Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys

Ben has lots of shoes. This is the benefit of having an other brother. Jack was spoiled rotten and had hiking boots, brown dress shoes, light brown wingtips, black dress shoes, two pairs of sandals and tennis shoes in this size. I actually found a brand new pair of tennis shoes that I had bought for Jack but forgot about until they were too small. The kid had shoes gallore. Now, Ben has shoes gallore. Not only does he have all of Jack's hand me downs, our neighbor gave him all of her son's hand me downs and he also has several pairs of new shoes that I bought for him. Will he wear any of those shoes? Nope. The only pair of shoes he wants to wear are the cowboy boots Aunt Nicole and Uncle Trey bought for him. He loves those boots! It doesn't matter what he is wearing, shorts, pajamas, jeans, khakis; in his mind they all go with his boots! His pants get all tucked into his boots, he often has them on the wrong feet; he doesn't mind, he struts his stuff! This kid is a Texan through and through!

Blame It On The Wind

Lauren: Mommy, Benny did it!
Me: No, Benny didn't do anything.
Lauren: Jack did it!
Me: No, Jack didn't do it.
Lauren: I didn't do it!
Me: Nobody did it baby, it was the wind.
Lauren: Oh

Not only is this girl a tattletale, she is also a cronic embellisher (that is my nice way of saying she is a liar!). Yesterday she came to me crying with a bloody lip telling me "Benny bite my face!” I asked Ben if he did it and of course he denied it. The story kept changing until she finally said that she fell down. I don't know what to believe. I have tried to explain to her about the little boy who cried wolf, but she just doesn't seem to understand what wolves have to do with her bloody lip!

Spit Happens

Ring around the rosie, pocket rosie, ashes, ashes



Time to fall down!



Ben and Lauren were so darn cute this morning. I love the way they sing the song wrong, but they both sing it the same way! They played ring around the rosie, tag and hugged and kissed each other. I was a proud twin mama! Then someone flipped a switch and they started spitting in each other's face. Time to swallow my pride, darn.

Whose Your Daddy?

Jack: Lauren, turn around and eat your breakfast you bad girl!
Me: Jack, I will do the parenting and Lauren is not a bad girl.
Jack: When dad is at work I have to be the daddy.
Me: No, you can still be a kid I have it covered.
Jack: No, dad told me that I have to help you while he is gone, so I am the daddy.

Trust me kid, I am in charge here whether you like it or not. You don't believe me try me! We don't call the kids bad, I am not even sure where he got that! I will admit I feel like I am always telling the kids to turn around and eat. Come to think of it, I am tired of having to say that. Maybe I should just take the day off and put Jack in charge. He seems to have it covered, Ben and Lauren may have to spend years in therapy being convinced that they aren't bad, but they will have at least started the day with a good breakfast!

Thursday Thirteen I

In honor of my second Tysabri infusion I am going to partake in my first Thursday Thirteen.

Thirteen Things I Hate About Infusion Day

1. Remembering to write a note so Anne can pick Jack up from school. Anne even called me yesterday afternoon to remind me to write the note. I said I was going to write the note and stick it in Jack's bag as soon as I got off the phone. Apparently I got side tracked because I didn't think of the note again until we were sitting in the carpool lane at school. I had to scribble the note on the back of my grocery list. I guess it is a good thing Jack can't write so the school doesn't think he forged the note!

2. The moron in the HOV lane only going 55mph in a 60mph zone. If you want to go slow, get out of the fast lane you idiot! There is a special lane for you slow movers on the right, use it!

3. The appointment setter. I had trouble setting the appointment in the first place. Apparently she is used to dealing with people who have no life. It was very frustrating to her when I told her a date or time wouldn't work. Today when I arrived she looked at me and said, "What time was your appointment", "1 o'clock" I say. "Nope, you aren't on the schedule today, how do you spell your last name". She finally looks me up and says "your appointment was last Friday at 9am, you were a no show". She then proceeded to tell me that it is not their policy to call when someone misses an appointment. I see, I guess it doesn't matter if I have died. Lucky for them, they were able to work me in so I didn't have to kick some ass!

4. The damn scale at the doctor's office is 5 pounds heavier than the scale in my bathroom. Kick me while I am down!

5. All of the canes, walkers, orthopedic shoes and wheelchairs. On most days I am able to convince myself that those things are not my fate, but watching all of the people with my same disease struggle to walk really brings me down. Yes, I prefer to live in denial!

6. I was so bored! I had to sit in a little room all by myself because they were "fitting me in". I had my iPod and a book, but I was lonely!

7. The infusion administrator is hard of hearing. He wears hearing aids, but they are not doing the trick. Every time my IV would beep I would have to stretch my IV stand from the plug in the wall, then stretch the plastic tubing attached to my arm so I could peek around the corner and get someone's attention because the administrator couldn't hear the beep since I was in no mans land!

