Benny's My Boy!

Ben: I know Santa roots for the Huskers.
Me: How do you know that?
Ben: Because he wears red, duh!

Another First...

Friday night Travis and I were getting ready to go to a Christmas party. I was feeding the kids a quick dinner before the babysitter arrived when the phone rang.

Me: Hello.
Little Girl: Hello, this is Micah, is Jack H. home?
Me: Yes, just a minute.

This is the girl that wrote "I like Jack because he is handsome" in his Top Cat book at school. As soon as I read that I was determined to get to the bottom of this. I asked Jack if Micah was cute, he was appalled and yelled "No, she's short!" I am at school volunteering often so I knew it wouldn't be hard to do a little detective work. I started with his teacher.

Me: So, who is Micah?
Mrs. Q: Which one?
Me: There are two?
Mrs. Q: Yep, Asian or Black?
Me: I don't know the one who said Jack was handsome in his Top Cat book.
Mrs. Q: Oh, that's Asian, Black wouldn't know that word.

Okay, let's get past the bigotry of Jack's teacher for a minute since this is not what the story is about, but I was just as shocked as you are that this was coming out of the mouth of a first grade teacher.

Travis and I eavesdropped intently and snickered as we watched our little boy on the phone. I could see him rolling his eyes and turning red, but he didn't say much. All I heard him say was "okay". When he got off the phone my interrogation started.

Me: Who was that?
Jack: Micah.
Me: What did she want?
Jack: I don't know.
Me: What did she say?
Jack: I don't know.

I could see that this line of questioning was going nowhere fast so I stopped while I was ahead. Jack gets kind of shy in front of his dad and I was guessing this was what was going on.

We went to our party and surveyed our friends with older boys about when the girls calling the house starts. From what I can gather our boy is advanced!

The next day I corned Jack in his room by himself.

Me: So, what was that phone call all about last night?
Jack: I don't know?
Me: Why was she calling?
Jack: I don't know?
Me: Were her friends with her?
Jack: I guess so; I heard a lot of giggling.
Me: What did she say?
Jack: She said she was going to kiss me at school on Monday.
Me: What did you say?
Jack: Nothing.
Me: Did she say anything else?
Jack: Yeah, she said she was going to marry me.
Me: Do you like Micah?
Jack: Not like that!
Me: Is she your friend?
Jack: I guess so, but she is kinda annoying because she is always trying to touch me and kiss me.
Me: So, you don't like girls yet?
Jack: I like girls! I have a girlfriend! I just don't like Micah like that!!
Me: Who is your girlfriend?
Jack: Why do we need to keep going over this? It is Lily!!

Naughty or Nice?

Jack: What if Santa just leaves me coal for Christmas?
Me: Then I will have to ask you what naughty thing you did that I didn't know about.
Jack: Oh.
Me: Have you been naughty or nice?
Jack: Nice.
Ben: I have been really nice!
Me: Lauren, have you been naughty or nice?
Lauren: Naughty...Wait, I mean nice, NICE, I promise I have been NICE!
Jack: We might all be on the naughty list...
Me: Well, you could try really hard to be nice between now and Christmas and maybe Santa will forgive you for anything naughty you have done.
Ben: I have been nice ALL DAY and Santa hasn't given me anything...Santa is the naughty one!

Zhu Zhu, How Could You?

Have you heard of Zhu Zhu Pets? If not, you are only about a week behind me. A week or so ago my kids summoned me to the game room to see a commercial for Zhu Zhu Pets. I was berated with a chorus of "I want that!", "Me too!", "I am going to ask Santa!” etc. My first thought was fantastic, those look cheap! A Zhu Zhu Pet is a little battery powered hamster that runs through a little maze, has a car, a bed, clothes and a multitude of other accessories you can purchase, if you have enough money. I did a quick online search and found they were one of the 'hot' toys for this Christmas season. I decided to go out the next day to purchase the Zhu Zhu Pets and found an empty shelf where they should sit. I called my mom right away and let her know to be on the lookout for them. Since the first store I visited I have been to at least a dozen more and have called every Target in the metroplex. Not a single Zhu Zhu in town. I have made a point to go into every Walmart and Target I see as I am going about my daily business. Today I went into a Walmart and was told that they haven't ever had any of the hamsters in, only accessories. Are you kidding me? They are advertising the hell out of this little toy, working our kids into a frenzy and there aren't enough to go around. Perhaps they would be better off spending money on manufacturing rather than marketing! If I actually find them at Walmart I will have to hold them hostage until my mom can get to the store too because there is a limit of two. Two Zhu Zhu pets are as good as none to me. How do I choose which kid doesn't get one? I have drug Ben and Lauren in and out of store after store searching for the little rodents. After the umpteenth store Lauren told me "Don't worry mom, if you can't find Zhu Zhu Pets Santa will bring them for us!” Great. Just great. Who taught her this blind faith in Santa anyway? The good news is the pets are only eight bucks a piece, if I could find them. I apparently wasn't the only one who thought, "No problem, I have time, I will just order them online". Well, it isn't a problem if you are willing to pay FIVE times the MSRP. That's right, they aren't available on the normal discount/department store sites and they are between $40 and $50 a piece on amazon.com. Unbelievable.

Red Ribbon vs. Red Wine

Jack: Last week was red ribbon week.
Me: Yeah...
Jack: We learned that wine was a drug. Why so you drink drugs? It is bad for you!
Me: Well, it is okay if you are 21 and don't drink too much.
Jack: You aren't 21!
Me: You're right, I am older than 21, you have to be at least 21 to drink wine.
Jack: You said 21!
Me: I meant at least 21.
Jack: Okay, if you say so...why, do you drink and drive?
Me: I don't drink and drive!
Jack: You are drinking (we were in the car) right now!
Me: I am drinking soda!
Jack: It is dangerous to yourself and others to drink and drive!
Me: It is dangerous to drink alcohol and drive.
Jack: Oh, they should have been more specific!

Update...

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, it has been almost a month since my last confession...ummm, I mean, blog. I have been so busy lately that I have only had time to do a quick Facebook post. Still being busy I am going to give you the highlights from the last month.
•I caught Ben standing on the toilet peeing. The kid actually had the lid up and was standing with one foot on each side! And, to make matters worse, he was in MY master bathroom. There was pee everywhere, yuck! When I questioned him he simply said he was standing up, like a big boy. I have been told that he is brilliant because it would be virtually impossible for him to stand on the ground and pee up into the toilet. I am going to go ahead and encourage sitting from this point forward!
•As the room mother for Ben and Lauren’s preschool class I was at school for their Halloween party. It was a little tricky because, as I requested, Ben and Lauren sit at different tables. While I was at Ben’s table I was listening in on a conversation about what the kids were going to be for Halloween.
Little Girl: Me, my sister and my mom are going to dress up like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.
Ben: I am going to be Scooby Doo, Lauren is going to be Daphne, my big brother is going to be Shaggy and my mom is going to be Velma.
Little Girl: Is your dad going to be Freddy?
Ben: No, my dad doesn’t like fun… (I could see the wheels in his little head turning, he must have been thinking, oh no, they aren’t going to think my dad is cool, I must recover)…but, he does like to ride zebras!

•I have been so proud of Jack’s reading. At the end of kindergarten he was a level 3 which was on the low side of average or the high side of below average. I prefer to think of it as the former. After the first two months of first grade he is now reading level 12 books! Level 12 books are the last books for first graders until they are considered gifted! Yes, that’s right my formerly below average kid is now almost gifted. I am most proud of the hard work he has put in. This morning when I came out of my bedroom I found Jack on the couch reading a book to his sister! Man, I love that kid!
•Lauren has been such a pleaser lately. She is becoming the child my mother promised a girl would be. She started out as a needy little thing, but lately she only wants to make me happy. She tries to do everything just like I do and says things like “big girls only cry if they get hurt, right mommy?”
•Lauren: Mommy, are you mad at me:
Me: No baby, I’m not mad!
Lauren: Then why do you have your angry eyes on?
Me: I don’t have angry eyes, what are you talking about?
Lauren: All those lines in between your eyes above your nose.
Me: I am just squinting…and I could probably use some Botox
Lauren: What’s Botox?
•Travis and I are leaving for Arizona Friday. We are going to visit a good friend and meet her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a former Marine and does base jumping. So, Travis and I are going to check sky diving off our bucket lists while we are there. I have already called going first. The way I see it is that if he goes first and plummets to the earth not only do I not get to go, but I am strapped with 3 kids all by myself!

