. As a general rule, if it is in this catalog and isn't pink I would like you to bring it down the chimney. If you have room in your sleigh after loading all of my toys I would also like my own wheelchair. If you don't have room, I don't mind if you make two trips.

Love,
Ben
Your biggest fan

Petty Panty Thief

I unknowingly took my last Zoloft yesterday. When I discovered the situation this morning I figured I would stop at Target after the gym and get my prescription filled. When we got to Target I dropped my prescription at the pharmacy then Lauren announced that she had to go potty. We had 20 minutes until my prescription would be ready so we headed to the family restroom. Lauren pulled down her panties, climbed up on the giant handicapped toilet and arched a stream of urine right into her Ariel panties. No harm, no foul. We are at the panty store, right? I wrapped her wet panties in a paper towel and crammed them in my purse. I pulled her dress over her bare hiney and we headed to the panty aisle. She chose a 3-pack of Tinkerbell panties; I pulled a pair out of the package and helped her put them on. I took the remainder of the package with me so that we could pay for them when we left. We headed to the toy section to pick out yet another birthday present for a child in Jack's class. Ben asked to carry the partial pack of panties so I handed them to him in order to avoid a melt down. We casually browsed the toy section. Lauren critiqued each baby doll choosing which ones she liked best. Ben pushed each and every button within his reach. When the 20 minutes were finally up we quickly grabbed a toy for the birthday boy and headed back to the pharmacy. I picked up my prescription, put the toy on the counter then turned to Ben to get the partial pack of panties. He must have put them down when pushing one of the 6083 buttons in the toy aisle. We retraced our steps looking for a partial pack of Tinkerbell panties with no success. I went up and down every aisle in the toy section then went back to the panty aisle. There wasn't a partial pack of panties anywhere. I knew just what to do! I will just take one of the full packs to the front so the cashier could charge me. There wasn't a full pack of the same panties anywhere. As a matter of fact there wasn't even a three pack of the same brand! When I started the day I had no idea how urgent my need for the Zoloft would be! So, if you see a partial pack of Tinkerbell panties, buy them and I will pay you back.

Happy Pumpkin Station Day

Gone are the days of wearing your Halloween costume to school, participating in the Halloween parade and enjoying a Halloween cupcake. Today I, as room mother, will be facilitating the Kindergarten "pumpkin stations". That's right, you can't even celebrate Halloween in the public schools anymore! Why? I don't know. Whom does Halloween offend? Whose civil liberties are sacrificed by a Halloween party? I will never know! So, to get around the Halloween thing we celebrate fall by having "pumpkin stations" on Halloween, just don't say the 'H' word. We will have five stations; pumpkin decorating, Fall bingo, decorating pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bean bag toss and harvest mix graphing.

After the pumpkin station party I will be rushing my kids home to start Halloween. We are going to a Halloween party at a friend's house complete with a bounce house, bobbing for apples and costume contest. The party starts at 4pm, we will live it up as fast as we can, then rush home to meet neighbors for pizza before trick-or-treating at 5:30. Tomorrow we will be going to another family Halloween costume party. Jack and Ben will be Nebraska football players, Lauren will be a Nebraska cheerleader and I will be a Nebraska fan complete with a corn hat (on loan from my brother-in-law). I am still trying to convince Travis to be a fan with me, but he read the fine print on the invitation that said, "costumes are not required". Boring! Maybe Travis is the guy whose civil liberties are at risk. We no longer have Halloween parties in public schools to protect fun haters everywhere!

Unanswered Prayers

Me: Jack it's time to wake up.
Jack: Is it Halloween?
Me: No, Halloween is tomorrow!

Jack opened his eyes and wearily sat up in bed. He laced his little fingers together, put his folded hands in front of his face and squinted his little eyes shut.

Jack: Dear Jesus, please make today Halloween. I can't wait any longer!

Conference Time

I went to Jack's conference this afternoon. Travis wasn't able to make it; he made an emergency trip to Nebraska to help his grandparents. The conference went really well. His teacher gave rave reviews about his behavior and progress. She pointed out two areas that need work; when counting to 100 he always skips the number 13 (which I knew) and that he needs to work on his writing but is definitely 'getting it'. I treated Jack to his choice of restaurants for dinner. He picked Sonic. He ordered a 'hot wiener dog' because his teacher has a wiener dog. He got to order whatever he wanted so he had a slush with his dinner and a hot fudge sundae for dessert. When we got home he drew a picture of our special dinner and wrote TWO sentences. "We wt to Sonic fur god rpt crd. I had a ht wenrdug." Translated, we went to Sonic for good report card. I had a hot wiener dog. Based on what his teacher taught me at conferences he did a great job! He worked really hard on his spacing and punctuation and most importantly he was proud of himself! The trick is going to be keeping him this excited! At bath time he wanted to use a color tablet. I told him he could have the tablet if he counted to 100 without a mistake. He counted perfectly! I am a proud mama!

