Sex Education 101

Why haven't I learned my lesson? Jack was in my bathroom as I was getting out of the shower...

Jack: Mom, why don't you have a penis?
Me: Because I am a girl.
Jack: What's that? (Pointing to my va-jay-jay)
Me: Hair.
Jack: Why do boys have penises and girls have...that?
Me: God gave them different parts so when they get married they can make babies.
Jack: You make babies with your penis, GROSS!

Great, how long before he tells his teacher at the Methodist preschool how to make a baby?

Time To Relax

The MOPS meeting in officially behind us! Before the meeting I took time to reflect on my coordinator position. I like fundraising, I like planning and securing speakers, I like organizing events, I don't like drama and I don't like pettiness. I decided I don't have time to deal with things that I don't like. What I like about my position is running MOPS like a business. If I were to compare my position to business, I would be the CEO. When two employees are having a petty argument the CEO rarely knows about it. And, if she does, she fires the fools! I decided the latest exchange has not been constructive to the group or my family.

I was pretty frazzled this morning. On my way to take my kids down to childcare this morning I was frantically looking for Lauren. I had both boys in my sight, but I could find Lauren. Guess where I found her? I was holding her...yes, I am losing it! The meeting went well, I said what I needed to say, and then moved on. We had an interesting speaker and everyone seems to be okay. Only time will tell!

All I wanted to do is come home after the meeting and relax. But instead I took all three kids to a 3 year old's birthday party. When we got home I did a little work.

Now it is time to relax! Here are my top ten relaxing activities:

1. Putting on my ripped jeans and sweatshirt.

2. Putting my hair in a ponytail.

3. All three kids sleeping at one time.

4. Watering the flowers.

5. Flying a kite.

6. GNI (Girls Night In) with Trisha and Anne.

7. Letting the kids climb all over me while I lay on the floor.

8. Saturday mornings in bed when Jack climbs in.

9. Having all the chores done. (Since this never happens I will have to use one of the other nine relaxing activities)

10. Taking a nap. (A rare, but fabulous activity)

Right now I am sitting on the couch, in my ripped jeans and sweatshirt, with a ponytail, while all 3 kids nap and I am looking forward to a great night with my best buddies...What could be sweeter?

Five Hours and $35 I Will Never Get Back

I promised an update on Jack's appointment yesterday, so here it is: The title sums it up, but if you would like to know more, read on. I dropped the babies off at Trisha's at 1pm; Jack and I met Travis at Children's Hospital around 2pm for our 2:15 appointment. That's right, Travis took off work! We figured if the pediatrician was sending us to Children's Hospital it must be important. We filled out all of the necessary paper work then began our wait. We were only waiting in the jam packed waiting room for about 1o minutes when we here the nurse call "Jackson". Both Travis and I looked around assuming it must be a different Jackson, but it was us. Come to find out, they were only admitting Jack to the hospital, and then they sent us back to the waiting room. We noticed during the next TWO HOURS in the waiting room that we were wrong to think there might be more than one Jackson. Multiple people stood up when the nurse called names like Juan, Jose and Angel. Finally, they took us back to the room where I spent more time reading a book about space travel that was published in 1985 to Jack. As you can imagine, it wasn't really relevant and I was teaching him the difference between American astronauts and Russian Cosmonauts, but at least it was passing the time. The nurse practioner walked in just as Travis was yelling, "Is this a free clinic?” He looked at Jack for about 2 minutes and said, "well, I don't think the doctor will do anything for him, kids outgrow this". Travis was feeling a little bit punchy by this time so he stood up to prove to the doctor that not all kids outgrow it. When the doctor came in he explained that they don't do anything for this until the kids are 8 or 9 years old. He pretty much blew us off and said he will most likely out grow it by then, thanks for coming. We got back on the road home at 4:30pm, just in time for rush hour. Boy, that is a beating! I don't think I could do that everyday. We didn't get home until 6pm. The next time the pediatrician refers us to a specialist I am going to make sure he isn't just patronizing me. If I ask a question, it is just that, a question, not a request for a second opinion. Jack has an appointment with an ENT next week...let's hope this doesn't happen again.

Done!

