Sex Education 101

Why haven't I learned my lesson? Jack was in my bathroom as I was getting out of the shower...

Jack: Mom, why don't you have a penis?
Me: Because I am a girl.
Jack: What's that? (Pointing to my va-jay-jay)
Me: Hair.
Jack: Why do boys have penises and girls have...that?
Me: God gave them different parts so when they get married they can make babies.
Jack: You make babies with your penis, GROSS!

Great, how long before he tells his teacher at the Methodist preschool how to make a baby?

Time To Relax

The MOPS meeting in officially behind us! Before the meeting I took time to reflect on my coordinator position. I like fundraising, I like planning and securing speakers, I like organizing events, I don't like drama and I don't like pettiness. I decided I don't have time to deal with things that I don't like. What I like about my position is running MOPS like a business. If I were to compare my position to business, I would be the CEO. When two employees are having a petty argument the CEO rarely knows about it. And, if she does, she fires the fools! I decided the latest exchange has not been constructive to the group or my family.

I was pretty frazzled this morning. On my way to take my kids down to childcare this morning I was frantically looking for Lauren. I had both boys in my sight, but I could find Lauren. Guess where I found her? I was holding her...yes, I am losing it! The meeting went well, I said what I needed to say, and then moved on. We had an interesting speaker and everyone seems to be okay. Only time will tell!

All I wanted to do is come home after the meeting and relax. But instead I took all three kids to a 3 year old's birthday party. When we got home I did a little work.

Now it is time to relax! Here are my top ten relaxing activities:

1. Putting on my ripped jeans and sweatshirt.

2. Putting my hair in a ponytail.

3. All three kids sleeping at one time.

4. Watering the flowers.

5. Flying a kite.

6. GNI (Girls Night In) with Trisha and Anne.

7. Letting the kids climb all over me while I lay on the floor.

8. Saturday mornings in bed when Jack climbs in.

9. Having all the chores done. (Since this never happens I will have to use one of the other nine relaxing activities)

10. Taking a nap. (A rare, but fabulous activity)

Right now I am sitting on the couch, in my ripped jeans and sweatshirt, with a ponytail, while all 3 kids nap and I am looking forward to a great night with my best buddies...What could be sweeter?

Five Hours and $35 I Will Never Get Back

I promised an update on Jack's appointment yesterday, so here it is: The title sums it up, but if you would like to know more, read on. I dropped the babies off at Trisha's at 1pm; Jack and I met Travis at Children's Hospital around 2pm for our 2:15 appointment. That's right, Travis took off work! We figured if the pediatrician was sending us to Children's Hospital it must be important. We filled out all of the necessary paper work then began our wait. We were only waiting in the jam packed waiting room for about 1o minutes when we here the nurse call "Jackson". Both Travis and I looked around assuming it must be a different Jackson, but it was us. Come to find out, they were only admitting Jack to the hospital, and then they sent us back to the waiting room. We noticed during the next TWO HOURS in the waiting room that we were wrong to think there might be more than one Jackson. Multiple people stood up when the nurse called names like Juan, Jose and Angel. Finally, they took us back to the room where I spent more time reading a book about space travel that was published in 1985 to Jack. As you can imagine, it wasn't really relevant and I was teaching him the difference between American astronauts and Russian Cosmonauts, but at least it was passing the time. The nurse practioner walked in just as Travis was yelling, "Is this a free clinic?” He looked at Jack for about 2 minutes and said, "well, I don't think the doctor will do anything for him, kids outgrow this". Travis was feeling a little bit punchy by this time so he stood up to prove to the doctor that not all kids outgrow it. When the doctor came in he explained that they don't do anything for this until the kids are 8 or 9 years old. He pretty much blew us off and said he will most likely out grow it by then, thanks for coming. We got back on the road home at 4:30pm, just in time for rush hour. Boy, that is a beating! I don't think I could do that everyday. We didn't get home until 6pm. The next time the pediatrician refers us to a specialist I am going to make sure he isn't just patronizing me. If I ask a question, it is just that, a question, not a request for a second opinion. Jack has an appointment with an ENT next week...let's hope this doesn't happen again.

Done!