Training To Train

A few of my high school swimming friends have had posts on Facebook about getting back into swimming. It seemed like a good idea so I decided to look into a Masters program in my area. I found one that posted their workouts online. I took this as the perfect opportunity to do a few workouts on my own before embarrassing myself in front of people. I decided to start today, I put my favorite old Speedo on and it was about 6 inches too long. I decided that suit was shot and tossed it in the trash. Luckily, I found another; I pulled and pulled and pulled it on. For the swimmers out there, if felt like putting on a paper suit, but it wasn't. It is obviously important that I get back in the water since things aren't fitting properly! I packed my swim bag before I took the kids to school. Swimsuit, check! Goggles, check! Towel, check! Kickboard, where the hell did that go? Fins, I know I had some once... Cap, stuck together in a clump. Paddles, MIA. Pull-buoy, with the paddles. So, I obviously needed to make a stop at the sporting goods store before I went to the gym. I dropped the kids at school and headed to Sports Authority. I got all the necessary equipment and headed to the pool.

I got in the water and couldn't believe how slow I was. I haven't swam this poorly since I was an 8 and under! If someone wanted to time me they would have needed a calendar! When I was swimming in highschool I found a lot of motivation from my fellow teammates working out with me. Unfortunately, the only one swimming with me was a woman twice my age and twice my weight! This woman did have a talent, it just wasn't swimming fast. She was able to swim breaststroke without getting her hair wet! I continued to swim my workout and the longer I went the better I felt, I was getting back in the groove. Then I felt someone staring at me. I looked up and there was a creepy man sitting in the hot tub watching my every move. Hmmmm, maybe I am not doing as well as I thought I was. Why is he staring at me? Am I doing something wrong? Does my stroke look that bad? It has been nearly 20 years. Wait a minute, I have not water tested this suit in years. Can he see through my suit? Dear God!! I spent the rest of my workout low in the water for fear that I was giving a free show! It took me an hour and 15 minutes to swim a 2500 yard workout. That is less than half what I did in an hour when I was in highschool I was thankful that it took me so long because the pool area was clear before I headed to the locker room. I took a good look in the mirrow when I got to the locker room and I am happy to report that he wasn't staring at me because my suit was see-through! I am still not sure what he was looking at, but at least I know what it wasn't! My shoulders are sore, my ankles are sore, my legs feel like Jell-o and I feel great! I can't wait to swim on Monday!

Early Halloween

Lauren: Mommy, you ran a red light!
Me: No, I didn't.
Lauren: Was it just a green light in a red light costume?

I Like Big Butts and I Can Not Lie!

I had Ben and Lauren at Walmart to grab a couple things. It reminded me why I like to get my shopping done while they are at school. I noticed a Walmart employee with an unusually large rear end. What was strange was the size of her butt compared to the rest of her body. I am not saying her body was small, I am just saying her hiney was too big! So, I can't blame Lauren when she made the observation. I am just glad we were out of ear shot of the woman.

Lauren: Did you see that lady with the giant bottom?
Me: (lying through my teeth, in hopes of ending the conversation so the other Walmart employee walking next to us wouldn't over hear us) No.
Lauren: Well, she works here and she has a giant bottom, why didn't you see it?

Now the young male Walmart employee is chuckling under his breath.

Me: (to the young guy) Not funny!
Walmart guy: Depends on who you are.

After we were away from the employee I tried to discuss the situation with Lauren.

Me: How would you feel if someone said you had a giant bottom?
Lauren: But, I don't have a giant bottom.

Wow, where do I go from here? When she's right, she's right.

God Loves Mommy!

Me: Jack, you are a stud, you know that, right?
Jack: Yep
Me: You are an awesome kid!
Jack: Thanks.
Me: How did I get so lucky?
Jack: Maybe it is because God thought you were so awesome so he gave you the very best baby he had.
Me: I think you are absolutely right!

The Fruit of the Spirit is...

Travis: What did you guys learn in school today?
Ben: Nothing.
Lauren: I don't know.
Me: Did you have religion today?
Lauren: Yes.
Me: What did you learn in religion?
Lauren: I don't remember.
Me: What are the fruits of the spirit?
Lauren: ummmm...strawberries and lemons?

What's In A Name?

Lauren: What was your first name?
Me: Kelli
Lauren: No, what was your first name when you were a little girl like me?
Me: Kelli
Lauren: No, what was your name before it was Kelli?
Me: My name has always been Kelli
Lauren: Your name is Kelli now, what is your first name?
Me: Kelli
Lauren: You didn't have a first name?
Me: Yes, I have a first name and I have had it since I was born. My name is Kelli. Once your mommy and daddy give you a name, it is your name for the rest of your life.
Lauren: You don't understand! I want to know what your first name was?
Me: Just call me Mommy!

The First Day and The File

Today was Ben and Lauren's first day of school. They looked darling and had a great day. Drop off went well. The kids jumped right in and started playing; I was able to keep it together until I got to the car and read the poem the teachers handed me on the way out.

The First Day

We gave you a little wink and a smile
As you entered our room today.
For we know how hart it is to leave
And know your children must stay.

You've been with them for four years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas, the time has come
To leave them at our side.

Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
We'll love them as we would our own
And help them learn and grow.

So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For we will love them and take them in
When you leave them at our door.

By Jamie Solley

My day was really full with work and lunch with a friend so I didn't have much time at home. But the time I was at home was so quiet and lonely that I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Those kids have been my sidekicks for so long, I really missed them!










I am happy to report that there weren't additional entries into Ben and Lauren's "file" today. At meet the teacher I over heard Lauren interacting with one of the teachers.

Lauren: This is the mommy.
Teacher: Oh, where is the daddy?
Lauren: The daddy is over here, he is in jail.
Teacher: Why is the daddy in jail?

I love how the teacher tried to probe without acting too alarmed. I can only imagine the label on the file that this little exchange went in...

What Does This Protect?

Jack had his first baseball game last week. Grammy and grandpa took advantage of their move to Texas and came too. Unfortunately, they were only an inning and a half into the game when it was called for lightning. This is a double whammy, the kid is disappointed AND worst of all they didn't play enough innings for the game to count, so we have to do it all over again later in the season! Jack didn't touch the ball the whole game. He didn't bat and when he was in the field the ball didn't come near him. The only bright side of the whole evening was that his uniform was still in pristine condition so I wouldn't have to wash it! But, he ended up spilling his Gatorade down his shirt and onto his pants. I had him take his uniform off in the laundry room so I could get the red drink out of his new pants right away. When he took off his pants I noticed that that the Gatorade had soaked through his pants and into his special cup holding underwear. I had him take his underwear off so I could wash it too. The cup was left on the laundry room floor and I didn't give it another thought until the next morning when I heard Jack screaming at Lauren. I came running to see that Lauren had the cup upside down over her nose and mouth like a gas mask.

Me: Gross Lauren; take that off your face!
Lauren: What is it?
Me: It is Jack's cup.
Lauren: What do you do with it?
Jack: It is not for your nose, it is for my penis!

When I told my mom this story she was quick to bring up the story of her little brother putting her middle brother's jock on his head and running around the house saying "I didn't know you had a hockey mask, Billy!” The middle brother was yelling, "Get my jock off your head!" and my grandmother was screaming, "It is not a jock, it is an athletic supporter!" So, perhaps she has a genetic defect...