I am done with this MOPS bullshit! I vow to not give it another thought until the meeting tomorrow and after that I will not think about it again. This morning I received what I would call a 'hate email' from someone I consider a friend, not just a MOPS acquaintance. I will admit it, I flipped out. I sent back a very pointed email and to make a long story short, we are good now. But, it got my routine all messed up. The babies woke up a little late and Jack has school today. Because I was dealing with MOPS stuff we ended up running a little late and rushing around, which I hate!! I dropped Jack at school and ran into a friend and fellow steering member from MOPS, she looked at me with an 'I am so sorry you have to deal with this look' and I just started crying. I got home and immediately put the babies down for their morning nap. When they got up at 11:30 I couldn't figure out why they were so cranky. By noon, I had come to my senses. I had forgotten to feed them breakfast and they hadn't eaten all day. I suck! I am officially taking two giant steps back from MOPS. If my family or my MOPS group has to suffer, I am choosing MOPS to suffer. Poor Ben and Lauren! They are currently on seconds for lunch!

Day One Again

I lasted about 3 hours without complaining yesterday. By the time Travis got home, the MOPS drama had blown up again and I couldn't help but vent my frustration. One of the members called another to "witness" to her and told her that because she is Catholic she is not going to heaven. Oh my! This is not the MOPS philosophy, nor is it the philosophy of the Methodist church we meet at. I had been discussing all of this with the regional MOPS coordinator, but I stumped her last night and she is now taking it to her area coordinator. It won't be long before we are consulting God himself on our little MOPS drama!

Anyway, now that I have that complaining out of the way, I will start my complaint free 21 days again. Does it count as complaining if I type my complaints, but I don't say them out loud? This may be just the loophole I have been looking for!

Travis and I rented The Pursuit of Happyness last night. I wanted to see it in the theater, but I can't remember the last time I saw an adult movie in the theater and this one was no different! The movie was pretty depressing. I couldn't help but put myself into Chris Gardner's position and picture Jack sleeping on the floor of the bathroom in a train station. If you need motivation to not complain, rent this movie! I am a spoiled brat, and so are my kids!

Today is Jack's appointment at Children's Hospital with the orthopedic doctor. I will keep you posted.

21 Days Without Complaining - Day One

I was enjoying my pretzel snack (Jack coined that term) and watching Oprah this afternoon while all of the kids napped...ahhh! Oprah challenged her make-up artist to quit complaining for 21 days. Which made me think...can I do that? I can certainly try! For the next 21 days I will not complain. Rev. Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, MO was teaching a series on prosperity. Part of this series was helping the congregation to form a habit of gratitude by going 21-days without complaining. In an effort to make the lesson practical, the church purchased purple bracelets and gave them away encouraging them to move the bracelet to the other arm if they caught themselves complaining. You can get your own bracelet from their website www.acomplaintfreeworld.org. I have ordered them for each member of my family. I guess the babies will reach the 21 days first since they can't talk. Does crying count as complaining? I think so...come to think of it, they will never make it! This may make my blog kind of boring. Is it complaining if I am just stating facts about naughty things my kids have done or how Kroger tried to screw me? I know I have been complaining about the MOPS drama. That has done nothing for me, so I am done!! I looked it up on the website and the definition is as follows: "How do I know if I'm complaining? To "Complain" is defined as "to express pain, grief, or discontent." Surely, it makes sense to express pain, grief or discontent occasionally but most people do so constantly. In so doing, they are talking and thinking about what they do not want in their life and, thereby, attracting more pain, grief and discontent. Instead, think and talk about what you are grateful for. Talk about what you DO want and not what you DON'T want." Wish me luck! :)

It's All About Mommy!

I have trained my boy well! Last night I over heard Travis and Jack talking while Trav was changing his clothes after work last night. They were looking out our bedroom window and talking about the yard.

Travis: The yard sure looks good.
Jack: It sure does.
Travis: It is all because you helped plant the flowers.
Jack: No, it is all about mommy!

That's my boy! Now, if I could just get him to convince all of these 'Christian' women in MOPS of that! Yes, the MOPS drama continues. It seems as though I have spent at least an hour on the phone with one member or another venting her concerns. If everyone would just lighten up a little and assume nobody is trying to hurt anyone’s feelings life would be better. This is something I learned from my dad a long time ago. If you let someone hurt your feelings, you are only hurting yourself.

Speaking of things I have gotten from my dad; Lauren is just like my dad when she gets hurt. She yells OUCH at the top of her lungs if you accidentally brush her while you are walking past. God forbid if you actually scratch her or she falls down. It is awful when her and Ben are fighting, I wonder if the neighbors can hear. My dad is known for yelling when he gets hurt, even if it isn't that bad. The good news is Lauren isn't yelling swear words like my dad does...yet!

Ben was so cute this morning. As I was spiking Jack's hair for school, he was standing right next to him very patiently. When I finished with Jack, Ben frantically patted his head until I spiked his hair too. Ben is becoming such a big boy!