8. I was tethered to my chair without the opportunity to go to the bathroom for two solid hours. Coupled with the hour drive it took me to get there and the 4 sodas I drank this morning equaled disaster!

9. I was starving. I couldn't even find a mint or a baggie of crushed Cheerios in my purse to munch on.

10. When my infusion was finally complete I had to be observed for another hour. The administrator brought me into the main room where I had to sit with a very large woman crunching unidentifiable, very odoriferous food. She had already commandeered the remote control so I was stuck watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' She was yelling out the answers, but they weren't the right answers. She was getting the $100 questions wrong. I wanted to rip the food out of her hand and beat her over the head with it! Take the quiz; are you smarter than this woman?

Which word is not synonymous with Hullabaloo?
A. I can't remember
B. I can't remember
C. Thingamabob
D. Uproar

She was insistent that the answer was Uproar, she kept yelling at the TV until she realized she was wrong.

Sloppy Joe's bar in Key West, FL has a look-a-like contest for which famous author?

A. Hemmingway
B. Thoreau
C. I can't remember
D. I can't remember

Again, she was wrong. Again, she was insistent that the answer was Thoreau. Don't be stupid lady! Save your conversations with the TV for when the two of you are alone!

11. The IV was in my inner elbow, but somehow I ended up with tape all over my arm hair. For some people this isn't a big deal. However, I am not one of those people. You see I shaved my arms for big swim meets when I was in high school. Just like your legs, your arm hair grows back thicker each time you shave. Needless to say the tape pulled more hair off my arm than the average man!

12. The infusion is a form of Chemotherapy, so it makes you really tired. Just to make sure I was good and tired for my drive home they make me take a Benedryl. I could hardly keep my eyes open!

13. By the time I got back on the road I was stuck in the heart of rush hour traffic. What a nightmare, at least I don't have to do that everyday!

Product Pimp

So, has anyone out there tried Blogsvertise? They pay you for talking about certain products in your blog. Since you guys read this crap I write everyday I might as well get paid, right? Knowing my luck they will want me to write about hemroid cream, yeast infections and vaginal itch! Only time will tell.

Tupid Is A Stupid Word

Ben: Tupid Lolo!
Lauren: Mom, Benny tupid me. Tupid Benny!
Ben: Mom, Lolo Tupid me. Tupid Lolo!
Jack: You are both stupid!
Ben & Lauren: Tupid Jackie!
Jack: I don't like to be call stupid or Jackie!
Ben: Tupid Jackie!
Lauren: Tupid Jack!
Jack: Mom, the babies called me stupid Jackie!
Me: ENOUGH!
Ben & Lauren: Tupid Mommy!

We go through this exchange a million times a day. I don't know what to do! Jack would never dream of calling me stupid. Ben and Lauren know they shouldn't say stupid, but I don't think they really know what they are saying but they know they get a rise out of me. Jack didn't know the word stupid when he was two and a half, but thanks to the preschooler in the house Ben and Lauren know all sorts of inappropriate words. Does anyone have Super Nanny's phone number?

MaGyver Lessons

As many of you know we have the doorknob on Ben and Lauren's bedroom turned around so that we can lock them in their room at night. It is mostly a safety issue; I fear that the destruction duo could do some massive damage at night while we sleep. It is of course nice that they can't get out of their room when they wake up early in the morning, but that is more of a perk than the purpose.

During our play date this morning the moms were sitting on the floor of Ben and Lauren's room while the kids played. We thought nothing of it when one of the kids shut the door. We didn't notice that the door was locked until one of the mothers went to change their child's diaper. We were all locked in their room. Did anyone bring her cell phone upstairs? Nope. Did I bring the cordless phone into the room like I often do? Nope. Do we have one of those little keys above the door? Negative. Is there a screwdriver in the room? Of course not! How do we get out? Is there a wire hanger in the closet? Just white plastic. Are the nails used for hanging the pictures long enough to stick into the lock? No such luck. What would MaGyver do? I should try to sell WWMD bracelets! Can we climb out the window? Too high. Are there any neighbors outside we could yell to? Too cold to be outside. What will happen when I am not at school on time to pick Jack up? Will they send someone to the house to save us? No, they will probably just try to call. Are their any toys we could fashion into a key? Not that we could see. We were trapped like rats!

