Happily Shoveling Water with a Pitchfork

Mommy (David) and Goodyear (Goliath)

2010-01-19T07:17:00.006-06:00

Normally Travis is in charge of all things car related, but this time was different, we have been so busy I could not give up my truck for a whole day. I needed new tires, so Travis ordered them from tirerack.com and put them in my truck. He instructed me to call Goodyear (I normally don't name names, but Goodyear sucks so bad I want the world to know it!) in the morning and schedule an appointment to have them mounted and balanced. Travis also told me to make sure that I got the Tire Rack discount. I figured this assignment would be easy enough...

On the phone:
Me: Good morning, I need to schedule an appointment to have tires mounted and balanced on my LR3
Jeremy (store manager at Goodyear): No problem, when do you want to come in?
Me: This morning would be best.
Jeremy: Our first available appointment is 3 o'clock
Me: How long will it take? (I need to pick Jack up at 3:45)
Jeremy: Well, it is hard for me to say because we might not be able to get you in right away if our bays are full.
Me: (slightly befuddled) Okay, I will try the 3.

Why do they schedule appointments if they don't save a place for you? When he said I might have to wait, I was thinking 20 minutes or so. I arrived for my appointment 10 minutes early hoping that would help my cause, I was wrong.

Arriving at the shop, with Ben and Lauren in tow:
Me: Hello, I am here for my 3 o'clock mounting and balancing appointment.
Jeremy: Are you going to be able to leave us your truck?
Me: No, that is why I made an appointment.
Jeremy: Well, like I said on the phone you are going to have to wait. We won't be able to get your truck in for an hour to an hour and a half.
Me: (sighing heavily) Okay...

Then, Jeremy presented me with a preliminary bill to sign off on.

Me: Does this include the Tire Rack discount?
Jeremy: No, we have to have a copy of the invoice to give you the discount.
Me: It is all on the tire.
Jeremy: I need the invoice, not the tire sticker.
Me: I haven't removed anything from the tires; it has all of Tire Rack's numbers on it.
Jeremy: I can't give you the discount without the invoice.

Frustrated, I called Travis.

Me: They won't give me the discount without the invoice.
Travis: It's on the tire.
Me: I told him that, he still won't give it to me without an invoice.
Travis: Let me talk to him.

I handed my cell phone over to Jeremy. I could tell Travis was explaining how things were going to go because Jeremy was doing a lot of "yes, sir". Then I heard Jeremy say "Well, your wife didn't tell me that". This is when I lost it!

Me: This is bullshit! I did so tell you, you are a liar!
Jeremy: It's okay I am going to give you the discount.
Me: NO! IT IS NOT OKAY! You were trying to take advantage of me because I am a woman! He didn't tell you anything that I hadn't already explained to you! You are a jerk!!
Jeremy: I am not trying to take advantage of you because you are a woman.
Me: Do you try to take advantage of everyone?!?!?
Jeremy: I am not trying to take advantage of you.
Me: I guess we are going to have to agree to disagree.

When I returned to Ben and Lauren's side Lauren had a few questions for me.

Lauren: Why were you yelling at that man?
Me: (loud enough for Jeremy to hear) because he is a pig!
Lauren: Like the kind that rolls in the mud?
Me: Yes, just like that!

This is when the best moment of my day occurred! Ben and Lauren stared snorting like pigs at Jeremy. Did I stop them? Oh no, I did not stop them, I actually considered joining in, but I decided to be the adult!

We continued to wait and wait and wait. Finally after we had been at the shop for over an hour I see them pull my car into the shop. 15 minutes later Jeremy comes to the waiting area holding my owner’s manual.

Jeremy: Do you know how to turn off the air suspension?
Me: No, shouldn't you?
Jeremy: Well, I have gone through the manual and I can't find anything about it.
Me: Let me call my husband...again!

This time Travis was in a meeting when I called so he didn't answer. I had to pull the emergency second call. Travis knows if I call twice back to back he needs to pick up. I quickly told Travis what was going on and again I had to hand Jeremy my cell phone. Travis explained to the grease monkey that the air suspension does not turn off so he would have to do each tire separately. I could hear Jeremy hemming and hawing about how that would take longer, blah, blah, blah. When Jeremy got off the phone he told me that it was going to take longer. I had already called Trisha and asked her to pick Jack up from school so I figured I had already been there an hour and a half, what's a little longer!