Jack

Travis: I am going to run over to Shan's and grab that jack.
Me: Okay
Ben: Why did you leave Jack at Shan's?

Do Glasses Make One Smarter?

Okay, I will admit it; I have pretty much sucked at keeping my new school year's resolution. I guess I am just not good at making resolutions. It seems that my blogging promise has fallen by the way side just like my vow to exercise and eat right. I resolve to no longer kid myself by making resolutions!

Ben's glasses came in yesterday, but Lauren's did not. No surprise, Ben did not want to wear the glasses. I instituted a star program that renewed his glasses wearing interest. When you wear your glasses ALL day you get a star. When you have 5 stars on your chart I will take you to the store to pick out a special prize. The ground rules are simple; only take your glasses off if you are sleeping. Ben attempted to work the system by telling me that he was going to 'take a nap' while he watched cartoons. Does he think I just fell off the turnip truck? I have worn (well, the eye doctor has thought I needed) glasses for 32 years. I can see these sorry excuses coming a mile away! But today when we arrived at "Meet The Teacher" at Ben and Lauren's new school I was pretty impressed.

Ben: I am going to take my glasses off and put them in the case so I can leave them in the car.
Me: No, you are going to wear them in.
Ben: I don't want to lose them in my classroom!

Now that was good! But, I am better. I explained that if he simply keeps his glasses on his face there is no chance of losing them.

My mom has always told me how hard it was to get a good picture of me when I was little because my glasses were always crooked or dirty. Now I get it. These two were the best I could come up with. I have worse ones where the poor kid looks like he has Downs Syndrome! The pictures don't do him justice he really does look cute!

How Much Is Too Much?

Monday: Baseball Practice
Tuesday: Rock Climbing
Wednesday: Boy Scouts
Thursday: Rock Climbing
Friday: Baseball Game

Is it a sign that Jack has too much on his plate when he falls asleep in the car on the way to rock climbing practice? I know he is tired because he is getting back into the swing of school, but I don't want to over schedule him. When he was young I said I was not going to be the mom that shuttled her kid from one activity to the next. I don't really know how this happened. Actually I do. He started out with baseball, he liked it. This summer he did a rock climbing camp, he liked it. Who am I to tell him that he can't do something? He can do anything he puts his mind to, but now because I have encouraged him, I am afraid he will burn out by the time he is 7! I am going to give this a couple more weeks, but something might have to go...I just don't know what!

New School Year's Resolution

Today is Jack's first day of first grade. I really miss my little buddy, he is really a great side kick! I am finding that I am different than a lot of mothers who have been counting the days until the first day of school. I really enjoy my kids and I like to be around them. I think if you can't say that about your kid you are doing something wrong. Now, with that being said, I have days that I wish I could have a break, but as a general rule I would rather be with my kids than without!

Along with the new school year, I have made a resolution to blog at least every other day. I looked through the summer's blog posts and was disappointed in myself. We had a lot of fun that I didn't document, I will not let that happen again. On days that I don't have anything to talk about I will try to remember something from the summer to post!

Meet The Teacher

I took Jack to meet the teacher last week. The kids get to check out their classroom, see where they hang their backpack, have an ice cream sundae (which was in the cafeteria so I was able to conveniently skip that this year!) and meet their new teacher. Jack was nervous to introduce himself to his new teacher; he kept stalling by wanting to explore another corner of the classroom. Finally, he got up the nerve, but when he was standing right in front of her he froze up. He had practiced saying "Hi, I'm Jack Hofeldt" but nothing came out. Luckily, his teacher has seen this before; she stuck her hand out to shake his and introduced herself. She is really nice. His teacher last year was more like me, she was nice, but a little sarcastic and very to-the-point. His new teacher is sugary sweet; she got down to his level and looked him right in the eye when she was talking to him. I am sure Jack will like her and it is good for him to experience different kinds of people. I was so proud of Jack as we were walking back to the car. My MS was making me a little trippy. When this happens it is Travis' job to offer me his arm for support. But, Travis wasn't with us so I had to ask Jack to slow down and let me put my hand on his shoulder for support. He was such a good boy; he was very caring and kept asking if he was going slow enough for me. I feel sorry for him, no 6-year-old should have to deal with a mom who can't walk, but he handled it like such a big boy! He can be so mature when he wants to be, he is a great kid! As we walked we talked about his new teacher.

Me: Mrs. Q is nice, don't you think?
Jack: Yeah, she is really nice and I get to sit by my friend.
Me: It should be a pretty fun year!
Jack: Yeah, until Mrs. Q finds out I can't read!
Me: You CAN read!
Jack: Not very well and only little books.
Me: That is what they expect of a kid going into 1st grade, you are going to work on reading a lot this year and by the end of school you will be an excellent reader!
Jack: We'll see about that.

Panty Envy

Me: Come on Lauren, let's get your Cinderella panties on!
Lauren: Mommy, do you have Cinderella panties?
Me: No, do you feel sorry for me?
Lauren: Yes, I do! But, don't give up, Mommy...just ask Santa to bring you some!

Benny Logic

Ben: I don't want to go back to the eye doctor.
Me: Why not?
Ben: I don't want to get another broken head.
Me: Well, we have to go back to the eye doctor to pick up your glasses.
Ben: This time I am going to let Jack sit on the chair so he can get the bloody head!

Another First...

Jack has been playing T-ball for a couple of years now. He has officially aged-up and is in coach pitch with a harder ball. I got an email from the coach stating that it was "imperative" for the boys to wear a cup. Hmmm, where do I start? I asked Travis if buying your first cup is something that a boy does with his father. I was hoping Travis would take this task off my plate, but he didn't. I giggled like a schoolgirl when Travis told me to take him to Dick's. Jack also needed new baseball pants; black socks and a black belt so I headed to the little embroidery shop around the corner that has that stuff super cheap. I had a nice high school boy helping us and noticed that they sold cups, so when Jack went into the fitting room trying on the pants I took the opportunity to learn more...

Me: While he is in the fitting room can you help me get a...(lowering my voice to a whisper) cup and jock strap?
High school girl: I don't know anything about that...(pointing to the high school boy) he can help you...giggle, giggle, giggle.
High school boy: (walking me over to the wall of different colored and sized cups) they are over here. (He handed me the first cup he could get his hands on)
Me: This looks a little big...as a matter of fact this would fit me! (Holding it over my privates)
HSB: Yeah, that one is a little big, let's see...(he handed me a smaller cup that didn't include the jock) this is just the cup, you will need to buy the jock or the briefs separate.
Me: Briefs?
HSB: Yeah, they have briefs now that you can slip the cup in. I wear them; they are a lot more comfortable.
Me: Okay, do you have any of those in his size?
HSB: No, we don't, you can go to Sports Authority.
Me: Okay, Sports Authority sounds better, my husband suggested Dick's and that just felt wrong!
HSB: I don't blame you!
Me: Okay, so on these underwear; do you wear your boxers over the top of them?
HSB: NO! His junk will get too hot! You wash the briefs like underwear.
Me: Got it! (Reading the package) This says to wipe clean with a damp cloth with a mild detergent. Do people really do that? Why don't they just buy a new one? Cleaning the cup is not in my job description!
HSB: I don't clean mine.
Me: Does your mom?
HSB: I hope not.
Me: Okay, I need the cup, pants, socks and belt.
High school girl: Do you want a bag?
Me: Yes! Isn't this like buying tampons or something? I think I need a bag!
HSG: Good point!

By the time Jack got out of the dressing room I had all of the stuff paid for and in the bag. I handed Jack the bag and told him to put the pants in so we could go. Jack sifted through the bag and pulled out the cup...

Jack: What's this?
Me: It is a cup.
Jack: Whose is it?
Me: Yours.
Jack: What is it for?

The giggles from the high school kids were getting louder by the second.

Me: It is to protect you and my future grandchildren.
Jack: (scratching his head) What are you talking about?
Me: It is so the ball doesn't hurt you if it hits you in the penis.
Jack: (tossing the cup back in the bag) Oh, okay.