Birth Defect

So I heard on the radio that you are born with (or in my case without) rhythm. That's right, it is in your genes. So, my lack of dancing skill is not due to lack of trying, but due in fact to a birth defect.

Old School vs. New School

Everyone knows the trouble I have had with potty training Ben. He is still not potty trained, but it is not for lack of trying. I am not totally stressed about it. He will do it when he is ready. I successfully trained two other kids, it is not me! This kid is stubborn and he just isn't ready. I had a discussion with my Pediatrician at Ben's last appointment and he advised me to let the potty training go completely for at least a month, then try again. He said that it would be worse if I tried to push him.

My grandma has been staying with me for the last few days. She made a remark here and there about how she would just put him in underwear and let him be wet, etc. I brushed it off explaining my Pediatrician's advice. After all, she is nearly 83 years old, when was the last time she potty trained a kid?

Today, I chaperoned Jack's field trip to the pumpkin patch. I left the house at 8:20am and expected to return around 11:30. Come to find out we loaded up the buses at 11:30, then waited for a child who had diarrhea to get out of the port-a-potty. We didn't return to school until 12:30pm. When I got home Ben was asleep on the couch and grandma proceeded to give me a full report of the time they spent together.

We went outside shortly after you left. Unfortunately, Ben pooped in his diaper. Lauren fell off her bike and got a small scrape on her knee. Lauren kept telling me that I should changes Ben pants, but quite frankly changing big kid's poop disgusts me.

Ben slept until 3:30pm, so he went approximately 7 hours with poop in his pants because it disgusts my grandma. She better hope that she can always control her bowels and if she can't Ben isn't in charge of changing her because paybacks can be hell!

That being said, I love my grandma and I have enjoyed my time with her, but what was she thinking? She did admit that she was ashamed that he sat in poop for that long. Poor Benny.

Geography Lesson

Jack: Why does the United States flag always fly higher than the Texas flag?
Me: Because the United States is our country.
Jack: What is Texas?
Me: Texas is our state, just like Nebraska is a state.
Jack: Nebraska is not a state it is a football team.

The kid is wise beyond his years...

Picture Perfect

My grandma and I took the kids to the arboretum yesterday. It was a beautiful afternoon. I couldn't resist showing off these pictures.

He's Got Spirit!

Today was Crazy Hair Day at school. Jack was up before 6am with anticipation! He has been planning his hair do for weeks. Check him out! He goes to Eddins and their school colors are orange and blue.

Go Wildcats!

Big Head Dad

I took Ben and Lauren up to school this morning to take yearbook photos of Donuts with Dad. As we were leaving they were crying because they didn't get a chance to say goodbye to daddy. So, we waited by his car for him to come out.

Ben: I see daddy's little head!!
Lauren: Then it isn't our daddy...our daddy has a BIG head!

Failed Family Fun

Today was one of those days that nothing went my way. I woke up with a fun day for the kids planned. Farmers market to pick out pumpkins, gym, painting pumpkins, watching the Husker game and having the neighbors over for dinner to make our own pizzas with sundaes for dessert. We got up early and went to the farmers market. Today was supposed to be a pumpkin festival of sorts. I told the kids we would go buy some big pumpkins. I had never been to this particular market before, but I am not a farmer’s market novice. I loaded up the wagon only to discover that I actually had to remove the handle with a screwdriver and wrench to make it fit in the car. We drove to the market, unloaded the wagon, got the tools back out and put the handle back on. We went through the small gate to only find four small stands. Just one of the stands had one pumpkin of any size. The price? Fifteen clams! Yikes, I can buy four pumpkins for that price at Tom Thumb. I let the kids each pick out a small decorative gourd and we were out of there within 10 minutes. We took the handle off the wagon again, and then loaded it back into the car. We hit the gym then stopped by Tom Thumb for big pumpkins, pizza supplies and sundae toppings. When we got home we had a message from our dinner guests. They have a sick child and wouldn't be able to come. Darn, I was really looking forward to that! The shopping trip and message took the wind out of my sails to I watched our latest Netflix to regroup. After my movie, I turned on the game and watched the kids paint their pumpkins.


The kids were covered from head to toe in black paint, not to mention my kitchen chairs. After I cleaned up the chairs I put the kids in the tub. I scrubbed the paint off the kids, then off the tub. I could tell I was trying to hard to make family fun because everyone including me was on edge. We decided to make the most of being stood up and still made our own pizzas.

The kids had fun making yet another mess for me to clean up. By this point the NU vs. Tech game was tied so I left the kids for a second and watched a little more intently. We lost in overtime. Damn! When I got back to the table I found Ben chewing and chewing on raw pizza dough. It turned the kid off and he wouldn't even touch his cooked pizza. Just as I was pulling the pizzas out of the oven I turned to see Ben peeing on the kitchen floor. Shoot! I forgot that he asked to wear underwear after his bath! After we digested our pizza we made our sundaes. Before I even had the last bowl of ice cream scooped Lauren had flipped hers on the floor.

