Dead Babies Creep Me Out

I watched Elise the other afternoon while Anne took her other daughters to the pediatrician. When she came to pick her up we decided that it was late enough in the day that we could justify a glass of wine. As we sat and chatted the kids came running up with a doll saying that the baby was dead. God bless Anne, she saw the color drain from my face and quickly said, “you mean the baby is sick, right?" The kids then corrected her and said, "No, the baby is dead". I get to the point where I think I am dealing really well with Nate and Spence's death and something like this slaps me in the face. I looked at the "dead doll" and the little hairs on my arm stood at attention as my brain dug up memories of looking into Nate and Spence's little faces as they died in my arms. I think these are images that will be etched in my mind for the rest of my life. It gives me comfort to have them there, but I only like to retrieve them when I am alone. I don't like others to see my weaknesses and that is certainly one of them! I guess if Anne wasn't already in my inner circle she is now.