Ticking Time Bomb In Dora Panties

I let Lauren pick out some new panties yesterday. This is a technique I used on Jack when he was two. The conversation went a little something like this:

Me: Do you like these Thomas underpants?
Jack: Yes!
Me: Big boys who go pee pee in the potty get to have them. Would you like me to buy them for you?
Jack: Put them back!

So, I put them back and 6 months later he announced he was ready to go potty in the toilet and we never looked back. It worked so well for me with Jack I thought I would try it on Lauren.

Me: (standing in the toddler panty aisle) Do you like any of these panties?
Lauren: I want Dora!
Me: I will buy them for you if you are ready to go pee pee in the potty.
Lauren: Buy them, buy them!

When we got home she immediately wanted to put on the Dora panties. We spent a couple hours with me asking her every 20 minutes or so if she had to go potty. Every time I asked she adamantly told me no. I even made her sit on the potty and 'try' a few times. After she had two cups of milk I knew the pee pee was eminent. I made her ‘try’ again, but she held off until she got off the potty and was standing in my kitchen before she let go. I played it cool, I didn't want to freak her out and ruin any potential progress we had made. I figured after the incident we would be done potty training for a month or so. But, this morning she insisted on wearing the Dora panties again (I bought her a 3 pack, she wasn't wearing the dirty panties from yesterday). We had pictures this morning and I wasn't about to let her pee in her picture pants so I put her in a diaper and allowed her to wear the Dora panties over the diaper. When she woke up from her nap she realized she was wearing a diaper under her panties and wanted to remove the diaper. I foolishly complied. She wants to wear the panties without a diaper, but she doesn't give a shit (literally) about going in the potty. Again I spent a lot of time asking her if she needed to go potty and having her 'try'. She was a ticking time bomb in Dora panties. I got to clean poo out of her Dora panties this time. It took all I had to not just throw the panties in the trash. I don't care what she wants to do tomorrow. She will not be wearing the Dora panties without a pull up underneath!

Remember The Alamo

Last weekend Travis and I took the kids to San Antonio with two other families, some of our best buddies. We took all 8 kids to the Alamo and the riverwalk on Friday. I had never seen the Alamo, so I figured I should be a responsible Texan and at least stop by. Travis and I were definitely disadvantaged not growing up in Texas and receiving the required Texas history class, we both agreed that we weren't there long enough to figure out what all the hype is about. We then went to the riverwalk and had a mediocre Mexican dinner. I don't know if I didn't enjoy it because I was dining with 8 kids under the age of 6 or if it was the food. Saturday we took everyone to Sea World. Jack, Ben and Lauren all had a great time! During the Shamu show Ben and Lauren sat on my lap so they wouldn't miss a second. They loved clapping and making the hand motions to make the killer whales splash! By Saturday night we had learned our lesson, when we were greeted by a 1-hour wait at the restaurant we decided to get take out. The food was great, I don't know if it was because Ben and Lauren were already in bed and the rest of the kids were able to run amuck in piece or if the food was actually good. We got all the kids to sleep then had some quality adult time with cheap margaritas made in the hotel coffee pot and played pitch. Yesterday Jack asked me when we are going back to San Antonio with his friends, I guess it was a hit with him, which makes it all worthwhile for me!

Killer Kitty And Fat Cats

I saw a couple of the strangest stories on Good Mourning America this morning. The first is the killer kitty at the nursing home. This cat doesn't 'socialize' with the residents until they are going to die in the next 4 to 12 hours. This isn't just a fluke; it has been documented at least 25 times. I can just picture the poor unsuspecting old people playing cards with their friends as the cat walks in "Oh shit Ethel, here comes that damn cat, don't make eye contact!"

Did you hear about the study that says if you have fat friends and family you are more likely to become fat. In the past I haven't been really picky about the size of my friends, but from this point forward I am going to have new friend applicants put their weight on their resume. And, to any of my friends and family (particularly those of you that attend the infamous 'Heavy Weight Picnic') that may have put on a few pounds, you are on notice! I now realize that my recent weight gain is not my fault!

Private Property!

Me: Get dressed Jack!
Jack: Why?
Me: We are going to Derek and Davis' house in 30 minutes.
Jack: The babies aren't sick?
Me: Nope!
Jack: (jumping to attention) WAHOO!

As Jack was changing out of his pajamas Lauren was standing there watching. When he took his underwear off and Lauren marched right up to him, grabbed his penis with disgust and said "Benny's". This really hacked Jack off. Not only did Lauren just grab his privates, but she also insinuated that it was the same size as Ben's. Jack angrily swatted her hand away and said, "It is not Benny's, it is mine, mine is bigger!” Oh great, he is already comparing size with his brother!

This was not the first time Jack's penis has been tugged on, when he was about 2 years old. I had him in the bathtub when he grabbed his penis and asked me what it was. As I was telling him that it was his penis he pulled...hard! He cried and cried, then asked me to kiss it. I didn't kiss it for fear that he would end up discussing the incident with his therapist when he is in his 30s!

Goody, Goody

I continue to prepare for Ben and Lauren's birthday party. Last night while Travis was at the golf course I took that opportunity to work on the goody bags since my plans with the girls were cancelled due to sick children. For those of you who aren't in the know, they are Diego's rescue pack and Dora's backpack. I hate to jinx myself, but so far this morning we don't have any fevers, diarrhea or throw up!

Poor Mommy

Just when I think I might get to do something fun another kid barfs! Lauren was sick most of last week with her infection, when she was finally better Ben threw up and we have been dealing with watery diarrhea ever since. Just when Ben's poop started firming up Lauren blew chow! What are the odds? The kids (not to mention me) have been stuck in the house for a week and a half. Jack woke up this morning and said "I have a great idea, let's invite our friends over for dinner!". It was perfect, I was able to say "that is a great idea, let's do it!" because I had already made plans with our friends. So once again we had to cancel our plans because Lauren is sick. As Jack would say "We NEVER get to do anything fun!". Poor Jack...poor mommy!

Here We Go Again

The little girl across the street babysits when I go to Pilate's. Her mother is always home and I am only 5 minutes away. When the kids need their diapers changed, she calls her mom and she comes over to change them. Except for Monday, her mother had a job interview and she wasn't home. When I got home, Ben was swimming in poo. He had diarrhea and she left him in it. I changed Ben immediately hoping that it had just happened. But, good ol' Jack has become quite the tattle tail and came running over to tell me that Allison said she didn't want to change him so he would have to wait until I got home. When I wiped Ben's bottom his skin actually peeled off with it. Poor little dude. I called Travis and he wanted me to call Allison back over and show her what she had done to him. Then tell her that she couldn't babysit anymore until she can change a diaper. I chose to take a different approach; I talked to her mother. The little girl is an only child and her mother thinks she can do no wrong so I had to choose my words carefully. I told her mother about the incident and she said "oh, that is strange I was over there at 10:45 to change his pants and he had diarrhea then too, that must have just happened when you got home". It didn't surprise me that she would deny that it was her kid’s fault so I took another route and said "Well, I think she needs to work on changing diapers before I can use her at night or refer her to any of my friends". That did it; she said she would work with her, so we will see. She is coming over to babysit today again, let's hope she has practiced because Ben still has diarrhea!