Me: Lauren, what happened?!?!
Lauren: My ice cream fell on the floor.
Me: How did that happen?
Lauren: I was screwing around.


I am so tired trying to make a day of family fun and to be real honest; I didn't have a lot of fun. I don't know if it just isn't the same without Travis (he went to Lubbock for the game) or what. I just hope the kids had a good time. I put the kids to bed early because I was so beat. Within minutes of getting everyone settled our doorbell rang. Our neighbors boo'd us at 8:05pm. Is that too late for 3 and 5 year olds or am I being an old fuddy duddy with nothing to do on a Saturday night?

Swimming With The Flies

Ben: Mommy! There is water leaking from the toilet.
Me: What are you doing in the bathroom.
Ben: I was flushing a fly.
Me: Where did you get a fly?
Ben: From the office.
Me: Thanks for taking care of it.
Ben: There is water leaking from the toilet!
Me: Why is there water leaking from the toilet?
Ben: I kept flushing and flushing the fly, then the water came up and started leaking out of the toilet and onto the floor.
Me: What?!?! Why didn't you say that?
Ben: I did!

It took me so long to get the message there was water all over the floor by the time I got to the bathroom. Gross.

Pumpkin Patch Party Pooper

When we got to the pumpkin patch we were greeted by a friendly older gentleman who handed each kid a cup of animal feed. Lauren didn't even want hold the cup of feed so I grabbed it from the man and we walked in. I finally convinced Lauren to hold her own cup so that I could take pictures. Ben and Lauren were hesitant to feed the animals but Ben eventually warmed up.

This is as close to the animals as Lauren got.

Then we went on a hayrack ride. This was as happy as Lauren got.



After the hayrack ride I asked the kids to pose for a few pictures. Notice the forced smile in Lauren's face and the genuine happiness on Ben's face.




Then we went to pick out our pumpkins and Lauren finally just broke down. I didn't know why she was crying. I don't know if she was just upset that her hair didn't hold its curl or what. But, how could I know when she didn't know why she was crying. I tried to help her out and carry her pumpkin for her but that made her cry harder. Is there such a thing as toddler PMS? Ben happily picked out his pumpkin, and then carried it to the car like a big boy! This is the third time we have gone to the pumpkin patch and the third time I have left with a kid in full meltdown. It isn't always the same kid, which just adds to the excitement.

Pumpkin Patch Primping

I took Ben and Lauren to the local pumpkin patch this morning to ride the hayrack, feed the animals and pick out a pumpkin. Lauren was so excited that she wanted to curl her hair like mommy. It has been a long time since I last tried to curl her hair so I gave it another try. The last time I used the infamous pink squishy rollers you wear to bed. Those didn't work worth a hoot so I decided to try hot rollers this time.

I left them in for at least twenty minutes hoping that I wasn't burning her fine hair, but wanting the curl to hold. We took the rollers out, waited for the curls to cool, sprayed with hairspray, tied her bangs back with cute Halloween ribbons and sprayed with more hairspray.

Didn't her hair look cute?

This is the very same girl less than 45 minutes later! Poor Lauren has my stick straight hair. All I can hope for her is that spiral perms don't come back, especially when she is at her most vulnerable in junior high!

Life Lesson

In case you don't have time to read this entire post, just learn this:

NICE MOM + NICE DAD DOES NOT EQUAL NICE KID

I met a great mom from Jack's class. She was really nice, funny and cute! She works out of her home full time, so her kids were in daycare when they were little and they are in after school care now, but she is available to volunteer at school and attend the class parties. She travels with her job a lot leaving her husband to care for the kids. A friend (and neighbor) of mine and I set up a playdate for several of the Kindergarten boys. Her son invited a boy from his class and I invited the mother and child in question. They live in the neighborhood so I asked the mother if her and her son would like to join us for an outside playdate in the cul-de-sac. The mother said she was going to be out of town on that day. I foolishly offered to have his dad just drop him off to play. She jumped on the opportunity! When I told Jack that the little boy would be coming over to play he wasn't excited at all. I asked him if he was friends with the little boy and my sweet kid said he was friends with everyone in his class, he just wasn't one of his best friends. I explained how it was important to be nice to everyone and since he lives in the neighborhood it would be nice to invite him to play. Jack reluctantly agreed. I couldn't figure out why he was hesitant to include him. The playdate was yesterday. My neighbor and I sat out in the cul-de-sac with Jack, her son and her son's friend that she brought home from school. The boys were getting along great. Then the other boy and his dad rode up on their bikes. The dad was really, really nice. Much more friendly than the average guy would be when they drop their kid off with a couple moms he doesn't know. Dad mentioned that he had to take the older kids to karate so he would be back to pick up his son around 5:15. As soon as the dad rode out of site the kid's head starting spinning around. He wasn't sharing, he wasn't following rules, he was pouting when he didn't get his way, he was tattling and being disrespectful. His crowning moment was when Lauren was standing on the sidewalk and he rode his bike right at her yelling "get out of the way, here comes a bike!" Lauren stepped out of the way, but apparently it wasn't enough for him because he swerved his bike and purposely hit Lauren with his bike! My friend and I were looking at our watches every 5 minutes hoping the clock would strike 5:15. I was figuring out why Jack didn't really care for this kid. He was a BRAT! Dad didn't arrive until 5:17. Those 2 minutes that he was late seemed like an eternity! My girlfriend and I breathed a giant sigh of relief as the kid and his dad rode away. A few minutes later the other child’s mother picked him up. We were so tense after we got rid of the extra kids that we had to share a bottle of wine! Let this be a lesson to all of you younger mothers, DO NOT INVITE A NICE MOTHER'S CHILD TO YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT SEEING THE KID IN ACTION FIRST. And, for you older mothers that didn't teach me this lesson and forced me to learn it the hard way; SHAME ON YOU!

