Early Halloween

Lauren: Mommy, you ran a red light!
Me: No, I didn't.
Lauren: Was it just a green light in a red light costume?

I Like Big Butts and I Can Not Lie!

I had Ben and Lauren at Walmart to grab a couple things. It reminded me why I like to get my shopping done while they are at school. I noticed a Walmart employee with an unusually large rear end. What was strange was the size of her butt compared to the rest of her body. I am not saying her body was small, I am just saying her hiney was too big! So, I can't blame Lauren when she made the observation. I am just glad we were out of ear shot of the woman.

Lauren: Did you see that lady with the giant bottom?
Me: (lying through my teeth, in hopes of ending the conversation so the other Walmart employee walking next to us wouldn't over hear us) No.
Lauren: Well, she works here and she has a giant bottom, why didn't you see it?

Now the young male Walmart employee is chuckling under his breath.

Me: (to the young guy) Not funny!
Walmart guy: Depends on who you are.

After we were away from the employee I tried to discuss the situation with Lauren.

Me: How would you feel if someone said you had a giant bottom?
Lauren: But, I don't have a giant bottom.

Wow, where do I go from here? When she's right, she's right.

God Loves Mommy!

Me: Jack, you are a stud, you know that, right?
Jack: Yep
Me: You are an awesome kid!
Jack: Thanks.
Me: How did I get so lucky?
Jack: Maybe it is because God thought you were so awesome so he gave you the very best baby he had.
Me: I think you are absolutely right!

The Fruit of the Spirit is...

Travis: What did you guys learn in school today?
Ben: Nothing.
Lauren: I don't know.
Me: Did you have religion today?
Lauren: Yes.
Me: What did you learn in religion?
Lauren: I don't remember.
Me: What are the fruits of the spirit?
Lauren: ummmm...strawberries and lemons?

What's In A Name?

Lauren: What was your first name?
Me: Kelli
Lauren: No, what was your first name when you were a little girl like me?
Me: Kelli
Lauren: No, what was your name before it was Kelli?
Me: My name has always been Kelli
Lauren: Your name is Kelli now, what is your first name?
Me: Kelli
Lauren: You didn't have a first name?
Me: Yes, I have a first name and I have had it since I was born. My name is Kelli. Once your mommy and daddy give you a name, it is your name for the rest of your life.
Lauren: You don't understand! I want to know what your first name was?
Me: Just call me Mommy!

The First Day and The File

Today was Ben and Lauren's first day of school. They looked darling and had a great day. Drop off went well. The kids jumped right in and started playing; I was able to keep it together until I got to the car and read the poem the teachers handed me on the way out.

The First Day

We gave you a little wink and a smile
As you entered our room today.
For we know how hart it is to leave
And know your children must stay.

You've been with them for four years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas, the time has come
To leave them at our side.

Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
We'll love them as we would our own
And help them learn and grow.

So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For we will love them and take them in
When you leave them at our door.

By Jamie Solley

My day was really full with work and lunch with a friend so I didn't have much time at home. But the time I was at home was so quiet and lonely that I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Those kids have been my sidekicks for so long, I really missed them!










I am happy to report that there weren't additional entries into Ben and Lauren's "file" today. At meet the teacher I over heard Lauren interacting with one of the teachers.

Lauren: This is the mommy.
Teacher: Oh, where is the daddy?
Lauren: The daddy is over here, he is in jail.
Teacher: Why is the daddy in jail?

I love how the teacher tried to probe without acting too alarmed. I can only imagine the label on the file that this little exchange went in...

What Does This Protect?

Jack had his first baseball game last week. Grammy and grandpa took advantage of their move to Texas and came too. Unfortunately, they were only an inning and a half into the game when it was called for lightning. This is a double whammy, the kid is disappointed AND worst of all they didn't play enough innings for the game to count, so we have to do it all over again later in the season! Jack didn't touch the ball the whole game. He didn't bat and when he was in the field the ball didn't come near him. The only bright side of the whole evening was that his uniform was still in pristine condition so I wouldn't have to wash it! But, he ended up spilling his Gatorade down his shirt and onto his pants. I had him take his uniform off in the laundry room so I could get the red drink out of his new pants right away. When he took off his pants I noticed that that the Gatorade had soaked through his pants and into his special cup holding underwear. I had him take his underwear off so I could wash it too. The cup was left on the laundry room floor and I didn't give it another thought until the next morning when I heard Jack screaming at Lauren. I came running to see that Lauren had the cup upside down over her nose and mouth like a gas mask.

Me: Gross Lauren; take that off your face!
Lauren: What is it?
Me: It is Jack's cup.
Lauren: What do you do with it?
Jack: It is not for your nose, it is for my penis!

When I told my mom this story she was quick to bring up the story of her little brother putting her middle brother's jock on his head and running around the house saying "I didn't know you had a hockey mask, Billy!” The middle brother was yelling, "Get my jock off your head!" and my grandmother was screaming, "It is not a jock, it is an athletic supporter!" So, perhaps she has a genetic defect...

Jack

Travis: I am going to run over to Shan's and grab that jack.
Me: Okay
Ben: Why did you leave Jack at Shan's?

Do Glasses Make One Smarter?

Okay, I will admit it; I have pretty much sucked at keeping my new school year's resolution. I guess I am just not good at making resolutions. It seems that my blogging promise has fallen by the way side just like my vow to exercise and eat right. I resolve to no longer kid myself by making resolutions!

Ben's glasses came in yesterday, but Lauren's did not. No surprise, Ben did not want to wear the glasses. I instituted a star program that renewed his glasses wearing interest. When you wear your glasses ALL day you get a star. When you have 5 stars on your chart I will take you to the store to pick out a special prize. The ground rules are simple; only take your glasses off if you are sleeping. Ben attempted to work the system by telling me that he was going to 'take a nap' while he watched cartoons. Does he think I just fell off the turnip truck? I have worn (well, the eye doctor has thought I needed) glasses for 32 years. I can see these sorry excuses coming a mile away! But today when we arrived at "Meet The Teacher" at Ben and Lauren's new school I was pretty impressed.

Ben: I am going to take my glasses off and put them in the case so I can leave them in the car.
Me: No, you are going to wear them in.
Ben: I don't want to lose them in my classroom!

Now that was good! But, I am better. I explained that if he simply keeps his glasses on his face there is no chance of losing them.

My mom has always told me how hard it was to get a good picture of me when I was little because my glasses were always crooked or dirty. Now I get it. These two were the best I could come up with. I have worse ones where the poor kid looks like he has Downs Syndrome! The pictures don't do him justice he really does look cute!