Beware Of The Pork

My friend Trisha had her son's birthday party yesterday; it was the fishing party. The 3-year-old party was from 4-6 and at 6pm the fun adult party was to begin in honor of her husband's birthday. Unfortunately, when I went to write the party on the calendar I realized that Travis and I already had dinner plans with some of his colleagues that we had made over a month ago. It was such a bummer, there was no way we could get out of it since we made the plans so long ago and I even had my cousin already lined up to baby-sit. We went to the fun party and made a pact with our friends that they would call Trav's cell phone at 9pm pretending that they were the babysitter. If we were having fun we would answer the sitter's question and be done, but if we weren't having fun it would be an emergency we would have to leave for. We were hoping to go back to the fun party and hang out later in the evening. When we arrived at our hosts’ home we were greeted with some frou-frou appetizers that I couldn't even identify. It was a far cry from the blue margaritas and guacamole at the fun party! I did my best to choke down the unidentified appetizers while we waited for the other couple to arrive. I painfully made small talk for 30 minutes until the other couple walked in fashionably late. I was wearing shorts and a cute tank top (I was coming from a 3 year old birthday party...cut me some slack), this junior league wanna be was sporting a floor length gown. I wanted to blurt out "are we here for the same thing?" but I was able to contain myself. The men enjoyed each other as the women stood around staring at each other. I decided to break the ice by telling the older ladies about my adventure at Target earlier in the day. The high maintance bimbette countered with "oh, do I have some stories of when my kids were younger!" I don't know if she was waiting for me to say "okay, let's hear them!" or what, but that is where the conversation died again. When we sat down to dinner Travis immediately asked the hostess if there were nuts in the salad. Something was giving him a reaction, but he didn't know what. The hostess said, "no, there are sunflower seeds, but that is it". At which point we had a short conversation about how Travis is deathly allergic to all nuts, then we all continued to eat our dinner. A few more bites in Travis was starting to swell, he again asked "are you sure there aren't any nuts in anything" again the hostess denied trying to poison my husband. After Travis asked a couple more times and ate half of his pork the hostess pulled her blond head out of her ass and admitted to putting walnuts and pesto "just on the outside" of the pork. Travis quickly drank the rest of his water then got another glass. That usually works, but then again he usually doesn't eat as much. Travis took the hostess up on her offer of Benedral, but that wasn't enough. As I ate my dinner I watched as Travis' cheeks swelled like a little chipmunk. He wasn't talking much until he said, "I'm sorry, we are going to have to call it an early night". We hadn't even had the much-anticipated dessert! I was thinking, yippee, he is bored too, we're out of here, and we will be back at Trisha's by 9:30! When we got to the car he confessed that he needed to see a doctor. This is when I got a little worried; he has never needed to go to the doctor before. We quickly stopped by my cousin's house to get directions to the nearest PrimaCare, when we arrived it had already closed. I could see the panic in Travis' face and offered to call 911. We decided to drive to the nearest hospital, which was only about 5 minutes away. When we got there they checked Travis in right away then told us to have a seat close to the nurses station incase he had any trouble. If he weren’t having trouble, we wouldn't have been there! As we sat in the waiting room we speculated about being the only insured people in the joint. I swear we saw a guy come in with blood dripping from his gun shot wound, Travis thought it was a stab wound, but I think gunshot makes a better story. By the time the doctor finally got around to seeing Travis his swelling had gone down and he was able to talk again. The doctor gave him 3 prescriptions and showed us the door. When we arrived at our dinner party I thought for sure that I would be back with my friends having Jell-O shots by 10pm, if only I would have known!