Finally we located a plastic coated wire hanger. It wouldn't fit into the hole so I did what my mother told me never to do I used my teeth. I chewed the plastic off and worked on trying to pop the lock open. We took turns trying our luck with no success. Then we found an old health insurance card that the kids were playing with, we tried to slip it in the crack of the door like the criminals do on TV. It didn't work, so we went back to the hanger. After several more minutes working on the lock the room was filled with the scent of fresh baby shit. Was it getting hot, or was it just our imagination? I decided that our only option was to break the doorknob and explain the damage to Travis later. I grabbed the doorknob and turned HARD. The door opened but the doorknob didn't break. Who knew?

It's All A Facade

At what point do you admit to people that you really aren't as great as they think you are?

I was at a birthday party this weekend with a neighbor who mentioned that she liked my purse. I smiled and said thank you not even thinking that she must think my Chinese Gucci is the real deal. It didn't cross my mind that she thought I was for real until she picked up her Coach purse to leave. Great, now she thinks that I am big time...quite the opposite actually.

I wore 'the shirt' to Pilates today. Who knew that it would end up being all men and myself today. The guys did their best to make eye contact until one of them couldn't take it anymore and mentioned my shirt. The rest of the morning conversation revolved around how "blessed" I was in the breast department. Did I admit that I wasn't "naturally blessed"? Nope. I figure I am blessed. Blessed that my husband makes enough money to buy me what God wasn't kind enough to give me!

We had a play date at our house this morning. The moms couldn't get over how clean my house was. Did I admit to sweating up a storm yesterday just trying to get the toys picked up enough that the cleaning ladies could do the deep cleaning? Hell no. I took credit where credit wasn't due.

Am I a liar or do I simply not tell the whole truth? I can tell you one thing, I am certainly not as I appear!

Meme Motivation

I was in search of blogging motivation and came across a meme I have yet to do, so here we go.

Name one thing you do everyday:

I say "Stop climbing on my furniture!" at least a million times a day.

Name 2 things you wish you could learn:

1. I would love to learn how to play the piano. Growing up people would always comment on how great my long fingers would be for playing the piano. Looking back, I think that was just people's way of pointing out how freakishly long my fingers are.

2. I would like to learn to write pretty. My handwriting is horrible. I am afraid when Jack gets to school his teachers will think he forged notes I wrote!

Name 3 things that remind you of your childhood:

1. Summer. I love everything about summer. The lake cabin, swim team, hanging out at the pool, lifeguarding, hide and seek/kick the can until the street lights come on, etc.
2. Big Wheels, Cabbage Patch Dolls, Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake. Yes, I am a child of the 80's!
3. Footie Pajamas. I don't know why.

Name 4 things you love to eat but rarely do:

1. Brownie bite blizzard from Dairy Queen, though I probably ate enough of them to last a lifetime during my pregnancy with Jack. Have I mentioned I gained 87 pounds when I was pregnant with him?

2. Pepperjacks. This is on of my favorite lunch spots in Nebraska. I don't get to eat there often for obvious reasons.

3. Runza. See #2.

4. Pizza. Not on my diet.

Name 5 things/people that make you feel good:

1. Benny's laugh.
2. Lauren's hugs.
3. The funny things Jack says.
4. Being in Travis' arms and feeling completely safe.
5. Drinking wine with my friends!

I've Got Game

First and foremost I would like to point out that I am excellent. If you don't believe me check out that award that Melissa at Such Simple Pleasures gave me. This chic doesn't lie, therefore I am excellent! Thanks Melissa, love you long time!

A friend of mine has turned me on to The Grocery Game. I must admit I was skeptical at first, but I saved, drum roll please.... $150! That's right folks one hundred and fifty big ones! I can hear you all asking, just like Travis did "yeah, but how much did you spend?". I spent $140, so I got $290 worth of groceries for $140. I didn't buy a bunch of shit I won't use either; I only got stuff we eat. I will admit I bought Huggies rather than our usual Pampers, but that is the only difference. I am really thinking this might save us some money if I can commit to all of the coupon clipping! As I stood in line with my computer print outs and a fist full of coupons the toothless bag lady started asking questions.

TBL (toothless bag lady): Are you doing the grocery game?
Me: Yep.
TBL: I tried to do that, but I got so confused that I had to stop. Do you really save money?
Me: This is the first time I have tried it, but I think it will save some money.
TBL: I can't wait to see!

Okay, first of all, this crazy woman works at the grocery store and she can't figure it out? It really isn't that hard. They pretty much spell it out for you. When the checker announced that I had saved $87 at that store I thought she was going to spit out her remaining teeth. I think she wanted to high five me! She couldn't contain herself; I could still hear her talking about my savings as I was walking out.

Scrolling Saturday II

I have spent so much time this morning trying to pick out an old post for Scrolling Saturday. I have realized that I am damn funny and if you don't agree get off my blog! It is really hard to choose which post to resurrect, but before I waste any more time reading my own writing I give you "Get Your Own Cheese". Nobody bothered to comment on the funny post back in August, all I can figure is that nobody read it otherwise I would have been bombarded with comments!

