Call Me Winona Ryder

So I went to Walmart on a Saturday, which was my first mistake. My second mistake was buckling Ben and Lauren into the cart. As soon as I buckled them they started to throw a fit, but I refused to give in. I don't like them getting out of the cart, not to mention I didn't want them to think that they get their way if they throw a fit. They both managed to scream the ENTIRE time I was at the store, and this wasn't a short little 5-minute trip. They both took their shoes off and threw them, they were hitting each other, pulling hair and spitting. I must have looked like an escapee from the insane asylum as I walked through the store. My head was pounding, my eyes were glossed over and my stomach was in knots as I did my all to ignore the screaming. I normally get several comments about how cute Ben and Lauren are, but today I didn't get a single one. I wonder why? They were still screaming when I went through the checkout, I was fried. The checker rang up my over priced soda twice, he could barely hear me call him out over all of the screaming. In the parking lot on the way to the car one of my 12 packs of soda fell off the bottom rack. Just as I stopped to pick it up Lauren managed to free herself from the buckle. She tried to make a break for it, without her shoes on. I grabbed her by the shoulder with a grip I learned from my mother and sat her back into the cart. Unfortunately, I missed the seat and she fell to the ground. If there were cameras in the parking lot I would be expecting a visit from CPS. When I finally started loading my groceries into the car I realized that the checker hadn't charged me for the card that was stuck behind my purse. I couldn't bring myself to go back in and pay for it. I am a thief, a shoplifter, a common criminal. I stole a $3 card. The only thing that makes me feel better about it is that I am positive I have been overcharged there at least once!

Lauren Hit The Lotto

Today while I was at the doctor I ran into a friend (who was also sitting out her sentence in the waiting room) who asked what size shoe Lauren wore. I said "5 or 5 1/2", she offered me all of her daughter's old shoes. Being the cheap ass that I am I jumped on the opportunity. She brought them over this afternoon. Lauren has hit the lotto. She had to try on every pair and walk around in them one at a time. She is still putting them on and demanding Ben, Jack and I to look at her feet. Poor Benny wanted to try on the hot pink tennis shoes so bad. The new shoes I just bought her at Target this morning are going back!!

Invitation With Strings...

Jack: Hey mom, what are you doing?
Me: Cleaning.
Jack: Why?
Me: Because Grammy and Grandpa are coming this weekend!
Jack: Why don't you just invite the cleaning ladies over tomorrow?

D-I-V-A

I had to go to the OB/GYN this morning. In the crowded waiting room Lauren pulled off her shoes and announced "Mom, I need a pedicure!” She is right; I painted her toenails several weeks ago and told her how special she was because mommy was giving her a 'pedicure'. Now, all she has left are two little chips of polish on her big toes.

After the doctor we ran to the western store to buy a pair of boots for a friend's new baby. This is our new baby gift of choice to anyone who is living outside the state of Texas! Lauren spotted a very cute pink cowboy hat. She immediately begged to try it on. I gave in and let her wear it through the store while I picked out boots. When it came time to check out I took the $19.99 hat off her head and put it back. She stopped dead in her tracks, laid on the ground, pounded her hands and kicked her feet as she yelled, "want it, pink cowgirl hat, want it!” All of the old cowgirl ladies looked at me as though I was the worst mother in the world for not purchasing the pink cowgirl hat for my little girl. Oh well, maybe Santa or Grammy will bring it for Christmas!

Time Flies!

Travis: What shoes are the babies wearing?
Me: Their sandals
Travis: With jeans?
Me: Yeah, I haven't gotten them any tennis shoes yet.
Travis: I thought they had tennis shoes.
Me: No, I haven't gotten to it.
Travis: What about those Nikes?
Me: We bought them those Nikes when they were 11 months old. They are now 26 months old, they have grown taller and their feet have gotten bigger too!

Tommy Boy

Tommy: Richard, do I have a mark on my face, it really hurts?
Richard: No, nothing, I thought I hit you in the shoulder.
Tommy: My shoulder doesn't hurt very much, but my face does, (motioning to the mark on his face) right here, not here or here so much, but right here.
Richard: No, shipshape. Waitress, can I get that shrimp cocktail I saw in the glass case.
Waitress: Yep, and you, what can I get...Jesus, what happened to your face?
Tommy: I knew it, see Richard!

