Trendsetter

Jack is a trendsetter. When school started last September Jack used to fight me to wear his hair "flat", which means he would like to part it on the side and comb it over. I had to explain to him that his double colic does not allow for a good-looking comb over. Although he fought me, I continued to buck the system and spike his hair. As of today, 4 of the 5 boys in the class are now wearing their hair spiked. Why? Because Jack does. The other mother's tell me that their boys want to wear belts like Jack, wear daddy shirts like Jack and have their hair spiked like Jack. The latest boy to join the spiked hair trend told his mother that he would also like to have a baby brother and baby sister just like Jack. I offered the mother Ben and Lauren for the weekend so that her little boy could have a taste of twins, but she declined. Wimp!

Word

I talked to Jack's teacher on Tuesday about his inability to write his name legibly and she suggested games with tweezers or chopsticks to strengthen the right muscles in his hands. Yesterday I bought him a new game 'Junkyard Jalopy’; it is a car version of the old game 'Operation'. Jack has decided that if the car only honks at him once he wins! One of the pieces that needed to be removed was a peanut, which spurred the following conversation:

Jack: Peanut rhymes with penis.
Me: No, it doesn't.
Jack: Yes, it does, listen, PEA - nut, PE - nis
Me: It doesn't rhyme; it starts with the same sound.
Jack: Yeah, that's what I meant.

Why are little boys so obsessed with that word? And, I am not talking about peanut! I guess I should have taught him some cutesy name, but then he would be telling me that weekend rhymes with wewe. I am not sure I am prepared for Lauren to tell me that vagina rhymes with anything...of course I can't think of anything that rhymes with vagina. That settles it; we are going with vagina, not something cutesy!

This morning I was telling Jack that I was going to leave for my trip with Ms. Trisha after I pick him up at school.

Jack: Where are you going?
Me: Santa Fe
Jack: Does SANTA Clause live in SANTA Fe?
Me: No
Jack: Where does Santa live?
Me: The North Pole
Jack: Who lives in Santa Fe?
Me: Ms. Trisha's dad
Jack: Who else?
Me: Lots of people
Jack: Do you know them?
Me: No
Jack: Then why are you going there?

Jack should be an attorney when he grows up. He just knows how to keep questioning me until I just don't know what to say. I can just picture him as I sit on the defendants stand turning to the jury and saying, "I have stumped her again, which proves she is not prepared to be my mother"

I Need A Vacation!

We had playgroup this afternoon. When we get together we have lunch then the kids get to play. Today the kids were eating lunch and out of nowhere Elsie's little sister whacked Jack in the ear. Jack started crying and Elsie's mom put the little girl in time-out. While Elsie's mom was away Ann started going he he, Elsie's sister has to go to time-out. I was so proud of my boy, Jack stopped crying and said, "It's not nice to laugh at other people's misfortune", Elsie jumped on the bandwagon and said "Yeah, I'm not laughing". Yes, Jack was just repeating something that he has heard me say, I don't think he even knows the definition of misfortune, but he must get the point. It made me laugh to myself to hear someone so little say something so mature. Just the sound of Ann's voice has been making my skin crawl lately. She talks so loud and does this high pitch squeal, I need a vacation!

We went outside to play and our hostess broke out the dessert. Ben and Lauren were the first to start on their snack cakes, a treat they have never experienced. They were in heaven! Ben inhaled his, and then it was on Lauren's remains. I think the neighbors could have heard her telling her brother off down the street! One of the older kids left their half eaten snack cake on the table. It wasn't long before Ben saw this as an opportunity; he waited for just the right time and pounced on her cake too. By the time it was all said and done Ben had binged at least two whole snack cakes and was covered from head to toe in cake and frosting.

I leave for Santa Fe tomorrow with my friend Trisha! I can't wait for a vacation. We are going to relax, shop, drink wine and relax! I wish Travis and I could go on vacation together, but it isn't easy to find someone to take 3 kids for an extended time. When we went to Napa for our friends' wedding we were only gone Thursday evening to Sunday afternoon and we had to have the kids at two different houses. It was much easier when we lived in Nebraska and we could just have my parents take them. We went to Puerto Rico last summer and my mom and aunt came down to watch them. The logistics are just too complicated; the vacation is hardly worth it! When the kids get a little older it will be much easier to farm them out. Ben and Lauren aren't bad, they are just typical two year olds, but if you aren't used to them, they are a lot to handle. Just another reason for my parents to move down here! Enough about that.

Travis has asked me to set out clothes for the kids for each day and write down what to feed them for every meal. It is almost as though they aren't his kids. I left Travis with all three kids last year for a trip to Kansas City to meet my friend Katie from Nebraska. I don't remember having to do this for him last time, but I guess Ben and Lauren weren't eating real food yet. I think it will be good for Trav to get a taste of what I do on a daily basis. I think he appreciates my work more after he has the opportunity to do it every now and then.

Bend Me Over

We pay $175 per month for Jack to go to preschool two days per week from 9am to 2pm not to mention the $175 annual supply fee. Today, the director of the preschool had the nerve to send the following email:

Dear Parents,

We have wonderful teachers here at Sunshine Kids and we would like to honor them on May 1, 2, & 3rd. We are asking for a donation of $5 per child to fund all of our planned activities. Jean has done a fabulous job coordinating all of the events! We are planning 10-minute chair massages for all the teachers on Tuesday and Thursday. We are having breakfast on Tuesday, lunch on Wednesday, and sweet treats on Thursday. Thank you to all the parents who have volunteered to help provide food and serve the teachers. We will also give each teacher a goodie bag. If you have anything you would like to contribute to the bags, we have 34 teachers and staff.

Thank you for your support of Sunshine Kids Preschool

I really do appreciate Jack's teachers. They are really great, but they are not volunteers, they do get paid for their work. In all of my years in sales, nobody ever showed me their appreciation by bringing in a masseuse. I am all for showing our appreciation with a token gift directly from Jack. But when the director solicits more money for ‘Teacher Appreciation Week’ that rubs me the wrong way. Not to mention the said breakfast, lunch and sweet treats will be brought in by parents, not costing the school anything! Why can't they take $5 out of the supply fund? Jack has probably only brought home $25 worth of supplies this year. I am pretty certain he isn't going to be bringing home $150 in projects between now and the middle of May. Am I out of line?

