More?

I took Ben and Lauren to the store to buy a baby gift. The clerk asked me if they were twins, how old they were, then she asked the question I dread. "Are they your only children?" It seems like a simple enough question, but I am left fighting for the words to answer the question. My heart silently answers "No, I have twin boys who are almost 6 and a 4-year-old boy". My stomach ties in knots as my lips answer "No, I have a 4-year-old boy who is in preschool today". I know a random stranger doesn't want to hear my sad story, but at the same time I feel like I am denying the twins by not acknowledging them. When Jack was really little and people asked if he was my first I would often say "No, I have twin boys" and drop it. My kids are now old enough to get confused by an answer like that. My heart is often heavy this time of year as I reflect on my attempts to preserve Nate and Spence's lives as I sat on bed rest. I can't believe it has already been 6 years; the pain is still so fresh. But, at the same time look at all we have accomplished in the 6 short years since!