Jack has been really accident-prone lately. This latest mark reminds me of Tommy Boy, one of my favorite movies! He was tipping his folding chair and landed on his Thomas wooden railway bridge. That coupled with the mysterious scratches on his forehead makes him look like an abused child!

Mission Accomplished!

As I was clutching the arms of the dentist chair with pliers on my first wisdom tooth I looked into the dentist's eyes to see an intense look of concentration as he braced himself against the chair and the counter behind him. It is then that I realized this is why most people choose to be put under. The tooth coming out sounded like a bent nail being pulled out of a stubborn 2x4. I am pretty sure I heard the dentist grunting as he pulled! Luckily the second two came out much easier! This may be the Hydrocodone talking, but I intend to go to photography class. For those of you in the area, don't worry I haven't been driving. Trisha picked Jack up from school and Anne is driving to photography class!

Wise?

This summer when I was at the dentist he said that I needed to have my wisdom teeth removed. My teeth aren't impacted or anything so the dentist said he could just pull them in the office without any pain medicine. At the time it seemed like a fine idea and I scheduled it for when Jack was in school. It seemed like it wouldn't happen since it was so far off. Well, now today is the day and I am beginning to think this wasn't a wise idea (aren't I punny?). It seems that everyone has a horror story about having his or her wisdom teeth removed. It is worse than hearing people's birth story! I am having my teeth yanked at 10:30am and still plan to pick Jack up at school at 2pm and go to my first photography class at 6:30pm. Am I expecting too much? I hope not!

Hey Lauren, Where's Your Belly Button?

This little outtie is just about the cutest thing I have ever seen!

It won't be long before she doesn't stick her stomach out with pride when she is asked to show off her belly button.

Go Cowboys!

Have you ever watched 'Making The Team' on CMT? It is a reality show about scantily clad women trying out to be Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. The kids were napping so I was watching it as I worked on making Halloween costumes. When Jack woke up he was sucked into the show just as I was.

Jack: Mom, all of those girls are fat!
Me: No they aren't, they are very skinny.
Jack: Yes they are, look at them; their shirts are all too small!

Up, Up And Away

This morning we got up at the ass crack of dawn to go to the local hot air balloon festival with friends. I had to wake the kids up so we could get there in time.

Me: Jack, it is time to get up and see the hot air balloons

Jack: But mom, it is the middle of the night.

Me: It seems like it, but it is just early in the morning

Jack: We aren't going to be able to see any hot air balloons, it is too dark.

Balloon at 'night'

We have lift off!

Best seat in the house.

Argh!

Holy Cow!

Good Show!

Husband In Training

Lauren: Look Benny, doggy!
Ben: Uh huh.
Lauren: Car!
Ben: Uh huh.
Lauren: Birdie!
Ben: Uh huh.
Lauren: Look, airplane!
Ben: (says nothing)
Lauren: Benny! See airplane?
Ben: Uh huh.
Lauren: LOOK!
Ben: I DID!

I know just how Lauren feels; this reminds me of conversations that I have with Travis while he is watching TV.

My Hero!

Tuesday Jack was at school and I was expecting the cleaning ladies at any moment so I unlocked the front door, filled a water bottle for myself, got snacks for Ben & Lauren and laced up my walking shoes. We went out the garage door without the opener because the front door was unlocked. I took the kids for a 45-minute walk. By the end of our walk I had to pee, was tripping and was well beyond glistening, let's not mince words; I was sweating like a pig. When I approached our house I noticed the cleaning ladies’ van wasn't out front. I was very annoyed. I was anticipating that they would be just about done by the time we got home. Lauren is scared of the cleaning ladies, so I try not to be home while they are working. I don't blame her, they scurry around like little mice, and I will admit they make me a little nervous. I figured I would get everyone inside then call and figure out where they were. All I wanted to do was go inside where it was cool, go to the bathroom and sit on my hiney. When I went to the front door, it was locked. Ben or Lauren must have locked the front door while I was getting everything else ready for our walk. I then tripped myself the mile to Trisha's house; I scuffed the front of my brand new right shoe flat. Travis had to come home from work to give me a key. I knew he was less than pleased, but he was our hero without complaining!

Random Boy

Jack: Mom, do your shorts ever get crammed up your booty?
Me: Yes
Jack: Does it hurt?
Me: Yes
Jack: It hurts me too, these shorts get crammed up my booty all the time.
Note to self; put those shorts in Ben's drawer.