Get Your Own Cheese

Jack has been having his fair share of pooping problems lately. While we were in San Antonio I actually had to use Travis' toothbrush to help Jack with his constipation. I know that is too much information and I am sure Travis would like me to throw in that he left his toothbrush at the hotel! So, this morning after Jack had spent several minutes in the bathroom I stepped over Lauren who was lying on the floor crying at the door and tried to open the door a crack to check on him. The door was locked, I don't blame him, the babies are constantly walking in on him.

Me: Jack, what are you doing in there?
Jack: pooping
Me: okay, don't forget to wash your hands

Several more minutes pass and he is still in the bathroom and Lauren is sticking her hands under the door crying for her brother's attention.

Me: Jack, are you okay?
Jack: Yes
Me: Are you still pooping?
Jack: No
Me: Then what are you still doing in the bathroom?
Jack: Eating my cheese.
Me: What?
Jack: Lauren was trying to take my string cheese away so I am eating it in here for privacy.
Me: Yuck!
Jack: It's not yucky; I like cheese!

Think Pink

Oh yes, this girl has style! She was sporting the pink hair bow from yesterday and decided to match her outfit to her day old hair, which is even more stale than day old bread! It is hard to get the full affect from the picture so allow me to take inventory.

Pink cowboy boots on the wrong feet
Pink socks pulled all the way up to her knees
Pink corduroy Capri’s with pink satin pockets
Tight long sleeved shirt that looks more like 3/4 length with pink and yellow stripes purchased from the Walmart clearance rack for $1.
Topped off with a pink and white bow.

The boots, Capri’s and bow are all darling, just not together. I didn't take this opportunity to go over the "less is more" lesson, but I will. I didn't want to burst her little bubble, after all she worked so hard to dress herself.

She reminded me of my grandpa. His color wasn't pink he preferred red. To him there was no variation in the color. Maroon, bright red, light red, dark red, cranberry; they were all the same color to him. He found nothing wrong with wearing all of them together. He loved bright Hawaiian shirts because "they matched with everything". We used to say his only taste was in his mouth! I don't know why my grandma let this happen; after all it wasn't nearly the accomplishment for him to dress himself. I bet he would have thought Lauren looked beautiful because she was completely confident! You know what? He would have been right! The most important thing you can put on in the morning is your confidence and your smile. Maybe I shouldn't bother with the "less is more" lesson, I think she has already learned the most important lesson of all, may she never forget it!

Eye For An Eye

Walking into the game room where the children were suppose to be playing with their toys, but instead the TV is on...

Me: (turning off the TV with the best look of disappointment I could muster on my face) Jack, what do you think your punishment should be?

Jack: (thinking for quite awhile) I think we should cut my hands off so I can never turn the TV on again.

Me: Well, I think that is a little severe. Do you think it would be fair to not have any TV this weekend?

Jack: No, that isn't fair!

Me: What do you think is fair?

Jack: How about I sit on the stairs?

Me: No, I don't think that punishment fits the crime.

Jack: Okay, I guess your idea is the best.

Loose Ends...

Happy anniversary Vasquez 3!

This is for you Crystal.



And the meme you all have been waiting for:

Four jobs I've had in my life

1. Lifeguard/Swimming Lesson Teacher/Swim Coach. Do you think the local pool would hire a fluffy 30 something mother of three? If so, I am so in, I loved that job! I was the only highschool kid I know working 12 hour days during summer vacation and loving every minute of it!
2. Life Insurance Sales Person. Did it suck? Yep!
3. Marketing for Machinery Trader. Machinery Trader is a trade publication for heavy equipment. Loved that too, they just didn't pay worth a shit! Well, not bad for right out of school, but raises were a dirty word there!
4. Mailing list sales. Yes, I sold mailing lists. If it makes you feel any better it was business lists, I didn't sell your phone number to the nasty telemarketer that called you during dinner last night.

Four places I've lived

1. Grand Forks, ND
2. Omaha, NE
3. Lincoln, NE
4. Texas

Four places I've been on vacation

1. Orlando, FL. We went to Disney for our honeymoon in June because we couldn't afford anything else!
2. Key West, FL. I love this place; even Travis loosens up there!
3. Puerto Rico. This was our last get away without the kids. I built it up too much, we went during the off-season and the service was horrible. But, my kids are alive today because I got the much-deserved vacation!
4. Colorado. It used to be driving distance when we lived in Nebraska. We went in the winter to ski and in the summer to get away from the humidity!

Four of my favorite foods.

1. Canned Chicken
2. Soup
3. Yogurt
4. Low Fat Granola

Can you tell I am on a diet?

