Ant Bully

Ben: (with his face an eighth of an inch from the floor) Mommy! There are ants on the floor!
Me: I know. The pest control guy is coming tomorrow.
Ben: Why did they come in here?
Me: Because you and your brother and sister drop food on the floor ALL the time and mommy can't clean it up fast enough.
Ben: (turning his attention back to the ants) Silly ants, don't go on the carpet, we aren't allowed to have food in there. Go toward the table!

More Bennyisms

Ben has been so funny lately. The funniest part is that he isn't trying to be funny!

Yesterday I opened a Capri Sun for Ben while we were outside playing. As soon as I handed it back to him he took off to play again.
Me: clearing my throat as a subtle reminder to say thank you
Ben: Still walking away from me
Me: Clearing my throat louder
Ben: Turning around. Mom, are you trying to say something?

Tonight after bath time before he had his pajamas on he picked up the basketball and started dribbling trying to show off. He was doing a pretty good job when he lost control and the basketball hit him right in his naked privates. Then Ben says "Ohhhh, game over, that hurt my penis!” When I got out his underwear he said, "Stop! I need my Spiderman underpants, my penis needs a superhero!”

"Kiss me mama, I love kissing girls!"

Too Big For Naps?

Ben and Lauren are in the horrible transition between needing a nap and not needing one. Poor Benny is like his mommy; he needs his sleep. But, he wants to be big like his sister and not take a nap. Most days he ends up falling asleep on the couch between 4:30 and 5:00. He gets to the point where he is crying and doesn't know why or how to stop; when he finally stops it is because he has fallen asleep. I wish I could help him understand that he could avoid this out of control feeling by simply taking a nap. Today he didn't make it to the couch before he fell asleep.

Innocence Lost

Travis' dad is moving here from Austin. He closed on his house Monday. We didn't get the keys to the house when he closed; the sellers lost it. So, the seller's agent had to call a locksmith and have them get into the house. When they got in, they discovered the house had been burglarized, the other agent called the police. I was at Jack's school doing my monthly lunch duty when the police officer called. Anyone who has ever pulled lunch duty knows how loud that cafeteria can get. The kids were just getting settled so it was at deafening decibels. I only caught every other word from the police officer. It went something like this; "Mrs. ______ ____ ____ Officer ______ from the ______ Police Department, _______ father-in-law's house _______ _______ burglarized, _______ need to ______ a report now." I told the officer that I would be there as soon as I could. I arranged for the other lunch duty moms to watch my table then told Jack that I had to leave.

Me: I have to go buddy.
Jack: Where?
Me: Grandpa's house.
Jack: Which Grandpa?
Me: Grandpa Doug.
Jack: Why?
Me: There is an issue at his house.
Jack: What kind of issue?
Me: Someone broke into his house.
Jack: Who?
Me: I don't know.
Jack: A bad person?
Me: Yes.

When I went to pick Jack up from school he seemed really surprised.

Jack: I thought you went to grandpa Doug’s.
Me: I did.
Jack: How did you get back from Austin so fast?
Me: I was at his house in town.
Jack: Someone broke into his house here?
Me: Yes.
Jack: I thought we lived in a happy town!
Me: We do!
Jack: Why did someone do that?
Me: There are bad people in every town.
Jack: That makes me sad.
Me: Me too buddy.
Jack: Why does God make bad people?
Me: I don't know.
Ben: God makes rain!

Foul Two!

Jack had another baseball game today. Based on our last faux pas I found a place on the bleachers off by ourselves. However, our new friend and her daughter, Scarlet, came to sit by us. I said a quick silent prayer in hopes that we wouldn't have to discuss the mother's teeth again. I guess I shouldn't have made my prayer so specific. Thank God, Lauren didn't mention the teeth again. But, apparently she didn't think this family had endured enough humiliation and greeted the little girl by saying "Hi Skirt, why do you always wear the same clothes?" They must think she is a mini mean girl.

Foul!

Yesterday was Jack's second baseball game on his new team. My parents went to the first game so I didn't try to get to know the other parents. I know one parent on the team because her son is in Jack's Kindergarten class, but I was trying to 'mingle' while watching the game. I met one parent who I didn't have a lot of common with, but she was nice enough. The next thing I know Lauren decided to strike up a conversation with my new acquaintance.

Lauren: (pointing at the rotting gap in her front teeth) Look, you loosed a tooth, just like my brother!

We both pretended that we didn't understand what she said. There was a long awkward pause in our conversation while Lauren looked around wondering who put the turd in the punch bowl. When we finally started chatting again she was doing a weird thing with her upper lip trying not to show her teeth.

After the game I told Travis about the unfortunate exchange in the stands. Overhearing Jack gave me his take on it.

Jack: That mom probably thinks you are a bad mom!
Me: Why?
Jack: Because you taught your daughter to be rude!
Me: I didn't teach her to be rude! She wasn't trying to be rude, she just didn't know.
Jack: Why didn't she know that adults don't lose teeth?
Me: I don't know, she is only 3 years old.
Jack: Well, she probably thinks you are a bad mom because your daughter isn't very smart!

Wow, life was better before my kids could talk!