It wasn't long before my phone rang. It was Travis telling me that these people didn't know what they are doing and to get my truck away from them stat! I balked at first, because I already had nearly 2 hours invested into the tire mounting and balancing. But, Travis explained that they could cause $3000 worth of damage if/when they do it wrong. So, after 2 hours of hanging out at Goodyear I left with my same old tires!

Benny's My Boy!

2009-12-14T13:05:00.002-06:00

Ben: I know Santa roots for the Huskers.
Me: How do you know that?
Ben: Because he wears red, duh!

Another First...

2009-12-14T12:24:00.003-06:00

Friday night Travis and I were getting ready to go to a Christmas party. I was feeding the kids a quick dinner before the babysitter arrived when the phone rang.

Me: Hello.
Little Girl: Hello, this is Micah, is Jack H. home?
Me: Yes, just a minute.

This is the girl that wrote "I like Jack because he is handsome" in his Top Cat book at school. As soon as I read that I was determined to get to the bottom of this. I asked Jack if Micah was cute, he was appalled and yelled "No, she's short!" I am at school volunteering often so I knew it wouldn't be hard to do a little detective work. I started with his teacher.

Me: So, who is Micah?
Mrs. Q: Which one?
Me: There are two?
Mrs. Q: Yep, Asian or Black?
Me: I don't know the one who said Jack was handsome in his Top Cat book.
Mrs. Q: Oh, that's Asian, Black wouldn't know that word.

Okay, let's get past the bigotry of Jack's teacher for a minute since this is not what the story is about, but I was just as shocked as you are that this was coming out of the mouth of a first grade teacher.

Travis and I eavesdropped intently and snickered as we watched our little boy on the phone. I could see him rolling his eyes and turning red, but he didn't say much. All I heard him say was "okay". When he got off the phone my interrogation started.

Me: Who was that?
Jack: Micah.
Me: What did she want?
Jack: I don't know.
Me: What did she say?
Jack: I don't know.

I could see that this line of questioning was going nowhere fast so I stopped while I was ahead. Jack gets kind of shy in front of his dad and I was guessing this was what was going on.

We went to our party and surveyed our friends with older boys about when the girls calling the house starts. From what I can gather our boy is advanced!

The next day I corned Jack in his room by himself.

Me: So, what was that phone call all about last night?
Jack: I don't know?
Me: Why was she calling?
Jack: I don't know?
Me: Were her friends with her?
Jack: I guess so; I heard a lot of giggling.
Me: What did she say?
Jack: She said she was going to kiss me at school on Monday.
Me: What did you say?
Jack: Nothing.
Me: Did she say anything else?
Jack: Yeah, she said she was going to marry me.
Me: Do you like Micah?
Jack: Not like that!
Me: Is she your friend?
Jack: I guess so, but she is kinda annoying because she is always trying to touch me and kiss me.
Me: So, you don't like girls yet?
Jack: I like girls! I have a girlfriend! I just don't like Micah like that!!
Me: Who is your girlfriend?
Jack: Why do we need to keep going over this? It is Lily!!

Naughty or Nice?

2009-11-17T20:51:00.003-06:00

Jack: What if Santa just leaves me coal for Christmas?
Me: Then I will have to ask you what naughty thing you did that I didn't know about.
Jack: Oh.
Me: Have you been naughty or nice?
Jack: Nice.
Ben: I have been really nice!
Me: Lauren, have you been naughty or nice?
Lauren: Naughty...Wait, I mean nice, NICE, I promise I have been NICE!
Jack: We might all be on the naughty list...
Me: Well, you could try really hard to be nice between now and Christmas and maybe Santa will forgive you for anything naughty you have done.
Ben: I have been nice ALL DAY and Santa hasn't given me anything...Santa is the naughty one!

Zhu Zhu, How Could You?