Just Like Her Name Sake

I was taken back twenty years this morning when Lauren got up. She was still a little sleepy and for comfort she grabbed her blankie, her stuffed leopard and a book. She spread her blanket out on the floor with just enough left to clutch in her sweet little hand, laid down, hugged her leopard and read her book. This is just how I remember my sister. She always had Meme (her blanket) with her, loved her stuffed Lickity Leopard and reading her books. The only differences are that Lauren doesn't have a name for her blanket, she just grunts for it, her leopard's name is Baby and she prefers board books. Lauren has beautiful blue eyes and soft sandy blond hair, just like my sister did when she was young. And, boy does she have attitude! She is already a little diva; if she doesn't get her way prepare yourself for a fit! Maybe it is just the older sister in me, but my sister did the same thing. I couldn't have picked a better person for her to personify, who knew I would end up with two Nicole's in my life. I only wish we saw my sister and her son more often so she could watch 'herself' grow up again.

Being A Mom

Today has been a relaxing day. The campaign I am on for work is ‘on hold’ so I have the day off. I love focusing on being a mom! We played outside, the schedule Nazi would call this "structured sibling play", and while I supervised I got to play with my camera for a while. Here are a couple shots. As you can see from the pictures in the backyard we need to do some landscaping. Jack has suggested palm trees so we can pick the "cocodots".

I have gotten this email several times, but I like it everytime. I can't wait to have this conversation with Lauren someday.

Being a Mom

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than that.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of " Mom !" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine.

That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester maybe lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Ladies Man

Jack had yet another birthday party today and once again he was one of the only boys. All of the girls just love him, I only hope he isn't peaking in preschool! I felt like I was in high school again at this party. I only knew two of the other moms, including the hostess. I met a couple of nice women, but there were some total snots. These women were dressed to the nines for an outdoor 4-year-old birthday party. I thought I was looking pretty good in an Old Navy skirt and top with matching earrings AND I just had my nails done this morning. I am sure these ladies wouldn't be caught dead wearing Old Navy. The diamond in my wedding ring would be too small to even be one of their baguettes. These ladies really thought their shit didn't stink. When I tried to strike up a conversation they were off like a prom dress. They peaked in high school and someone forgot to give them the memo that we are in our 30s now! Whatever, like I told my friend, you can dress a cow up, but she is still a cow! Now, I am just as bad as they are, but someday I may have more money than sense, but they will always be fat and ugly! Leave it to my boy to make me feel better. I went up to him at the party and whispered "you're the coolest buddy!" and he whispered back "no, you are the coolest and the prettiest!” When it comes right down to it, Jack's opinion is really the one whose matters. I am luckiest mommy alive...not to mention the coolest and the prettiest!

Stop The Presses

Jack told the truth! Yes, he did something wrong first, but he fessed up to it before I found the mess. This is progress! He has a strange obsession with water and he took one of Lauren's toys and got it all wet. I told him that I was happy that he told the truth and tried to down play the naughty behavior since it really wasn't that bad. He made me promise to not tell Travis, so it is just our little secret...until Travis reads this post.

Today at MOPS we had a schedule Nazi come and speak about her day-to-day routine. She had some really good ideas about structured playtime that I am going to try to implement. But, she showed us her typed out schedule that she goes by and I can guarantee I would toss that out the window before lunch! She has also developed a schedule that is as big as an interior door that she hangs inside her pantry. She also gave some tips on how to keep the kids from fighting. She suggests that EVERY time Ben and Lauren hurt each other they need to go to time out immediately after the offense. I am going to try it, but I know the schedule won't happen if I am constantly putting someone in time out!

*UPDATE* The diaper rashes were from the Luvs. I went back to the Pampers all day today and Ben is on the mend and I am happy to report that all of Lauren's red bumps are gone!

Pain In The Ass

Ben has been nothing but a pain in the ass lately. Not just my ass, but everyone's ass. Lauren who is always up for an ultimate fight baby style has even been telling him to go away. It could be because my PITA tolerance level is down since I am still not feeling well. But, the most likely reason for Ben's sunny disposition turning cloudy is the horrendous diaper rash the poor kid has. He literally has a pain in the ass. I have been using some hand-me-down diapers from a neighbor. It seems that the mommy set finds great joy in handing down diapers when their youngest is finally potty trained. She gave them to me with a look of pity in her eye. I am a Pampers girl, but I will never refuse free diapers. Unfortunately, the free diapers were Luvs. I have been using them for about 3 days and today Ben's behind actually started bleeding. Lauren is having her share of problems too. She isn't bleeding, but she has some very strange red dots all over her...well, let's just say it isn't her butt. I put them back in the Pampers and we will see if everything clears up. Let's just call it an experiment. I haven't thrown the Luvs away just in case my theory proves false.

Shoe Fetish

Lauren has a shoe fetish. She loves to put her shoes on even when we aren't going anywhere. When people come over and leave their shoes at the door you can be sure that Lauren will be walking through the house in them soon. She gets mad if she doesn't get to choose the shoes she wears. I am glad we are finally past Easter because she had a real problem understanding NO WHITE SHOES BEFORE EASTER. In Nebraska the rule is no white shoes before Memorial Day, but true southerners have told me that it is Easter down here! I worry that there is going to be a day when I have to tell her that she doesn't get Prada shoes because mommy doesn't get Prada shoes. Lauren loves dress shoes and fights me when I try to put her cute little pink and white Nike's on. This has been hard for me to adjust to, when I was growing up all I had was a collection of Chuck Taylors in various colors and patterns. My question is this, if she loves her shoes so much why does she always take them off within seconds of getting in the car? Every time we get to our destination I have to put her shoes back on.

Sick Day

Who do I call when I want to call in sick? My allergies are terrible this time of year! This is the only bad thing about North Texas. I actually had a dream a couple of nights ago that Travis was transferred to Illinois (no offense) and I was pissed! It was one of those dreams that seemed so real that I woke up being pissed. I have decided that I will never live any further north than Texas. I may have to deal with allergies, but at least I don't have to do snow. Native Texans think that we have snow on occasion. They just don't know what snow is. I told Jack this morning that he was going to need to help me out and be the mommy until my Claritan kicked in. He looked at me very seriously and said "I am not going to be able to be the mommy, I am not a girl, I can be the daddy if that will help” Well, that isn't as good as the mommy, but I guess that will do...sorry Trav!

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Last night after I sat the kids down to dinner (Trav was late again) Lauren looked at Jack and pointed her skinny little index finger at him and said "Eat!” This really bothered Jack because for once he was actually eating. He pointed his finger right back at her and declared "I am eating!” they went back and forth like this until Jack finally gave up and asked me "Why does Lauren keep saying that to me?" All I could think was I guess you get what you give. I am going to make a conscious effort to not do that anymore and I will definitely be pointing it out to Travis when he gets home! It reminds me of the stories my mom used to tell about dinner time when she was a child. I certainly don't want Jack to have memories like that!

