Thank You

Six years ago today Travis went to work. He had a big presentation to make so he went in. When his boss heard what was happening at home he gave Travis a week or so paid leave so we could be together. While I was home alone with my thoughts on the day after Nate and Spence were born, this is what I wrote. Whenever I need a good cry I read this, I don't even know if Travis knows I get into our memory box and reminisce several times a year.

Dear Nate & Spence,

Your lives were cut too short. You came too soon and you left too early. I didn't know that I should be treasuring every time you made me throw up and every ache and pain you gave me. Or, did I refuse to believe that you wouldn't be coming home to live a full and complete life with me. I can't help but cry when I remember that my boys are no longer inside of me. I spent 23 weeks and four days with you that I will never forget. I held you and loved you every second you were alive. I am sorry that your dad only had a few short hours with you. I had a dream that you both had brown hair, I was right. But, I never dreamed that you would be so small. Even at 2 lbs 1.1 ozs and 1 lb 10.4 ozs I could still see how perfect you were. Ten fingers and ten toes, isn't that what everyone asks for? I didn't know I should be asking for strong lungs too. Isn't that a given? Nate, you had your daddy's head. The little hospital hat would only sit on top of your head. I was holding each of you when you took your last breath. I hope you look back at that time as a time of comfort like I do. I didn't truly feel pain until you were gone. All I have left to remember you by are the little molds of your hands and feet, a few snips of hair and the outfits you wore on your first and last day outside the womb. I wish you could have taken more to remember me by. All I think you took was my heart. Don't worry; I want you to keep it. I know another one will grow back eventually. I know your time with me was short, but please don't forget how much your mommy loves you. Thank you for loving me and allowing me to love you. Thank you for making me a stronger person. Thank you for showing me that the best gifts do come in small packages. Thank you for sharing your lives with me. But most of all thank you for making what I thought was a strong marriage even stronger.

Love,
Mommy