Four places I'd rather be right now (is this a trick question?)

1. A warm tropical island. Yes it is cold in Texas right now!
2. In bed, under the covers, where it is warm.
3. Somewhere warm where my children aren't fighting because they can't go outside.
4. Hell...at least it is warm there!

In The Beginning...

So I am finally catching up on my blog reading, just a short break from my cape sweat shop. I read Such Simple Pleasures engagement story and I have decided to be a topper...

Once upon a time in a land far, far away called Nebraska there was a young college girl dating a young college boy. We were 19 years old. We had talked about getting married some day. Travis took me to the jewelry store because "he wanted to know what I liked for when he bought a ring 'someday'". As we looked at what our 19-year-old budget would afford us (pictured in a previous post here)...

Travis: Do you like that one?
Me: Yes.
Travis: Do you want it?
Me: Sure.
Travis: We'll take it.

What? Was that the proposal? Very few words were exchanged on the way home from the store. What had we just done? Were we engaged? I didn't know and I don't think he did either. As the days passed and we knew the ring would be in soon Travis went to my dad's office and asked for my hand. I told Travis that he would have to ask me to marry him. So, after picking up the ring we drove to my parent’s house to share the news with my mom. On the way Travis remembered that he had to ask me and stopped at the little park not far from my parent's house. I couldn't help but think of the time my sister peed into her pants at that very same park years before. We were on a bike ride at the park when my sister announced that she had to go to the bathroom. The two blocks home seemed way too far so I convinced her to squat. She pulled her purple sweat pants (yes, I remember it like it was yesterday) and arced a stream of pee right into her pants. Did she stop? Oh no, she kept going; apparently she hadn't perfected her Kiegels at this point in her life. She pulled up her pants and cried all the way home! But, I digress...a lot! So, we walked to a little bridge, Travis got down on one knee and asked me to marry him as two little boys who were riding their bikes watched on. Travis slipped the ring on my finger and on we went to show my mom. My dad had obviously done a good job keeping the secret because when we showed my mom she started crying. They weren't all tears of joy either. Remember, we were 19, through her tears she mustered "When? When?". She pulled it together when she realized that we weren't planning to marry until we graduated from college. Our parents had told us that they wouldn't pay for school if we were married and we believed them. Now that I am a parent I tend to think they would have continued to pay, but that is water under the bridge!

Yes, I realize it wasn't romantic. I sometimes wish I had a great story to tell, something that involved skydiving or tens of thousands of people or Oprah, but it didn't. All I know is that I wouldn't trade the life I have for a fabulous proposal. I love my husband, I love my kids and I love my life!

It Happened

I knew this day would come. The day when my dear sweet babies tell me that my singing sucks just like their older brother did two years before. I like to sing and be silly. Not in front of anyone, only my kids. I am not a good singer, but in the privacy of your own home, who cares? The problem, my kids are officially done. This morning as Ben and Lauren were demanding milk I was attempting to diffuse the situation with a little ditty.

Me: There was a mommy had a boy and Benny was his namo B-E-N-N-Y, B-E-N-N-Y, B-E-N-N-Y and Benny was his namo.

Ben: MOMMY, NO SONG, JUST MILK!

Me: (thinking fine, I will sing Lauren's song you ungrateful little brat) you are my Lauren, my only Lauren, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know Lo how much I love you, please don't take my Lauren away.

Lauren: Mommy, sing after milk.

Apparently this child has never heard "whistle while you work", I can sing and get the milk all at the same time, I can even walk and chew gum sometimes!

I Want The Real Batman!

I have recreated a Chinese sweatshop in my kitchen. I have been sewing capes like a mad woman since Saturday! I have a one-person assembly line going here! I am officially done with the boy capes and I am working on cutting out the girl capes. I now have the problem of finding Batman. Jack wants Batman to come to the party and jump in the bounce house with he and his friends. I was on the phone with my mom telling her that I think I will just rent a costume and find someone to wear it to the party. I didn't realize Jack was overhearing my conversation, damn this new TV rule he is always by my side! He piped up and said, "No mom, I want the real Batman, not just a costume". Okay, now what?

T.V. Junkie

Jack is a TV junkie, an addict, when he is in the zone you cannot get his attention for anything. Travis and I have decided that we aren't able to change his love for TV, but we are able to limit the amount of TV he watches so he may possibly find other things he loves to do. The new rule is 30 minutes per day during the week and one hour on Saturday and Sunday. He may watch his allotted time whenever he wants, but once his time is spent, there is no more TV for the rest of the day. Today I set a timer to make sure I would remember to pry him from the TV because I was busy cutting fabric for the birthday capes. I can be kind of like Jack, when I get in the zone with a project I can loose all track of time. Jack knew he was in the final 30 minutes of his hour when I heard him calling me from upstairs (where he watches TV).