After dinner I took the kids to the bathtub and redeemed myself. Ever since Jack was a baby I have sang to him after his bath. We now sing our favorite song together.

"You are my Jackson, my only Jackson, you make me happy when skies are blue, you'll never know Jack how much I love you please don't take my Jackson away"

I started inserting Ben and Lauren's names into the song when they were born. Last night, after 20 months of me singing to them, they started singing their songs with me. It wasn't nearly as clear as Jack sings, but it is times like this that make it all worthwhile.

I really need to keep these things in mind in my day-to-day life. These kids soak up everything, the good and the bad. I need to make every effort to have more good than bad!

Problem Solved

Yesterday's shooting at Virginia Tech has solved a problem for us. I figure we no longer need to save for college. This kills two birds with one stone. I don't have to worry about saving for college, and then I don't have to worry about my kids when I send them away to college! In all seriousness, my thoughts and prayers are with the students and families.

My aunt sent me an email last night announcing she has breast cancer. This is the last thing anyone needs, particularly MY aunt. She works extremely hard as a teacher to take care of my cousin. She is one of those teachers you want your kid to have. She really cares about her students! In her email last night she mentioned her students have TAKS today so she wouldn't have time to talk. She just amazes me; at a time like this she is still thinking about school! My cousin is in college and sometimes (most of the time) expects too much of her mother. My aunt really needs to take a couple steps back and put herself first so she can beat this. I think that is going to be the hardest thing for her! I intend on telling my aunt this when I speak to her and calling my cousin to give her a little loving advice!

Today is picture day at school for Jack. He got dressed in his button down shirt, slacks and belt then patiently stood while I fixed his hair and then asked for hairspray (normally he won't let me use it). He stepped back and looked in the mirror and told me "I am good looking, just like daddy!" It took all I had to not laugh at him; he is starting to get annoyed when I laugh at him when he thinks he is being serious.

The cleaning people came for the first time this morning. I feel so inadequate. They did a good job and got my entire house clean, breakfast dishes washed and beds changed in an hour and a half. I was shocked. Ben and Lauren clung to me the entire time. They acted like they have never seen anyone clean before...I guess it is a good thing we hired them!

"The Reward Of A Thing Well Done Is To Have It Done" Ralph Waldo Emerson

In Jack's case, the reward is a Hot Wheels track. Jack worked hard on his reward chart last week and earned his reward. We went this morning to pick it out. He proudly walked through Wal-Mart as we bought a few groceries telling anyone who would listen he was four and he was getting a Hot Wheel track because he is a good boy. He is growing up so fast! He stopped one older gentleman and asked him "why do you have my name on your hat?” The hat said ‘Jacks’; the cute older gentleman stopped and carried on a long conversation with Jack about his granddaughter who goes to college there. Another older gentleman stopped me and said "you look like a woman who has lots of experience with kids". He told me that he was looking for a large bib and said he could only find small bibs there. I showed him where to find the bigger bibs and asked him if he was going to be taking care of his grandkids. He told me he was actually shopping for a bib for his 87-year-old wife who has trouble eating. It made me so sad. I don't want to get so old that I need to wear a bib. I don't mind being 87, but if I have to wear a bib it is time for me to go. I really can't picture Travis going to Wal-Mart and asking a young mother for help finding bibs for me to wear. I think this is where Travis would draw the 'for better or worse' line! While all of this was happening the babies were beating the hell out of each other again. Poor Lauren was receiving the brunt of the beating. By the time we got to the check out her hair was a mess and I had her bow in my purse. When we got home and I finished unloading the groceries I noticed teeth marks on her arm. The poor baby wasn't just crying for nothing!

I'm Telling!

This has been bothering me for a while, so I am curious to know what the rest of the world thinks. Whenever we get together with Ann and Elsie for a play date the girls are constantly tattling on Jack. "Jack stuck his tongue out at me", "Jack said butt", "Jack isn't playing with me", "Jack won't give me a turn"... It drives me crazy! Elsie's mom is good about reminding her not to tattle, but Ann's mom isn't quite as consistent. Jack doesn't do the things that he gets ratted out for when he isn't with Elsie and Ann. Jack tattles on occasion, but not nearly as much as the girls. I have three questions. Does Jack behave worse when he is with his friends? Do four-year-old girls tattle more than four-year-old boys? Am I wrong when I am visibly annoyed and ignore the other kids when they tattle?

You Have To Be Kidding!

I shouldn't have said anything about Travis not making it home in time! At 3:30am this morning I heard my phone ringing I assumed A) someone was dead or B) Travis was drunk dialing me. In actuality it was my good friend at American Airlines calling to let me know Travis' flight was cancelled and they wouldn't be able to get him home until 3pm tomorrow. His flight wasn't due to leave until late this afternoon. Why do they need to call his home, in Texas, when they know full well they have trapped him in New York, at 3:30am? Is American Airlines trying to save money by outsourcing their calls to India, then allowing them to call during their daytime? They probably call in the middle of the night so that you will be too groggy to ask any questions about why they would cancel a flight between two hubs. I got off the phone without reaming them out for calling me in the middle of the night or asking a single question about why the flight was cancelled. I then spent the next hour and a half being pissed off and not being able to fall back to sleep. American Airlines sucks! The good news is Travis was able to call at a decent hour this morning and get on a flight tonight. The bad news is that it comes in at 8:50pm, well after the kids should be in bed, and I need to go get him.

This morning the kids and I had a trial run at going to church by ourselves. We were right on time, which is no good if you want to park within a block of the door. I felt like I had just finished a workout by the time we got to the door. I was carrying Ben in one arm and Lauren in the other while they both struggled to free themselves so they could dodge in and out of traffic with Jack. Jack went to Sunday school, Ben went to the nursery and Lauren came to church with me. I have decided that I will alternate whom I take into church with me each week. Lauren did a good job being quite in church and Ms. Lisa (the childcare worker) said Ben did great by himself in the nursery, so I think this is going to work!

Jack: Do you think God is happy?
Me: Yes.
Jack: He is happy that I went to Sunday school, right?
Me: Yep.
Jack: Is he happy you and Lauren went to church?
Me: Yes.
Jack: Is he happy that Ben went to the nursery?
Me: Yep.
Jack: Is God happy that daddy went to the auto show?
Me: Ummm...I guess so.

I Am Beat!

