Assertive Push Over

http://www2.oprah.com/videochannel/videochannel_player.jhtml?video=1178&category=31

If you haven't seen this guy’s final lecture you really need to watch this! He has some really great things say. I was watching him intently for the third or fourth time yesterday afternoon. I can get through the entire speech with dry eyes, but at the end when he says that he didn't write the speech for his students or the rest of America, he wrote it for his three young children to watch when they get older. This puts me into hysterics every time. I don't just tear up. I bawl like a little baby, complete with sound effects. I know it is coming, I know he what he will say at the end of the speech, but every time I completely loose it. I can't imagine leaving my children on this earth all alone. Logically, I know they wouldn't be alone; perhaps it is just my attempt at making myself feel important. Anyway, as I was blubbering my annoying neighbor called wanting to send her 12-year-old over to play with my kids that are less than 25% her age. My head was saying, “no way, my eyes are all red, I just want to be alone”, unfortunately my mouth said “sure, send her over!” Why do I do that? Why can’t I just tell people what I really want? Everyone thinks I am assertive, but I seem to always let myself down by being a total push over.