Kroger...Am I Allowed To Say That In A Blog?

I went to Kroger to do my grocery shopping last night. The only good thing about the trip is that the kids were in bed at home. I have been attempting to save money on groceries by scouring the local grocery stores ads online before I head out. Milk is my big saver. Someone always has milk on sale, this week it was Kroger. I stopped there to purchase the 6 gallons of milk we go through on a weekly basis as well as several other sale items, including beer. The great news on the beer was that bottles and cans were the same price, so of course I went with bottles...my first mistake. I went through the line, without incident, so I thought. I declined carry out; since I was by myself I figured I could handle it! On my way out, my beer fell off the bottom of my cart, breaking at least one bottle and making a giant beer mess all over the soda I also had on the bottom. Luckily, a manager saw the whole thing unfold and brought me a new case of beer. I then headed off to Tom Thumb to purchase strawberries, among other things. I am feeling pretty good about the service I had just received from the manager. Or, was I just getting drunk from the beer fumes. I can just imagine getting pulled over and having to explain the beer smell with three car seats in the back of my station wagon full of groceries. So I purchase my groceries at Tom Thumb and as all of the chain stores do, the cashier handed me my receipt and told me how much money I saved because I have a rewards card. This reminds me that the cashier at Kroger didn't mention how much I had saved. I had my card on the counter, certainly he scanned it. When I got to the car I checked my receipt and sure enough, it said if I had used my card I would have saved $9.29. I couldn't believe I had been screwed out of $9.29, so using skills I got from my mother I went back to the store to as my mom says, "open a can of whoop ass". Don't worry; I got my $9.29 back!! Yet another case of 'the man' trying to screw the little guy...well hear this, I WILL NOT BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!

If a Cat Gets 9 Lives, How Many Does a Toddler Get?

Last night I was getting Ben ready for bed when I heard Lauren crying from the entry way. I told Travis that I thought she was stuck again, so he got up to get her. (For the record, he got up right away; it wasn't his usual, I will get her after I go to the bathroom, get a beer and mow the yard) By the time he got to the stairs I heard a giant thud. I ran over to find Lauren flat on her back at the bottom of the stairs. She has been training for Mt. Everest by climbing the outside of our open staircase. Luckily she was fine, and we figured that she had learned her lesson. But, I guess we were wrong because this is where I found Lauren after breakfast...

The Princess, The Mayor and The Lucky Boy

I took Lauren to Payless yesterday to buy some generic white sandals to wear with her Easter dress. Travis and the boys were waiting in the car so I was anticipating a quick and easy trip. I went to her size and she immediately gravitated toward these God awful princess sandals. They had Cinderella, and a pink princess and one other princess that I refused to look closely enough at the shoes to identify. There were sparkles and they were just hideous. I quickly explained that we weren't there to get princess shoes; we needed pretty white sandals. She had a melt down, as though she were two. I thought that I had finally gotten her redirected, but she was actually going toward another pair of the same heinous shoes. The melt down started all over again. The only thing that stopped the madness was the friendly shoe salesman with a Dora sticker. Thank God for Dora! I didn't know she was so passionate about princesses and I am not sure if I am ready for that. I don't really care for princesses. I can get behind super heroes, but what do princesses do? Fall in love with the right man? Super heroes save the world! I don't want my daughter to see that as the way to succeed. I played with Barbies when I was young and I turned out okay...but perhaps that is where my body image problems come from??

This morning I volunteered in the church nursery. Jack came with me to go to Sunday School, but the babies and Travis took the week off. Jack thought he was the mayor as we went inside. He was stopping everyone saying "Good Morning". It just made all of the old people's day. It was nice to have people look at me like I was a good mom instead of the 'don't you know about birth control?' attitude I have been getting lately. He was just on top of the world having a date with mom. We used to do that once a month; I would have friends watch the babies so Jack and I could do something special. I need to start doing that again...it is obvious that he misses it.

Here is an excerpt of a conversation I had with Jack today:

Jack: Why don't I have a sister?
Me: You do have a sister.
Jack: Where is she?
Me: At home.
Jack: What's her name?
Me: Lauren.
Jack: No, that is Ben's sister.
Me: She is your sister too.
Jack: No, she isn't.
Me: Yes, she is. Ben is your brother and Lauren is your sister.
Jack: No, Ben is Lauren's brother and Lauren is Ben's sister.
Me: And Ben is your brother and Lauren is your sister.
Jack: No, who is the sister I was born with.
Me: OH...Ben and Lauren are twins; you were born all by yourself.
Jack: Why aren't there two of me?
Me: I don't know
Jack: Ben is sure a lucky boy!