At this point the high school kids were laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes.

Me: (addressing the employees on my way out) Think twice before you have kids...this will be you in 20 years!

What A Day!

I am so behind on my blogging. We took a fabulous family vacation to Destin, FL that I need to post pictures and stories about and I still haven't written my tribute to Ben and Lauren. But, I had to get this story down before I block it out of my memory as I have done with so many other bad mothering days...

I started the day as mother of the year. Ben and Lauren had an eye doctor appointment at 10:30 and I had a lunch date with my grandma and mom at 12:30 so I knew I had to get some stuff done early. I cut the boys hair in the backyard, gave baths, and then headed out the door at 9am. I took Lauren to get her hair trimmed (I am too chicken to cut her hair) then went to Target to exchange a pair of shoes I bought for Lauren when she wasn't with me. I got everything done in record time and we arrived at the eye doctor 10 minutes early! Ben and Lauren failed the eye test at their 4-year appointments so I just wanted to take them in for a quick check. I assumed that the appointment would end similar to Jack's appointment a week earlier, with the doctor telling me that he was a little far sided, but not enough to correct with glasses. The eye doctor dilated their eyes and much to my surprise, Ben and Lauren both need glasses with really strong prescriptions. I called my mom to come help me pick out the glasses. My brother-in-law pointed out that she might not have been the best choice after seeing the glasses I wore as a child. But nonetheless, I wasn't confident with my abilities so I called in the most willing reinforcement. My mom had a 30-minute drive to get to the eye doctor so I started the process without her. Ben's were fairly easy as they didn't have many to choose from for little, little boys.

I was trying to pay close attention to the saleswoman so I was sure to order the right thing. I was feeling pretty lucky that there was nobody else at the store and that my kids were quietly playing at the desk next to me. I know, I should have told them to stay right by me, but it was much easier for me to get my ordering done without them under foot. The next thing I knew Ben was crying and the receptionist was springing out of her chair leaving her post at the desk. I turned a bit annoyed as everyone was asking me if he was okay. I picked him up without looking at him and said, "yes, he's fine, he does this kind of thing all the time". Then, I looked at Jack who was white as a ghost and starting to cry.

Me: What's wrong buddy? I am not mad, just settle down so I can get this done.
Jack: Mom, he is really hurt!
Me: He is going to be fine.
Jack: Look at him, mom! He is getting blood all over your dress!

This is when I finally woke up and pulled him off my shoulder to take a look. I quickly glanced at the gash and had to look away just as fast. I don't think of myself as one of those squeamish mothers, but it was so deep and nasty that it turned my stomach. Luckily, the receptionist is a friend of mine from MOPS years ago.

Me: Brittany (the receptionist), I can't look, is it as bad as I think it is?
Brittany: It's bad, the nurse is getting ice and a towel and the saleswoman is getting the eye doctor to take a look.
Me: Do I need to take him to the hospital?
Brittany: Probably.

The doctor left another patient and came out in a flash. He took one look and said that he needed stitches and I should take him to the ER. I pieced the eye-witnesses' (the kids, Brittany and the other receptionist) accounts together and to the best of my knowledge, this is what happened; Jack kicked/nudged (the force depends on which story you believe) Lauren in the bottom who lost her balance easily because her eyes were dilated. Lauren fell into Ben who was sitting on the spinning doctor chair. The chair spun throwing Ben, who was also easily caught off balance due to the dilation, into the pointy corner of the desk. My friend Cinda's husband is a doctor in the ER that was less than a mile away. I called her at home, no answer. I called her cell phone, no answer. I called her husband's cell phone, Cinda picked up knowing that it must be an emergency if I went though all of the numbers that quick. Her husband, Kevin, was not at work (bummer) but he called ahead to the ER to let them know we were coming. I asked him if I should take him to a plastic surgeon, but he assured me that he would take his own kids to the guy that would stitch up Ben. I tried to call my mom (who was on her way to the eye doctor) to let her know that we were headed to the ER, but her phone went directly to voicemail. Crap, where was my mother when I needed her? When we arrived the Triage nurse greeted us knowing exactly who we were and took us back to a room right away. Meanwhile, my mom arrived at the eye doctor. Brittany quickly told her what had happened and gave her directions to the hospital. My mom arrived in time to be with us while the doctor did his initial exam. Her cell phone had died and she didn't have her car charger with her. At first I thought that they would get Ben stitched up and we would still be able to make lunch with my grandma. But, when the nurse came in and put a topical anesthetic on his cut and told us that it would have to sit for 30 minutes before they could start working I had my mom call grandma to reschedule. Shortly there after the stitcher came in, looked at the wound and said that he wanted to take his time in order to minimize scaring. We agreed and watched him walk out of the room. Who knew he wouldn't be back for over 2 hours? Apparently, there was a much larger emergency that took precedence. I guess that is to be expected when you go to the ER! Luckily, Ben took a nice long nap while we waited. Jack and Lauren weren't as lucky. They kept saying how bored they were which gave me ample opportunity to tell them that this is the kind of thing that happens when you mess around! If there is one silver lining to this entire story it is that I will be able to remind the kids of this for years to come when they aren't behaving! Three hours and 5 stitches later we left the ER. My mom was still with me, so I wasn't about to miss the opportunity to have help picking out glasses, so we went back to the eye doctor and finalized the glasses order. I will post pictures when they come in!

He didn't want me to take his picture, so I had to hold his head still with one hand and snap the picture with the other. Maybe I will be able to get a better shot when daddy gets home tonight!

My Future Daughter-in-law

Jack: When I get married, my wife is going to have blond hair like Lauren's.
Me: Why blond hair?
Jack: Because I like it.
Me: I see, what else?
Jack: She is going to have green eyes, a face like yours, skin like Benny's and she will be skinny just like you.
Me: Is that all?
Jack: And, when I meet her she will be wearing a blue dress with white polka dots.

Happy Birthday Benny and Lolo!

Me: Good morning! Happy birthday Benny!
Ben: Is I'm four?
Me: You sure are!
Ben: YESSSS!!!

I can't believe my babies are 4 years old today! We just got home from the lake late this afternoon. My parents arrive in Texas tomorrow; we have a repeat of the 4-year-old fire truck birthday party Friday and a family party Sunday. I will make time to write something sappy between fire truck frames in the next few days!

Are We Going To Keeping Him Around?

Travis and I have been helping...wait, who am I kidding, we have been doing it...Travis' dad remodel his new (to him) house. He was evicted (again) so we helped him get a house bought and we have been fixing it up for the last two months. Travis' dad didn't want to spend a lot of money on his house, so let's just say it is literally and figuratively on the wrong side of the tracks. Travis went to pick his dad and a load of his stuff up yesterday. While Travis was gone, we went over to his dad's house to clean the bathroom, put on doorknobs, etc. As we were leaving the kids and I ran into a hood rat I have met in the neighborhood before.

Hood Rat: You look NICE!
Me: Thanks (trying to hurry the kids into the car)
Hood Rat: How you doing?
Me: Good, thanks.
Hood Rat: Where you from?
Me: The other side of town.
Hood Rat: Do you have a number so I can call you sometime?
Me: I have a number, but you can't call me, I am married.

I finally got the kids buckled in so we could get back to suburbia where we belong. I am thinking the hood rat was more interested in Travis' BMW (that I was driving) than how "nice" I looked. He was trying to get himself a sugar mama, and I wasn't biting!

Jack: Why did you tell that guy you were married?
Me: Because I am.
Jack: Did he want to be your husband?
Me: I don't know what he wanted, he wanted to call me and I don't want him to call me because I am married to daddy.
Jack: And, you don't want him to be your husband?
Me: No, I don't want him to be my husband!
Jack: Good, I like daddy.
Me: Me too.
Jack: So, are we going to keep daddy around awhile?
Me: Yeah.

Christmas in July

Ben and Lauren's 4th birthday is a week from Monday. I took them to Target to look at the toys so they could make a birthday wish list. Jack is feeling a little left out since he isn't choosing gifts. So, he has started thinking about Christmas gifts already.