Ultimate Fighter

Jack: Mom, I look like I was in a fight with the grand wrestling champion!


Jack had a major wreck on his bike this afternoon. Luckily, I was chatting with a neighbor when the accident happened. My neighbor saw it all unfold and said it was an awful wreck. He scraped his chin, nose, wrist and knee. He only cried for a couple of minutes. I asked him if he wanted to go home and regroup. He sucked it up and told me he wanted to play. I was really proud of how he pulled it together!

Hot Blooded!

Me: It is another chilly night pick some warm pjs!
Jack: When I wear my warm jammies and get into my covers I feel like I just jumped into a pot of hot cocoa!
Me: You are getting too warm?
Jack: It is worser than that! I feel like I am in a hot pot of cocoa that just came out of the microwave!

Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy

I don't think this is what Big and Rich had in mind when they were singing, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy", but the song is stuck in my head after taking these pictures.


Isn't it great when your kids play well together? Today, all of the stars have aligned making Ben and Lauren the best of friends. I love being a mom when they act like this!

Boys Don't Make Passes At Girls With Fat Asses

I got glasses when I was 18 months old. The first time I heard someone say "boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses", my dad told me that wasn't right. He told me the way you say it is "boys don't make passes at girls with fat asses". I was reminded of this phrase today when Lauren failed her vision test at her 3-year-old check-up. Her pediatrician said that she failed really bad in her left eye and also failed in her right eye. The doctor tried to soften the blow by telling me that the eye-testing machine can have false positives. I am not buying into that. He told me that the ear-testing machine had false positives when Jack failed his hearing test two years ago. Now Jack has tubes and is hearing just fine! I think the average mother would be more concerned about this than I am. She is a beautiful little girl and will look really cute in her new spectacles. Plus, we will be able to get our glasses together come January (since my neurologist referred me to an ophthalmologist at my last appointment). I called the only Pediatric Ophthalmologist in the area and he can't get her in until December. I figure since we won't have a vision plan until January we might as well wait a couple more weeks. What's a couple of weeks when you are already waiting 2 months? In other news she only weights 28 pounds (15th percentile), so I guess we don't have to worry about the fat ass thing.

See Ya Later Alligator!

I was outside today taking pictures of my little bikers.

And, I couldn't resist the opportunity to be punny! Ben didn't want to try Jack's old big boy bike. He was perfectly happy letting Lauren use it. He was much happier on his 'Diego bike' drinking his Gatorade. Ben still calls Gatorade alligator, I don't correct him because it is so darn cute!

See ya later alligator!

Training Wheels

We took another family bike ride yesterday. Since it was Saturday we had lots of time to explore the bike paths in our area. We had a great time. The weather was beautiful and the company was great! Jack is still riding the neighbor's 18" bike (without training wheels) and Travis pulls Ben and Lauren in the Burley Bee. Jack got whacked in the face with a tree branch and the tree pollen powdered his little allergy prone nose.

Jack: My nose is itchy!
Travis: Wipe it off.
Jack: I can't!
Travis: Why not?
Jack: I can't let go of my handlebars!
Travis: Yes you can, leave one hand on the handle and wipe your nose with the other hand, see watch me
Jack: Yeah, but you have training wheels! (referring to the trailer that Ben and Lauren ride in)

Mid-Life?

Several months back a good friend of mine lost her mother to cancer then a month or so later lost her father too. Just last week another friend of mine lost his dad and our attorney passed away. Our attorney was just a couple of years older than us; he had boy/girl twins that were around Jack's age. Another good friend is turning forty next weekend! Is it time for me to be having my mid-life crisis? I don't feel old. But this stuff doesn't happen to young people! I just described another kindergarten mom as really young because she is in her late twenties. I am becoming that old lady! My friend Jeff and I went to pick up Jack from school a couple weeks back and I told random kids that were messing around to be careful. What am I 90? Jeff even made the comment that I USED to be fun! I used to be young and hip, then all the sudden my friends parents started dying, people "my age" were dropping dead, and twenty something’s are "real young"...not to mention all of the sagging...what is happening to me?

