It has been so cold lately that I have been reminded why we wanted to move from Nebraska to Texas. Jack had the day off school so we went to the gym early before heading to my office to prepare for my first listing appointment.
Me: Come on babies, let's hurry in!
Jack: Why are we hurrying?
Me: It's freezing!
Jack: Look mom, I am breathing fire!
Ben: I am a monster!
Jack: I am a dragon!
Lauren: I'm a princess.
Me: I'm freezing, that's not fire, that is the condensation of the water vapor in your breath.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Stay Alive, Don't Drink and Drive
Jack: Mom, what are you doing?
Me: Driving.
Jack: I know that, but what is in your cup holder?
Me: Diet Mountain Dew
Jack: You are breaking the law!
Me: What? No, I'm not.
Jack: Yes you are!
Me: What law am I breaking?
Jack: You aren't suppose to drink and drive!
Me: You can drink soda; you just can't drink wine or beer.
Jack: Then, they need to be more specific.
Me: Driving.
Jack: I know that, but what is in your cup holder?
Me: Diet Mountain Dew
Jack: You are breaking the law!
Me: What? No, I'm not.
Jack: Yes you are!
Me: What law am I breaking?
Jack: You aren't suppose to drink and drive!
Me: You can drink soda; you just can't drink wine or beer.
Jack: Then, they need to be more specific.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
When I Grow Up...
Jack: When I grow up I want to be a stay-at-home dad.
Me: That's great, why?
Jack: So I can watch TV all day.
Me: Well, you know if you are a stay-at-home dad you have to clean the house, do the laundry, cook the dinner and take care of the kids.
Jack: Then, I guess I will just be a fireman instead.
Me: That's great, why?
Jack: So I can watch TV all day.
Me: Well, you know if you are a stay-at-home dad you have to clean the house, do the laundry, cook the dinner and take care of the kids.
Jack: Then, I guess I will just be a fireman instead.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Gym Etiquette
To the elderly overweight gentleman in the orange tank top, red running shorts and knee high tube socks at the gym this morning. I appreciate your efforts to make a New Years resolution, really I do. I don't know what diet plan you are following that recommends you eat 12 pounds of garlic for dinner. But, you have to understand that the smell of your sweat and breath is unbearable the morning after. Now that I have made you aware of your odor I hope that you won't be offended when I ask you to never come within 2 machines of me again. I nearly passed out from your odor. I had to lean away from you just to catch a breath of fresh air. I know you are new so you are unaware of gym etiquette. Rule number one; if there are other machines available, leave at least one machine between you and someone you don't know. Rule number two; the gym is not a fashion show, but tank tops are reserved for the men and women who are in good shape, all others should stick to a T-shirt. Rule number three; after you have sweat all over a machine please wipe it down, that is just plain nasty! If you implement these three basic rules the next time you come to the gym you will be less likely to be chased out by the meatheads that were staring at you with distain.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Brotherly Love
Ben: Wanna pway wace? (translation: Want to play race?)
Jack: No
Ben: Wanna pway caws? (translation: Want to play cars?)
Jack: No
Ben: Den whadda ya wanna pway, it's your choice! (translation: Then what do you want to play? It’s your choice!)
Jack: (laying on his stomach ignoring him and watching TV)
Ben: (jumping on Jack's back) Wanna pway sandwich? (translation: Want to play sandwich?)
I just love that Benny, so persistent. He is going to be a great sales person someday, make them give you at least three rejections before you give up!
Jack: No
Ben: Wanna pway caws? (translation: Want to play cars?)
Jack: No
Ben: Den whadda ya wanna pway, it's your choice! (translation: Then what do you want to play? It’s your choice!)
Jack: (laying on his stomach ignoring him and watching TV)
Ben: (jumping on Jack's back) Wanna pway sandwich? (translation: Want to play sandwich?)
I just love that Benny, so persistent. He is going to be a great sales person someday, make them give you at least three rejections before you give up!
Benny and the Chocolate Pancake
We took the kids to a local cafe for lunch this afternoon. It is one of those places you can order breakfast all day. Everyone ordered lunch, except Ben. Benny wanted pancakes.
Ben: I want pancakes!
Me: Okay, do you want chocolate chip pancakes or plain pancakes?
Ben: CHOCOLATE chip!
When the pancakes arrived I asked Ben if he wanted me to cut up his pancake or fold it in half so he could eat it like a sandwich. He chose sandwich style so I folded the pancake. Suddenly the kid flipped out. He wanted no part of the pancake. He wouldn't even take a bite. We patiently explained that if he didn't eat his pancake that we would take it home for dinner. By the end of the meal the pancake was still untouched so we packed it into the environmentally incorrect styrofoam box. The kid didn't have anything for lunch. When dinner rolled around I warmed up the pancake and presented it on Ben's favorite plastic plate. Again he flipped out. Travis asked him to look at him so he could explain the benefits of eating his pancake. Ben refused to look at Travis, shutting his eyes and covering his face. Let the standoff begin. Ben is the most stubborn person in this house; unfortunately for him he picked a fight with a close second on the stubborn scale. After several minutes on the steps for disrespecting his dad he was invited to come back to the table to try his pancake. Travis convinced him to try a bite of his pancake. Upon taking an ant sized bite he gagged and spit it out into his napkin.