Jack and Travis helped me plant 144 Zinnias around the trees after church today. Jack got to skip his nap so he could help. I am not sure that was a good idea...he is now cheering on Ben and Lauren in WWF baby smack down...I guess I better go intervene.

Bimbo?

The kids and I have been anticipating Travis' arrival after being out of town on business all week. Yesterday he calls me from the airport in Mexico and tells me he is about to get on the plane and he has bought me a present. A present, for me? He will sometimes get something for the kids, but for me never. He tells me that he has gotten me something I can wear since I have been complaining about not having anything. This gives me a flashback of the tiny T-shirt he bought me in Costa Rica. In Travis' defense it was a medium, which is normally my size, but apparently Costa Ricans are little people! So he comes home last night and presents me with a soccer jersey. Odd, I don't follow soccer; I am not even a soccer mom, yet. Travis can see my lack of enthusiasm, then points out that everyone in Mexico wears them. Okay, but don't I live in Texas? Then with a giant smile on his face he points out that is says 'Bimbo' across the front. Bimbo is apparently a sponsor of the soccer team and doesn't mean the same thing in Spanish as it does in English. Does he think I am a bimbo? Does he think being a bimbo is a good thing? Where would I wear a shirt like this? I guess I am back to having nothing to wear...

The Best Feeling In The World

This morning was hectic. Both Ben and Lauren had leaky diapers in the night. I didn't clean up the kitchen last night before we went to bed. I awoke to a filthy kitchen that needed to be cleaned up before we could even have breakfast. What was I thinking? Ben was crying his fool head off, Lauren was screaming mama at the top of her lungs and Jack was crying because I had given him what he asked for to eat for breakfast and he had changed his mind. Then Travis calls, from Mexico, to tell me about a telephone interview he had. Of course he wanted and expected my full attention, but I could barely hear him over the roar of angry children. I needed a Calgon bath...you remember that commercial, right?

After breakfast I sat on the couch to feel sorry for myself for a minute when all three kids came to sit on my lap. We spent several minutes just holding each other. How do they know when I need that? It is just the best feeling in the world to have all three of them hugging in peace and harmony. Of course, it didn't last long. Eventually they started getting annoyed that they were touching each other and started hitting and kicking each other. Luckily, I had gotten what I needed and was ready to face the rest of the day!

The MOPS drama continues. Many emails have come through either to speak out against the previously explained email and a couple of people have come forward in support for the poor girl who started all of this controversy. I am still staying out of it. I received a call from the girl who sent out the initial email, nearly in tears, asking me to send an email asking people to stop and only use the yahoo email for MOPS business. I hate to sensor the groups ability to communicate, but I also hate to see the group falling apart from all of the cutting emails. It seems like people who you know wouldn't say nasty things to the face of another feel safe hiding behind the screen of their computer. Stop this madness!

I thought this was a Christian MOPS group

This is an email I just received and it has provoked me to post for the third time in one day. I haven't mentioned this before, but I am the coordinator of the MOPS group that meets at my church. This email was sent in response to an email that another member sent out regarding the Eightfold Path & Four Noble Truths. If I were to lump the general premise of this email into a particular religion, I would call it Buddhist. But, why must it be lumped into a particular religion? Why can't it just be interesting reading? If you aren't interested in reading it, don't. I am answering this woman in my blog because as the coordinator, I don't have the guts to ruffle feathers and answer her directly. Instead, I am a total chicken and I am letting this go.

Yes, MOPS is a Christian organization. But, as Christians part of our job is not to judge. While we focus on the faults of another, we don't have to look at our own imperfections. Looking at where another falls short, we can rationalize our faults away, thinking we're not so bad after all. The only problem is that looking at another person as "worse" than we are just adds another mistake to our already long list. We should take another look at ourselves and then decide to let God do the justifying. He's better at it. God wants us to be intelligent people, which is why he gave us brains, if he didn't want us to think we would just have heads full of mush. But, you don't have to judge to think...am I rambling?

This email came from a girl that just today sent an email out advertising a benefit art auction this weekend. This would normally be a non issue, but I (as well as the rest of the steering team) have been busting my hump preparing for our first annual benefit art exhibition and auction to be held in 5 weeks. So, the bitchy, judgmental part of me says if you can send that advertisement email, the other member can send an email to help us broaden our horizons...free speech.