Jack: What do you think I should ask Santa to bring me for Christmas?
Me: Why don't you ask him for a tube, skis and a new life jacket since mom and dad are going to buy the family a boat for Christmas?
Jack: How much does the boat cost?
Me: About $35,000.
Jack: I think I will just ask Santa for $35,000 and I can buy the boat.
Me: Santa makes toys, not money.
Jack: Well, $35,000 is probably too much to ask for, I probably wouldn't get any other toys if Santa brought me $35,000.
Me: You are probably right.
Jack: I think I will ask for two Nintendo DSs, three Power Wheels and just $1000.

Wow, I hope Santa hasn't been affected by the economy!

Climbing The Ladder

Jack has tried a few of the rock climbing walls that you see at carnivals and festivals and we have noticed that he has some talent for climbing. But most importantly, he really likes it, so I signed him up for rock climbing camp at a local climbing gym. From the moment we walked into the gym he was in love! The walls looked menacing to me, but he looked at them with lust in his heart! I asked his instructor after his first session of camp about the rock climbing team. Apparently the rock climbing team is not like signing your 6 year old up for T-ball. It is not as simple as signing a release and paying your money like I had anticipated. The instructor told me that if he liked camp then he should join Kids Climb which is once a week and similar to a camp type atmosphere. Being at Kids Climb will make him more likely to be noticed by the coaches of the team. If the coaches think he is good enough he will eventually be invited to be on the Junior Team. My understanding of the Junior Team is that the kids go to 'practice' but they don't compete. From there he would need to qualify to be on Team Canyon, which goes to competitions. When I went to pick Jack up on day 2 of camp the instructor pulled me aside and told me that the coach "noticed" Jack and would like to invite him to be on the team. Do not pass go, do not collect $200...he is on the team if we want him to be. I don't know if the coach needs to make a boat payment and is looking for one more sucker to pay $75/month for their kid to climb or what. But, I do know Jack is stoked! And, Travis and I are really proud of him. I am so happy that he has found something that he is good at and enjoys! When I was about his age I started competitive swimming and I loved always being a member of a team! This is a great sport, just like swimming, because he is a part of something bigger, but he is always trying to better himself! When I went to pick Jack up today I wanted to take some pictures of him on the wall. When I turned around Ben was gone. I found Ben on the other side of the rock wall about 6 feet off the ground with a huge smile on his face, but without a harness. I plucked him off the wall waiting for CPS to pop out from behind the corner and take him into custody. The thing I found most alarming were the teenagers who work at the gym who were working on the ropes didn't do a dang thing. They must have been thinking, "Wow, I hope that little dude doesn't fall"! In a couple years Ben can give rock climbing a try, until then I would prefer him to keep his fat little feet on the floor!

He's A Keeper!

The kid, not the fish!





I took all three kids fishing Sunday afternoon. We were only there a few minutes without catching a fish when Ben and Lauren started complaining about being hot, thirsty, bored, tired, you name it! I finally couldn't take it and we left. Jack was really bummed out that we didn't stay long enough to catch a fish. I promised him that we would put Ben and Lauren to bed early and go out by ourselves. We caught four fish in an hour. They weren't big fish, but it didn't matter to us!

Worth Every Cent

Today I received the sappy forward counting the costs of raising a child to age 18. The grand total is $160,140 not including college. That is $8896.66 per year, $741.38 per month, $171.08 per week, $24.24 per day or $1.01 per hour. I am sure you have seen the email before; it talks about everything you get for the money and how kids are worth the cost. It reminded me that I needed to post the note Jack gave me yesterday. This kid is worth every cent!

Mommy,
I love you. Thank you for everything you have done this summer.
From,
Jack

He knows just the right thing to say! I am so glad to know that all of my effort is being appreciated. He has bought himself at least another week of summer fun!

Six Flags, More Flags, More Fun!

Jack asked for a trip to Six Flags for his birthday back in March. We normally go over Spring Break when it is nice and cool. But, on the day that we had planned to go Jack woke up in the morning not feeling well. I got him to eat some breakfast, assuming he would feel better. It was only moments after he finished breakfast that he hurled all over the kitchen floor. So, our Six Flags trip was postponed. We decided to wait until school was out so we wouldn't have to fight the crowds on the weekend. When I received the email announcing Dora would be at Six Flags for one day only I knew that was the perfect day to go! When we scheduled the day we had no idea it would be 105 degrees out. We spent a few hours going on all sorts of rides. Travis and I took turns going on the roller coasters with Jack while the other one would take Ben and Lauren on a nearby kiddie ride. We were one of the few that thought going to Six Flags in 105 degree heat on a Thursday so we didn't have to wait in any lines! We were able to stay on most rides for two turns because there wasn't anyone waiting. The longest line we waited in was to see Dora. Travis took Jack on a ride while Lauren, Ben and I waited on Dora. When we finally got to the front of the line I got my camera out to document the moment. It was so hot that my camera wasn't functioning. As I was trying to get my camera to work Dora's security guard started pushing my stroller out of the way and ushering us through the line. I felt like Ralphie on The Christmas Story when the elf threw him down the slide and he still had more to tell Santa. There was a Six Flags representative there taking pictures, but I couldn't bring myself to buy it after spending $15 for parking, $175 for tickets and $65 for lunch. I can only hope that meeting Dora will be etched in their little memories! I was able to get the camera to work at the end of the day when the kids were nearing heat stroke. Lauren's hair started in braids; by the time the photo was taken she has one braid and one crimped ponytail. A good time was had by all!

The New Dating Rules

I have many friends that have gotten divorced in the last few years. I was saddened to watch Jon and Kate split up last night. All of these women have something in common; they are learning the 'new dating rules'. I do not envy these women and I am pretty sure that if Travis and I split up I would end up living a life of celibacy. I had to chuckle as my kids explained the dating rules to me from their point of view.

Ben: When I get bigger can we go on a date?
Me: Sure.
Jack: I will take you on a date to McAllister's!
Lauren: I want to go on a date with you too!
Jack: You can't go on a date with mom!
Me: Why not?
Lauren: Yes, I can!
Jack: No, you can't because you are a girl. Only boys can go on dates with girls and since you are a girl you can't go on a date wit mom because she is a girl. Ben and I are boys, so we can go on dates with mom.
Me: Can moms go on dates with her sons?
Jack: Sure, why not?

Kooky Cookie Cook-off

The 'lazy days of summer' are a farce! I don't know who is relaxing, but it sure isn't me! I have been running myself ragged trying to make positive summer vacation memories for my kids. Now that I am working I have decided to spend a couple hours a day on real estate, one hour at the gym and remainder of the day creating 'fun' for my kids. Since we are not made of money we will only do one thing that costs money (that isn't already spent like the pool or zoo membership) per week, the rest of the week we will do activities at home, the splash park, the pool or the zoo. The pay activities are things like Six Flags, the movies, roller-skating, Chuck E. Cheese, etc. We have scheduled our fun on the dry erase calendar so Jack can read it to the little ones and they can look forward to the next day’s fun. The calendar does leave room for spontaneity because we can easily push the activity later in the month if a play date or better offer comes along. I am not creative when it comes to entertaining children so I read a book "Fun House" by Karol Ladd. I read her book "The Power of a Positive Mom" and loved it so I figured this book couldn't be bad. A lot of the ideas are for older kids, but I did find several that the kids are excited about.

Today we had a Kooky Cookie Cook-off. I made a batch of cookie base and divided it into three equal portions. The kids made their own 'recipe' by choosing from chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, peanut butter cups, Oreos, cereal, cocoa, chocolate pudding, candy bars, Skittles, M&Ms, sprinkles, etc. The kids had a fabulous time making their cookies, then delivered them with pride to our neighbor. You have to love Mr. Paul, he looked at the cookies and without missing a beat told the kids how excited he was to try them.