Jack: Mom, Benny just said his first word!
Me: Benny has been talking for months
Jack: No, he hasn't, he just said "hi", watch this, hi Benny
Ben: Hi, Jack?
Jack: See, he can talk!
Me: Okay buddy, Ben can talk...

Jack: Why does Elsie get to live at the fun house?
Me: What do you mean?
Jack: Elsie has a trampoline and a 4-wheeler our house is boring
Me: Isn't there anything fun about our house?
Jack: Nope

Ashamed

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ernie_Chambers

I am normally not ashamed to say that I am from Nebraska. It is a good place to raise children, it is lacking in recreation and festivals, has state income taxes and cold weather, but it isn't embarrassing...like Iowa! :) However, Ernie Chambers one of Nebraska's state senators has hit an all time low causing Nebraskans everywhere to hang their heads in shame. Check out this article http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,297121,00.html. Good ol' Ernie is suing God for natural disasters in attempts to prove people should be allowed to file frivolous lawsuits. Who elected this moron? Frivolous lawsuits cost the government tons of money every year. Why shouldn't we limit them? Why on earth must time and money be wasted suing someone who will not be in court to defend himself? I would pay good money to be at the pearly gates when Ernie Chambers is arguing his case at the highest court and being judged by our maker. I suspect he will be going to hell! And, look at that picture! Is that the nicest sweat t-shirt you could come up with for the photo? You may think that I had to search long and hard to find such a bad picture, but while I was living in Nebraska you could find Ernie on the news nearly every night in varying degrees of sweaty t-shirts.

Who's The Mom?

Lauren: Sit down Benny!
Ben: Why?
Lauren: Because I said so!
Ben: Why?
Lauren: Because I am your mommy

Who’s the mommy? I guess I need to explain to Lauren that being bossy doesn't make you a mommy. Not to mention Travis is the one who is always saying, “Because I said so”. I really try to give a legitimate answer. If anything Lauren should have said, “Because I am your daddy”!

I've Still Got It!

For the last 2 years I have been waiting for today! Today was the first day of the "carpool line" at school. When your child is in the 4-year-old class you don't have to get your other two children dressed, unload the babies from the car, put them in the stroller, dig out your kid's backpack, get your preschooler out, then tromp into school with your hair in a ponytail and no make-up on. We get the privilege of pulling up to the door and dropping them off! This morning Jack woke up and told me that he didn't want to do carpool, he wanted ALL of us to walk him in like we always do. What? I haven't been in sales for the last three years, but I still consider it my specialty. I spent two hours this morning giving Jack the hard sell, just like my dad used to do to me. "The carpool line will be super cool, only the big kids get to do it", "The babies still have to walk in with their moms, but not you!” "You are so grown up", etc. As we were driving up to the school I still hadn't closed the deal. I pulled into the carpool line and heard Jack say, "What are we doing in this line of cars". "We are in the big kids carpool line, of course!" I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. "You mean those kids walking in with their moms are babies?" Jack whines. "Now you've got it,” I exclaim. The next thing I know Jack is bouncing around chanting something about being a big boy now. Sold! That's right folks; I've still got it! Where is the woman in white gloves? I have a ketchup popsicle I would like to sell her. Where is the Eskimo? I have some ice for sale! Anyone interested in some ocean front land in Nebraska?

Lock Down

Yesterday as I was preparing for the cleaning lady by doing laundry and picking up toys our annoying neighbors across the street call. The mother wanted to see if their 12-year-old (yes, the one who babysat this summer) could hang out with my kids while she ran errands. Being the sucker I am I say "sure!” although I was thinking 'are you really calling to ask me to baby-sit your 12-year-old?' Jack has recently been realizing that Amy is annoying and I think she senses it. Amy hasn't been very nice to Jack lately; it has definitely been a downward spiral. Yesterday all of the kids went upstairs to play as I continued to sort laundry. Apparently Jack finally got fed up with Amy and locked her, Ben and Lauren in the babies' room. We have the lock on the outside of their room so we can lock them in at night to be sure they don't go wandering around the house. We are getting to a point where we don't need to lock them in, but we haven't changed the doorknob around yet. I went upstairs to put Ben and Lauren's clothes away only to find that the door was locked and the three of them were inside. Amy was dialing her mom on her cell phone to ask her to call me and let them out. I am not exactly sure why she couldn't just yell for me. Oh wait, I know why, it is because she is a huge dork! Amy was visibly annoyed; maybe she will get the hint? I had a long talk with Jack about not being a bully but I am not sure any of it sunk in. As long as this doesn't go on at the Christian preschool I find it a little funny, but I won't be telling Jack that!