Benny Love

Me: Give mommy goodnight kisses!
Ben: smooch, smooch, smooch
...rubbing noses...
Ben: We are doing nose kisses.
Me: They are Eskimo kisses.
Ben: Now, TONGUE kisses!
Me: Yuck no!

I didn't think it was the time to tell him those were called French kisses!

After we do our kisses no matter what day of the week it is Ben tells me "See you on Sunday, I love you Mommy!" It is so darn cute, he is so charming!

Go Wildcats!

Jack had an assembly at school today. Did you have assemblies in elementary school? I didn't have them until I was in high school. They encourage the parents to attend, so Ben, Lauren and I went. I am continually surprised at how many parents attend when they "encourage" us to come. There were over 300 kids at the K-2 assembly and there were only about 15 parents. Wow. We got there about 10 minutes early assuming it would be a mad house...I guess I was the fool! I guess the other parents will see the photos I took for the yearbook. That's right, I am the class photographer. Luckily it doesn't require any special skill! Speaking of yearbooks, I didn't have a yearbook until Junior High. How about you? The principal gave student of the month awards. The little girl that won didn't seem like she was a better kid than Jack. I found myself wondering why she won rather than Jack. When her mother crossed the street in front of my car after the assembly it crossed my mind to run her over like a Texas cheerleading mom! I guess there is always next month!

Walkiversary

Two years ago today Lauren took her first steps. No, I don't normally remember those kinds of dates. Who do you think I am, super mom? I think not! The reason I remember is today is my nephew's 2nd birthday. Lauren's first steps were over shadowed by Drew's birth! But, she can take solace in the fact that I will never forget the day she learned to walk. I can tell you Jack was about 15 months old when he walked and Ben was around 18 months old. See Lauren, it was a blessing is disguise. Happy birthday Droopy, we love you!

What Is This World Coming To?

I had a PTA meeting tonight on the topic of school safety. I can't believe the drills the kids go through these days. The speakers described the "lockdown" drill. Each teacher locks their classroom door, covers all of the windows, turns off the lights, crowds the kids in the corner and instructs them to be completely silent. We didn't have lockdown drills when I was in school. I guess the closest thing that we did was "duck and cover", the little tune from the 1960s video is going through my head now! Different levels of lockdown are used based on the crisis. Our particular school actually had a low level lockdown last year when a man in the neighborhood locked himself in his house threatening to kill himself. The highest level of lockdown is reserved for a Columbine type incident. It is reassuring that the teachers are able to have the kids in total lockdown within minutes. The scary thing is that elementary school kids have to be exposed to it. The school had a drill last week and Jack didn't even mention it to me. When I asked him about it he acted like it was no big deal. He told me that they just read books in the corner in the dark. When I asked him why they did that he simply told me "it's just a drill mom". I didn't want to scare him so I dropped the subject. What do you think? Should I tell a kindergartener the purpose of the drill?

Sunday Dinner On Monday

Yesterday I made Hamburger Helper for dinner because I knew I would be cooking all day today. I thought about making two boxes, but decided that would be over kill. I was wrong. My family gobbled the cheap and easy meal like they would never eat again. Today I was taking dinner to a girlfriend who just had a baby. The poor girl breaks her tailbone each time she delivers so I knew it had to be a good meal. Not to mention the email that I got from the meal organizer that said "You know they are so glad to have this baby in the south! There is no better meal than a southern one!” Wow, that is a lot of pressure for a Yankee! I wasn't sure what to make. Most of my specialties are of the Tex-Mex variety, but I couldn't take those to my Hispanic friend's house! I finally decided on meat loaf, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and crescent rolls with Oreo cheesecake for dessert. I started with the cheesecake right after lunch, then spent the rest of the afternoon peeling potatoes, mixing meatloaf and putting together the beans. I figured I would be nice and treat my family to the same meal. Travis liked it. The kids on the other hand were unimpressed. I had to bribe them with the cheesecake to make them eat. Benny didn't even like the cheesecake, he asked me to "scrape the cheese off his cookies". Why is it when I put zero effort into dinner they can't get enough and when I bust my hump they are totally unimpressed?

Baby Or Big Boy? What Time Is It?

I am so proud of Jack. He is going through the transition from preschooler to Kindergartener almost seamlessly. Today he had his first birthday party as a Kindergartener. It was a boy from his class. I didn't know the birthday boy, his mother or any of the other guests. I don't know if Jack was nervous, but I was. Jack jumped right in. I quickly met two other moms that actually live in my neighborhood. Things were going great! That is until Jack turned his tickets in for a whoopee cushion. He immediately blew it up and attempted to show off for me and my new friends. He plopped down on the whoopee cushion with all of his weight. Instead of hearing the patented fart sound we heard a giant pop. Jack stood up to find an enormous hole in the top of his prize. He was devastated. He started to cry. I quickly bent down shielding his face from the rest of his class. "Don't cry buddy, your friends will think you are a baby, stop crying, wipe your tears and take this broken one up to the counter and ask if they will give you a new one” Crisis averted. Until, the ugliest girl in the class came up to me and said, "he was crying wasn't he?" It took all that I had to cheerfully say, "Nope" rather than snap, "Mind your own business you ugly little bitch!" Thankfully, the rest of the party went off without a hitch.