Jack: Mom, I am going to need you to stop the timer.
Me: Are you done watching TV?
Jack: No.
Me: Then why would I stop the timer?
Jack: Because I have turned off the TV during the commercials, I don't want to use my TV time to watch commercials.

How do I deal with this? He is a smart little guy wanting to optimize his time, but I am not going to turn the timer off and on every 5 minutes. Not to mention, when he turns the TV off he is still sitting in front of the boob tube waiting for the commercials to be over. The whole reason for the limit is to ensure that he is more productive with his time; playing outside, doing table time, playing with his mounds of toys, annoying his mother, etc.

Scrolling Saturday

My bloggy buddy at Such Simple Pleasures has started "Scrolling Saturday". The premise, resurrect an old post for your new pals to read. This has saved me for today as it is 10pm and all I have done today is go to JoAnn's TWICE for supplies for the super hero capes and have a picnic outside in 50-degree (brrr!) weather with my kids to make up for the trips to the fabric store. So, without further ado my first Scrolling Saturday...

Call Me Winona Ryder

So I went to Walmart on a Saturday, which was my first mistake. My second mistake was buckling Ben and Lauren into the cart. As soon as I buckled them they started to throw a fit, but I refused to give in. I don't like them getting out of the cart, not to mention I didn't want them to think that they get their way if they throw a fit. They both managed to scream the ENTIRE time I was at the store, and this wasn't a short little 5-minute trip. They both took their shoes off and threw them, they were hitting each other, pulling hair and spitting. I must have looked like an escapee from the insane asylum as I walked through the store. My head was pounding, my eyes were glossed over and my stomach was in knots as I did my all to ignore the screaming. I normally get several comments about how cute Ben and Lauren are, but today I didn't get a single one. I wonder why? They were still screaming when I went through the checkout, I was fried. The checker rang up my over priced soda twice, he could barely hear me call him out over all of the screaming. In the parking lot on the way to the car one of my 12 packs of soda fell off the bottom rack. Just as I stopped to pick it up Lauren managed to free herself from the buckle. She tried to make a break for it, without her shoes on. I grabbed her by the shoulder with a grip I learned from my mother and sat her back into the cart. Unfortunately, I missed the seat and she fell to the ground. If there were cameras in the parking lot I would be expecting a visit from CPS. When I finally started loading my groceries into the car I realized that the checker hadn't charged me for the card that was stuck behind my purse. I couldn't bring myself to go back in and pay for it. I am a thief, a shoplifter, a common criminal. I stole a $3 card. The only thing that makes me feel better about it is that I am positive I have been overcharged there at least once!

Birthday Dilemma

Although Jack's birthday isn't for another 8 weeks I am already stressing out about one thing. I need ya'll to weigh in on this one! Jack wants to have a super hero theme, so I have jumped in with both feet! All of his friends will be invited to come dressed as their favorite super hero, we will have a bounce house in the backyard and I will be collaborating with my girlfriends on a superhero cake. I don't want his friends to purchase costumes just to wear to the party so I figured I would make a few Superman, Super girl and Batman capes that kids without costumes could wear. Then I found the cutest thing online, check this cape out! I showed it to Jack and he had the great idea for me to make one for each of his friends to take home. Good idea Jack! I always struggle with the party favors, I hate giving junk, but I also hate spending a lot of money! I need to get started if I am going to make twenty some capes so I started working on the invite list with Jack. There are 12 kids in his class, he gave me the names of all but two of them to invite. I asked who else was in his class and he couldn't even come up with the remaining kids names. I asked him if he wanted to invite his whole class and he said no. Unfortunately, Jack is the first to turn five in his class so I can't just follow what the other kids have done. I have two concerns with this 1) I don't want the two that were not invited to feel left out, they are only five, they have years and years of feeling left out ahead of them, why start now? You know the kids in class will be talking about the party of the century the following day at school. Nobody likes to be the person who wasn't invited! 2) But, on the other hand, Jack couldn't even come up with these kids’ names. I don't want to force him to invite these kids and have their parents think he is just asking for a gift. Because let's face it, Jack has plenty of cheap plastic shit! I have heard that if you mail the invites rather than handing them out at school you don't need to invite the whole class. This makes sense to me, but it doesn't solve the problem of the kids talking. What do you think?

Hef And Holly

Our lovely neighbors gave all of the kids the cutest monkey pajamas for Christmas. She actually had to leave the state to find Lauren's! Ben loves them so much that he hates to get dressed. He would wear those pajamas 24/7 if we let him. We started calling him Hef. Here is a picture of my darling twins!