Last Fish Swimming

I guess I am better at raising kids than fish!

Update

Yesterday afternoon I sent an email to Jack's teachers about the lunch issue...

Hi Tara and Deb!

Jack told me that he wasn't allowed to eat his baked Cheetos and fruit rollup in his lunch today. I didn't find a note in his backpack about it (probably because I was a little early) and I just wanted to understand the situation. He told me he was still hungry and doesn't know why he didn't get to finish his lunch. I asked him if he had gotten in trouble and he said no. I asked if he ran out of time and he said no. If he isn't allowed to eat those things because they are too messy I want to make sure I don't pack them again and I understand the parameters. Whatever it is I don't care, I just want to know so I can make your lives easier! :) I would ask in the morning, but I know how busy you guys are then!

Kelli

Tara's response:

I was actually making copies the last few minutes of lunch so I was not in the room. I will ask Deb in the morning and we will let you know. I can tell you that those things are ok in his lunch. I did tell him at the beginning of lunch that I was not going to open his fruit roll ups until the other stuff was gone, because if we ran out of time he could wait and eat them after school-so maybe he misunderstood? I do feel bad because he was very excited about having Cheetos in his lunch. In fact it was very cute in the morning how he was telling me all about his Cheetos and drinkable yogurt he was getting for lunch. The only reason we typically tell a child they cannot eat something is if they are playing with the food or if we are out of time and they had not been eating. If we are out of time and a child still is eating usually one of us will wait behind with them. Thanks for your consideration of the busy moments we have at drop off in the morning.... we are there early though so I will discuss it with Deb and let you know.


Thanks,
TARA

When I spoke to Tara this morning she said that she had talked to Deb and Jack was not in trouble and it was probably just a misunderstanding. What a relief! I over heard one of the other teachers wishing Ms. Tara a happy birthday this morning. In attempts to be the ass kissing parent I dug a little gift out of my "gift closet" and raided Trisha's to put together a nice gift. Does this make up for being "that mom"?

Hungry Jack Part Two

When I picked up Jack from school he told me he was starving. I asked if he ate all of his lunch and he informed me that his teacher wouldn't let him. As soon as we got to the car I checked his backpack for a note about lunch. All I found was his unopened BAKED Cheetos and his fruit roll up. I asked Jack why he wasn't allowed to eat it. He insisted that he told his teachers that his fruit roll up was his dessert. I couldn't get to the bottom of why he wasn't allowed to eat all of his lunch. Was it because it wasn't healthy food? I had to sign a form that said I was responsible for the nutritional content of my kid’s lunch, but it didn’t say anything about not allowing “junk food”. Was it because they were messy items? Did he get in trouble during lunch? Did he run out of time to eat? I just don't know. But, I will! Those teachers are going to think I am crazy! I am going to have to go in and ask about the Cheetos and fruit roll up. I don't mind if they don't let him have it. But, if it is a behavior issue I need to deal with it at home too. Or, if it is a health or mess issue I need to know that too so that I don't make the same mistake again. Am I being "that mom" again?

Another One Bites The Dust

Two fish down, two to go. This morning when Jack woke up he noticed that one of the fish was "swimming at the bottom". He was certain he was dead, I assumed he was resting. Jack was right, enough said. I got out the net and we flushed fishy number one. While Jack was at school another fish bit the dust. Again the net came out and I flushed him to fishy heaven. Jack hasn't notice that the second fish is gone. He didn't seem real bothered by the first so I didn't think it was necessary to even bring it up.

Hungry Jack

Jack: I got hungry at school yesterday.
Me: Did you eat all of your lunch?
Jack: Yes, but you didn't pack me enough.
Me: Well what do you want in your lunch box?
Jack: The other kids had lots of food.
Me: What did they have?
Jack: Peanut butter and jelly.
Me: You don't like peanut butter and jelly.
Jack: I know.
Me: So what should I pack for you?
Jack: Chef Boyardee and a hot dog.
Me: Sweetie you need to heat those things up, I can't pack that in your lunch.
Jack: (exasperated) We will just work on packing my lunch together tomorrow and I will show you what I need.