When we got home Travis pumped up the tires in our bikes and we took a family bike ride. Jack rode our neighbor’s 18" bike WITHOUT training wheels and Ben and Lauren piled into he Burley Bee behind Travis' bike. We rode as a family for FOUR miles. Jack was a real trooper and looked like such a big boy riding along with Travis and I. I am really looking forward to the future of our family with big kids.

Sweet Revenge

I said I wasn't going to buy any more diapers. I lied. We went through the diapers. We started on the boy Pull-Ups then proceeded to the left over girl Pull-Ups. He objected to the Little Mermaid Pull-Ups at first, but when he realized it was those or the toilet he and Ariel became thick as thieves. When the girl Pull-Ups ran out I thought I was just going to force him to use underwear and go in the potty. That lasted all of a day before I was tired of cleaning up accidents. I don't know if you can really call it an accident if he didn't even try. I caved and bought more diapers. I thought I was punishing him by purchasing the Walmart generic brand, Parent's Choice. They aren't nice diapers. There is absolutely zero stretch or give. They don't have the layer that whisks away any urine so the kid doesn't even know they are wet. The diapers leak 9 out of 10 overnights. I figured this would motivate him to move on. Nope. He waited for just the right moment to get his revenge. The night that he woke up in the middle of the night screaming because he was soaked in piss wasn't enough for him. The sweet revenge came early one morning after Travis had already left for work. He had to have known that he was soaked to the skin in cold urine and that is when he pounced. He came to my side of the bed and asked if he could sleep with me. "I love you mommy, can I get in?" Who can deny a request like that? Certainly not me! I was tired so I didn't do my usual quick frisk to make sure he was dry. I pulled him into bed and let him lay on top of me. We cuddled and he kissed on me until I felt it…the cold clammy feeling of his sweet revenge.

Perfectly Brainwashed

Jack: When I go to college I am going to play football!
Me: Really?
Jack: Yep! Do you want to know what time I am going to play on?
Me: Sure... (Please God don't let him say Texas)
Jack: The Nebraska Cornhuskers!!
Me: Cool!
Jack: I am going to be the guy who throws the ball, what is that called?
Me: The quarterback
Ben: I am going to play football for the Cornhuskers too, but I m going to be the guy that scores TOUCHDOWNS!!
Lauren: I am going to be the girl that yells Go Big Red!

I hate to break it to poor Jack, but based on his size he is either going to have to belly up to the training table or work on his kicking if he wants to play for the Huskers. I am just glad that the kids fell asleep last night before the end of the game so they weren't subjected to the painful lost to Virginia Tech. Jack and Ben are going to be Nebraska football players and Lauren is going to be a Nebraska cheerleader for Halloween. I know they will be under appreciated here in Texas, but I thing they will look great!

Where A Kid Can Be A Kid

Ben: Where's daddy going?
Me: To work.
Ben: When I have to go to work like daddy I want to work at Chuck E. Cheese!
Me: Why do you want to work at Chuck E Cheese?
Ben: Because then I can ride the car with the mouse whenever I want!

I have always had bigger aspirations than a Chuck E. Cheese employee for Benny. I was hoping for a doctor, CEO, policeman, fireman or even a stay-at-home dad! I guess if he's happy working at Chuck E. Cheese, I'm happy!

Doggone It, People Like Me!

After we got home from Cape Cod Jack's teacher sent me a very nice email gushing over my friend Trisha. She did a fabulous job; she would rather leave her kids with her than her husband, blah, blah, blah. I really want her to like me. If she likes Trisha, she should like me. I had already volunteered to be her room mother, was she still holding the initial phone call against me? The teacher sent out an email while we were on vacation asking for a computer lab volunteer and lunchroom volunteers. In hopes of making her like me I sent an email asking if she had gotten the volunteers she needed and telling her if she still needed someone I would see if I could get a babysitter for Ben and Lauren so I could help her out. She emailed back saying she didn't have any volunteers for either. I got on the ball and found a permanent sitter on Tuesdays so I could help in the computer lab. I thought for sure this would be just the thing to make her like me. When I picked up Jack I stopped and told her that I could be the computer mom. I expected her to gush. After all she was in a bind, right? All she said was "okay". Okay? Really, I just went out of my way to get a sitter and all you say is "okay"? Is she taking me for granted already? What did I get for volunteering? An email asking me to coordinate the lunchroom volunteers since I am the room mom. And, oh by the way, there are only 2 volunteers, including me. When did I volunteer? I don't know what it is going to take to make her like me! I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!

Sleep Walker

Last night as Travis and I were getting ready for bed Jack came downstairs, he was obviously disoriented. We both asked him what he was doing and what he needed. He didn't answer as he proceeded to the refrigerator. He opened the fridge and did his peepee dance.