Secrets Don't Make Friends...Or Do They?

I pick up Jack's buddy Elsie at school today, so her mom could get her hair done. It was so cute to listen to them talk in the back seat. They whispered as though I wouldn't be able to hear them.

Jack: Let's watch cartoons when we get home.
Elsie: Let's watch (inaudible)!
Jack: Okay.
Elsie: My mom doesn't like that show, does yours?
Jack: My mom hasn't seen it, but she doesn't care what we watch.

I've got news for them, if Elsie's mom doesn't like it nor do I and yes; I do care what you watch! I only hope they continue to be so naive...not only do mom's have eyes in the back of their head, they also have super sonic ears!

Good Man In The Making

When I picked Jack up from school today his teacher proudly pointed out the sticker on his shirt. Jack got a sticker for being the best listener in movement class. Not only am I raising a man that is a good listener, but he listens well when it comes to movement! I am taking applications from future brides...

Update, Update, Update

I realize I have left everyone on the edge of their seats on several issues in the last week or so. So, here are the updates!

First and foremost we got Lauren's test results back. Here chest X-rays came back clear, her sinus X-ray showed a little fluid and her blood test showed elevated white cells. The doctor thinks the reason for the elevated white cells and the fluid on the sinus X-ray is a mild sinus infection. So, hopefully the antibiotic will do the trick. I have to say that I am not completely satisfied with the diagnosis, but I am thankful that they didn't find signs of cancer! What a relief, thanks for the prayers!

I am sure you all remember the amoxicillin incident. I know this has been a burning question for many of you. After I showered and bathed the kids the smell was still there. I realized later that day the reason for the nagging smell was that I also got the nasty medicine on my pajama pants. I know, I am gross, after I got out of the shower I put my pajama pants back on because we were just going to be hanging around the house all day. The moral of the story: If you take a shower, don't put dirty clothes on afterwards even if you don't have any plans!

Lastly, the gift exchange update. I got the nerve and Travis' permission to send an email to his cousin that organizes the exchange every year.

Hey D!

I don't know if you hang on to the Christmas exchange list or not, but I am
curious if you know who had Travis' name. He didn't receive a gift this
year. This has happened to others in our family in the past and I am just
wondering if there is someone in the exchange that doesn't want to be...

Kelli

Her response:

Kelli -

I did not get anything either. Let me see if I can find the list.

D

This went down yesterday and I haven't heard anything else from her. My question is this, why are we doing this if there are TWO out of the 10 people in the exchange that are not even playing by the 'rules'. I know Travis and I are only doing this out of obligation, how many others out of the remaining 6 feel the same way we do? Based on this information I think it is safe to say at least 40% of the family would like to see this thing die. I will keep you posted!

I Need To Spice It Up!

Go to Ultrasound technician schools

I found this cool site that rates the content of your blog based on movie criteria. The reason I am rated PG-13 is that I say "pissed" and I have a bloggy friend that uses the word "sexy" in her title...you know who you are! So in attempts to spice up my rating...

Fuck
Shit
Damn

I can't think of any others...maybe I really am just PG-13?

That's My Boy!

Today was a beautiful day in the high 70s. Do I miss Nebraska? NO!!!

Jack: I have an idea?
Me: What's that?
Jack: Let's have my friends over for dinner!
Me: (knowing we already had plans with Trisha's family) Good idea!
Jack: The daddies can grill and watch us while we play outside and the mommies can sit on the couch and drink wine,
Me: That's my boy!

Thank You Notes

My husband read my post about his family rarely thanking us for the gifts that I send them and he thought he was calling me out by saying that I don't send thank yous either. Wrong! Does he think that I was raised by wolves? My mommy taught me better than that! Growing up my sister and I weren't allowed to play with our new toys until we had written a thank you note for the gift. I must admit, I am not that strict, but I am making Jack sign his name to each of his cards. He has had to take several breaks because "his hand hurts", but I know he will get it done. I told him that if he didn't want to sign his name we could just give the gifts back. For each card he asks me who the card is for and wants me to remind him what they gave him. There hasn't been a card yet that he didn't think was worth signing! I guess I just haven't been keeping Travis up-to-date on what I do from day to day. I have been sending thank you notes to everyone who sends us a gift for the last 10 years! Now that we have kids I make thank you notes a 'table time' activity. Here is a picture of all 33 thank you notes the kids and I did today! This is the proof Travis!!

The Sweet Smell Of Amoxicillin In The Morning...

Last night my wonderful husband helped me out by administering Lauren's amoxicillin. While I put Ben and Lauren to bed Travis put the medicine back in the fridge.