I Love My Boys...But, Girl Clothes Are More Fun

So, I went to pick Jack up at school and was telling one of the other mothers about how excited I was that I had found the dress for Lauren and now all I need is a couple solid colored coordinating dress shirts for the boys. She brought something up that has crossed my mind, but I figured the boys wouldn't care. Do you think the boys will some day resent always being dressed to coordinate with Lauren? I don't know! Do boys notice that kind of stuff?

Mission Accomplished

I decided that I wasn't going to buy Easter outfits for the kids this year since we don't have any major plans. We aren't going back to Nebraska and my sister will be with her in-laws. But, then I was surfing around on the internet yesterday and found the cutest dress on target.com. I could have just ordered it online, but it said it would take 2-6 weeks to arrive. So, I went on a quest. I stopped by the closest Target to us yesterday and they didn't have the dress. I decided that rather than drag all three kids in to Target after Target I would complete my quest today while Jack was in school. Ben, Lauren and I set off to find the dress right after we dropped Jack off at school. The first couple Targets went okay, but by the time we had been in and out three times Ben was losing patients. When I found the dress in the fourth store I stopped close to the Easter bonnet rack to try the dress on Lauren. While I was dressing Lauren, Ben became interested in a cute little white bonnet with a giant pink flower. He had the hat on his head and flipped out when I tried to take it off. So why bother, if he wants to wear the bonnet while I go through Target, so be it! Three hours and four Targets later I have the dress in hand!! I am now on a quest to find coordinating dress shirts for the boys. I found a couple blue ones, they aren't perfect, and so I will continue to look. This may be mission impossible!

Who Is This Girl?

Lauren is becoming someone I just don't recognize! Today we were watching The View; it is Rosie's 45th birthday, so they were celebrating with Broadway show tunes. Just as I am about to change it, I notice that Lauren is actually enjoying it. She is dancing to the beat (I think, I really wouldn't know since I can't) with a giant smile on her face. Show tunes? Dancing? I took dance class when I was really young. I can't remember the teacher’s real name, but I can tell you I called her Ms. Piggy and I can tell you we had to dance in the recital to a song called 'I'm a Flirt' and make these horrible hand motions. This experience was so bad that I didn't take dance again until Travis and I were engaged. We took a ballroom dancing class that almost led to a divorce before we were even married. Travis would angrily count one, two...three, four with his teeth clenched together while I did my best to just stay standing. What was I thinking? Yes, when you do your first dance everyone is starring at you, but you are wearing a long dress and nobody can see your feet, so who cares?

Anyway, back to Lauren. She is also making this very strange face. She kind of bites in part of her lower lip while she lets the other side pout downward. She looks like a stroke victim. It reminds me of a girl I used to swim with in high school. Come to think of it, her brother who was also a swimmer was very in to theater...

I just love watching Ben and Lauren grow up. While I was pregnant I kept thinking about how I couldn't wait to meet them. But, I don't think you really get to KNOW them for a couple of years. I can only hope that I like them as adults so that we can change from a parent/child relationship to friends like my parents and I have become.

Do I Look Blind and Deaf?

So yesterday I bit the bullet and took all 3 kids to Wal-Mart. I have been buying groceries on Sunday nights after the kids go to bed, but yesterday I needed to pick up a few things for a party I am having tonight. As we are parking the car Jack very sweetly asks if they can ride in the Bob The Builder cart. Since we didn't have many things to get and he asked so nicely I said yes. I wish God would have struck me with lightning right then so I wouldn't have to go through the pain I was about to endure. It really hacks me off that Wal-Mart makes me pay to push this monstrosity around the story. The basket is smaller and you can't even push it into the parking lot, you have to transfer your groceries into another cart to get to your car, not to mention that is doesn't steer worth a hoot. I decided to put all 3 kids in the car so they could all watch T.V. We weren't 5 ft into the store when the babies start beating the hell out of each other. They are head butting each other and pulling hair as Jack is cheering them on. I am walking through the store as quickly as possible to stop the bleeding. People are staring. The other mothers are looking at me with an 'I've been there sister' look in their eyes, but the old ladies, what is up with them? One particularly rude old woman stopped me to tell me that the kids are fighting. Do I look blind? Or even deaf? Or just stupid? I was fully aware of the train wreck I was pushing, but I needed to buy some wine...wouldn't you?

Let's Eat!