Bible Camp Beads

The kids have been in Vacation Bible Camp all week and have had a fabulous time. I love picking the kids up. They are so uplifted and excited to see me, especially Ben. The second he sees me he goes into an all out sprint and jumps into my arms! Yesterday after jumping into my arms he presented me with a hand strung bead necklace with a small wooden cross in the middle. "I made it for you mama! ...because I love you!" Man, I love this kid with all my heart! When I looked at Lauren I saw her balling up her necklace trying to fit it into her tiny fist.

Me: Are you ready Lolo?
Lauren: (says nothing because she is still concentrating on getting her necklace hidden in her hand)
Me: What are you doing love?
Lauren: Nothing
Me: What are you doing with your necklace?
Lauren: (sheepishly avoiding eye contact) I made my necklace for me.
Me: Honey, that's okay...If you want it you should keep it!

Sink or Swim

In attempts to avoid the awful swimming lesson experience Jack has had in the past I am giving the kids private lessons. I am more than qualified, I was on swim team for 10+ years, taught group and private lessons for 8+ years, coached a kids (6-16 year olds) swim team for 5 years and coached a masters swim team (adults) for 3 or 4 years. If I were looking for the perfect teacher for my kids I would hire me...just to toot my own horn!

Last night was Lauren's turn. When we arrived at the pool she announced that she would rather swim in the baby pool. I calmly explained that we swim in the big pool for swimming lessons. That is when she told me she wanted to go home. What? You have to be kidding me! All I have ever hoped for in a kid is someone to follow in my swimming footsteps. I know you aren't supposed to put that much pressure on your kids, but I can't help it. Some people hope for beautiful kids, some hope for smart kids...I hoped for a swimmer...and I ended up with beautiful, smart kids! I talked her into the pool, but then she clung to my neck in attempts to drown me. When that didn't work she started crying, drawing the attention of all of the other children who love to swim. I tried a few more minutes to no avail, so I pulled her out of the pool, dried her off and walked her to the car without speaking. She followed in shock. When we got home I sent her to bed. Strike one.

Tonight was Jack's turn. I could tell he was a little nervous, no doubt it stemmed from Lauren's unsuccessful experience. When we first got into the pool he started acting skittish, but a quick mention of going home to bed snapped him out of it. He did a great job! By the end of our lesson he was jumping in and swimming 15 yards to me. And, best of all he was proud of himself!

Jack: Next time I have a lesson I am going to swim more than 15 yards!
Me: That is great you are working really hard.
Jack: What if I swim 25 yards next time?
Me: I will be really proud of you!
Jack: Will I still get to have swimming lessons?
Me: Absolutely, there is always room for improvement. Do you want to keep having swimming lessons? Are you having fun?
Jack: Yes, I am having lots of fun! Can we keep doing swimming lessons until I am 25?
Me: We can do lessons as long as you want!
Jack: How old will you be when I am 25?
Me: I will be 52.
Jack: Will you still know how to swim when you are 52?
Me: Of course!
Jack: Well, Grammy is old and she doesn't know how to swim.
Me: Sure

Tomorrow, Ben. Here's hoping it goes as well as this evening went!

Tiller The Baby Killer

Up until yesterday Dr. Tiller performed late term abortions in Wichita, KS. Yesterday, he was gunned down on as he was serving as an usher at his church. Dr. Tiller performed these abortions for women who met certain criteria, the mother and or baby needed to be in danger. When I was younger and more naive I would have categorized myself as pro-life under any circumstance. Through life experiences my views have changed, I am still pro-life, but I do understand there are women who may need Dr. Tiller's services.

When I was 16 weeks pregnant with my first set of twins, Nate & Spence, I had a bright red gush in the middle of the night. Travis and I went directly to the emergency room to discover that my water had broken. The twins were fraternal, so Nate had no amniotic fluid, but Spence was still okay. In the morning a specialist that did his best to explain what had happened visited me. After he told me the outcome would most likely be negative he told me that I had one week to decide if we wanted to end the pregnancy. In Nebraska, abortion is only legal up to 17 weeks. I was so happy to have Travis by my side. Travis is pro-choice, but he knows and understands my beliefs. So, when the doctor asked us if we wanted to schedule an abortion, I froze up, but Travis was able to say "NO!” We put our babies lives in God's hands and hoped and prayed for the best. I went another 10 weeks on bed rest trying to maintain the pregnancy. When I was nearly 26 weeks, Spence's water broke. We were told that the babies wouldn't benefit from being inside anymore. However, in the state of Nebraska they could not induce labor at 26 weeks because it would be considered abortion, therefore illegal. The doctor suggested I discontinue my bed rest in hopes of inducing labor. I walked around for a day, but labor didn't happen. My doctor then told me about a clinic in Kansas that would be able to help me. I don't know if it was Dr. Tiller's clinic, but if it wasn't him it was someone similar. I called the clinic in hopes that they would induce labor and we could hand the babies over to the NICU to nurse the babies back to health. But, that was not the service the clinic provided. The clinic explained that they would give me some medicine to kill the babies so they wouldn't feel pain, then they would break the babies up and pull them out piece by piece. Needless to say, this is not what I had in mind! I got off the phone with the clinic and called Travis to tell him that we weren't doing that. After explaining the process Travis agreed with me! I called my doctor to tell him that wouldn't be happening. The doctor suggested I return to bed rest until my body naturally went into labor. I spent another couple of days on the recliner in front of the television until I went into labor. The babies were born premature and only lived a few hours each.

Through this experience my beliefs changed. I am still pro-life for myself, but I now understand this is not a black and white issue. I think columnist Toby Harnden said it best when he wrote "To be bitterly opposed to such abortions - or, indeed, any abortions - is a completely respectable moral and political position. To regard abortion as murder and to regard the likes of George Tiller as "baby killers" is also legitimate. But to murder Tiller, to appoint oneself as judge and executioner, to take a life as retribution for other lives that have been taken is another matter entirely. To do so while Tiller was inside his church only adds to the twisted evil of the act."

Best Food In Town

We have been so busy lately between baseball, work, end of school activities and fixing up my father-in-laws house we haven't gotten to eat at home. For the first time in what seemed like weeks I made dinner with Ben by my side as my faithful sous chef. I knew Ben was feeling the same way I was when he said "Mom, this is so fun, can we eat here every night?" I guess it has been a long time!

Let The Beach Towel Washing Begin!

Just when I was thinking I couldn't put one more thing on my plate the summer beach towel washing has begun. The kids and I spent the afternoon outside on the slip and slide in the backyard. (This body isn't ready for the neighborhood pool yet.) When we came inside I was saddled with four dirty beach towels and swimsuits. The kids are all crashed out on the floor sleeping off their over indulgence in the sun. I am soaking up the sweet smell of sweaty kids with a hint of water and sunscreen. It is a smell that will turn my stomach by the end of the summer, but for now it is bringing the fond memories of summers past flooding back.

Stuck On Kangaroos

Ben: (crying) I need a band-aid!
Me: What do you need a band-aid for?
Ben: My kangaroo.
Me: Your kangaroo?
Ben: Yes
Me: What are you talking about?
Ben: (crying harder) MY KANGAROO!
Me: Where is your kangaroo?
Ben: Right here in my mouth!

Poor Benny, he hates when I don't understand what he is trying to tell me. Come to find out, he has coined a new term for canker sores, kangaroo...okay. FYI, Band-Aid’s jingle "I am stuck on Band-Aid brand 'cause Band-Aid’s stuck on you" doesn't hold true when attempting to apply to the inside of one's mouth.

Graduation Again Already?

Jack graduated for the second time today in his 6 short years of life. He graduated from preschool last year, which I get; he was at least changing schools. But, today he 'graduated' from Kindergarten. He is going to go to the same elementary school next year. Jack even asked me this morning why his friend Derek (who is in 1st grade) wouldn't be graduating today, he actually thought they would both be in 1st grade next year since Derek didn't "graduate". How can you blame the kid? I am thinking this graduation craziness is along the same lines as not keeping score in baseball and always telling our kids how great they are. When are we going to welcome our kids to the world of reality by letting them know you only graduate from high school and college, someone loses in every baseball game and sometimes you aren't all that great?

