Oh Buck, The Sink Is Blooded!

Jack: MOM! Lauren blooded the sink!
Me: Lauren did what?
Jack: She BLOODED the sink!
Me: She got blood on the sink?
Jack: NO! She blooded the sink upstairs!
Me: Can you wipe it up?
Jack: No, it is everywhere, I need your help.

I went upstairs expecting to find a small mess on the sink. Instead, I stepped into a puddle. She 'flooded' the sink! Lauren had put the dolphin to one of Ben's Diego sets in the sink, plugged it up, turned on the water and walked away. Due to Jack and I's communication problems water was pouring down the front of the cabinets and onto the floor by the time I arrived. We had water inside the cabinet, on the floor and seeping into the carpet. This after Lauren and I had already had a discussion about not playing in the bathroom when she showed me the baby bottle she had filled with water. The water play is all too familiar. When Jack was about this age we had all sorts of water problems. The Hokey Pokey Elmo went swimming in the fish tank, and then he attempted to resuscitate him on my upholstered ottoman. We thought Elmo had come out okay, and then he started singing in the middle of the night so he went to the toy heaven made so famous by the Velveteen Rabbit and Toy Story.

There's No Crying In Baseball

Last night was little league night at our local AA baseball team. This was the first game we have taken Ben and Lauren to and if I have my way, the last for several years. Jack got to stand on the field in his uniform during the national anthem. He did us proud and removed his hat and covered his heart with it just as we instructed. I sat down with the kids and Travis went to buy the traditional stadium hot dogs. The vendors were swarmed by hundreds of fathers doing the same thing. Meanwhile I was stuck herding cats. Ben went one way, Lauren would go the other as Jack got on and off his seat each time it flipped up it hit me in the funny bone. Two innings later Travis and the sacrificial dogs arrived. Ben and Lauren ate the hot dog and left me holding the bun. I thought things were looking up, I had my beer AND another cat herder to assist me. It was about this time a cold front blew through. Did I bring jackets for the kids? Nope. Lauren did her best to climb inside of me. Kicking my beer and sloshing a valuable sip every three seconds. By the 5th inning we were all huddled together in 2 1/2 seats, only using half of the seats we purchased. My beer was gone and so was my sense of humor so I asked Travis if he was still having fun. He looked at me as though I was crazy, "Yes, aren't you?" Were we at the same game? Obviously not! I had to keep reminding myself there is no crying in baseball! I convinced the boys to throw in the towel early and forgo the promised base running after the game. Our neighbor works at the ballpark and told me that they let the kids run the bases every Friday night. I will be happy to return so Jack can run the bases as long as I have a babysitter for Ben and Lauren and it is at least 20 degrees warmer!

Calgon Take Me Away...

I have been cleaning all morning. Everything was clean on Wednesday when we had playgroup. The other moms helped pick up after the playdate, so it was clean as of Wednesday at 2pm. Since then my children have proceeded to dump every bin in both bedrooms, throw 299 of the 300 balls from the ball pit all over the game room, try on then drop every piece of dress up clothing, throw all of the empty hangers in their closets on the floor and leave cups half full of milk under their beds in hopes of making cottage cheese. I spent over an hour undoing the carnage, dusting and vacuuming. After that do I deserve 20 minutes to sit down and catch up on my email and blogs? I think so! While I am doing that I can hear the heathens tearing their bedrooms apart again. WTF! If it is more fun to play in a clean room, why do they continue to trash it day after day? The only break they are taking in their destruction is to tattle on each other. When I shagged them out of their rooms they took it upon themselves to jump on my furniture. It is Saturday, WHERE IS YOUR FATHER?!?!

The Bigger Mom

I have been going to the gym pretty regularly for the last couple of months. During that time I have met some of the other 'regulars' and make small talk with them before and after various classes and while we are picking up our kids from childcare. There has been this one mom that I have noticed in almost every class I am in, but she never says hello. She has a friend that goes to most of the classes with her; I have met her and talk to her several times a week. But the skinny girl with the barrette always seems too good to make eye contact with me. This is not the kind of meat market gym I went to in high school...well, maybe it is but it isn't a meat market in the classes or around the cardio machines...you don't need to avoid eye contact for fear someone will get the wrong idea. I am another mom, not a lesbian looking for a good time! So anyway, being the catty bitches my friends and I are we have been discussing what must be wrong with her to not want to be friendly to us!