My back and my hips are killing me, but I have 17 meals in my freezer after cooking for a couple of hours last night and four hours this morning. We had a speaker at MOPS a month or so ago about meal planning. She was a huge advocate of freezing meals. She gave a couple ideas about meal co-ops and getting together with friends to cook several meals at a time. This motivated me to purchase a second refrigerator and a Trim and Terrific Freezer Friendly Cookbook. I made a few soups with Jack last night, and then Elise's mom and Ann's mom came over this morning with their kids to make meals. We made two chicken recipes, three pork recipes and two ground sirloin recipes. All seven preschoolers played well with little to no attention and Elsie's baby sister slept almost the whole time. It was good to get together with the girls and things really seemed to be back to normal with Ann's mom. I think she feels better getting her feelings off her chest and I know Elsie's mom and I feel better having everything out in the open! The only problem with leaving that many kids to play without any intervention is the aftermath. I spent a couple hours picking up toys in every room of my house. It is a great feeling knowing that I have the maids hired and they start on Tuesday. My stovetop is a disaster and I don't have to bother with cleaning it, I just have to pick up.

Travis left for NYC yesterday morning. He is at the auto show today with a good friend of ours from college. I am sure he is having a great time while I am here changing poopy diapers and listening to crying babies. When Travis called this morning he said New York was going to get hit by another snowstorm tomorrow, I hope he makes it home on schedule! My girls’ weekend in Santa Fe is in two weeks and paybacks are hell!

Whack-A-Mom

Here we go again. I was nearly done with this post when Lauren became as bored with Jack's movie choice, Flushed Away, as I am and decided to push the pretty green light on the side of my laptop and turn my effing computer off.

Do you remember the Whack-A-Mole game at Chuck E. Cheese? An at home version has now been developed for preschoolers, complete with four plastic mallets. I (correction, the Easter Bunny) got it for Jack for Easter because he had been eyeing it at a friend’s house for months, and I had a coupon (my mom would be so proud). Whoever came up with the idea to arm preschoolers with plastic mallets should be tied up with a target painted on his head in a room full of kids, each with their own mallet. I say his because this lack of judgment was obviously the work of a male! I am sure you are questioning my judgment at this point; I will admit it was a weak moment...and I HAD A COUPON! Anyway, I was lying on the floor with the kids for our afternoon "dog pile" session when one of my vile children decided to hit me with a mallet. I yelped in pain as I was taken totally off guard. The other two were obviously amused by this and decided to get their own mallets. The more you are hit with plastic mallets the more they begin to feel like they are made of steel. My evil spawn laughed with glee as I winced in pain trying to remove the weapons from their sticky little clutches.

After I regained control I took the kids with me to run errands. We had to hit Bed, Bath and Beyond, Old Navy and Tom Thumb. I knew the only way to keep my kids under control for three stores in a row was to bribe them with McDonald's for dinner. This bribe worked really well, probably because I have implemented the healthy eating regime. I walked through ALL THREE stores with pride as my children behaved like little angels. I was the one who got to look at the other mothers while their children ran amuck. Did I let these poor saps in on my little secret? HELL NO! For one moment in time I let these poor women think that I was an 'Alpha Mom'. The only mishap was as I was loading the kids up after Tom Thumb. There was a particularly butchy woman loading her groceries in the car next to me. As I loaded the kids in Jack asked me what was wrong with the man next to us. I quietly said it was a girl and went about my buckling. Jack had perfect comedic timing and waited for me to open the door closest to this lady and said "Hey mom, what is that scary woman's name", it took all that I had to bite my tongue and not answer "Pat". Don't worry it is all back to normal now, my kids have eaten their greasy morsels and are now acting as though they have nothing to lose!

For The Record...

I love Anne and Katie.

Anne is a great wine drinking buddy; as a matter of fact I really enjoyed our dinner last night. She made a delicious meal complete with dessert, which I am blaming for my one-pound gain from yesterday! However, I cannot unload my children on Anne because she has enough on her plate with a newborn, two year old and four year old!

Katie is my best friend in Nebraska. Her and I have been through so much together and she cannot and will not ever be replaced!

And, to anyone I haven't mentioned, I probably like you too!

The end!

Milk On Sale $1.50 Per Gallon!

I was watching Good Morning America yesterday and I nearly fell out of my chair. They were doing a segment on 'extreme campaigning' and showing John Edwards working in a nursing home, but that wasn't the point. It was mentioned that Rudy Giuliani thought the price of a gallon of milk was $1.50. See the full story here: http://news.bostonherald.com/politics/view.bg?articleid=194149 Perhaps this is particularly annoying to me because I have to buy 7 gallons of milk a week to keep my kids and husband happy. If I am really lucky I can find the half gallons on sale for a dollar a piece, but for your information Mr. Giuliani, milk costs about $3.30 a gallon here in North Texas. If I were to find milk at $1.50 a gallon I think I would be trying to find a way to freeze milk! It is appalling to me that someone who is running for president is that out of touch with the American people. This guy apparently isn't concerned with the same things I am. Giuliani says, ”I will tell you what I believe. If you agree with it, fine. If you don’t agree with it, you have a right not to agree with it. If you don’t agree, you have a right not to vote for me,” I may take him up on that right!
I am really questioning lately who I am politically. I used to be Republican without a doubt. I fear that my father wouldn't have thrown me to the wolves if I were anything different. Not that he brainwashed me they were my own beliefs. Ever since I was diagnosed with MS I have been thinking about which politician will affect my family the most positively. Truly what will make the most difference in our lives is stem cell research. It is important to have a president who will support this research both financially and morally. Most (I say most to cover my ass, because I am sure there is a politician out there that can prove me wrong) Republicans vote the party line on things like stem cells and just don't use their brains. My other concern is health care. There is no possible way that Travis and I will be able to afford health insurance for me when we retire given the current situation. This is really scary. My medication alone is around $1000 per month without insurance. Ouch! Would my kids rather pay more in taxes or have a mother in a wheel chair that can't play with them. I hope I know what they would choose! So, I guess I am a fiscally conservative Democrat...is there such a thing?

While I am being political, check this out http://www.thestate.com/426/story/21222.html. South Carolina is trying to pass a bill to require women to view an ultrasound before they can have an abortion. I am all about ways to prevent abortion (but if people have them, let's use the stem cells!), but I fear this may not be successful. I had ultrasounds early in my pregnancies because I was high risk and I am sorry to say the baby just looks like a dot. Do these silly senators really think that seeing a dot is going to change the mind of woman who has already put a lot of thought into a major decision?