I have already packed the lunch because I know Jack won't be up in time to mess with it. Today I packed: cheese, meat and crackers, string cheese, baked Cheetos, grapes, applesauce, fruit rollup, drinkable yogurt and a Capri sun. If that doesn't fill the kid up, I don't know what will!

First Day Of School

Today was the first day of school. I was able to get so much done! I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond, Linen N Things, Walmart, the dry cleaners, the dentist, made a donation at Goodwill, read a magazine and cleaned out my recipe drawer (which is no small task, I sorted over 200 scraps of paper with random recipes on them)! It is amazing to me how light the child load can feel by just getting rid of one kid! I have been thinking that Ben and Lauren were the ones to blame for the fighting. I now know that Jack is the instigator and has perfected the skill of looking innocent when I turn my head. So much for those darn eyes in the back of my head, I guess I am going to need some glasses! I will say I was a little lost without Jack. I just don't feel complete without him with me. I can only imagine how a mother who loses her child feels. When my heart aches for Jack during the school day I just need to remind myself that I will be picking him up in a few short hours. I don't know if I could go on if there wasn't a pick up time. Lauren missed him too. She must have asked me a thousand times where Jack was. I finally got to the point where I would respond to her question by saying, "I don't know Lauren, where is Jack?" She was convinced he was upstairs; I finally just went with it.

As I was taking the traditional 'First Day Of School' pictures in front of the garage Jack insisted that I take this picture so we could "remember how cool his backpack is". No wonder kids are having more back problems these days, look how big that sucker is! And, yes, he is wearing shorts!

Go Fish!

Much to Travis' opposition the kids got goldfish yesterday. When Jack was almost 2 we got him a fish tank for Christmas. We didn't get him expensive fish, just some different colors for him to watch swim around. He loved watching the fish. He also loved putting stuff into the fish tank. He put his Hokey Pokey Elmo in the tank once. That was the end of Hokey Pokey Elmo, after his swim he was possessed and would start dancing in the middle of the night, so he went to toy heaven. The fish tank was finally thrown away when Jack decided to feed the fish the entire economy pack of fish food at one sitting. I heard him coming down the stairs chanting to himself "gotta tell mommy I fed the fish, gotta tell mommy I fed the fish". I couldn't stomach cleaning the tank because I was pregnant with the twins and in the throws of morning sickness. By the time Travis came home from work to deal with it most of the fish were dead or close to it!

My MOPS group sponsored the goldfish pond at the church carnival yesterday. Jack came along to help pick up the fish at the pet store and stood by while we set up the booth. There was no way that I could tell Jack that all the other kids got to take the fish home but he couldn't. So while we were at the pet store I picked up a small fish bowl, net and some fish food so we could try again. As I was bringing everything in Jack saw me with the net and asked "Is that net to take the fish out of the bowl when they die?"

That Mom

It has taken awhile for me to be ready to post about this. Friday Jack met his preschool teachers and the rest of his classmates. I knew he wasn't going to be with any of his friends and I was okay with that. I assumed he wasn't with anyone he knew because I had volunteered him to be in the peanut free classroom. I figure in the real world you are not always going to be with your pals so you will have to work to make new friends. You know, make new friends but keep the old; some are silver and the others gold. Okay, maybe you don't know if you weren't a girl scout! When I walked Jack into class there were 4 other children crying like babies because they were afraid to be there. This was not an actual school day, it was just meet the teacher and your mom stays with you. After talking to one of the teachers I realized why Jack wasn't with anyone he knew. He has always been the youngest in the older kid class and because of the way the birthdays fell this time he is the oldest in the younger kid class. When he was in the older kid class he was always one of the most mature and fit in great, so I am uneasy about him being with all of the crybabies. Then I over heard a conversation between another mother and the teacher that went something like this:

Mother: Are there any kids with allergies in this class?
Teacher: No, isn't that great? I love nothing more than peanut butter M&Ms and a Diet Coke!
Mother: Oh good, I wanted to bring in some peanut butter play-doh that the kids can play with and eat.
Teacher: Oh, that would be lots of fun! I can bring cookie cutters and chocolate chips to put in it!

Okay, I didn't put that Jack was allergic to peanuts on his form because he can eat a few if they are in trail mix or something and he can sit next to a kid that has a peanut butter sandwich in his lunch. But, at the same time if he eats too much peanut butter his stomach gets upset and he throws up. I assumed that in a preschool setting they weren't going to give the kids peanut butter...silly me!

