Bun In The Oven

Lauren got one of the Cuddle 'N Coo dolls for Christmas. My mom ordered it shortly after all of the "Islam is the light" controversy so that Lauren would be sure to get one before they were pulled from shelves. Lauren took to this doll time and time again when we were perusing the toy aisles before Christmas. Lauren loves the doll and for the first time has given the baby a real name. Her name is Sally Baby compared to her other dolls Potty Girl, Naked Baby, Pink Baby and so on. The talking has started to bother her, but she won't admit it. I have caught her covering the baby's face so she won't have to hear her and tonight she searched and searched for Sally Baby before she went to bed. When she found her, she brought her to her bedroom, opened the door to her play oven, put Sally Baby in, closed the door and climbed into her bed. When I questioned her about Sally Baby sleeping in the oven she said it was so the baby wouldn't wake her up.

Come On Man, It's The Holidays

Have you seen the commercial with the gingerbread people for AT&T. As much as I HATE AT&T (which is several other stories), I love this commercial. It is funny EVERY time I see it! My kids have picked up on my uncontrollable chuckling every time the gingerbread man says "Oh come on man, it's the holidays"

Which brings me to today. I had to take all three kids to the courthouse several towns over to pay a speeding ticket and sign my probation papers. The customer service desk is right outside the courtroom so the kids got to experience all sorts of things. A mother and her teenage son stepped up to the window next to us to plead the kid's case. The mother was giving all sorts of excuses about the kid being in rehab, etc. Mom was pulling out all of the stops; I didn't realize how closely the kids were listening until she said, "well, it's the holidays blah, blah, blah". Then Ben loudly shouts out a "Come on man, it's the holidays!”

I don't know if the lady and teenager heard him, but I can guarantee you the man on the other side of us that was about to wet his pants heard. That kid is funny!

Jack On Baseball

Jack: Mom, will you get me a shirt to wear outside?
Me: Sure! (Handing him his old baseball jersey)
Lauren: His football shirt?
Me: That is his baseball jersey.
Jack: Yeah Lauren, didn't you ever watch any of my games? I was the one messing around in the dirt.

Happy Birthday

Ben: Whose birthday is coming up?
Me: You tell me!
Ben: Daddy! And, Jesus!
Me: Very good!
Ben: Is Jesus going to have a birthday party?
Me: Yes, Christmas is his birthday party.
Ben: Can I go?
Me: Absolutely, everyone is invited!
Ben: Where is his party going to be?
Me: At church.
Ben: Is there going to be a bounce house at church?
Me: I doubt it.
Ben: What are we going to do for fun at church?
Me: Sing Christmas carols.
Ben: What kind of party is daddy having? Will he have a bounce house?

You Don't Always Get What You Want!

Today was breakfast with Santa at Jack's school. In addition to the rubbery pancakes and congealed sausage the kids got to shop at Elf Land. Elf Land gives the kids the opportunity to shop by themselves and buy gifts for their family. Jack decided that he was going to buy gifts for Ben, Lauren, Mommy, Daddy, Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma Judy. He counted out all of his quarters, and then started planning his shopping attack.

Jack: What do you want for Christmas Mom?
Me: I could really use a new set of measuring cups.
Jack: Well, I will see what I can do, but like you always say you don't always get what you want.

When Jack emerged from Elf Land he was carrying 4 gifts, one for Ben, one for me and two for Lauren.

Me: Jack did you forget anyone?
Jack: Nope!
Me: What about Daddy, Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma Judy?
Jack: Oh no, I have to go back in!

Trash or Treasure

Go ahead, call me a dork, let's get it over with. I have been collecting the state quarters since they came out in 1999. I only need three more quarters. Travis was going through his change glass for me when Jack came in.

Jack: What are you doing?
Me: Looking for the rest of the quarters for my collection.
Jack: Can I see?
Me: Sure, see I have everything except Oklahoma, Arizona and Hawaii.
Jack: When you get those are you going to throw it away?
Me: NO! Are you kidding me?
Jack: Well that is what you do with all of my work that I bring home from school. You look at it then you throw it in the trashcan.

Potty Problems

Lauren has been in heaven the last two days. We gave her a "Potty Doll" for Nate and Spence's birthday. This baby caught my eye because it has the toilet Lauren wants without the mess, the doll doesn't actually pee. I haven't seen her without her baby named, Potty Girl, since she opened the gift yesterday. She carries her around putting her on the potty every few minutes; she even slept with her last night. Her brother's have been tormenting her by turning the doll or the potty off. Because she wasn't the one that turned it off she always assumed that it was broken. So, I wasn't alarmed when I heard...

Lauren: Mommy, my potty won't flush!

I was in the middle of wrapping gifts.

Me: Okay honey, I am in the middle of something, I will fix your potty in a minute.

