Thirteen Things I Hate About Infusion Day
1. Remembering to write a note so Anne can pick Jack up from school. Anne even called me yesterday afternoon to remind me to write the note. I said I was going to write the note and stick it in Jack's bag as soon as I got off the phone. Apparently I got side tracked because I didn't think of the note again until we were sitting in the carpool lane at school. I had to scribble the note on the back of my grocery list. I guess it is a good thing Jack can't write so the school doesn't think he forged the note!
2. The moron in the HOV lane only going 55mph in a 60mph zone. If you want to go slow, get out of the fast lane you idiot! There is a special lane for you slow movers on the right, use it!
3. The appointment setter. I had trouble setting the appointment in the first place. Apparently she is used to dealing with people who have no life. It was very frustrating to her when I told her a date or time wouldn't work. Today when I arrived she looked at me and said, "What time was your appointment", "1 o'clock" I say. "Nope, you aren't on the schedule today, how do you spell your last name". She finally looks me up and says "your appointment was last Friday at 9am, you were a no show". She then proceeded to tell me that it is not their policy to call when someone misses an appointment. I see, I guess it doesn't matter if I have died. Lucky for them, they were able to work me in so I didn't have to kick some ass!
4. The damn scale at the doctor's office is 5 pounds heavier than the scale in my bathroom. Kick me while I am down!
5. All of the canes, walkers, orthopedic shoes and wheelchairs. On most days I am able to convince myself that those things are not my fate, but watching all of the people with my same disease struggle to walk really brings me down. Yes, I prefer to live in denial!
6. I was so bored! I had to sit in a little room all by myself because they were "fitting me in". I had my iPod and a book, but I was lonely!
7. The infusion administrator is hard of hearing. He wears hearing aids, but they are not doing the trick. Every time my IV would beep I would have to stretch my IV stand from the plug in the wall, then stretch the plastic tubing attached to my arm so I could peek around the corner and get someone's attention because the administrator couldn't hear the beep since I was in no mans land!
8. I was tethered to my chair without the opportunity to go to the bathroom for two solid hours. Coupled with the hour drive it took me to get there and the 4 sodas I drank this morning equaled disaster!
9. I was starving. I couldn't even find a mint or a baggie of crushed Cheerios in my purse to munch on.
10. When my infusion was finally complete I had to be observed for another hour. The administrator brought me into the main room where I had to sit with a very large woman crunching unidentifiable, very odoriferous food. She had already commandeered the remote control so I was stuck watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' She was yelling out the answers, but they weren't the right answers. She was getting the $100 questions wrong. I wanted to rip the food out of her hand and beat her over the head with it! Take the quiz; are you smarter than this woman?
Which word is not synonymous with Hullabaloo?
A. I can't remember
B. I can't remember
C. Thingamabob
D. Uproar
She was insistent that the answer was Uproar, she kept yelling at the TV until she realized she was wrong.
Sloppy Joe's bar in Key West, FL has a look-a-like contest for which famous author?
A. Hemmingway
B. Thoreau
C. I can't remember
D. I can't remember
Again, she was wrong. Again, she was insistent that the answer was Thoreau. Don't be stupid lady! Save your conversations with the TV for when the two of you are alone!
11. The IV was in my inner elbow, but somehow I ended up with tape all over my arm hair. For some people this isn't a big deal. However, I am not one of those people. You see I shaved my arms for big swim meets when I was in high school. Just like your legs, your arm hair grows back thicker each time you shave. Needless to say the tape pulled more hair off my arm than the average man!
12. The infusion is a form of Chemotherapy, so it makes you really tired. Just to make sure I was good and tired for my drive home they make me take a Benedryl. I could hardly keep my eyes open!
13. By the time I got back on the road I was stuck in the heart of rush hour traffic. What a nightmare, at least I don't have to do that everyday!
5 comments:
Ugh, what a day. I can't imagine what you are going through. Make sure you let us know before you go for your next infusion. Maybe we can all send you positive vibes and prayers and warm thoughts. I know you can sign me up for all three.
Hilarious, rolling on the floor laughing my ass off stuff!
I adore the name of your blog.
That sounds like quite the afternoon. How often do you have to do these?
Hope you're feeling better...it's Friday - Travis has two days off starting tonight :)
wow what a day! where do you live? am i close enough to drive you? i could say aloud all the things you were thinking and we could say i have tourette syndrome or something, it would be a blast! i would have especially liked to shout, "Don't be stupid lady! Save your conversations with the TV for when the two of you are alone!" THAT my dear is pure comedy at it's finest!!
what does HOV stand for? i know its about carpooling/ridehsare etc. but what is it an acronym for? i recently drove from my home (in central cali) to New Mexico...my sister and i hurt our brains for a few hours trying to figure that out.
seriously...if you need someone to take you...pick me..i am lots of fun! really. i. am.
HOV - High Occupancy Vehicle :)
Here in Texas that means 2 or more people in the car, I bet I could sell my children on the side of the freeway to people in a hurry!
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