2009-11-12T16:13:00.003-06:00

Have you heard of Zhu Zhu Pets? If not, you are only about a week behind me. A week or so ago my kids summoned me to the game room to see a commercial for Zhu Zhu Pets. I was berated with a chorus of "I want that!", "Me too!", "I am going to ask Santa!” etc. My first thought was fantastic, those look cheap! A Zhu Zhu Pet is a little battery powered hamster that runs through a little maze, has a car, a bed, clothes and a multitude of other accessories you can purchase, if you have enough money. I did a quick online search and found they were one of the 'hot' toys for this Christmas season. I decided to go out the next day to purchase the Zhu Zhu Pets and found an empty shelf where they should sit. I called my mom right away and let her know to be on the lookout for them. Since the first store I visited I have been to at least a dozen more and have called every Target in the metroplex. Not a single Zhu Zhu in town. I have made a point to go into every Walmart and Target I see as I am going about my daily business. Today I went into a Walmart and was told that they haven't ever had any of the hamsters in, only accessories. Are you kidding me? They are advertising the hell out of this little toy, working our kids into a frenzy and there aren't enough to go around. Perhaps they would be better off spending money on manufacturing rather than marketing! If I actually find them at Walmart I will have to hold them hostage until my mom can get to the store too because there is a limit of two. Two Zhu Zhu pets are as good as none to me. How do I choose which kid doesn't get one? I have drug Ben and Lauren in and out of store after store searching for the little rodents. After the umpteenth store Lauren told me "Don't worry mom, if you can't find Zhu Zhu Pets Santa will bring them for us!” Great. Just great. Who taught her this blind faith in Santa anyway? The good news is the pets are only eight bucks a piece, if I could find them. I apparently wasn't the only one who thought, "No problem, I have time, I will just order them online". Well, it isn't a problem if you are willing to pay FIVE times the MSRP. That's right, they aren't available on the normal discount/department store sites and they are between $40 and $50 a piece on amazon.com. Unbelievable.

Red Ribbon vs. Red Wine

2009-11-11T15:32:00.005-06:00

Jack: Last week was red ribbon week.
Me: Yeah...
Jack: We learned that wine was a drug. Why so you drink drugs? It is bad for you!
Me: Well, it is okay if you are 21 and don't drink too much.
Jack: You aren't 21!
Me: You're right, I am older than 21, you have to be at least 21 to drink wine.
Jack: You said 21!
Me: I meant at least 21.
Jack: Okay, if you say so...why, do you drink and drive?
Me: I don't drink and drive!
Jack: You are drinking (we were in the car) right now!
Me: I am drinking soda!
Jack: It is dangerous to yourself and others to drink and drive!
Me: It is dangerous to drink alcohol and drive.
Jack: Oh, they should have been more specific!

Update...

2009-11-04T22:03:00.004-06:00

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, it has been almost a month since my last confession...ummm, I mean, blog. I have been so busy lately that I have only had time to do a quick Facebook post. Still being busy I am going to give you the highlights from the last month.
•I caught Ben standing on the toilet peeing. The kid actually had the lid up and was standing with one foot on each side! And, to make matters worse, he was in MY master bathroom. There was pee everywhere, yuck! When I questioned him he simply said he was standing up, like a big boy. I have been told that he is brilliant because it would be virtually impossible for him to stand on the ground and pee up into the toilet. I am going to go ahead and encourage sitting from this point forward!
•As the room mother for Ben and Lauren’s preschool class I was at school for their Halloween party. It was a little tricky because, as I requested, Ben and Lauren sit at different tables. While I was at Ben’s table I was listening in on a conversation about what the kids were going to be for Halloween.
Little Girl: Me, my sister and my mom are going to dress up like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.
Ben: I am going to be Scooby Doo, Lauren is going to be Daphne, my big brother is going to be Shaggy and my mom is going to be Velma.
Little Girl: Is your dad going to be Freddy?
Ben: No, my dad doesn’t like fun… (I could see the wheels in his little head turning, he must have been thinking, oh no, they aren’t going to think my dad is cool, I must recover)…but, he does like to ride zebras!

•I have been so proud of Jack’s reading. At the end of kindergarten he was a level 3 which was on the low side of average or the high side of below average. I prefer to think of it as the former. After the first two months of first grade he is now reading level 12 books! Level 12 books are the last books for first graders until they are considered gifted! Yes, that’s right my formerly below average kid is now almost gifted. I am most proud of the hard work he has put in. This morning when I came out of my bedroom I found Jack on the couch reading a book to his sister! Man, I love that kid!
•Lauren has been such a pleaser lately. She is becoming the child my mother promised a girl would be. She started out as a needy little thing, but lately she only wants to make me happy. She tries to do everything just like I do and says things like “big girls only cry if they get hurt, right mommy?”
•Lauren: Mommy, are you mad at me:
Me: No baby, I’m not mad!
Lauren: Then why do you have your angry eyes on?
Me: I don’t have angry eyes, what are you talking about?
Lauren: All those lines in between your eyes above your nose.
Me: I am just squinting…and I could probably use some Botox
Lauren: What’s Botox?
•Travis and I are leaving for Arizona Friday. We are going to visit a good friend and meet her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a former Marine and does base jumping. So, Travis and I are going to check sky diving off our bucket lists while we are there. I have already called going first. The way I see it is that if he goes first and plummets to the earth not only do I not get to go, but I am strapped with 3 kids all by myself!