The next thing I heard was my darling little girl splashing in water on the bathroom floor and water erupting from the toilet. The formerly half full toilet paper roll was empty and Lauren's deposit was dangerously close to floating out of the potty. I opened the linen closet in search of the plunger with no luck. I ran to the other bathroom to grab the plunger. I plunged with all my might. I momentarily had superhuman powers and plunged right through the poop. When I got the waterfall stopped I realized the bottom inch of my jeans was soaking up the dirty toilet water. I did my best to swallow the vomit that rushed up my throat. Lauren could sense my disgust as I barked orders to get more towels, get out of the way and be quiet.

Lauren: Mommy, I TOLD YOU that I was having a problem.
Me: Yes, honey you did...

Unanswered Prayers

Seven years ago today I was praying like I never had before or have since. I had given birth to extremely premature twins. We were prepped that Nate wouldn't make it, but we had a lot of hope for Spence. Both boys were born, lived a few hours and died December 9th, 2001. I can easily pinpoint this as the worst day of my life.

If Nate and Spence had lived, we would have never met Jack, Ben or Lauren. I can't imagine my life without those three! I think I love them even more intensely than the average mother because of what we went through with Nate and Spence. I never want to relive December 9th, 2001, but I wouldn't give it up for all the money in the world. I love my family and can't imagine it any other way. I guess Garth was right "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers".

I love you Nate and Spence and can't wait to meet you again!

Birthday Bragging

I carpool with a neighbor to school. I drop off and she picks up. The boys are always trying to top each other. This morning I overheard this conversation.

Jack: We get birthday presents tomorrow!
James: It isn't your birthday.
Jack: I know that.
James: Then why do you get birthday presents tomorrow?
Jack: Tomorrow is my brothers' birthday; they can't open presents because they are in heaven so we get the presents instead.
James: I wish my sister was in heaven!

Here I was thinking I was doing the right thing by making the kids aware of Nate and Spence in a positive way. But, somehow it has turned into the neighbor boy wishing death on his sister.

Stained Pants On Fire

This morning Jack got ready as fast as he could so that he could color his Santa homework for school. The washable crayons that Ben and Lauren use are worn, broken and unorganized. The only new box of crayons I had wasn't washable. I assumed Jack could be trusted with them. I got him started and sat with him at the table for a few minutes while he colored. I was only gone for a couple minutes when he approached me with a red crayon in his hand.

Jack: Mom, I just noticed that I have a stain on my jeans. (Pointing at a fist sized scribble on the thigh of his school jeans)
Me: What happened?
Jack: I don't know it must have been there when I put them on.
Me: I don't think you are telling me the truth.
Jack: Why not?
Me: Because you are holding a red crayon and it is a red crayon stain on your jeans. What really happened?
Jack: I drew a happy face on my jeans, and then I thought you would be mad at me so I scribbled it out.
Me: Jack, those crayons are not washable; I hope that stain comes out!
Jack: It isn't my fault!
Me: Then whose fault is it?
Jack: You didn't tell me they weren't washable!
Me: But who colored on your jeans?
Jack: Me.
Me: Then whose fault is it?
Jack: Mine. I'm sorry.

Most of the time he is so mature and smart, and then there are times that I just wonder if someone switched his pancakes with retard sandwiches for breakfast!

Black Friday Bait and Switch

I think I can finally write about my disappointing Black Friday experience. I have the stockings hung by the mantle with care.

I have meticulously decorated all three Christmas trees and placed the coordinating gifts beneath them.



I am now in a better frame of mind, so I can tell you the sad, sad story.

I asked Travis early the morning of Thanksgiving Day to go buy me a newspaper. He didn't leave right away as I had hoped; as a matter of fact he didn't go until about 11. By 11, Walmart was sold out of papers. He called me from the store to ask me how important a paper was to me. I explained how much money was potentially on the line so he headed for the gas station. There weren't any papers there either! He resorted to "stealing" one of our neighbors that we knew were out of town for Thanksgiving. By the time he got home with the paper I didn't have anytime to go through the ads before we left for my aunt and uncle's house.

We didn't get home from Thanksgiving dinner until 9 or 10. Yes, I was full and tired, but I still went through the ads page by page. I even went through the stores that I don't normally go to. Nothing. There wasn't anything that was worth getting up at the crack of dawn for. There were a few good buys at Walmart, but there wasn't anything I couldn't live without. I decided that I wouldn't set an alarm; I would just go to Walmart when I got up and if they didn't have the things I wanted it wasn't meant to be.

