Another First...

Jack has been playing T-ball for a couple of years now. He has officially aged-up and is in coach pitch with a harder ball. I got an email from the coach stating that it was "imperative" for the boys to wear a cup. Hmmm, where do I start? I asked Travis if buying your first cup is something that a boy does with his father. I was hoping Travis would take this task off my plate, but he didn't. I giggled like a schoolgirl when Travis told me to take him to Dick's. Jack also needed new baseball pants; black socks and a black belt so I headed to the little embroidery shop around the corner that has that stuff super cheap. I had a nice high school boy helping us and noticed that they sold cups, so when Jack went into the fitting room trying on the pants I took the opportunity to learn more...

Me: While he is in the fitting room can you help me get a...(lowering my voice to a whisper) cup and jock strap?
High school girl: I don't know anything about that...(pointing to the high school boy) he can help you...giggle, giggle, giggle.
High school boy: (walking me over to the wall of different colored and sized cups) they are over here. (He handed me the first cup he could get his hands on)
Me: This looks a little big...as a matter of fact this would fit me! (Holding it over my privates)
HSB: Yeah, that one is a little big, let's see...(he handed me a smaller cup that didn't include the jock) this is just the cup, you will need to buy the jock or the briefs separate.
Me: Briefs?
HSB: Yeah, they have briefs now that you can slip the cup in. I wear them; they are a lot more comfortable.
Me: Okay, do you have any of those in his size?
HSB: No, we don't, you can go to Sports Authority.
Me: Okay, Sports Authority sounds better, my husband suggested Dick's and that just felt wrong!
HSB: I don't blame you!
Me: Okay, so on these underwear; do you wear your boxers over the top of them?
HSB: NO! His junk will get too hot! You wash the briefs like underwear.
Me: Got it! (Reading the package) This says to wipe clean with a damp cloth with a mild detergent. Do people really do that? Why don't they just buy a new one? Cleaning the cup is not in my job description!
HSB: I don't clean mine.
Me: Does your mom?
HSB: I hope not.
Me: Okay, I need the cup, pants, socks and belt.
High school girl: Do you want a bag?
Me: Yes! Isn't this like buying tampons or something? I think I need a bag!
HSG: Good point!

By the time Jack got out of the dressing room I had all of the stuff paid for and in the bag. I handed Jack the bag and told him to put the pants in so we could go. Jack sifted through the bag and pulled out the cup...

Jack: What's this?
Me: It is a cup.
Jack: Whose is it?
Me: Yours.
Jack: What is it for?

The giggles from the high school kids were getting louder by the second.

Me: It is to protect you and my future grandchildren.
Jack: (scratching his head) What are you talking about?
Me: It is so the ball doesn't hurt you if it hits you in the penis.
Jack: (tossing the cup back in the bag) Oh, okay.

At this point the high school kids were laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes.

Me: (addressing the employees on my way out) Think twice before you have kids...this will be you in 20 years!