Call Me Winona Ryder

So I went to Walmart on a Saturday, which was my first mistake. My second mistake was buckling Ben and Lauren into the cart. As soon as I buckled them they started to throw a fit, but I refused to give in. I don't like them getting out of the cart, not to mention I didn't want them to think that they get their way if they throw a fit. They both managed to scream the ENTIRE time I was at the store, and this wasn't a short little 5-minute trip. They both took their shoes off and threw them, they were hitting each other, pulling hair and spitting. I must have looked like an escapee from the insane asylum as I walked through the store. My head was pounding, my eyes were glossed over and my stomach was in knots as I did my all to ignore the screaming. I normally get several comments about how cute Ben and Lauren are, but today I didn't get a single one. I wonder why? They were still screaming when I went through the checkout, I was fried. The checker rang up my over priced soda twice, he could barely hear me call him out over all of the screaming. In the parking lot on the way to the car one of my 12 packs of soda fell off the bottom rack. Just as I stopped to pick it up Lauren managed to free herself from the buckle. She tried to make a break for it, without her shoes on. I grabbed her by the shoulder with a grip I learned from my mother and sat her back into the cart. Unfortunately, I missed the seat and she fell to the ground. If there were cameras in the parking lot I would be expecting a visit from CPS. When I finally started loading my groceries into the car I realized that the checker hadn't charged me for the card that was stuck behind my purse. I couldn't bring myself to go back in and pay for it. I am a thief, a shoplifter, a common criminal. I stole a $3 card. The only thing that makes me feel better about it is that I am positive I have been overcharged there at least once!