Training To Train

2009-10-09T13:48:00.004-05:00

A few of my high school swimming friends have had posts on Facebook about getting back into swimming. It seemed like a good idea so I decided to look into a Masters program in my area. I found one that posted their workouts online. I took this as the perfect opportunity to do a few workouts on my own before embarrassing myself in front of people. I decided to start today, I put my favorite old Speedo on and it was about 6 inches too long. I decided that suit was shot and tossed it in the trash. Luckily, I found another; I pulled and pulled and pulled it on. For the swimmers out there, if felt like putting on a paper suit, but it wasn't. It is obviously important that I get back in the water since things aren't fitting properly! I packed my swim bag before I took the kids to school. Swimsuit, check! Goggles, check! Towel, check! Kickboard, where the hell did that go? Fins, I know I had some once... Cap, stuck together in a clump. Paddles, MIA. Pull-buoy, with the paddles. So, I obviously needed to make a stop at the sporting goods store before I went to the gym. I dropped the kids at school and headed to Sports Authority. I got all the necessary equipment and headed to the pool.

I got in the water and couldn't believe how slow I was. I haven't swam this poorly since I was an 8 and under! If someone wanted to time me they would have needed a calendar! When I was swimming in highschool I found a lot of motivation from my fellow teammates working out with me. Unfortunately, the only one swimming with me was a woman twice my age and twice my weight! This woman did have a talent, it just wasn't swimming fast. She was able to swim breaststroke without getting her hair wet! I continued to swim my workout and the longer I went the better I felt, I was getting back in the groove. Then I felt someone staring at me. I looked up and there was a creepy man sitting in the hot tub watching my every move. Hmmmm, maybe I am not doing as well as I thought I was. Why is he staring at me? Am I doing something wrong? Does my stroke look that bad? It has been nearly 20 years. Wait a minute, I have not water tested this suit in years. Can he see through my suit? Dear God!! I spent the rest of my workout low in the water for fear that I was giving a free show! It took me an hour and 15 minutes to swim a 2500 yard workout. That is less than half what I did in an hour when I was in highschool I was thankful that it took me so long because the pool area was clear before I headed to the locker room. I took a good look in the mirrow when I got to the locker room and I am happy to report that he wasn't staring at me because my suit was see-through! I am still not sure what he was looking at, but at least I know what it wasn't! My shoulders are sore, my ankles are sore, my legs feel like Jell-o and I feel great! I can't wait to swim on Monday!

Early Halloween

2009-09-23T20:15:00.001-05:00

Lauren: Mommy, you ran a red light!
Me: No, I didn't.
Lauren: Was it just a green light in a red light costume?

I Like Big Butts and I Can Not Lie!

2009-09-19T09:50:00.004-05:00

I had Ben and Lauren at Walmart to grab a couple things. It reminded me why I like to get my shopping done while they are at school. I noticed a Walmart employee with an unusually large rear end. What was strange was the size of her butt compared to the rest of her body. I am not saying her body was small, I am just saying her hiney was too big! So, I can't blame Lauren when she made the observation. I am just glad we were out of ear shot of the woman.

Lauren: Did you see that lady with the giant bottom?
Me: (lying through my teeth, in hopes of ending the conversation so the other Walmart employee walking next to us wouldn't over hear us) No.
Lauren: Well, she works here and she has a giant bottom, why didn't you see it?

Now the young male Walmart employee is chuckling under his breath.

Me: (to the young guy) Not funny!
Walmart guy: Depends on who you are.

After we were away from the employee I tried to discuss the situation with Lauren.

Me: How would you feel if someone said you had a giant bottom?
Lauren: But, I don't have a giant bottom.

Wow, where do I go from here? When she's right, she's right.

God Loves Mommy!

2009-09-15T08:16:00.002-05:00

Me: Jack, you are a stud, you know that, right?
Jack: Yep
Me: You are an awesome kid!
Jack: Thanks.
Me: How did I get so lucky?
Jack: Maybe it is because God thought you were so awesome so he gave you the very best baby he had.
Me: I think you are absolutely right!

The Fruit of the Spirit is...