The Green Eyed Monster

Here are two stories of envy that started last night with friend envy and ended this afternoon with penis envy.

To explain the whole friend thing I will have to give a little background. I feel like I am in junior high again, I even called my mommy for advice. There are three children in Jack's playgroup. It started with Ann's mother and I; we met at the preschool orientation. Jack and Ann really hit it off so we started getting together every week. Jack and Ann mentioned Elsie frequently so six months into our playgroup we invited Elsie and her mother to join our weekly playgroup. The kids got along great, besides the occasional bossy spell from Ann and the moms just as well, if not better. We decided it was time to get the husbands together and we all hoped that it would end up being a frequent occurrence. Unfortunately, only two of the husbands hit it off. Elsie's dad and Travis had a lot in common and really hit it off. Ann's dad on the other hand didn't put forth much if any effort. We started spending a lot of time with Elsie's family. We always have a great time. The kids love getting together and it is nice to have good couple friends. Elsie's mom and I have become really good friends. The problem is that we never told Ann's mom. We didn't lie, but we didn't tell the truth. What are we supposed to say, "we got together last weekend, but we didn't invite you guys because your husband is a dickhead"? So, we took the easy way out and didn't mention anything to Ann's mom. This all came to a head yesterday at playgroup. Elsie's mom and I were discussing vacation bible school. We neglected to ask Ann's mom if she would like to sign Ann up too. It wasn't malicious at all, strictly an oversight. However, this was the straw that broke the camel's back for Ann's mom. Unfortunately, she didn't say anything at the time, she waited until we all got home and sent this email (I cut and pasted this, the grammatical errors are not mine):

First I just wanted to see it was fun seeing everyone today at playgroup. I think the last time I was at your house was to deliver a meal after Elsie's sister was born. So, it had been too long.Finally, you guys can call me dumb, stupid, too sensitive or whatever but I have something I want to say, but maybe it will offer a little insight as to why I have pulled away over the past months. (if you have even noticed : ) I know you guys have become very close over the past year but some of the things you say when I am around can make me feel left out but that is life and I am okay with that. When you guys asked me about Vacation Bible School today and of course I hadn't signed Ann up, I was actually hurt that the two of you made sure your children were enrolled but didn't feel like asking me if I was planning to do it or what have you. I feel I have always made sure you guys know of activities I am planning to put Ann into so she can enjoy the time with Elsie and Jack (and so you guys have the option to do it too) and to find out the same wasn't given back - it was very hurtful. I know you don't have to always include Ann but something like that, I guess I would have expected one or both of you to ask.Whatever ----- I am moving on. If I let every situation where I am left out bother me too much, I would be bothered often. There just isn't time for that, right?

I hate dealing with emotions over email it never goes well. But, I sent an email back saying that I never meant to hurt her feelings, blah, blah, blah. Several emails went back and forth, but I still didn't have a good feeling about all of this being resolved. So, at preschool drop off today I waited around to see Ann's mom and talk about this in person. I didn't see Ann's mom until she was driving out of the parking lot. So, I did what any sane person would do. I chased her down. I followed her out of the parking lot, flagged her down and had her pull over in the Walgreen’s parking lot. We had a good 30-minute talk about everything and I feel good. By the end of our conversation we were talking like we used to, without the giant elephant in the room. I wish we would have talked about this along time ago!

After lunch this afternoon I was changing Ben and Lauren's diapers. I changed Lauren first, and then changed Ben as Lauren stood watching over us. Out of nowhere, Lauren bent down yanked on Ben's penis and exclaimed "yuck!” I am not sure if she didn't think it was attached or if she thought she would be doing him a favor by pulling it off. Poor Benny was very traumatized, he cried for several minutes while Lauren looked perplexed. This reminds me of when Jack was about three. He was in the bathtub and grabbed his sack and asked me what it was, as I was starting to explain what it was he pulled...hard! He cried and cried, then asked me to kiss it. I declined assuming that Jack would have to have years of therapy if I did!

The Key to Happiness

Everything you have ever wanted to know you can learn on Oprah. I was unfortunately busy doing mommy and housework for most of it, but I was able to catch the tale end. Some University did a study of 900 women and asked them to journal what they did on a day-to-day basis, and then rank how happy they felt. Sex and socializing ranked among the highest level of happiness. Towards the bottom was caring for children, which ranked only slightly above cleaning house. Who are these unhappy people? I am assuming they are referring to caring for your own children. Wow. I am very happy when I get to concentrate on caring for my children. I am unhappy when I attempt to multi-task and I don't feel like I am doing a good job taking care of my kids. I love playing with my kids and watching them learn. This is the best part of being a parent. Don't get me wrong; I enjoy sex and socializing as much as the next girl! Oprah had a guy who wrote a book on happiness on the show, Dr Holden says, "the key to happiness is not to have a job, but to have a purpose" That is very profound. I will say that I feel happier now that my purpose is to mold productive members of society. When I was selling, I was happy enough, but felt a little empty. I didn't have a purpose, besides to sell more mailing lists and put more money in Vin Gupta's pocket. I did enjoy the immediate gratification of a big fat commission check, but what was the point? The University of Illinois developed a happiness scale; I scored a 32 out of 35. Not bad, perhaps I have the Zoloft to thank, but I think it has more to do with my husband and children giving me purpose. Thanks guys!

I'm Lost

My girlfriend Trisha is out of town for two weeks. She left last Friday. This is almost as bad as when Travis is out of town. She lives just around the corner and I didn't realize until now how much I rely on her. I don't have anyone I can call and say one of the kids is going to die if I don't get out of the house right now. Nobody to call and ask if they can watch the kids for a few minutes while I quickly do whatever. No partner for drinking wine while Travis is out of town this weekend. And, to make matters worse my email isn't working. What to do? I guess I will go eat worms.

Operation Focus

My son has been letting me down. Jack used to notice every time I put on a few pounds and ask me if we were having another baby. This obviously would put me on an immediate diet! He hasn't mentioned it lately and I have eaten my way out of my jeans. I have two pairs of jeans that fit and they both have holes in them. I am leaving for Santa Fe for a girl’s weekend in a little over two weeks and I am going to need a pair of jeans without holes. I need to lose eight pounds to get into my skinny jeans without holes. Let the dieting begin! I might actually have to do some exercise in addition to starving myself. Just the thought of operation focus makes me hungry...what's for lunch?