The other day I was walking out of the gym with Ben and Lauren (Jack was at school) and I saw skinny barrette girl holding her baby talking to a tow truck driver. I decided to be the bigger mom.

Me: You don't know me (because you have been too good for me up until this point, but I left that out) but I see you in several classes. Do you guys need a ride some where, I have an extra car seat?"
SBG: No, I locked my baby in the car. I am Amanda, what is your name?
Me: (oh, you are one of us!) You must have been freaking out! I'm Kelli, nice to meet you.
SBG: That was really sweet of you to offer! I think I have missed the cycle class by now, are you going?
Me: (yes, it was sweet of me, I am the bigger mom...) No, I am not going I have a bunch of errands to do (but I am never too busy to help a fellow mom in need, remember I am the bigger mom) so I just did cardio so I could get on my way.

It felt good to do the right thing. She actually is a nice girl. She must just be shy. I feel a little bad talking about her, but I think I have redeemed myself. The moral of this story, treat people the way you would want to be treated and eventually they will realize how excellent you really are!

I Want My Mommy!

The fact that I still get pimples should really be enough. I don't deserve any childhood diseases. But, what did I end up with? Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. I am blaming this deficient immune system that I have due to the Tysabri I have to take for my MS. Which by the way, I just got a letter today from my neurologist that said the Tysabri might cause liver damage. That coupled with the three children that drive me to drink has me looking into what I need to do to get on the transplant list, stat! Anyway, I have blisters on my throat and the inside of my lips that feel a lot like a canker sores. The tiny blisters on my feet make walking on my tile floors nearly unbearable and the blisters on the tips of my fingers make the smallest tasks like typing this blog and buttoning my son's shirt for picture day excruciating. The good news is that although the disease is very contagious among ankle biters, it really isn't among adults because it is passed through saliva and mucus. It is very rare that I put other people's toys in my mouth, so all of my friends are safe! I read online that HFMD (hand, foot, mouth disease) is often misdiagnosed as strep throat. I am assuming that when we took Ben to the ER a few weeks back that he actually had HFMD not strep since they didn't do a strep test. Then when Travis went into the doctor last week and said he had a sore throat and his son had strep, he was treated for strep even though his strep test came back negative. Guess what? I bet he has it too. And, that is what I get for swapping spit with Travis! I have learned my lesson. And poor me, I am bearing the brunt of it having it on my hands and feet because of this damn immune disorder! So, if you were wondering how your toddler felt when he had HFMD I am glad I was able to put it into words for your rather than just cry and put my hands in the air to be held. But, if you are reading this mommy, I want up!

Benny's The Best

Lauren and Jack have been a couple of pills lately. But, just as my mother always told me, the reason you have more than one child is because when one is being really rotten you usually have one that is being good. Lately, Benny is the good one. Here are just a few excerpts of his cuteness lately.

Me: Come on buddy, let's go!
Ben: Me not buddy, me Benny.
Me: Can I call you buddy?
Ben: No, Jackie buddy. Me Benny.

Ben: (ripped a huge burp)
Me: What do you say Benny?
Ben: I tooted out of my mouth!
Me: That is a burp, what do you say?
Ben: EX-CUUUUSE ME!

Me: What is all over your face?
Ben: (coming at me with a huge smile and chocolate pudding from ear to ear) A SMILE!!

Just A Little Mistake

Me: Lauren, what is in that cup? (a toy from her tea set)
Lauren: (long pause) Water.
Me: Did you get that from the bathroom?
Lauren: (another long pause) Yes.
Me: Are you allowed to play in the bathroom?
Lauren: (another long pause) No.
Me: Why were you playing in the bathroom?
Lauren: I am just making a little mistake.

How can you get mad at a 2 year old who says that?