Come to find out, there was no need to set an alarm as my cell phone rang at 5:30am. You see I have to have a very loud ring so I can hear my phone when I am out and about with 3 screaming kids. It was my mother and sister who assumed that I had already been out shopping for two hours like they were. I didn't get up to answer but I was awake. I laid in bed for 10 or 15 minutes then decided I should get up and check Walmart out. I drove to Walmart as I talked to my mom and sister on the phone. I found everything I wanted at Walmart. I had to settle for the blue $9 vacuum rather than the pink that I really wanted. But, all in all a successful trip. My mom and sister quilted me into making the trek to Sears for a watch for my dad. It was a Timex watch for $19.95, marked down from $40. It was a deal I couldn't refuse. I drove across town in a downpour. I had to park 3 miles away and run inside. I don't know why I ran; I really don't know how I would have gotten any more wet. I went immediately to the watch counter. The Timex watches were locked in a glass case. Are you kidding me, locked? There was only one clerk working the counter. I waited patiently while an Indian (dot not tomahawk) blew their wad on $1200 in Sears jewelry. They discussed the extended warranty on every cheap piece of jewelry they were purchasing. Then to top it off they wanted everything individually gift-wrapped. Why did the only clerk at the watch counter have to wrap it all? Finally it was my turn. I had staked out the watch and was ready to go.
Me: I need the $20 Timex.
The clerk went on a search of her case.
Me: It is right here.
Clerk: Oh, thanks. That will be $30.
Me: No that is on sale for $19.95.
I quickly flipped through my ad and pointed to the sale.
Clerk: This watch has gray buttons and the one in the ad has orange buttons.
Me: They are the same watch, they are both Ironman watches and they are both regularly $40.
Clerk: Oh, but they have different numbers. This one is one digit off.
Me: I understand that the numbers are different because the buttons are different colored, but they are the same watch.
Clerk: I am sorry; we sold that one a little while ago.
Me: That one? You only had one?
Clerk: Yes.
Me: I feel like I have waited very patiently while you helped other customers and I think you should give me this watch for the sale price.
Clerk: Let me call my manager...

Clerk: I can give you 10% off, but I can't give you the sale price.
Me: Fine.

I was hacked! But, I bought the watch anyway. My dad needed a birthday gift. I was at Sears. I just needed to get the job done. But it really makes me mad! How dare you advertise a watch that you only have one of in order to get me into your store to spend more? I learned about this trick in marketing class...that is bait and switch!!

Santa Savy

If you read my previous post, you know I am not a real Santa expert, but I am pretty proud of this one. My friend turned me on to this website. You write your own letter from Santa to your kids, send it to the post office in a self-addressed, stamped envelope and they send it back with a North Pole postmark.

This is the letter Santa is sending to my kids. Please feel free to borrow any or this entire letter!

Dear Jack, Ben and Lauren,

Thank you for the nice letter Jack! I love how you used such good manors when you sent me your Christmas list. I can tell you are working hard on your writing and know you are an excellent student.

A long time ago, before there were cars, airplanes, DVDs, Barbies, Nintendos and yes, even Santa, a child was born in a manger. What’s a manger? It’s a small wooden building that is meant to house animals – sort of like a stable. His parents traveled a very long way before they reached Bethlehem. It was very cold that night and they looked everywhere for a room but there wasn’t any. Then an innkeeper allowed them to sleep in his manger.

A bright star shown over Bethlehem that night. People all over saw the light and many followed it including three kings from foreign lands known as the Three Wise Men. They believed that the King of the Jews was to be born under it. They bowed down before Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus and gave him gold, frankincense (which is a sweet smelling incense), and myrrh (which is a special perfume).

The child born in that small stable was Jesus Christ, The Son of God, and our Savior. This was the very first Christmas ever! With all the holiday gifts and fun, always remember the true reason for the season.

For Christmas, I will bring each of you THREE gifts just like Jesus received from the Wise Men. I have been watching you all year and I am proud of your behavior. I have noticed that all of you occasionally have difficult times doing as you are told and being polite. Do your best this holiday season, I am watching and I believe in you! I will work hard to bring you everything on your list as long as you continue to make me proud!

Your elf, Mr. Scotters, is looking forward to spending the holiday season with you at your house. He will be reporting everything you do back to me every night. So, make me proud and remember to be kind and compassionate just like Rachael.

Merry Christmas,
Santa

Naughty Sister

Jack: Mom, do we have a new, unwrapped toy that I can take to school?
Me: What do you need that for?
Jack: They are for our sister school.
Me: Yes, I have something you can take. Do you know why we do that?
Jack: No.
Me: This gift will go to a little girl in a family that doesn't have much money. This will probably be the only Christmas present she will get this year. They probably won't have a fancy Christmas dinner and they probably don't have a nice house to live in or nice cars to drive.
Jack: Why doesn't Santa bring toys to poor kids? Was she naughty?

Busted! How do you answer that one? I have a girlfriend that has told her kids the truth about Santa because she doesn't feel right 'lying' to her kids. I was feeling like she was a little nuts until that question. Oh, what a tangled web weave. When first we practice to deceive.

Me: Doesn't it feel good to give rather than receive?
Jack: Yeah, but I like to receive too!