Alpha Mom

I just read the most annoying article...see for yourself.
http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/features/12026/
This chic claims to be an 'alpha mom' because she can work and be a stay-at-home mom. But, come to find out as you read the article she has all sorts of hired help and only one kid. If she is an alpha mom, what am I? I have 3 kids, work from home, clean my own house and volunteer. This broad is clueless! Nobody can do it all. Something has to give, unless you pay someone else to do it for you...at which point, can you really call yourself alpha?

Deja Vu

I ironed two little linen dress shirts, two little pairs of khaki pants and a little dress. Then I loaded three naked babies and three perfectly pressed outfits into the car. I have done this before; I should have learned my lesson! I made an appointment over a week ago to have Leslie take the kids picture. After driving an hour I arrived at the Target portrait studio and Leslie wasn't there. The girl that was there wanted me to reschedule. I should have, but I didn't. I already had an hour drive time and an hour preparing the kids involved, there was no turning back. Needless to say the pictures were terrible. The babies cried and Jack was bored. It is official; we won't have pictures of the kids smiling in their Easter clothes. This blog is the only proof that I will have that my children were actually happy!

I really felt as though I had endured enough pain for one day. Apparently, Ben thought I could handle a little more. Lauren has taught Ben one of her tricks. Ben had his diaper off in his crib. Why me? Unfortunately, Ben does not have the same constipation problem Lauren does, if you know what I mean. I think I could make millions by developing a diaper that babies cannot take off. Perhaps something that requires the Tot Locs used on kitchen cabinets. I will keep you posted on my patent!

I'm Dreaming of a White Easter

It actually snowed yesterday! Since it was too cold to play outside we took a drive to the 3rd largest lake in Texas. It is only about an hour and 45 minutes away. We would love for my parents to buy a place out there and at least spend a few months a year here. Jack tells me he will get out his hammer and help them build it. It makes me so sad that they are missing my kids growing up. If anything, this is teaching me where my priorities should be when I have grandchildren! My mom actually listened when I brought it up yesterday, but I fear she may have just been patronizing me.

I'm dreaming of a white Easter just doesn't have the same ring to it! I guess it is more of a nightmare than a dream... When I was sweating as I planted flowers two weeks ago I was thinking how nice they would look in the Easter pictures. Needless to say we are just looking at the flowers through the window. The big news in North Texas is that it is colder for Easter than it was at Christmas time. Brrr!

The Easter Of 2007 Has Taught Me:

1. "Those chickens (aka Peeps) taste like dirt" - Jack

2. You can't keep a good Southern woman down; they will wear their sleeveless Easter frock even if it is only 45 degrees outside.

3. Buy the sweater that matches the Easter dress, even if it is over 80 degrees when you are buying it.

4. See's chocolate bunnies are worth the extra money...yum!

5. You can take a stuffy Lutheran Yankee out of the north, but you can't make him sing and clap in church.

6. Easter grass multiplies like bunnies!

7. Based on a blind taste test; sugar free Pillsbury cinnamon rolls are just as good as the reduced fat Pillsbury cinnamon rolls...but Travis and the kids still prefer Krispy Kreme.

8. Pei Wei makes a good Easter lunch...those Chinese never close!

9. Don't tell the neighbors that you are going to have a relaxing Easter at home or they will ruin it by asking you to come over for dessert.

10. Hiding 95 plastic eggs overwhelms a four year old and two 20 month olds into complacency.

Just One More?

My kids are that age when you start to think about another baby. I admit it, I have been thinking, but I knew that Travis didn't want any more. I don't know how it came up, but this morning Travis said, "sometimes I don't think it is a horrible idea". To the average person that doesn't sound like a real promising statement, but this is how Travis operates. Before we were married he told me that he wasn't going to have kids. I very politely explained that we were done dating because I was going to have children. We agreed on 'one and we'll talk'. I knew I would be able to talk him into a second after he got to hold his baby. As you know, I am a fabulous sales person. I could sell ice to an Eskimo, ketchup Popsicles to a woman wearing white gloves and babies to my husband. It wasn't as easy as I had anticipated, but he finally agreed with hesitation on a second. My point is, he starts out slow then comes around. Now look at us. We couldn't imagine our life without the three we have.

Maybe I am considering it because Lauren had her pajamas on when I got her out of the crib this morning. But, then I think about how I am almost free. Ben and Lauren will be putting their own shoes on soon. I have three perfect kids now, would I be tempting fate by having another one? It would be fun for Lauren to have a sister...another boy would be fun too. I hate being pregnant, but I love having babies. I hate getting up in the middle of the night, but days like yesterday with Jack are priceless. I love having little kids and the more the better, right? Then I think about when Jack turned two and I was pregnant with the twins; I heard him coming down the stairs repeating "I have to tell mommy I fed the fish" to himself over and over. He had dumped the entire bottle of fish food in the tank. Needless to say he killed all the fish and the tank was a disaster. It smelled so bad; I was gagging while I was trying to clean it up. Travis just threw the entire tank away rather than helping me clean it up. Before that happened many toys and stuffed animals had gone swimming in the fish tank. We are quickly approaching that time with Ben and Lauren. I am a little fearful of what that will be like with two. But, we don't have a fish tank anymore, so I am sure it will be fine! Even numbers are better. Who is going to ride alone when we go to Disney World? Would we be able to afford Disney World with four kids? We have room at our dinner table for just one more.
Maybe we should just not prevent until the babies are two. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be...

Bad Hair Day...

Actually, it is going to be more like a bad hair month or two. Travis took Jack to the barber today for a haircut. I am not sure whether to laugh or cry when I look at him. As my dad would say "we got our money's worth". I will admit that his hair had gotten a little long, as a matter of fact; it was growing over his ears. Now, I think I can actually see skin; the barber must have used a 1/8th guard. He has a flat top gone horribly wrong. I guess it is more like a buzz cut, but for added interest he has an off center one inch square tuft of hair right up front. This hair cut is worse than anything I have ever done to him. Right before Jack's second birthday, I was pregnant and very nauseous and forgot to put the guard on the trimmer. I ended up taking a pretty big chunk out of his hair, with a little blending it turned out okay. But this haircut is just down right bad. Jack has a double colic that is going to be a nightmare to grow out! It makes his head look so big! Don't barber's need to go to school or something? Travis actually paid the barber for this abomination. Travis told me that it would look better after we gave him a bath. What is going to make it look better? I didn't know that bath water makes hair grow. Bath water makes it look worse; the tuft flattens down on his forehead making him look like Eddie Munster. I am going to have to try to fix this tomorrow. Even if I get Ben and Lauren to smile in their Easter outfits on Monday for pictures they are still going to be bad because of this haircut from hell. I wonder if Jack is going to remember this like I remember Jay who cut my hair like a boy when I was young. I can only hope he isn't going to be scared for life!