Me: Jack, honey, do you need to go to the bathroom?
Jack: Yes.
Me: Okay, then shut the fridge and let's go to the bathroom

It was then that he started crying. The poor little guy was embarrassed for acting silly.

This isn't the first time this has happened. Several months back he fell asleep on the couch. When we woke him up we told him that he needed to go to the bathroom before bed. He got off the couch, opened the pantry, pulled down his pants and nearly sat on the trashcan before Travis stopped him. He talks in his sleep too. I think I need to start listening. If I don't get any good information now, it will definitely be beneficial when he starts dating!

Bennyisms Part II

I'm a nice boy = I just did something wrong, but now I am trying to redeem myself
Jingle Bell = Taco Bell
I potty trained = I just wet my pants, go look for the puddle
I'm gonna fly = Look alive I am about to jump!
Why not? = Why?
Where's Benny? = Let's play peek-a-boo!
Look at Lolo! = I am trying not to tattle, so you better look at her so you can catch her in the act so I don't have to be a tattletale
My mommy! = Get away from my mom, I don't even like to share her with my brother and sister!
Salad = Sally (from Cars)
Liking Green = Lightning McQueen
Whack-a-moley = Guacamole

Me: Benny, we are all out of diapers, what should we do about that?
Benny: Buy more diapers?

Serenity Now!

I should have known better.

I took Ben and Lauren to Target to buy birthday presents for our upcoming parties. We also needed to grab some shoelaces for Jack. Jack's teacher requested that I get 100% cotton laces so they stayed tied better. Ben and Lauren wanted to walk and against my better judgment I allowed it. By the time we finally picked gifts for our friends I was fairly spent. We headed over to the shoe department to get the laces. Ben was insistent on carrying the big box of Handy Manny crap. Again, against my better judgment I allowed it. Then, the inevitable happened, he fell. He cried and cried. I finally got him settled down and my cell phone rang. It was Travis returning my call. I quickly gave Travis the low down as Ben was begging to talk to him. I got off the phone without giving Ben a turn and the melt down started all over again. I found Jack's shoelaces and headed towards the checkout with Lauren in tow. Ben refused to come with us. He stood there crying his eyes out. I walked away, but not so far that I couldn't see him. I assumed he would cave and follow me, but he didn't. He was still not out of my sight when an older woman walked up to him, offered him a peppermint, gave him another for his sister and said "Here, now go to your mother and tell her to take you home and let you take a nap". Excuse me? Rule #1, never take candy from a stranger! Not only is this old bitty teaching my kid it is okay to take candy from a stranger, she gave him a choking hazard, then questioned MY parenting! By the time I made it to the checkout I was fuming! As the checker was ringing up my purchases my cell phone rang. When I pulled it out of my purse I realized that had left my wallet on my kitchen counter!

Where Does The Time Go?

Yes, I realize I haven't posted since September 3rd. We have finally finished our third rental property and we are DONE renovating houses for several months! But, even more importantly Travis and I took our first vacation without the kids in two years!

No, we aren't wearing matching sunglasses. We both forgot our shades and had to purchase some "El Cheapos" (which is actually what the shop called them). We didn't realize how similar they were until we looked at the pictures!

Our friend Amy invited us to spend four days at her uncle's house in Cape Cod. It was a fabulous trip; we went on a whale watching tour. I hoped to catch a glimpse of a whale in the distance.

We actually saw several whales right off the bow of our boat. It was great!


Travis and Amy spent an afternoon golfing while I enjoyed some time reading ALONE at the beach! We even got to do some shopping and Travis tagged along like a real trooper. We had our meals without crying, carrying on or cutting food. But, as much as I enjoyed our time as a couple rather than a party of five I was happy to see my smiling children in their consolation sweatshirts!

Stubborn AND Resourceful

This morning after I completed my duties as short order cook and delivered one pancake, one grilled cheese and one waffle to the breakfast table I went to work on beverages. "I want juice!" "I want water!" "I want milk!" I barked, "Everyone is getting milk!" as I poured everyone a cup. "No, I want the blue cup!" "I want pink!" "I don't want that one." "I have already poured the milk, so you will take the cup you get” Jack and Lauren were able to accept that they would drink milk out of the cup I gave them. Ben on the other hand was hell bent on drinking his milk out of the blue cup. He took the empty blue cup to the table. I knew what he had planned and told him he would not be pouring his milk into the blue cup. He gave me the look of death for thwarting his plan. He seemed to accept his defeat, so I went about my business. When I came back into the kitchen Ben had nested the cup I gave him in the blue cup and was drinking with a giant smile on his face. At least he didn't blatantly defy me by pouring it into the blue cup...

Random Thoughts

Jack: I wish I were a bird or a reindeer so I could fly.
Me: You don't say...
Jack: If I were a reindeer I would be Rudolph and if I were a bird I would be Toucan Sam.