When we were at the doctor last week he asked how Jack is eating. I explained that he rarely eats dinner because I will only give him what we are eating, which usually consists of some sort of chicken or pork dish, rice or potatoes and a veggie. But, for lunch he eats like he will never eat again...come to think of it, he eats like he won't be getting any dinner! The doctor asked me what kind of foods he likes for lunch, I told him he will eat pizza, chicken nuggets, fish sticks, mac & cheese, if it is fatty with little to zero nutritional value Jack will eat it. The doctor told me of the importance of Jack eating more healthy food. Lucky for me, he didn't ask about the Cookie Crisp or Chocolate Lucky Charms he eats for breakfast. Needless to say, I have been shamed into only feeding my kid junk once per week. The problem is that I can't figure out how to make him eat the healthy food. I am a good example; I eat healthy 95% of the time. I have fruit or veggies with every meal. Where did I go wrong? I have been attempting to bribe Jack with a biscuit at dinnertime. If he eats all of his protein and veggies he can have the biscuit. Last night Jack noticed that Ben and Lauren get their biscuit with the rest of their meal and called me out. So we made a deal, if he promised to eat all of the food on his plate (8 small bites of chicken, 2 pieces of cauliflower and a tablespoon of rice) he could have his biscuit whenever he wanted it. He screamed out "DEAL" as if he were on a game show! The provisions of the contract were as follows: there would be no further discussion, he cannot get up until the food is gone. I thought my problems were solved. He would eat his dinner, Travis wouldn't get upset and I would eat a meal in peace for the first time in a year! I am so tired of Travis counting and threatening while we eat I could scream! Well, I was wrong. I am a big enough person to admit it. After eating his biscuit Jack said, "excuse me mom, I would like to change the deal". After a 5-minute conversation about breach of contract, I summed it up by exclaiming "NO DEAL!” We started dinner at 6pm; at 8:30pm Jack was still at the dinner table. He was aloud to get up twice for potty breaks, but that was it! When I took his plate so he could go to bed, the cauliflower was still there, but at least he had eaten the chicken and rice. I don't get it; both pieces of cauliflower would fit in one bite, just pop them in your mouth with a milk chaser. So, on to plan C...I figure since he will be only eating healthy meals for breakfast and lunch he will eventually get hungry enough to eat something I present to him, right? I just have to keep telling myself that I am in charge here!!

My Son Is Going To Be a Polygamist

Jack had two birthday parties today. At the first party one of the mothers told me that her daughter, Hattie, said her and Jack were going to get married. Hattie asked her mother if they were going to live at her house or at Jack's. It is so funny how kids minds work. When we got to the car to go to the next party, I asked Jack about marrying Hattie and he told me that he had changed his mind and was going to marry Ann, but Elsie was going to be his mommy. I said, but I will always be your mommy. Jack at this point was a little exasperated and told me that I will be his mom, but Elsie will have his babies. I am not sure how Elsie's parents will feel about this...they are good friends; I hope that won't ruin our friendship! Jack has a lot of friends, but it seems like his closest friends are girls, all of which want to marry him. When Jack plays with more than one girl at a time the girls are always fighting over who gets to marry Jack. I hope the poor kid isn't peaking in preschool!

Jack has a friend who lives across the street that is 12, Amy. She comes over to play 4 or 5 times a week after school. She is obviously a little socially inept since she chooses to play with a 4 year old rather than kids her own age. Jack thinks she is the coolest. She annoys the hell out of me! I can't put my finger on exactly what it is that bothers me. Her mother asks me if it is okay if she comes over, but I don't know how to say she comes over too often. A friend of a friend of mine says that if a child has an opposite sex friend that is more than 5 years older something is up. I make sure that they don't play with the door closed, I can't image that this girl would do anything like that, but at the same time, I can't get that out of my head.
Lauren is becoming more and more motherly. She has loved playing with her dolls for a couple months now. It is funny how one minute she it totally nurturing and the next minute she is literally throwing the dolls into the stroller. I will admit it seems more efficient than carefully strapping them in like I do for her and her brother. Lately, when Ben cries she attempts to calm him by loudly shushing him and patting him on the head. The unfortunate thing is that she usually makes him cry harder because her patting resembles hitting. What a sweet little mommy.

How Old Is Too Old?

My question is this: How old is too old when it comes to my son being in the same room as me while I dress? Today as I was getting out of the shower my 4 year old announces that I have a "giggle bottom", thank you son, that is good for the ol' self esteem. Then as I am putting on my bra (I am a clasp in front then turn it around kind of girl) he tells me that I am putting it on wrong. I questioned him and he told me that the triangles go over those, pointing at my boobs. At what point is he going to remember this and need therapy into his 30s??

Jack is Broken...