My Daughter, The Nudist

I do not know what I am going to do with Lauren. When I got her out of her crib after her nap she had removed her footed pajamas with a zipper front and a snap at the top. I think everyone knows Lauren well enough to know she didn't stop there. That's right folks, she also removed her diaper, again! This is becoming ridiculous! Am I going to have to get out the duct tape?

Best Kid In The World

Jack: Mommy, where did you get that soldier dress?
Me: At a trunk show, do you like it?
Jack: You look beautiful; you are going to be the prettiest mommy at the party!
Me: Thanks Jack, you are the best kid in the world!
Jack: You are the most beautiful mommy in the whole wide world! Do you know what would make you more beautiful?
Me: Tell me
Jack: If you wear the necklace I made you at school yesterday.

You have to love that kid! I wore the plastic bead necklace to the mall and in front of my friends because my sweet boy asked me too. Nobody mentioned it. Does that mean they didn't notice? Or, did they think that I was under the impression that it went with my outfit? Doesn't matter, Jack was happy and we had a great date!

Jack had a birthday party at Build-A-Bear this morning. I got a babysitter for Ben and Lauren so Jack and I could have special time together. When we arrived at the meeting place the birthday girl immediately put a birthday hat with butterflies and flowers all over it on Jack's head. Jack did his best to patronize the birthday girl and her mother, but it only lasted a few minutes. He quietly came over and told me the hat was for girls and asked if he could take it off. I can only imagine how this mother is going to be when she is planning her daughter's wedding. She was a birthday Nazi. She was making the kids line up in a single file line to walk through the mall!

After the party we stopped to buy some socks for Travis. Jack asked me to carry him; it was great getting to indulge him. I don't get to do that very often since we usually have the babies with us. I got to walk through the mall holding my boy while he hugged and kissed on me. I am sure people were thinking he was too big to be carried, but I will carry him as long as he will let me!

To Lauren, With Love,

Dear Lauren,

Thank you once again for attempting to change your own shitty diaper. Next time do you think you would be able to wipe your own ass and put a clean diaper on before soiling bed sheets? Thank you in advance for considering my request.

Love,
Mommy

It Isn't Meant To Be

I am begining to fear that I won't get a picture of Ben and Lauren smiling in their Easter outfits. The bluebonnets were fabulous and Jack had a good time running through them. Here is the best picture I got of all 3 kids together...I'm not kidding.

Disclaimer

"Hi, this is Jack. Here is his Epi-Pen for his egg allergy, his cream for his eczema, his inhaler and aero chamber for his asthma, his Singular for his pollen allergy, a book on sign language because he can't hear and his pocket protector for his pens. Oh yeah, and don't worry if he falls down, he is a little knock kneed. I will be back in a couple hours sweetie, be careful!"

Okay, so it wasn't that bad, but I felt like I was setting my poor kid up to be labeled a nerd! I had to explain to his teacher that he hasn't been hearing well and she needed to make sure that he was looking at her so that he knew she was talking to him. She acted as though I had told her Jack was never going to hear again. She took my hand and said, "you know, I noticed he wasn't paying attention if he had his back turned". I could never be a preschool teacher; I am just not that nice! I told her no worries, they are going to clear out the fluid and he should be just fine in a month or so. Then I had to move on to the inhaler. She told me her kids have asthma so she knew just what to do. Then she told me she understands how scary it is and again attempted to comfort me. Wait a minute, it's scary? I hadn't thought of it that way. Great, now I have another thing to worry about!

I think we are going to try some blue bonnet pictures today after Jack's Easter party at school. I know it is risky, but I love to play with my camera and who knows maybe I will get a good picture...but probably not!

To Hell And Back

My poor babies have spent every waking hour in the car or in a doctor’s office today. The ENT appointment was at 9:30; we got home at 11:30 and had lunch. Everyone went down for their naps. If I knew then what I know now, I would have taken a nap too! Everyone woke up just in time to leave for our 2:40 appointment at the pediatrician. Jack is indeed wheezing which meant one of two things; he has pneumonia or he has asthma. The pediatrician sent us to the hospital for Jack to have chest x-rays and it is all clear. The doctor isn't going to call his wheezing asthma yet, but there is nothing else it can be. I guess it can't be officially called asthma until it happens again. After the chest x-ray we headed to Walgreen’s to pick up the inhaler and the Aero Chamber. I nearly needed the inhaler myself when the pharmacist told me what the price was. I asked if he had run it through my insurance and apparently he had, but United Health Care doesn't care if my son stops breathing, so it isn't covered...great! I had to drop off the antibiotic prescription Jack had gotten earlier in the day while we were there. Of course I couldn't wait for it that would be another hour. I took the kids to Sonic for dinner while we waited. After picking up the last prescription we finally arrived home at 6:30! I started the day with a healthy kid, and now I have a deaf, asthmatic, with large anodes and allergies! I guess it is time to trade him in!

Huh?

I took Jack to the ENT this morning. They put him into a sound proof room with a little window and put a headset on him. He was really cute waving at me through the window. The technician read him words at different volumes and frequencies and he was to repeat the word. He was watching the tech through the window and reading her lips. As soon as the tech covered her lips with her papers Jack just sat there not repeating anything. I couldn't believe it. Then they moved on to beeps. He was to say yes every time he heard a beep. This apparently got boring because he was saying yes when she wasn't making sound and she would have the volume cranked up and when she would ask if he forgot to say yes he would start laughing. My mom loves to tell the story of when I used to go to the eye doctor when I was young, I would tell the eye doctor the wrong thing on purpose. I guess what goes around comes around. Come to find out Jack hasn't been choosing not to listen to me. The poor kid has hearing loss. Luckily, it isn't permanent hearing loss. His right ear is full of fluid. The doctor said that if this were permanent hearing loss he would need to wear a hearing aid. His left ear is only half full of fluid. Out of his left ear he hears like someone who just got off an airplane. So she gave him an antibiotic because he basically has a permanent ear infection. Apparently, kids have different levels of pain tolerance and Jack's is higher than average. Tough little buddy! She also gave him a prescription for Singular to help with his allergies and a nasal spray to help with his bloody noses. His anodes are enlarged which is causing his snoring problem. We are going to try these three things and go back in 3 weeks. If the fluid isn't gone we will have to try something else and if that doesn't work we will have to put tubes in his ears. The doctor also listened to his chest and said he is wheezing and I need to take him to the pediatrician and have his cough checked out. I tried to call the pediatrician as soon as we got home, it took me 3 hours to get through, but we finally have an appointment for this afternoon. I am not sure where I need to go to pick up my mother of the year award, but I am sure I deserve it for not noticing any of this!

