What Is This World Coming To?

I had a PTA meeting tonight on the topic of school safety. I can't believe the drills the kids go through these days. The speakers described the "lockdown" drill. Each teacher locks their classroom door, covers all of the windows, turns off the lights, crowds the kids in the corner and instructs them to be completely silent. We didn't have lockdown drills when I was in school. I guess the closest thing that we did was "duck and cover", the little tune from the 1960s video is going through my head now! Different levels of lockdown are used based on the crisis. Our particular school actually had a low level lockdown last year when a man in the neighborhood locked himself in his house threatening to kill himself. The highest level of lockdown is reserved for a Columbine type incident. It is reassuring that the teachers are able to have the kids in total lockdown within minutes. The scary thing is that elementary school kids have to be exposed to it. The school had a drill last week and Jack didn't even mention it to me. When I asked him about it he acted like it was no big deal. He told me that they just read books in the corner in the dark. When I asked him why they did that he simply told me "it's just a drill mom". I didn't want to scare him so I dropped the subject. What do you think? Should I tell a kindergartener the purpose of the drill?

Sunday Dinner On Monday

Yesterday I made Hamburger Helper for dinner because I knew I would be cooking all day today. I thought about making two boxes, but decided that would be over kill. I was wrong. My family gobbled the cheap and easy meal like they would never eat again. Today I was taking dinner to a girlfriend who just had a baby. The poor girl breaks her tailbone each time she delivers so I knew it had to be a good meal. Not to mention the email that I got from the meal organizer that said "You know they are so glad to have this baby in the south! There is no better meal than a southern one!” Wow, that is a lot of pressure for a Yankee! I wasn't sure what to make. Most of my specialties are of the Tex-Mex variety, but I couldn't take those to my Hispanic friend's house! I finally decided on meat loaf, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and crescent rolls with Oreo cheesecake for dessert. I started with the cheesecake right after lunch, then spent the rest of the afternoon peeling potatoes, mixing meatloaf and putting together the beans. I figured I would be nice and treat my family to the same meal. Travis liked it. The kids on the other hand were unimpressed. I had to bribe them with the cheesecake to make them eat. Benny didn't even like the cheesecake, he asked me to "scrape the cheese off his cookies". Why is it when I put zero effort into dinner they can't get enough and when I bust my hump they are totally unimpressed?

Baby Or Big Boy? What Time Is It?

I am so proud of Jack. He is going through the transition from preschooler to Kindergartener almost seamlessly. Today he had his first birthday party as a Kindergartener. It was a boy from his class. I didn't know the birthday boy, his mother or any of the other guests. I don't know if Jack was nervous, but I was. Jack jumped right in. I quickly met two other moms that actually live in my neighborhood. Things were going great! That is until Jack turned his tickets in for a whoopee cushion. He immediately blew it up and attempted to show off for me and my new friends. He plopped down on the whoopee cushion with all of his weight. Instead of hearing the patented fart sound we heard a giant pop. Jack stood up to find an enormous hole in the top of his prize. He was devastated. He started to cry. I quickly bent down shielding his face from the rest of his class. "Don't cry buddy, your friends will think you are a baby, stop crying, wipe your tears and take this broken one up to the counter and ask if they will give you a new one” Crisis averted. Until, the ugliest girl in the class came up to me and said, "he was crying wasn't he?" It took all that I had to cheerfully say, "Nope" rather than snap, "Mind your own business you ugly little bitch!" Thankfully, the rest of the party went off without a hitch.

When we got home Travis pumped up the tires in our bikes and we took a family bike ride. Jack rode our neighbor’s 18" bike WITHOUT training wheels and Ben and Lauren piled into he Burley Bee behind Travis' bike. We rode as a family for FOUR miles. Jack was a real trooper and looked like such a big boy riding along with Travis and I. I am really looking forward to the future of our family with big kids.