The good news... Jack is not going to be a serial killer because of his recent potty problems. When I told the doctor about peeing into the toy yesterday, the doctor says "four year old boys like to try different things, especially putting their ' weiner' in strange places". How do you ask a doctor to never say 'weiner' again? There are a lot of words I am okay with, 'penis', 'dick', etc., but 'weiner' is a little weird coming from a doctor... Anyway, as far as the poop on the train table goes, the doctor asked me a bunch of questions about how our marriage and family life are and if anything has changed. When I answered all of those questions correctly, he said as long as that is just an isolated incident he is okay with it.

The not so good news...the kid isn't hearing out of his right ear. Perhaps that is why he doesn't listen to me?? They do a little test by shooting sound into his ear and measuring how it bounces back. They tested his ear five times and each time it came back as needing to be referred to a specialist. Since then, Travis has been doing his own testing by whispering sweet nothings about cupcakes and chocolate shakes and Jack hears just fine. So, according to Dr. Travis the test was a false positive. Which, the real doctor says that is a posibility. I guess I will just have to keep you posted!

The other not so good news...Jack has been a little knock kneed since birth, but I have noticed it worsening lately. When the poor kid gets running he will sometimes hit his knees together and actually fall down. Now, some might blame his mother's clumbsy genes, but this one isn't my fault! The doctor kind of brushed me off when I told him about it, but when he saw his knees he said that we need to go to Children's Hospital and see an Orthapedic Doctor.

I had no idea the kid was broken. A little quirky, yes. But needing to see two specialists, no. Poor little buddy!

Oh No, She Didn't!

I am still in shock. I am downstairs in the kitchen cooking dinner and talking to Jack about the 4 shots he will receive tomorrow at the doctor's office. We agreed that it might make him feel better to give me my shot (Copaxone for MS) and watch how mommy doesn't cry. So, needless to say, I have my hands full cooking dinner and getting a shot from a 4 year old who is playing doctor. And down comes Lauren, her diaper in hand. I say a quick prayer hoping that she has just removed the diaper and hasn't gone potty. Wishful thinking...I pick her up only to notice a giant wet spot in the front of her dress. I go to put another diaper on her and see poopy residue on her hiney...that's right, she removed her diaper and pooped some where in my house. At this point the only thing I could do is go on a poop hunt. I found it at the top of the steps and I guess I can be thankful that it was a nice firm one and none of the other kids had played with it. YUCK! What is with my kids and excrement? Did I do something to make God want to literally piss and shit on me? If so, I would like to know so I can fix it! At least Ben hasn't been disgusting today too...

Spiderman doesn't roar...

This morning Lauren was putting on Jack's Spiderman mask and saying "rooooaaar", Jack took the mask off her face and very seriously said "Spidermand does not roar", as Lauren stood there and blankly stared at him he got more and more angry. I attempted to interupt the conversation before it got too heated and Jack told me "Don't interupt me while I am trying to teach Lauren a lesson". So, here is the lesson...SPIDERMAN DOES NOT ROAR.

I am glad that I didn't get my hopes up about 4 years old yesterday or it would have come to a crash landing today. Jack had his friend J.D. over this morning. About half way through the playdate, I hear poor Lauren screaming bloody murder on the stairs. I find her on the landing and ask Jack what happened, he studdered attempting to come up with a good lie when J.D. pipes in and says Jack pushed her down the stairs. If that was the worst of it, I would have considered it a successful playdate. As the playdate was winding down, Jack decided to pee into one of his toys. That's right, he pee'd into one of his toys. He again wasn't telling the truth when J.D. pipes in with the truth. I wonder if the twins will rat each other out like this. If so, my job will be so much easier the second time around! Anyway, we have had trouble with Jack lying and with potty outside of the bathroom way too frequently lately. I will be bringing it up to the doctor at his 4 year appointment tomorrow...

Birthday Hangover

I think the babies and I are suffering from a birthday hangover. Ben was up at 4am this morning. After listening to him cry for a solid 15 minutes I gave in and went upstairs to check it out. I pulled him out of the crib, which gave Lauren the idea that it was morning and she stood up expecting to be picked up too. After discovering that Ben was okay I put him down and left as both babies cried a chorus of 'mom sucks'. I went back to bed and covered my head with my pillow wishing that we could all fall back to sleep. We all eventually fell back to sleep, but Ben was crying again at 5am. I again listened for about 15 minutes when I received the nudge and "do you hear him" grunt from Trav. I then actually heard Ben utter the word 'milk' and I was once again roused from my comfy bed. I want to encourage these mute babies to use words, so if Benny says milk, Benny gets milk. I took two sippy cups of milk upstairs which bought me another couple of hours of sleep. I should have known they were hungry, they both refused the pizza at the birthday party and neither was very interested in the chicken fingers at Abuelo's last night.

