I Am Not Superwoman

I started off the morning calling a friend whose mother died two weeks ago. I am a crappy friend and haven't talked to her since I saw her at her mother's visitation. It isn't that I haven't been thinking of her, I just don't know what to say. I would be totally devastated if my mother had died so early. I am sure I was totally lame, but at least I let her know I was thinking of her. Then I got a call from a friend that is experiencing symptoms that seem to point towards MS. She is going through all of the fears and negative thoughts I did 7 years ago. I feel so terrible for her because I understand her pain. I feel like I was a much better friend to her because I have been there. I just can't imagine losing my mom, so I am having trouble knowing what to say to my other friend. Talking to my friend who is going through her medical tests reminded me of what I wanted to do with my life before we had kids. You see, I didn't think I was a stay-at-home mom; I thought I was a working mom until I actually had Jack. When I was diagnosed with MS, I had an appointment with a really crappy neurologist who had no regard for my feelings. My friend had a similar experience today. When I found my nurse practitioner I thought that was the career for me. She was the "personal" side of medicine. I loved talking to my friend this afternoon, not because she is going through this pain, but because I think I helped. I told Travis about my renewed desire to become a nurse practitioner. Travis wasn't exactly supportive and told me I was too old. By the time I get through school I will never make the money we would spend on school back. Not easy to hear, but probably true. Travis did suggest that I explore volunteering at the MS Society in the public speaking or counseling aspect. I think I will do that! Shortly after I got off the phone with that friend I got an email from another friend who was 11 weeks pregnant with twins. She went to the doctor today and both babies are dead. The doctor couldn't find either heartbeat. She will have to wait for the babies to pass and if they don't she will have to have a D&C. She is devastated. Again, I felt like I could relate to this loss so I called her and spent quite a long time on the phone with her.

After all of my phone calls I decided I still needed to be productive. I cleaned the kids' rooms, picked up downstairs, did a little work on our rental property venture, picked up Jack from school, went to the cleaners, the bank, the post office and topped it all off with a trip to Walmart. I was hurrying in attempts to make it to my gym class on time. All the while I was thinking about my friends. As I was leaving Walmart, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I had done my best to be a good friend, gotten most of my chores done, taken care of the kids...I was superwoman. Then, I realized I didn't have my car keys. I spent several minutes rummaging around in my completely unorganized purse with no luck. All the while Jack was nagging the hell out of me. "What are you doing mommy?" "What are we waiting for?" "What are you looking for?" "Did you loose your keys?" "How are we going to get home?" "Are we going to be late for the gym?" "Do you need to call daddy?" "How about we call Ms. Trisha?" Meanwhile, Ben and Lauren are running amuck and my milk is becoming lukewarm in the 80-degree heat. I walked to the car dreading that I had locked my keys in the car. Great news! The keys were in the car, it wasn't locked and nobody stole my car! I loaded our groceries, loaded the kids and drove home with a renewed superwoman feeling. When we arrived home, I opened the garage door to realize that one of the children had left the door from the house to the garage wide open and I hadn't noticed. That settles it I am not superwoman. I can't do it all. I did however manage to get dinner ready for the oven and get to my gym class in time. I am not so bad after all!