The kids had their pictures taken in cap and gown a couple of weeks ago, that's right another marginal photo that I felt obligated to buy. I just hope that he has one of those photo videos at his wedding so everyone will see these pictures someday! So, I assumed that the kids would be wearing the cap and gown in the graduation ceremony. I talked to another friend with a Kindergartener who thought the same thing. I figured he would wear a white shirt, shorts and a decent pair of shoes. But, this morning about 30 minutes before we needed to leave for school Jack informed me that they were not wearing the cap and gown and they couldn't wear jeans or shorts. These words put me into a mad scramble. The kid has grown like crazy and I can't remember the last time I bought him a pair of slacks. I found a pair of khakis that didn't look too short as long as he wore them on his hips. I pulled out a white shirt so his black shoes (the only dress shoes he has that still fit) wouldn't look so bad. When I was nearly done ironing the shirt I found a big spot on the front. Shit! I grabbed a blue shirt and told Jack that he would need to wear his brown cowboy boots. He started melting down! "I can't wear these, we are lined up by height and these boots mess everything up because they make me taller and they itch and they make me walk funny”. Okay, let me see if I can get the spot out of your white shirt so you can wear your black shoes. I got the spot most of the way out of the front, as my mother would say "on a galloping horse nobody will notice". He put the shirt back on and as he walked away I saw another spot on the back of the shirt. Double shit! Now we are running late. I took the shirt off and put the blue shirt back on him. He was now crying again about not wanting to wear the boots. I told him to just put on the black shoes and I would stop and get him a pair of brown shoes to put on before graduation. I dropped him off at school at 8:35 and I could already see the annoying over-achieving parents lining up to get a good seat for the 9:30 graduation. I sped off to Walmart to find the best pair of brown shoes money could buy. They didn't have a thing! All they had were sandals; flip-flops and ugly character tennis shoes for boys. They had an entire aisle of different colors and styles for girls. By the time I got out of Walmart there was no time to get to another store so I headed to the graduation. He ended up looking fine and being better dressed than most of the kids.

Burn Notice

Jack and I had a playdate this afternoon after school. I picked Jack and his friend Finn up from school, then Finn's mom and sister came over shortly after we got home. It was a beautiful afternoon so we decided to play outside. After playing outside for only about 30 minutes the 'big boys' decided they wanted to go inside to play. The three 3-year-olds wanted to stay outside so we let the boys go inside and play in Jack's room. I told Finn's mom that there wasn't anything in the house they could hurt, so no worries. Lauren went inside to go potty; when she came back outside she reported, "The boys were cooking her ball in the toaster". It seemed extremely far-fetched so the other mother and I brushed her off. We continued to chat about the crazy things kids dream up and say. Suddenly the door burst open and two crying 6-year-olds came running out.

Jack: (through tears) I told him not to do it, but he did it anyway!
Me: What are you talking about?
Jack: We put Lauren's ball on top if the toaster and it almost started on fire and I burned my hand.

I went running into the house to assess the damage. The toaster was on, the splash ball was on the floor with a burn hole and the house smelled of melted nylon. I went back outside to report to the boys and the other mother that there was no harm, no foul. The boys were still hysterical and Jack was mad at me for not giving his burn enough attention.

After the other family left I talked to Jack about what a poor decision he had made. He agreed and we left it at that. Thirty minutes later on our way to Jack's baseball game he was still thinking about the incident.

Jack: Mom, I think that I should have to buy Lauren a new ball and I think I should lose a privilege.
Me: I think you are right, what privilege do you think you should lose?
Jack: Hmmm...I think I should lose cartoons.
Me: How long do you think you should go without cartoons?
Jack: I think I should go without cartoons for the rest of the year.
Me: Wow that is a really long time. Do you know how long that is?
Jack: Yeah, it is 6 days.
Me: Oh, you mean the end of the school year!
Jack: Yeah.
Me: Okay that works.

Wow, I don't know what I did right, but I sure made this parenting gig look easy today! Jack is such a great kid. Sure, he tried to burn the house down, but how many kids come up with their own punishment without being told?

Baseball Boy

Jack: Did you here that little kid call me a baseball man?
Me: No, I didn't. Did you tell him that you are a boy, not a man?
Jack: No, I just went with it!

Lesson Learned...Again.

This morning before Travis went to work he asked me if I could take his pants to the dry cleaners. When I responded, "I don't know, I'll try" he got a little testy. "What are you doing today, either you can or you can't, if you can't just tell me and I'll do it myself!" I explained that I was leaving for my infusion at 8:30 this morning right after I drop Jack off at school and wouldn't get back until 2pm. I told him that I had to be home from 4-7 waiting for the pest control people to launch their 3rd attack on my ants. He seemed perplexed as to what I was doing between 2 and 4. I pointed out that the clinic is frequently running behind and with 3-year-old twins you never know what could come up. I didn't know at the time what if anything was going to come up.

When I went to Lucinda's to pick up Ben and Lauren I found everyone in the yard planting flowers. Lucinda and I stood in the yard chatting and enjoying the beautiful weather. Ben was getting restless and wanted to hold my car key. I should have known that was a bad idea. I kept Ben and my key in the corner of my eye. I noticed right away when he was no longer carrying my key.

Me: Where is my car key?
Ben: I put it in the car, where it belongs!

He had tossed it through the open window of my locked car. I breathed a sigh of relief figuring that the key was in a last in a safe place. When I went to leave I poked my head in the window, but I couldn't find my key. I opened the door assuming the key would fall out onto my feet. Not only did I not find the key, I set off the car alarm. Without the key you can't turn the alarm off. I frantically tried hitting the internal lock and unlock button with no success. The neighbors in the swanky neighborhood were coming to the windows to see what all the commotion was about. I was panicked and running my hand under the seats and floor mats without results. I shut the door in hopes that the alarm would cease. I was falsely relieved when the alarm stopped. I had no idea it was just taking a break. That's right, it started up again only moments later and I still didn't have the key. It was hot out, I was wearing jeans because it is cold in the infusion room and I was loosing my cool both literally and figuratively. My mind was flashing back to the conversation that Travis and I had just hours before. Once the doors were shut the alarm finally took mercy on my and stopped the headache inducing honk. I still couldn't find the key. When Lucinda came over to help I stopped her from opening the door for fear that the alarm would start up again. We must have been quite a sight with our butts hanging out of the car as we searched the floorboards for the teeny tiny key. We weren't finding it and decided to try opening all of the doors rather than just the one Ben said he put the key in. When we opened the other door the key dropped out onto the ground just like I had expected it to do nearly 30 minutes before when I opened the first door.

So, boys and girls the moral of the story is that anything can come up when you have two 3-year-olds in tow. Is it really a lesson if you have already learned? I think this lesson was wasted on me. Ben, please remember that I am already familiar with this lesson and the next time you decide to be cute save it for your father.

Trapped!

I have been bringing Ben and Lauren along when I show homes to clients that I have good relationships with. When it is a buyer that I have worked with for a long time I don't mind bringing them with me. They have been really good in the past; I guess I just got cocky. Today I took them along to show some town homes not far from my house. My buyer was a little late so we sat outside while we waited so we could enjoy the beautiful weather. Ben and Lauren were running up and down the sidewalk. Lauren tripped on her flip-flop and scrapped her knee. She whined as we went through the first two houses. In the third town home we stepped outside onto the balcony to check out the golf course view. Ben and Lauren followed us onto the balcony and Ben swung the door shut. When we turned to go inside we realized the door was locked! There were not any stairs to the ground from this second story balcony; we were trapped like rats! I called the owner of the town home to see if he could come unlock the door. The owner was at a closing and wouldn't be able to rescue us for at least a couple hours. Crap! I make a habit of leaving the front door open as a safety precaution when I show houses, so I called Trisha hoping that she was not in the middle of something. She rushed right over and was able to rescue us within about 3 minutes. It wasn't the disaster that is could have been, but it was certainly embarrassing!! Needless to say, Ben and Lauren won't be coming the next time I show that buyer a home!