I am done with this MOPS bullshit! I vow to not give it another thought until the meeting tomorrow and after that I will not think about it again. This morning I received what I would call a 'hate email' from someone I consider a friend, not just a MOPS acquaintance. I will admit it, I flipped out. I sent back a very pointed email and to make a long story short, we are good now. But, it got my routine all messed up. The babies woke up a little late and Jack has school today. Because I was dealing with MOPS stuff we ended up running a little late and rushing around, which I hate!! I dropped Jack at school and ran into a friend and fellow steering member from MOPS, she looked at me with an 'I am so sorry you have to deal with this look' and I just started crying. I got home and immediately put the babies down for their morning nap. When they got up at 11:30 I couldn't figure out why they were so cranky. By noon, I had come to my senses. I had forgotten to feed them breakfast and they hadn't eaten all day. I suck! I am officially taking two giant steps back from MOPS. If my family or my MOPS group has to suffer, I am choosing MOPS to suffer. Poor Ben and Lauren! They are currently on seconds for lunch!

Day One Again

I lasted about 3 hours without complaining yesterday. By the time Travis got home, the MOPS drama had blown up again and I couldn't help but vent my frustration. One of the members called another to "witness" to her and told her that because she is Catholic she is not going to heaven. Oh my! This is not the MOPS philosophy, nor is it the philosophy of the Methodist church we meet at. I had been discussing all of this with the regional MOPS coordinator, but I stumped her last night and she is now taking it to her area coordinator. It won't be long before we are consulting God himself on our little MOPS drama!

Anyway, now that I have that complaining out of the way, I will start my complaint free 21 days again. Does it count as complaining if I type my complaints, but I don't say them out loud? This may be just the loophole I have been looking for!

Travis and I rented The Pursuit of Happyness last night. I wanted to see it in the theater, but I can't remember the last time I saw an adult movie in the theater and this one was no different! The movie was pretty depressing. I couldn't help but put myself into Chris Gardner's position and picture Jack sleeping on the floor of the bathroom in a train station. If you need motivation to not complain, rent this movie! I am a spoiled brat, and so are my kids!

Today is Jack's appointment at Children's Hospital with the orthopedic doctor. I will keep you posted.

21 Days Without Complaining - Day One

I was enjoying my pretzel snack (Jack coined that term) and watching Oprah this afternoon while all of the kids napped...ahhh! Oprah challenged her make-up artist to quit complaining for 21 days. Which made me think...can I do that? I can certainly try! For the next 21 days I will not complain. Rev. Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, MO was teaching a series on prosperity. Part of this series was helping the congregation to form a habit of gratitude by going 21-days without complaining. In an effort to make the lesson practical, the church purchased purple bracelets and gave them away encouraging them to move the bracelet to the other arm if they caught themselves complaining. You can get your own bracelet from their website www.acomplaintfreeworld.org. I have ordered them for each member of my family. I guess the babies will reach the 21 days first since they can't talk. Does crying count as complaining? I think so...come to think of it, they will never make it! This may make my blog kind of boring. Is it complaining if I am just stating facts about naughty things my kids have done or how Kroger tried to screw me? I know I have been complaining about the MOPS drama. That has done nothing for me, so I am done!! I looked it up on the website and the definition is as follows: "How do I know if I'm complaining? To "Complain" is defined as "to express pain, grief, or discontent." Surely, it makes sense to express pain, grief or discontent occasionally but most people do so constantly. In so doing, they are talking and thinking about what they do not want in their life and, thereby, attracting more pain, grief and discontent. Instead, think and talk about what you are grateful for. Talk about what you DO want and not what you DON'T want." Wish me luck! :)

It's All About Mommy!

I have trained my boy well! Last night I over heard Travis and Jack talking while Trav was changing his clothes after work last night. They were looking out our bedroom window and talking about the yard.

Travis: The yard sure looks good.
Jack: It sure does.
Travis: It is all because you helped plant the flowers.
Jack: No, it is all about mommy!

That's my boy! Now, if I could just get him to convince all of these 'Christian' women in MOPS of that! Yes, the MOPS drama continues. It seems as though I have spent at least an hour on the phone with one member or another venting her concerns. If everyone would just lighten up a little and assume nobody is trying to hurt anyone’s feelings life would be better. This is something I learned from my dad a long time ago. If you let someone hurt your feelings, you are only hurting yourself.

Speaking of things I have gotten from my dad; Lauren is just like my dad when she gets hurt. She yells OUCH at the top of her lungs if you accidentally brush her while you are walking past. God forbid if you actually scratch her or she falls down. It is awful when her and Ben are fighting, I wonder if the neighbors can hear. My dad is known for yelling when he gets hurt, even if it isn't that bad. The good news is Lauren isn't yelling swear words like my dad does...yet!

Ben was so cute this morning. As I was spiking Jack's hair for school, he was standing right next to him very patiently. When I finished with Jack, Ben frantically patted his head until I spiked his hair too. Ben is becoming such a big boy!