Reward Chart

A couple months ago when Jack was having problems with getting in trouble all the time we started a 'potty chart'. The 'potty chart' consists of happy animals that get covered with sad potties if he did something to get in trouble. We have gone a couple of weeks without sad potties so I am getting greedy. I purchased a reward chart. The chart has six spaces for actions that earn stickers. The six categories are 'Eat Dinner', 'Follow Directions', 'Share', 'Use Good Manners', 'Pick Up Toys' and 'Take Nap'. Travis, Jack and I had a meeting at dinner to discuss what the rewards would be. If Jack gets 35 stickers in a week we will go to Six Flags, if he gets 28 stickers in a week he gets a Hot Wheels track and if he gets 21 stickers in a week we get to go out for ice cream. I thought that was good, but Travis had to go a step further and promise a Power Wheels car if he gets 42 stickers in a week. Okay, I realize that is unlikely and I know I can make sure he doesn't get 42 stickers in a week, but I don't know how I feel about Travis promising something that he knows he won't deliver. I guess we can cross that bridge when we get there. As for now Jack is trying like crazy to earn stickers. Every little thing he does he asks if he gets a sticker. I am sure he will start to get it as time goes on.

I had a MOPS steering meeting this morning while Jack was at school. Ben and Lauren go to 'school' (aka child care) while I am at the meeting. The childcare workers told me that Ben and Lauren play with the other kids, but they tend to prefer to play with each other. The other thing they mentioned wasn't news to me. They asked me if they were "kind of rough" with each other. I didn't mention that we call that WWF Baby Smack Down, but I did admit they were a little rough with each other sometimes. I figured that since they brought it up I would ask if they were mean to other kids too. I was relieved to find out that they are too busy beating the hell out of each other to bother other kids!

Why?

Why do I do this to myself? I ironed two little linen dress shirts, two little pairs of khaki pants and a little dress. I combed hair and put in Lauren's bow, then I loaded three naked kids and three perfectly pressed outfits into the car and drove to the mall. We got to the mall and I dressed all three kids and headed towards the bunny. All was going well, there wasn't even a line at the bunny. We got right up to the front then Lauren spotted the creepy bunny and high tailed it in the other direction. It wasn't long before Ben followed. I corralled Ben and Lauren and plopped them on the bunny's lap. I didn't even have Lauren in the furry's lap when she started screaming as though I was handing her over to an ax murderer. I caved and instructed the photographer to just take the picture, fifteen dollars later we were leaving the bunny with two unhappy babies and one bad picture! By the time I had Ben and Lauren loaded up in the stroller they were happily waving at the bunny. If they could talk I picture them saying, "nanny, nanny, boo, boo, you can't get me!"

Perhaps this is why only one person at the Target portrait studio will take my money. I called today hoping to get an appointment this afternoon, but my regular girl is on vacation and won't return until Thursday. I looked at my calendar and neither Thursday nor Friday will work for us so I asked for an appointment today. The girl who was working hesitated and I asked her if she was scared of us. She denied being scared, but then quickly said, "well, I know Leslie is so good with your kids, I don't want you to be disappointed". So, what you are telling me is that you don't want to take my kids' picture? I guess I don't blame her after my experience today! So, we won't be getting our Easter pictures taken until Easter Monday.

On the way home from the mall Jack explained Easter to me in all of his four-year-old wisdom. "One day one of the bad guys that live with God made Jesus crawl into a deep dark cave then rolled a big rock in front of the door and left. It was really dark in the cave. Three days later the rock was gone and Jesus went up into the air with God. The end.

April Fool

The joke is on me. I thought the day was going pretty smoothly. So smoothly in fact that I actually took a nap while the kids were napping this afternoon. It wasn't until the babies woke up that things started to go bad. I went to their room to find that Lauren had chosen to remove her diaper, AGAIN. This time she removed it so she could pee all over her bed. So much that it actually dripped out of the bed onto the floor. I guess the guy who invented the waterproof mattress pads didn't think that would happen! If that was it life wouldn't have been so bad, but Ben was covered in diarrhea. Yuck...double yuck! I took the babies to the tub and as I was attempting to get them in without getting piss and shit everywhere the shower curtain falls on my head. I was less than pleased!

After getting the kids all cleaned up Travis suggested that we go out to dinner, he probably just didn't want me to touch what he was going to be eating! I took him up on his offer and we headed downtown to a little Mexican place. While Travis, Jack and I ate chips and salsa, Ben and Lauren ate Cheerios. Ben found this a little unfair and was really fussing. I thought I would make him realize that he didn't want what we were having by dipping his Cheerio into the salsa. He loved it! From that point forward I had to dip every Cheerio into the salsa for him. I really should have learned my lesson on this by now. A week or so ago he really wanted my red wine, so I gave him a taste. He liked that so much that he had a red smile on his cheeks by the time we left my friend's house. I finally have a kid like me...Ben has brown hair and eyes and likes salsa, wine and swimming (aka taking baths)!

All Aboard the Guilt Train

Last night I attended a Montessori fundraiser with a good friend. Her husband was out of town and although she knew tons of people there she didn't want to go 'alone', so I was her date. It was lots of fun to get dressed up. Especially, since the last time I got dressed up was for Travis' company Christmas party, which he decided at the last minute, he didn't want to go to! They had a silent auction, a Dutch auction and a live auction. Before they started the live auction a gentleman gave a little speech which ended with something along the lines of 'you model values to your children and you need to be able to go home tonight and tell them a story about what you got at the auction and how much you bid'. Choo, choo...all aboard the guilt train, next stop, auctionville! I couldn't believe it! But, the people must respond to that. During the live auction people were bidding a grand, that's right, one large, one thousand big ones on artwork done by their kids classroom. I wanted to go hand an invitation to the MOPS art auction to one particular gentleman who seemed to be getting off on being a "good model" for his kid. It was obvious who was doing all they could to just send their kid to the Montessori school and who had more money than sense! Needless to say, I didn't purchase any "art", nor did my friend, or anyone at my table! The auctioneer was very entertaining. It has been a long time since I have listened to a real auctioneer and I had forgotten how much fun it is!

Now, I need to start working on my speech for the MOPS art auction. What can I say to guilt people into buying art by known artists??