Liar, Liar

Did you ever see that movie with Jim Carey, 'Liar, Liar'? I am suddenly feeling like the main character that can't lie and ends up saying offensive things. At Jack's award ceremony yesterday the teachers gave us sample of the kids writing. Let's just say Jack isn't the best writer in the class. Actually, since we are telling the truth, he is giving the worst a run for his money. Anyway, Jack showed me his writing with pride and I sarcastically said, "Where is it?” one of his teachers heard me and pointed to his scribbles and said, "Right here, see the J?”

After school I was collecting money from the other parents for pizza. One mother hadn't paid and I saw her in the parking lot waving her two bucks at me. I yelled, "I want my two dollars!” which is a quote from 'Better Off Dead'. The other mother didn't get my joke and looked at me like I was being really rude. So, rather than let it go I explained it is a line from 'Better Off Dead'. She continued to look blankly at me so I further explained by saying it was a movie from the 80s. She is an older mom, so it ended up looking like I was saying she was old.

Then as if it couldn't get any worse I took the kids to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things. There was a woman there who was having a really hard time with her little boy. He was probably two and a half and running away from her at every opportunity. She was at her breaking point and yelling at him as though she had lost it. I ended up in line behind her. My three kids were being angels believe it or not. Her little boy was hanging out by my cart. I told her it was fine and looked after him while she paid for her groceries. The guy behind me in line asked me if I had four kids and I said "NO! that one isn't mine" pointing at the naughty little boy. The woman turned around to see if she needed to save her child from something. I gave her a sheepish little wave and she turned back around. I was feeling a little guilty about how my statement sounded so I chased her down with my car in the parking lot, rolled down my window and explained that I didn't mean that her kid was naughty, just that I didn't have four kids. This ended up making me look like more of an ass, but whatever!

Last night I went to a friend's to watch 'An Inconvenient Truth' with several others. The movie was informative, but Al Gore is such a dope. That's right, I said it out loud. But I didn't stop there, I then asked if he did this research before or after he invented the internet. It was as though I had diarrhea of the mouth. The others looked at me like I had floated a turd in the party punch bowl. Besides that little event, the evening was fun. I miss getting together and speaking intelligently with others rather than talking about the size of my son's poop or what my daughter stuck up her nose.