Sweet Revenge

I said I wasn't going to buy any more diapers. I lied. We went through the diapers. We started on the boy Pull-Ups then proceeded to the left over girl Pull-Ups. He objected to the Little Mermaid Pull-Ups at first, but when he realized it was those or the toilet he and Ariel became thick as thieves. When the girl Pull-Ups ran out I thought I was just going to force him to use underwear and go in the potty. That lasted all of a day before I was tired of cleaning up accidents. I don't know if you can really call it an accident if he didn't even try. I caved and bought more diapers. I thought I was punishing him by purchasing the Walmart generic brand, Parent's Choice. They aren't nice diapers. There is absolutely zero stretch or give. They don't have the layer that whisks away any urine so the kid doesn't even know they are wet. The diapers leak 9 out of 10 overnights. I figured this would motivate him to move on. Nope. He waited for just the right moment to get his revenge. The night that he woke up in the middle of the night screaming because he was soaked in piss wasn't enough for him. The sweet revenge came early one morning after Travis had already left for work. He had to have known that he was soaked to the skin in cold urine and that is when he pounced. He came to my side of the bed and asked if he could sleep with me. "I love you mommy, can I get in?" Who can deny a request like that? Certainly not me! I was tired so I didn't do my usual quick frisk to make sure he was dry. I pulled him into bed and let him lay on top of me. We cuddled and he kissed on me until I felt it…the cold clammy feeling of his sweet revenge.

Perfectly Brainwashed

Jack: When I go to college I am going to play football!
Me: Really?
Jack: Yep! Do you want to know what time I am going to play on?
Me: Sure... (Please God don't let him say Texas)
Jack: The Nebraska Cornhuskers!!
Me: Cool!
Jack: I am going to be the guy who throws the ball, what is that called?
Me: The quarterback
Ben: I am going to play football for the Cornhuskers too, but I m going to be the guy that scores TOUCHDOWNS!!
Lauren: I am going to be the girl that yells Go Big Red!

I hate to break it to poor Jack, but based on his size he is either going to have to belly up to the training table or work on his kicking if he wants to play for the Huskers. I am just glad that the kids fell asleep last night before the end of the game so they weren't subjected to the painful lost to Virginia Tech. Jack and Ben are going to be Nebraska football players and Lauren is going to be a Nebraska cheerleader for Halloween. I know they will be under appreciated here in Texas, but I thing they will look great!

Where A Kid Can Be A Kid

Ben: Where's daddy going?
Me: To work.
Ben: When I have to go to work like daddy I want to work at Chuck E. Cheese!
Me: Why do you want to work at Chuck E Cheese?
Ben: Because then I can ride the car with the mouse whenever I want!

I have always had bigger aspirations than a Chuck E. Cheese employee for Benny. I was hoping for a doctor, CEO, policeman, fireman or even a stay-at-home dad! I guess if he's happy working at Chuck E. Cheese, I'm happy!

Doggone It, People Like Me!

After we got home from Cape Cod Jack's teacher sent me a very nice email gushing over my friend Trisha. She did a fabulous job; she would rather leave her kids with her than her husband, blah, blah, blah. I really want her to like me. If she likes Trisha, she should like me. I had already volunteered to be her room mother, was she still holding the initial phone call against me? The teacher sent out an email while we were on vacation asking for a computer lab volunteer and lunchroom volunteers. In hopes of making her like me I sent an email asking if she had gotten the volunteers she needed and telling her if she still needed someone I would see if I could get a babysitter for Ben and Lauren so I could help her out. She emailed back saying she didn't have any volunteers for either. I got on the ball and found a permanent sitter on Tuesdays so I could help in the computer lab. I thought for sure this would be just the thing to make her like me. When I picked up Jack I stopped and told her that I could be the computer mom. I expected her to gush. After all she was in a bind, right? All she said was "okay". Okay? Really, I just went out of my way to get a sitter and all you say is "okay"? Is she taking me for granted already? What did I get for volunteering? An email asking me to coordinate the lunchroom volunteers since I am the room mom. And, oh by the way, there are only 2 volunteers, including me. When did I volunteer? I don't know what it is going to take to make her like me! I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!

Sleep Walker

Last night as Travis and I were getting ready for bed Jack came downstairs, he was obviously disoriented. We both asked him what he was doing and what he needed. He didn't answer as he proceeded to the refrigerator. He opened the fridge and did his peepee dance.

Me: Jack, honey, do you need to go to the bathroom?
Jack: Yes.
Me: Okay, then shut the fridge and let's go to the bathroom

It was then that he started crying. The poor little guy was embarrassed for acting silly.

This isn't the first time this has happened. Several months back he fell asleep on the couch. When we woke him up we told him that he needed to go to the bathroom before bed. He got off the couch, opened the pantry, pulled down his pants and nearly sat on the trashcan before Travis stopped him. He talks in his sleep too. I think I need to start listening. If I don't get any good information now, it will definitely be beneficial when he starts dating!