I was really upset after meet the teacher and was frantically trying to call Anne and Trisha to ask their advice. Meanwhile, they were making the birthday cake for my surprise party so they were avoiding my calls. I called home, I called cell phones, and then I tried again...nothing. I even called my mom at work and her cell phone and couldn't get her. I was feeling so sorry for myself! So I called Travis who said, "you need to call the director, he can't be in that class!” So, I was that mom and called the director to voice my concerns. She basically told me that there is nothing she can do at this late date about Jack's classroom but she will send an email to the teachers about peanut butter play-doh. I have since gotten to talk to Anne and Trisha who have helped me come down the off the ledge, but I am still not completely sold on this being the right class for Jack. I asked Jack if he liked his new class and he told me that it was awesome, his favorite part is the pretend vacuum cleaner.

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

Last night Travis had a wonderful surprise party for me at a local wine bar. I was told that we were going to an expensive restaurant with friends who had a gift certificate. When Travis got home he told me that the reservations had gotten messed up so we were going to eat later and stop at the wine bar for a drink since we all had sitters already lined up. Our sitter arrived early so I wanted to go ahead and leave. Travis dilly-dallied which drives me crazy, but I didn't think anything of it since he always does that! When we arrived at the bar I saw the two couples that we were suppose to go to dinner with as well as another couple. I hate to admit that my first thought was "oh, I didn't realize they were coming, that gift certificate isn't going to go very far". Imagine how bitchy I felt when I realized that there were even more people there and it was a surprise party for me! All of my friends were there and it was just fabulous. Anne and Trisha made the most beautiful cake ever. I think it was even prettier than my wedding cake! I have always wanted a surprise party and after 32 years my wish has been granted. What a great night thanks to wonderful friends and a great husband!

What's Up Dog?

What is a bigger spectacle than shopping with 2-year-old twins? Shopping with 2-year-old twins and a barking kid in a puppy mask. Yesterday we had to run a few errands. Our first stop was Michael’s where Jack found a puppy mask that he fell in love with. I had an extra 40% off coupon and told him that if he wanted to take the mask home with him he could use my coupon and pay me back 10 quarters when we got home. He was thrilled with the opportunity and handed the mask, coupon and money to the checkout lady with pride. I wasn't thinking about the remainder of my errands when I said he could buy the mask. Jack went through Linens N Things and Walmart barking with his mask on. I had to ask him a few times to bark in his inside voice and deal with the stares from other shoppers, but I think it was actually easier to shop with a dog than a 4-year-old!

I'll Get Them For You

When my room was a mess when I was young my dad used to say "If you tell me who did this to your room, I will get them for you!" This is how I felt yesterday morning when I let Ben and Lauren out of their room. As you know it was my birthday so I rewarded myself with a little extra time in bed. I heard them playing but I decided I would let it ride. This is the aftermath...

Criminal?

Did you see the story on the assistant principal who left her 2-year-old daughter in the hot car for 8 hours? The woman left for the morning, but it was too early to drop the little girl off at daycare so she stopped to buy donuts. Instead of dropping her daughter off at daycare the mother then went on to work and forgot about her daughter because of the change in her routine. Obviously the poor little girl died. The DA is not pressing charges saying that the mother is already punishing herself enough. I am not sure how I feel about this. Travis' best friend in high school's brother killed his prom date in a drunk driving accident and had to go to jail. You can't tell me that he wanted that to happen or that he didn't punish himself, but he still went to jail for his neglect. I am not the one who needs to judge on this one, the mother will be meeting her maker someday and will answer to him. I believe God will forgive her if she asks. The biggest problem I have with the story on Good Morning America were the tips on how to remember your kids are in the backseat. If you are going to change your routine leave your purse in the backseat so that will trigger your memory. I am sorry, if someone is going to forget their kid, do you really think they will remember their purse? I can say I have forgotten my purse more times than I can count! My mom can tell you that she used to get calls from me all the time because I had forgotten my gym clothes or my lunch. But, knock on wood; I have never forgotten my children!

Happy Birthday To Me

Travis got me a new lens for my digital camera for my birthday. I went outside to play with it this morning. I was attempting to copy the work of my friend Anne. Here is a picture of the bee right before he stung me. My only solace is that he is dead now!

You Say It's Your Birthday....