2009-09-14T21:10:00.002-05:00

Travis: What did you guys learn in school today?
Ben: Nothing.
Lauren: I don't know.
Me: Did you have religion today?
Lauren: Yes.
Me: What did you learn in religion?
Lauren: I don't remember.
Me: What are the fruits of the spirit?
Lauren: ummmm...strawberries and lemons?

What's In A Name?

2009-09-10T17:53:00.002-05:00

Lauren: What was your first name?
Me: Kelli
Lauren: No, what was your first name when you were a little girl like me?
Me: Kelli
Lauren: No, what was your name before it was Kelli?
Me: My name has always been Kelli
Lauren: Your name is Kelli now, what is your first name?
Me: Kelli
Lauren: You didn't have a first name?
Me: Yes, I have a first name and I have had it since I was born. My name is Kelli. Once your mommy and daddy give you a name, it is your name for the rest of your life.
Lauren: You don't understand! I want to know what your first name was?
Me: Just call me Mommy!

The First Day and The File

2009-09-09T20:58:00.015-05:00

Today was Ben and Lauren's first day of school. They looked darling and had a great day. Drop off went well. The kids jumped right in and started playing; I was able to keep it together until I got to the car and read the poem the teachers handed me on the way out.

The First Day

We gave you a little wink and a smile
As you entered our room today.
For we know how hart it is to leave
And know your children must stay.

You've been with them for four years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas, the time has come
To leave them at our side.

Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
We'll love them as we would our own
And help them learn and grow.

So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For we will love them and take them in
When you leave them at our door.

By Jamie Solley

My day was really full with work and lunch with a friend so I didn't have much time at home. But the time I was at home was so quiet and lonely that I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Those kids have been my sidekicks for so long, I really missed them!

I am happy to report that there weren't additional entries into Ben and Lauren's "file" today. At meet the teacher I over heard Lauren interacting with one of the teachers.

Lauren: This is the mommy.
Teacher: Oh, where is the daddy?
Lauren: The daddy is over here, he is in jail.
Teacher: Why is the daddy in jail?

I love how the teacher tried to probe without acting too alarmed. I can only imagine the label on the file that this little exchange went in...

What Does This Protect?

2009-09-08T11:54:00.001-05:00

Jack had his first baseball game last week. Grammy and grandpa took advantage of their move to Texas and came too. Unfortunately, they were only an inning and a half into the game when it was called for lightning. This is a double whammy, the kid is disappointed AND worst of all they didn't play enough innings for the game to count, so we have to do it all over again later in the season! Jack didn't touch the ball the whole game. He didn't bat and when he was in the field the ball didn't come near him. The only bright side of the whole evening was that his uniform was still in pristine condition so I wouldn't have to wash it! But, he ended up spilling his Gatorade down his shirt and onto his pants. I had him take his uniform off in the laundry room so I could get the red drink out of his new pants right away. When he took off his pants I noticed that that the Gatorade had soaked through his pants and into his special cup holding underwear. I had him take his underwear off so I could wash it too. The cup was left on the laundry room floor and I didn't give it another thought until the next morning when I heard Jack screaming at Lauren. I came running to see that Lauren had the cup upside down over her nose and mouth like a gas mask.

Me: Gross Lauren; take that off your face!
Lauren: What is it?
Me: It is Jack's cup.
Lauren: What do you do with it?
Jack: It is not for your nose, it is for my penis!

When I told my mom this story she was quick to bring up the story of her little brother putting her middle brother's jock on his head and running around the house saying "I didn't know you had a hockey mask, Billy!” The middle brother was yelling, "Get my jock off your head!" and my grandmother was screaming, "It is not a jock, it is an athletic supporter!" So, perhaps she has a genetic defect...

Jack

2009-09-05T09:17:00.003-05:00

Travis: I am going to run over to Shan's and grab that jack.
Me: Okay
Ben: Why did you leave Jack at Shan's?

Do Glasses Make One Smarter?

2009-09-04T18:20:00.005-05:00

Okay, I will admit it; I have pretty much sucked at keeping my new school year's resolution. I guess I am just not good at making resolutions. It seems that my blogging promise has fallen by the way side just like my vow to exercise and eat right. I resolve to no longer kid myself by making resolutions!