Bennyisms Part II

I'm a nice boy = I just did something wrong, but now I am trying to redeem myself
Jingle Bell = Taco Bell
I potty trained = I just wet my pants, go look for the puddle
I'm gonna fly = Look alive I am about to jump!
Why not? = Why?
Where's Benny? = Let's play peek-a-boo!
Look at Lolo! = I am trying not to tattle, so you better look at her so you can catch her in the act so I don't have to be a tattletale
My mommy! = Get away from my mom, I don't even like to share her with my brother and sister!
Salad = Sally (from Cars)
Liking Green = Lightning McQueen
Whack-a-moley = Guacamole

Me: Benny, we are all out of diapers, what should we do about that?
Benny: Buy more diapers?

Serenity Now!

I should have known better.

I took Ben and Lauren to Target to buy birthday presents for our upcoming parties. We also needed to grab some shoelaces for Jack. Jack's teacher requested that I get 100% cotton laces so they stayed tied better. Ben and Lauren wanted to walk and against my better judgment I allowed it. By the time we finally picked gifts for our friends I was fairly spent. We headed over to the shoe department to get the laces. Ben was insistent on carrying the big box of Handy Manny crap. Again, against my better judgment I allowed it. Then, the inevitable happened, he fell. He cried and cried. I finally got him settled down and my cell phone rang. It was Travis returning my call. I quickly gave Travis the low down as Ben was begging to talk to him. I got off the phone without giving Ben a turn and the melt down started all over again. I found Jack's shoelaces and headed towards the checkout with Lauren in tow. Ben refused to come with us. He stood there crying his eyes out. I walked away, but not so far that I couldn't see him. I assumed he would cave and follow me, but he didn't. He was still not out of my sight when an older woman walked up to him, offered him a peppermint, gave him another for his sister and said "Here, now go to your mother and tell her to take you home and let you take a nap". Excuse me? Rule #1, never take candy from a stranger! Not only is this old bitty teaching my kid it is okay to take candy from a stranger, she gave him a choking hazard, then questioned MY parenting! By the time I made it to the checkout I was fuming! As the checker was ringing up my purchases my cell phone rang. When I pulled it out of my purse I realized that had left my wallet on my kitchen counter!

Where Does The Time Go?

Yes, I realize I haven't posted since September 3rd. We have finally finished our third rental property and we are DONE renovating houses for several months! But, even more importantly Travis and I took our first vacation without the kids in two years!

No, we aren't wearing matching sunglasses. We both forgot our shades and had to purchase some "El Cheapos" (which is actually what the shop called them). We didn't realize how similar they were until we looked at the pictures!

Our friend Amy invited us to spend four days at her uncle's house in Cape Cod. It was a fabulous trip; we went on a whale watching tour. I hoped to catch a glimpse of a whale in the distance.

We actually saw several whales right off the bow of our boat. It was great!


Travis and Amy spent an afternoon golfing while I enjoyed some time reading ALONE at the beach! We even got to do some shopping and Travis tagged along like a real trooper. We had our meals without crying, carrying on or cutting food. But, as much as I enjoyed our time as a couple rather than a party of five I was happy to see my smiling children in their consolation sweatshirts!

Stubborn AND Resourceful

This morning after I completed my duties as short order cook and delivered one pancake, one grilled cheese and one waffle to the breakfast table I went to work on beverages. "I want juice!" "I want water!" "I want milk!" I barked, "Everyone is getting milk!" as I poured everyone a cup. "No, I want the blue cup!" "I want pink!" "I don't want that one." "I have already poured the milk, so you will take the cup you get” Jack and Lauren were able to accept that they would drink milk out of the cup I gave them. Ben on the other hand was hell bent on drinking his milk out of the blue cup. He took the empty blue cup to the table. I knew what he had planned and told him he would not be pouring his milk into the blue cup. He gave me the look of death for thwarting his plan. He seemed to accept his defeat, so I went about my business. When I came back into the kitchen Ben had nested the cup I gave him in the blue cup and was drinking with a giant smile on his face. At least he didn't blatantly defy me by pouring it into the blue cup...

Random Thoughts

Jack: I wish I were a bird or a reindeer so I could fly.
Me: You don't say...
Jack: If I were a reindeer I would be Rudolph and if I were a bird I would be Toucan Sam.