Last night I went to girl's night out for MOPS. It was a small group, but lots of fun. The waitress happened to walk by as we were talking about my birthday. The waitress stopped cold in her tracks, "it's your birthday?” "Oh no, no" I say. I had already seen the poor wait staff barking out their birthday tune to some other unfortunate soul. I thought this had ended it, but thanks to the plotting of my good friend and the waitress, that I shouldn't have tipped, I was also subjected to the embarrassment. As the wait staff came out of the kitchen clapping I looked at my dining partners and said "thank God today isn't my birthday". The next thing I know they were coming to my table. I tried not to make eye contact, but they still came. I hated having to sing when I waited tables and as much as I like to be the center of attention I do not appreciate being pointed at!

The rest of our dinner conversation centered on our children. All of the girls that were there had boys so we shared war stories about our kids’ injuries. It reminded me of a story from when Jack was a baby:

In all of the parenting classes they say don't put your baby on the counter in their carrier. When I was being told that I thought to myself "what kind of idiot would do that?" Well, I answered my own question...me! When Jack was about four months old, I was working full time, I would bring him home from daycare and sit him on the counter while I cooked dinner. He was happy being up by the action rather than playing by himself. I thought I would make him a little more comfortable by unbuckling him. Who knew he would choose that moment to start moving? I was turned toward the stove talking to Travis on the phone as he drove home from work. I heard a loud splat. In a split second I turned and saw Jack face down on the floor. I said "Oh shit" and hung up the phone. I scooped Jack up as quickly as I could. I know this was the wrong thing to do. He could have had a spinal cord injury from a fall like that. In actuality, the only injury Jack received from his fall was a small scratch on his neck from my fingernail when I picked him up with such haste. I got out the flashlight and checked to make sure his eyes dilated and pushed on all of his little bones. Meanwhile, Travis had heard the splat over the phone and didn't know what had happened. He was in rush hour traffic, but he didn't let that stop him. He took the shoulder and the ditches home at high speeds. No, he wasn't driving an SUV; he was driving his little Audi. By the time I called Travis back to tell him what had happened and that Jack was okay he was pulling into the neighborhood in his damaged car. The undercarriage of his car was all torn up from his stuntman driving. He actually went back to one of the ditches to pick up pieces of his car. But, the good news was that Jack was okay and the car could be fixed! When Travis got home I called the pediatrician and admitted to the on call nurse what I had allowed to happen to my poor baby. The nurse asked, "Does he have anything coming out of his ears, nose or mouth?" Are you kidding me? Do you think I would be calling the doctor if something were coming out of his ears? No, I would be driving to the ER or calling 911! After going through a barrage of questions the nurse and I decided that he was fine and we should just keep an eye on him. A solution I have used many times since!

Queer Card Contest

When my grandpa was alive he would hold a "Queer Card Contest" on his birthday. I have a hands down winner from my husband:

Outside: It seems so unfair. I got a wife who's beautiful, smart, supportive, and fun.

Inside: And all you got was a sexual powerhouse.

Travis found this card so amusing he was laughing out loud (lol for you texters out there) as I was opening the envelope!

Forever Young?

The last time I quoted Oprah my husband told me that I would be better off dialing the phone (for work) than watching television. But, once again I am going to respectfully disagree! Today I turned on Oprah to find a show on the new Dove campaign and rejoicing in your age. It was perfect timing, as I will be celebrating my 32nd birthday tomorrow. I was totally motivated by these beautiful young looking women. The tip these women gave over and over was to find what you love and do it. I am on the hunt for something to make me young again. I went back to Pilates today after a 10-day hiatus and realized how much I missed it and at the end of the month I will be starting a photography class with a friend...perhaps these are the answers. It is official, all of those people that say your kids keep you young are wrong! I love my kids more than anything, but I will state for the record, they are aging me NOT keeping me young!

Mom?

When did I go from "Mommy" to "Mom"? I didn't put in for a name change, nor did I approve one. Suddenly Jack has become a big boy too cool to call me "Mommy" unless he is hurt. I don't think I am old enough to be "Mom". I really just got used to being a mommy! It is only a matter of time before he won't let me kiss him when I drop him off at school, then he won't let me drop him off in front of the school, then he will be driving himself...I feel a midlife crisis coming on!

Home Sick

We have had a great Labor Day weekend. I went to drunko (and won!) Friday night, Saturday we watched the Nebraska game with friends on their big screen and yesterday we had a great family day going to the park, shopping and going out to dinner. Although it has been great I can't help but wish I were at the lake with my family eating nachos and drinking margaritas on the deck.