As anyone who has ever been sentenced to 10 days of amoxicillin knows you must 'shake well' before pulling the medicine up into the syringe and holding the child down to cram the medicine down her gullet. Unfortunately, I didn't get past the 'shake well' this morning. Ben and Lauren were under-foot as usual when I pulled the medicine out of the fridge. I will admit I hadn't cracked open my Diet Mountain Dew so I was in a bit of a daze because I was caffeine deficient. Without inspecting the bottle I began shaking. Travis hadn't gotten the lid on tight. The lid went flying the medicine went everywhere. On my pajamas. In my hair. Down the refrigerator door. On Ben's pajamas. In Ben's hair. On Lauren's dress. In Lauren's hair. On the floor. On the counter. On the toy I had to step over to get to the fridge.

Lauren: You made a mess mama!
Ben: I'm wet.
Lauren: You trashed the kitchen mom.
Ben: What happened?
Lauren: I'm wet too.
Ben: What are you doing mommy?
Me: (in my head @#$@!@@$#%) ENOUGH!

I took off my soiled pajamas and used them to wipe up the bulk of the mess as my fat rolls hung out for any golfer going by my kitchen window to see. I have showered and given baths, but I can still smell the stench of amoxicillin.

And, that is not the only mess I will clean up today. The ticking time bomb has decided to wear her Dora panties today after a much needed potty hiatus over the holidays.

Poor Baby

Like I said yesterday, Lauren is sick again. I decided to be Dr. Mom and type her symptoms into google. Fever. Leg Pain. Stomachache. Answer: Leukemia. Note to self: Never attempt to be Dr. Mom again. So, I called the doctor and explained the symptoms and the nurse told me to come in at 9am, mind you it was already 8:30.

Breakfast for the kids: Check!
Breakfast for mom: Negative.
Caffeine for mom: Negative.
Zoloft for mom: Negative.
Coat and hat times three: Check! Check! Check!
Coat for mom: Negative.

We arrived at the doctor just in time.

Strep test: Check.
Result: Negative.
Flu test: Check.
Result: Negative.
Catheter for urine test: Check.
Result: Negative.

As if that wasn't enough we were then sent to the hospital for blood work and a chest X-ray. Needless to say Lauren was already pretty pissed off by the time we got there. The boys were bored, hungry and bouncing off the walls. I could feel my blood beginning to boil as we waited and waited. Finally they called us so Lauren could get pricked, as we rounded the corner I noticed that the gaseous cranky old nurse would be drawing Lauren's blood. I know she could never forget the train wreck I affectionately call my family, but thank goodness she didn't mention our previously meeting. After the blood work we were shuttled off to radiology. When the tech saw that I had Ben and Jack with me she broke the news that she would have to take Lauren into X-ray by herself. I could hear Lauren crying all the way down the hall. Poor baby. When they brought her back to me she stopped crying, but she continued with the deep sobbing breathing for several minutes. I attempted to win my children back by taking them to McDonalds. The boys were easy, but Lauren refused to eat any of her nuggets and even threw her Strawberry Shortcake prize on the floor!

Now, we just wait. The Doctor said "The blood test is to check for the 'C' word" and the chest X-ray was to make sure her lungs are clear. We should have the results of the X-ray in a couple hours, but we have to wait until next week for the results of the blood test. I am trying not to freak out. My logical side knows there is a cure for many childhood cancers now, but I can't help to think of my dad's brother who died from Leukemia when he was 2-years-old. Please pray for my baby.

Bah Humbug!

About the time Travis and I got married (10 years ago) some of his female cousins decided to start a secret Santa gift exchange. We all draw a name then purchase a gift for about $30. The exchange is made up of Travis' 4 cousins, their spouses and his sister and brother-in-law. When everyone started having kids they threw them in the mix too with a $15 gift. So, so do the math 2 $30 gifts and 3 $20 gifts for a total of $120. I love giving gifts to people I actually know, but I can count on one hand how many times I have actually met these people. So, the joy of giving is out since I don't know what to get them, nor do I know if they like it because I rarely receive a thank you note. I would much prefer to spend an extra $120 on my kids. But, that isn't the worst part, more times than not someone in our family is shorted. That's right, someone doesn't get a gift. That means there is someone in Travis' family that receives a gift but doesn't give one. From the first time this happened I have asked Travis to politely opt out of the gift exchange for the following year. But, he doesn't because he doesn't want to ruffle any feathers. It really gets my goat when it is one of my kids that gets screwed. I don't know why because my kids certainly don't need any more toys. This year Travis drew the short straw. At which point do we assume the gift isn't coming? We know who didn't have his name because we received gifts from two of his cousins so that narrows it down, but doesn't pin point it. Do we ask the keeper of 'the list' who had Travis' name? But if we ask, then what? Do we confront the Grinch? What would you do?