I have a headache that just won't quit. I am sure it is from lack of sleep, but it doesn't help that the batteries in the smoke alarm are going dead. I am not sure how to change them, so I am sentenced to a day of listening to that annoying chirping sound. When I was growing up I swore that I wouldn't be as helpless as my mother, but somehow I have become just as dependent on Travis as my mother is on my father.

As I type this, I had a sneezing fit (spring in TX!), Jack came downstairs and told me that I sound sick so he came down to take care of me. What a sweet kid! Everyone told me 4 years old is great...do I have a whole year of this to look forward to? I better not get my hopes up!

Birthday Extravaganza

It has been a picture perfect day...for Jack. He awoke with all the excitement that you would expect out of a 4 year old boy who was anticipating a birthday party at the fire station. His bouncing off the walls was interupted only when one of his fans called to wish him a happy birthday. All of the firemen showered Jack with extra attention and he loved every minute of it. The kids were able to climb in the truck and pretend like they were driving, hold the fire hose and ring the bell. After the tour we ate pizza, played pin the fire hat on the dalmation, hit a fire truck pinata and ate cake, all in the neighboring park. The kids seemed to have a great time, but most importantly, Jack had a ball. Ben and Lauren on the other hand didn't have much fun. They must have gotten together before the party and agreed to tag team Travis and I. It seemed like one or the other of them were crying at all times. Thank goodness for the help of my friends; if it weren't for them I wouldn't have been able to enjoy Jack!

My girlfriend and I spent the entire day yesterday working on the cake. Actually, she worked on the cake while I provided moral support. It turned out great and Jack loved showing it off to all of his friends.

I took a picture of all of the kids at the party on the front of the fire truck and put it in a wooden frame that Travis and I have spent the last two months working on. The parents seemed impressed, but the kids seemed more excited by the plastic fire hats provided by the fire station!

When we got home from the party Jack opened all of his presents. Every last one was a hit! He is now sleeping off the birthday buzz. Only 364 more days until his 5th birthday, I will wait awhile before I start planning it... Until then, on to Ben and Lauren's 2nd birthday party!

First Timer

So, this is my first time. I started a scrapbook for my son Jack when he was born, I religiously 'scrapped' until he was all of 2 months old. The book is now gathering dust in a closet, and he turns 4 tomorrow! I work a few hours a week from home and I figure if I am already sitting in front of my computer I should be able to handle this. Not to mention it doesn't involve cutting, glueing or nice handwriting! My friend Anne told me about her blog a long time ago and mentioned that she does it so someday her kids will know that she was a real person. I have been feeling guilty ever since. It isn't her fault that I feel guilty, I am the only person who can make me feel guilty...I learned that in therapy a long time ago, now you owe me $90 for the session!

Anyway, I am the mother of three. Jack will be turning 4 tomorrow and I have 19 month old boy/girl twins, Ben and Lauren. My kids are my whole world...and I attempt to squeeze my husband in there somewhere! I love my life, but I describe it as 'shoveling water with a pitchfork'. I get one kid under control and another one needs something, has fallen and can't get up or is trying to damage my ever falling apart house! I always have something that isn't getting done because I am attempting to give 110% to some other project. My current project is my son's birthday. This weekend we took him to Six Flags...he has finally reached 42" (well, actually 41.5", but with his shoes he is in!) so he can ride some of the rollercoasters. It was so fun! My parents came along with us so the adults out numbered the kids, which is a great feeling! Jack, fell asleep the second we hit the car. When he woke up he announced that this was the best birthday celebration ever. I love when he says that kind of stuff, it makes my job feel so worthwhile! We had a family birthday party that very same night. I made chicken parm, spaghetti, fresh green beans, salad and cresent rolls. Jack would live on cresent rolls if given the opportunity and since it was his birthday, he was allowed to, for just one night! Tomorrow is the 'friend' birthday party at the firestation. This has totally consumed me. My husband is pissed that he doesn't have clean undershirts and the laundry isn't put away. But, the way I see it is Jack may remember this for the rest of his life (and he may not...) and I can guarantee he won't remember whether the laundry was put away. Most of it is at least clean! I will post pictures of the party, complete with the cool firetruck cake and handmade firetruck frames tomorrow if I can figure out how to do it!!

I have lots of stories to share about my kids in the last few weeks, but I will attempt to remember them and use them on a slow news day!