Ben: I'm full.
Travis: Do you want me to save your pancake for breakfast?
Ben: Yes.
As soon as the pancake was safely in the refrigerator Ben asked me for a bite of my chicken chili. Ben hates the chicken chili, but for some reason that was better than his favorite food with chocolate on it. I had to hold my ground and deny his request. He even tried to eat the crust of Lauren's grilled cheese on wheat bread. I stopped him in his tracks. He will not be eating until he eats the pancake that he ASKED for. This kid is just stubborn enough to starve himself. To be continued...
Ben: I want pancakes!
Me: Okay, do you want chocolate chip pancakes or plain pancakes?
Ben: CHOCOLATE chip!
When the pancakes arrived I asked Ben if he wanted me to cut up his pancake or fold it in half so he could eat it like a sandwich. He chose sandwich style so I folded the pancake. Suddenly the kid flipped out. He wanted no part of the pancake. He wouldn't even take a bite. We patiently explained that if he didn't eat his pancake that we would take it home for dinner. By the end of the meal the pancake was still untouched so we packed it into the environmentally incorrect styrofoam box. The kid didn't have anything for lunch. When dinner rolled around I warmed up the pancake and presented it on Ben's favorite plastic plate. Again he flipped out. Travis asked him to look at him so he could explain the benefits of eating his pancake. Ben refused to look at Travis, shutting his eyes and covering his face. Let the standoff begin. Ben is the most stubborn person in this house; unfortunately for him he picked a fight with a close second on the stubborn scale. After several minutes on the steps for disrespecting his dad he was invited to come back to the table to try his pancake. Travis convinced him to try a bite of his pancake. Upon taking an ant sized bite he gagged and spit it out into his napkin.
Ben: I'm full.
Travis: Do you want me to save your pancake for breakfast?
Ben: Yes.
As soon as the pancake was safely in the refrigerator Ben asked me for a bite of my chicken chili. Ben hates the chicken chili, but for some reason that was better than his favorite food with chocolate on it. I had to hold my ground and deny his request. He even tried to eat the crust of Lauren's grilled cheese on wheat bread. I stopped him in his tracks. He will not be eating until he eats the pancake that he ASKED for. This kid is just stubborn enough to starve himself. To be continued...
Friday, January 2, 2009
Under My Umbrella
Lauren: Mom, where is my game?
Me: I don't have it, ask Grammy.
Grammy: I don't have it.
Me: Seriously? I asked you to make sure the kids had their games when they got in the car.
Grammy: I didn't hear you.
Me: Lauren, you need to be responsible for your own game, where is it?
Lauren: I left it at Walmart.
Me: Are you kidding? It is probably gone forever.
Hauling ass to Walmart to see if the game is still there. We checked for the cart we used, but it was already gone. We went to customer service and it wasn't in the lost and found. As we walked away Lauren was crying and I was adding the cost of the $70 Leapster 2 and the $20 Diego game that was in it then dividing it by the two days she played with it. I loaded her back in the car and we continued with our errands. I was hacked.
Lauren: Am I ever going to have a Leapster again?
Me: I can't afford to replace it Lauren it is gone.
Lauren: I am so sad.
Me: Me too.
Lauren: Are you angry with me?
Me: Yes, let's stop talking about it.
Lauren: Well, at least I still have my umbrella.
Me: I could have bought you a new umbrella for $5.96. I think you should be quiet for a while.
Lauren: Why?
Me: Because mommy is really angry.
Lauren: Yes ma'am.
When we got home her Leaapster was sitting on the sofa. What a relief. But, I can't stop thinking that the $5.96 princess umbrella is equivalent to the $70 Leapster in her mind. Why don't I ever learn?
Me: I don't have it, ask Grammy.
Grammy: I don't have it.
Me: Seriously? I asked you to make sure the kids had their games when they got in the car.
Grammy: I didn't hear you.
Me: Lauren, you need to be responsible for your own game, where is it?
Lauren: I left it at Walmart.
Me: Are you kidding? It is probably gone forever.
Hauling ass to Walmart to see if the game is still there. We checked for the cart we used, but it was already gone. We went to customer service and it wasn't in the lost and found. As we walked away Lauren was crying and I was adding the cost of the $70 Leapster 2 and the $20 Diego game that was in it then dividing it by the two days she played with it. I loaded her back in the car and we continued with our errands. I was hacked.
Lauren: Am I ever going to have a Leapster again?
Me: I can't afford to replace it Lauren it is gone.
Lauren: I am so sad.
Me: Me too.
Lauren: Are you angry with me?
Me: Yes, let's stop talking about it.
Lauren: Well, at least I still have my umbrella.
Me: I could have bought you a new umbrella for $5.96. I think you should be quiet for a while.
Lauren: Why?
Me: Because mommy is really angry.
Lauren: Yes ma'am.
When we got home her Leaapster was sitting on the sofa. What a relief. But, I can't stop thinking that the $5.96 princess umbrella is equivalent to the $70 Leapster in her mind. Why don't I ever learn?
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