Make New Friends, But Keep The Old

I have been looking forward to Jack starting Kindergarten in hopes of meeting some new friends myself. We have been walking to and from school with one of our neighbors and playing outside with them after school. I really like the mom and she also has a three-year-old little girl that Lauren has really hit it off with. I can't believe it has taken us this long to get together with them. We have even secured an invitation for dinner and swimming at their pool this weekend.

Yesterday we were standing outside my front door chatting. We had a UPS package on our porch. Lauren picked it up and started tearing into it. She got used to all of the packages being she and Ben's for their birthday. I looked at the package and told her that it was addressed to me so she didn't need to open it. I turned and continued to chat with my new friend. When I looked back she was still trying to get into the package. I told her that there were just some vitamins in the package for mommy, go play. The next thing I knew she was waving a catheter over her head, "What's this?"

I didn't address it with my new friend. I just grabbed it away from Lauren and stuffed it back in the box. I continued to chat hoping that she didn't see it or didn't know what it was. My new friend didn't go running for the hills, I think she might be a keeper!

Twin Swap

Lauren: I want to go to Kindergarten!
Me: You will get to go to Kindergarten when you get bigger.
Lauren: I am big!
Me: Yes, you are big, when you are five you will get to go to Kindergarten.
Lauren: I am five!
Me: No, Jack is five, you and Ben are three.
Lauren: I wish Jack was my twin brother instead of Ben!

Un Poquito

Ben and Lauren are taking a Spanish class twice a week. The teacher is a former elementary school teacher who comes to your home to read familiar books and sing songs in Spanish. We are doing the class with 3 other 3-year-olds from Ben and Lauren's playgroup, one of which is fluent in Spanish. The last class we read The Hungry Little Caterpillar, I was really shocked at how well Ben and Lauren did at repeating the words and how much they have retained!

Today I took Ben and Lauren to our rental property to do some more painting. We hired a guy to paint the outside because it is so damn hot! Martin (pronounced Mar-teen) has done work for us in the past and is always very nice to the kids. Today his wife Josefa came with him. Ben and Lauren were very excited to tell Martin and Josefa about their "Spanish preschool". They were trying out "me llamo...", "hola", "adios" and "uno, dos, tres". I was pretty proud of my future bilingual children when Martin busted out his full Spanish. Ben and Lauren just stood there with their jaws on the floor. I guess I need to teach them how to say "un poquito".

Lunch Doesn't Grow On Trees!

Me: What did you buy for lunch today?
Jack: A yucky bean burrito.
Me: Did you eat it?
Jack: No way!
Me: Did you get hungry?
Jack: No, I just got some pizza instead, they let you do that!
Me: You need to do a better job choosing your lunch, don't you?
Jack: Why?
Me: Because it costs mommy extra money for you to get two meals at lunchtime.
Jack: No it doesn't!
Me: Oh, yes it does.
Jack: No, lunch doesn't cost money, you just tell them your name and they give you a lunch!

Okay, so the lunch is only $1.85 per meal but it isn't quite the bargain when you pay for two lunches! I think it might be time for the 'money doesn’t grow on trees speech'!

Big Man On Campus

Last night I read Jack 'Twas The Night Before Kindergarten', when we got to the part where the parents were crying he turned to me and said:

Jack: Are you going to cry when you drop me off tomorrow?
Me: I am going to try not to!
Jack: Why would you cry?
Me: Because you are growing up so fast and I am so proud of you!
Jack: Well, I hope you don't!
Me: Why don't you want me to cry?
Jack: Because that would be embarrassing!

Jack wanted to walk the little over a mile to school this morning. As I pushed Ben and Lauren in the stroller he lagged behind me all the way down our street.

Me: You need to keep up buddy!
Jack: I am keeping up.
Me: Do you want to go back and get the car?
Jack: No, I want to walk!

It wasn't until we got to the crosswalk and school was closer than our house that Jack said he didn't want to walk anymore. We are going to try it again tomorrow. Let's hope the walk gets easier!



When we got to school, Jack showed Ben, Lauren and I to his classroom. He was so excited he was several steps ahead of us the whole time. We did hit a snag when he tried to fit his new backpack into his cubby. He HAD to have the giant camouflage wheelie backpack. It is too tall and too wide for the cubby and he can't smash it down because of the wheels. The only way we could get it in was to turn it sideways. Here's hoping the little boy he shares a cubby with has a small backpack!



After he got all of his things put in his cubby I bent down and quietly asked "Would it be uncool if I give you a big hug and kiss?” Jack gave me a quick hug and whispered "How about a hug and a fist bump?” With a fist bump I was out of the room without a tear. I got a little misty as I walked to the cafeteria for my first PTA meeting, but Jack will never know!

Jack has been talking my ear off about his first day. The highlight? Buying his lunch. He gave me the blow by blow, "first you grab a tray and you push it along a shelf, then you pick out what you want to eat, then you open little drawers to see if you want to eat anything else, then you get to the computer where you tell them your name...” I am so proud of him, what a big boy!