Bun In The Oven

Lauren got one of the Cuddle 'N Coo dolls for Christmas. My mom ordered it shortly after all of the "Islam is the light" controversy so that Lauren would be sure to get one before they were pulled from shelves. Lauren took to this doll time and time again when we were perusing the toy aisles before Christmas. Lauren loves the doll and for the first time has given the baby a real name. Her name is Sally Baby compared to her other dolls Potty Girl, Naked Baby, Pink Baby and so on. The talking has started to bother her, but she won't admit it. I have caught her covering the baby's face so she won't have to hear her and tonight she searched and searched for Sally Baby before she went to bed. When she found her, she brought her to her bedroom, opened the door to her play oven, put Sally Baby in, closed the door and climbed into her bed. When I questioned her about Sally Baby sleeping in the oven she said it was so the baby wouldn't wake her up.

Come On Man, It's The Holidays

Have you seen the commercial with the gingerbread people for AT&T. As much as I HATE AT&T (which is several other stories), I love this commercial. It is funny EVERY time I see it! My kids have picked up on my uncontrollable chuckling every time the gingerbread man says "Oh come on man, it's the holidays"

Which brings me to today. I had to take all three kids to the courthouse several towns over to pay a speeding ticket and sign my probation papers. The customer service desk is right outside the courtroom so the kids got to experience all sorts of things. A mother and her teenage son stepped up to the window next to us to plead the kid's case. The mother was giving all sorts of excuses about the kid being in rehab, etc. Mom was pulling out all of the stops; I didn't realize how closely the kids were listening until she said, "well, it's the holidays blah, blah, blah". Then Ben loudly shouts out a "Come on man, it's the holidays!”

I don't know if the lady and teenager heard him, but I can guarantee you the man on the other side of us that was about to wet his pants heard. That kid is funny!

Jack On Baseball

Jack: Mom, will you get me a shirt to wear outside?
Me: Sure! (Handing him his old baseball jersey)
Lauren: His football shirt?
Me: That is his baseball jersey.
Jack: Yeah Lauren, didn't you ever watch any of my games? I was the one messing around in the dirt.

Happy Birthday

Ben: Whose birthday is coming up?
Me: You tell me!
Ben: Daddy! And, Jesus!
Me: Very good!
Ben: Is Jesus going to have a birthday party?
Me: Yes, Christmas is his birthday party.
Ben: Can I go?
Me: Absolutely, everyone is invited!
Ben: Where is his party going to be?
Me: At church.
Ben: Is there going to be a bounce house at church?
Me: I doubt it.
Ben: What are we going to do for fun at church?
Me: Sing Christmas carols.
Ben: What kind of party is daddy having? Will he have a bounce house?

You Don't Always Get What You Want!

Today was breakfast with Santa at Jack's school. In addition to the rubbery pancakes and congealed sausage the kids got to shop at Elf Land. Elf Land gives the kids the opportunity to shop by themselves and buy gifts for their family. Jack decided that he was going to buy gifts for Ben, Lauren, Mommy, Daddy, Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma Judy. He counted out all of his quarters, and then started planning his shopping attack.

Jack: What do you want for Christmas Mom?
Me: I could really use a new set of measuring cups.
Jack: Well, I will see what I can do, but like you always say you don't always get what you want.

When Jack emerged from Elf Land he was carrying 4 gifts, one for Ben, one for me and two for Lauren.

Me: Jack did you forget anyone?
Jack: Nope!
Me: What about Daddy, Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma Judy?
Jack: Oh no, I have to go back in!

Trash or Treasure

Go ahead, call me a dork, let's get it over with. I have been collecting the state quarters since they came out in 1999. I only need three more quarters. Travis was going through his change glass for me when Jack came in.

Jack: What are you doing?
Me: Looking for the rest of the quarters for my collection.
Jack: Can I see?
Me: Sure, see I have everything except Oklahoma, Arizona and Hawaii.
Jack: When you get those are you going to throw it away?
Me: NO! Are you kidding me?
Jack: Well that is what you do with all of my work that I bring home from school. You look at it then you throw it in the trashcan.

Potty Problems

Lauren has been in heaven the last two days. We gave her a "Potty Doll" for Nate and Spence's birthday. This baby caught my eye because it has the toilet Lauren wants without the mess, the doll doesn't actually pee. I haven't seen her without her baby named, Potty Girl, since she opened the gift yesterday. She carries her around putting her on the potty every few minutes; she even slept with her last night. Her brother's have been tormenting her by turning the doll or the potty off. Because she wasn't the one that turned it off she always assumed that it was broken. So, I wasn't alarmed when I heard...

Lauren: Mommy, my potty won't flush!

I was in the middle of wrapping gifts.

Me: Okay honey, I am in the middle of something, I will fix your potty in a minute.

The next thing I heard was my darling little girl splashing in water on the bathroom floor and water erupting from the toilet. The formerly half full toilet paper roll was empty and Lauren's deposit was dangerously close to floating out of the potty. I opened the linen closet in search of the plunger with no luck. I ran to the other bathroom to grab the plunger. I plunged with all my might. I momentarily had superhuman powers and plunged right through the poop. When I got the waterfall stopped I realized the bottom inch of my jeans was soaking up the dirty toilet water. I did my best to swallow the vomit that rushed up my throat. Lauren could sense my disgust as I barked orders to get more towels, get out of the way and be quiet.

Lauren: Mommy, I TOLD YOU that I was having a problem.
Me: Yes, honey you did...