Unconditional Love

My parents closed on their TX house on Monday! The kids and I have been helping...I mean, I have been helping and the kids have been tagging along...make decisions on flooring, laying sod, etc. Tonight they went to my sister's house to spend Thursday, Friday and Saturday. My kids were distraught. They gave hugs and kisses to Grammy and Grandpa when we left dinner, then we had to chase them down in the parking lot for one last hug. As I was giving them hugs and kisses goodnight they wanted to call Grammy and tell her that they love her one last time. After everyone had said their 'goodnights' and 'I love yous' Jack told me "I love Grammy as much as I love Jesus...and that is a lot!"

Foul Three!

Last night at baseball practice the kids were doing a drill where they swing the bat, put it down and run to first base. Several kids went through the drill with no incident, then it was Jack's turn. Jack swung the bat and rather than dropping the bat to the ground he flung the bat behind him. Right into the nose of a boy that was standing too close. The victim was no other than the son of the woman with the gap in her teeth and the older brother of the girl that "always wears the same clothes". What are the odds? Lauren starts the attack, then Jack kicks them while they are down! The little boy's nose swelled and gushed with blood. His parents rushed him to the hospital where they gave him a CAT Scan. Jack came home from practice distraught. Travis was too upset about the incident to tell me what happened so I talked to Jack. My mind kept flashing forward to 16 year old Jack making a careless mistake and hurting someone else. I sat down and told Jack that I will always be on his side and I will always love him no matter what. I explained that I needed to know exactly what happened so I can help him deal with his mistake. I want Jack to know that he can always come to me no matter what the situation is. I hope that I layed the groundwork for that yesterday. I love this kid with all my heart and I hate to see him feeling bad. I am happy to report that the little boy is okay, thank goodness!

You Can't Fix Stupid!

As a realtor I am associated with a broker. Basically, I pay my broker to 'sponsor' me, which is required by law. My broker charges relatively low fees, but I have officially decided you get what you pay for! We have exchanged words in the past; we are trying to repair our rocky relationship. He is beginning to understand that I need to be 'stroked' when I make a sale. I like to be rewarded financially when I make a sale, but I also expect to be told how fabulous I am. So, my mentor has explained this to my broker and I think he is trying, but at this point I think he would be better off not to talk. Today in a meeting of our small office, consisting of 10 men and me, we were talking about simple things you need to do everyday to be successful in real estate. My broker went on to say, "You don't need to be Einstein or Brad Pitt to be successful. Look at Kelli, she is JUST A HOUSEWIFE and she has been wildly successful." Just a housewife? I am so much more than a housewife! But, being a housewife is not something I am ashamed of. I am proud of the HARDWORK I have put in as a 'housewife' over the last five years. My children are well-behaved, smart, funny and an all around joy to be around. This is much more than I can say for his son, Damien. I am not changing his name to protect the innocent because 1) he isn't innocent and 2) I think it important to know his devilish name is relevant! I am mad at myself. I didn't say anything. I still don't know what I wish I would have said, but saying anything would have been better than sitting there in shock like I did.

I Love New York

Jack: Mom, I know why J is brown.
Me: Why?
Jack: Because he moved here.
Me: Where did he move from?
Jack: New York

I Have Heard It All!

Ben has been trying out all sorts of ways to prolong bedtime. I am usually able to nip it pretty easily, because I can see them coming a mile away.

"I need a drink"
"I'm still hungry"
"Can we have one more book?"
"I need one more hug"
"I need one more kiss"
"I want a night light"
"I want it dark"
"Leave the door open"
"Shut the door"
"It's too hot"
"It's too cold"
"I need to say goodnight to Lauren"
"I forgot to hug daddy"
"Will you scratch my back?"
"I need to tell you something"
"I love you soooo much, do you love me soooo much"
"I can't find my puppy"
"Where's my blanket?"

You get the picture, right? I thought I had heard it all, but tonight he said,

"Wait Mommy, I forgot to pick up all of my toys"

"We Didn't Realize How Perfect Our Lives Were..."

Madeline McCann's parents were on Oprah today. This story hit me so hard two years ago as it was happening. Jack and Madeline are only a couple of months apart and their boy/girl twins are very close in age to Ben and Lauren. We went to San Antonio with two other families a couple of years ago and did almost the same thing the McCann's did. We had three suites in a row. We put the kids to sleep in two rooms and the adults played cards in the third room. Not exactly the same, not the 100 yards away that Kate and Gerry were, but too similar, eerie really. The McCann's had trouble getting pregnant, then were blessed with three kids right on top of each other just like us. Kate really struck a cord with me when she said, "I never took our kids for granted because of what we went through to get them, but we didn't realize how perfect our lives were." Wow. I need to be reminded every now and then that even though the economy is bad, swine flu is on the loose, Travis' job isn't as stable as we wish it was, we are overwhelmed with remodeling my father-in-law's house, my house is infested with ants, the kids are crying and my MS is acting up our lives are PERFECT!

Who Needs A Dog?

The pest guy came on Thursday, I scrubbed the kitchen floor and it seemed like the ant population thinned down for about a minute. Then, just when I started to relax it got worse again. Those darn pest people are going to have to come back out tomorrow! It seems like the second the kids drop a crumb on the floor the ants come running to gobble it up, just like a dog! The kids are even playing with them. They try to count them and get them to crawl onto their hands. I guess I should just accept them as part of the family. They are like gray hairs, every time I suck one of the little bastards up 10 come in its place. One of the symptoms of my MS is little tingling sensations that feel just like an ant crawling on you. I am pretty sure this is worse torture than water boarding!

Swine Flu Who?

I just don't know what to make of this Swine Flu madness! The Tysabri that I take for my MS is designed to suppress my immune system so it doesn't attack my brain. That is a really simplified way of putting it, but that is how I try to get Jack to understand it. So, my immune system is the equivalent to a baby's or an HIV patient. I have a friend that is a doctor in the local emergency room. He called last week to tell me that I need to be really careful and take the kids clothes off and give them baths when we get home from school or a shopping trip. The kids have loved taking bubble baths together in mom's tub.


I got a text Friday morning from my friend saying that they had seen the first probable case of swine flu in the ER the night before. Travis and I talked and decided to keep Jack home from school. It may have been a huge over-reaction, but I would rather error on the side of caution. My friend kept his kids home and he isn't the kind of doctor that over-reacts! I haven't heard anything about whether the probable case has come back positive or not, but that will determine whether Jack goes to school tomorrow or not.

Ant Bully

Ben: (with his face an eighth of an inch from the floor) Mommy! There are ants on the floor!
Me: I know. The pest control guy is coming tomorrow.
Ben: Why did they come in here?
Me: Because you and your brother and sister drop food on the floor ALL the time and mommy can't clean it up fast enough.
Ben: (turning his attention back to the ants) Silly ants, don't go on the carpet, we aren't allowed to have food in there. Go toward the table!

More Bennyisms

Ben has been so funny lately. The funniest part is that he isn't trying to be funny!

Yesterday I opened a Capri Sun for Ben while we were outside playing. As soon as I handed it back to him he took off to play again.
Me: clearing my throat as a subtle reminder to say thank you
Ben: Still walking away from me
Me: Clearing my throat louder
Ben: Turning around. Mom, are you trying to say something?

Tonight after bath time before he had his pajamas on he picked up the basketball and started dribbling trying to show off. He was doing a pretty good job when he lost control and the basketball hit him right in his naked privates. Then Ben says "Ohhhh, game over, that hurt my penis!” When I got out his underwear he said, "Stop! I need my Spiderman underpants, my penis needs a superhero!”

"Kiss me mama, I love kissing girls!"