Ben's glasses came in yesterday, but Lauren's did not. No surprise, Ben did not want to wear the glasses. I instituted a star program that renewed his glasses wearing interest. When you wear your glasses ALL day you get a star. When you have 5 stars on your chart I will take you to the store to pick out a special prize. The ground rules are simple; only take your glasses off if you are sleeping. Ben attempted to work the system by telling me that he was going to 'take a nap' while he watched cartoons. Does he think I just fell off the turnip truck? I have worn (well, the eye doctor has thought I needed) glasses for 32 years. I can see these sorry excuses coming a mile away! But today when we arrived at "Meet The Teacher" at Ben and Lauren's new school I was pretty impressed.

Ben: I am going to take my glasses off and put them in the case so I can leave them in the car.
Me: No, you are going to wear them in.
Ben: I don't want to lose them in my classroom!

Now that was good! But, I am better. I explained that if he simply keeps his glasses on his face there is no chance of losing them.

My mom has always told me how hard it was to get a good picture of me when I was little because my glasses were always crooked or dirty. Now I get it. These two were the best I could come up with. I have worse ones where the poor kid looks like he has Downs Syndrome! The pictures don't do him justice he really does look cute!

How Much Is Too Much?

2009-08-25T19:40:00.003-05:00

Monday: Baseball Practice
Tuesday: Rock Climbing
Wednesday: Boy Scouts
Thursday: Rock Climbing
Friday: Baseball Game

Is it a sign that Jack has too much on his plate when he falls asleep in the car on the way to rock climbing practice? I know he is tired because he is getting back into the swing of school, but I don't want to over schedule him. When he was young I said I was not going to be the mom that shuttled her kid from one activity to the next. I don't really know how this happened. Actually I do. He started out with baseball, he liked it. This summer he did a rock climbing camp, he liked it. Who am I to tell him that he can't do something? He can do anything he puts his mind to, but now because I have encouraged him, I am afraid he will burn out by the time he is 7! I am going to give this a couple more weeks, but something might have to go...I just don't know what!

New School Year's Resolution

2009-08-24T13:15:00.006-05:00

Today is Jack's first day of first grade. I really miss my little buddy, he is really a great side kick! I am finding that I am different than a lot of mothers who have been counting the days until the first day of school. I really enjoy my kids and I like to be around them. I think if you can't say that about your kid you are doing something wrong. Now, with that being said, I have days that I wish I could have a break, but as a general rule I would rather be with my kids than without!

Along with the new school year, I have made a resolution to blog at least every other day. I looked through the summer's blog posts and was disappointed in myself. We had a lot of fun that I didn't document, I will not let that happen again. On days that I don't have anything to talk about I will try to remember something from the summer to post!

Meet The Teacher

2009-08-22T07:08:00.003-05:00

I took Jack to meet the teacher last week. The kids get to check out their classroom, see where they hang their backpack, have an ice cream sundae (which was in the cafeteria so I was able to conveniently skip that this year!) and meet their new teacher. Jack was nervous to introduce himself to his new teacher; he kept stalling by wanting to explore another corner of the classroom. Finally, he got up the nerve, but when he was standing right in front of her he froze up. He had practiced saying "Hi, I'm Jack Hofeldt" but nothing came out. Luckily, his teacher has seen this before; she stuck her hand out to shake his and introduced herself. She is really nice. His teacher last year was more like me, she was nice, but a little sarcastic and very to-the-point. His new teacher is sugary sweet; she got down to his level and looked him right in the eye when she was talking to him. I am sure Jack will like her and it is good for him to experience different kinds of people. I was so proud of Jack as we were walking back to the car. My MS was making me a little trippy. When this happens it is Travis' job to offer me his arm for support. But, Travis wasn't with us so I had to ask Jack to slow down and let me put my hand on his shoulder for support. He was such a good boy; he was very caring and kept asking if he was going slow enough for me. I feel sorry for him, no 6-year-old should have to deal with a mom who can't walk, but he handled it like such a big boy! He can be so mature when he wants to be, he is a great kid! As we walked we talked about his new teacher.

Me: Mrs. Q is nice, don't you think?
Jack: Yeah, she is really nice and I get to sit by my friend.
Me: It should be a pretty fun year!
Jack: Yeah, until Mrs. Q finds out I can't read!
Me: You CAN read!
Jack: Not very well and only little books.
Me: That is what they expect of a kid going into 1st grade, you are going to work on reading a lot this year and by the end of school you will be an excellent reader!
Jack: We'll see about that.

Panty Envy

2009-08-21T10:50:00.001-05:00

Me: Come on Lauren, let's get your Cinderella panties on!
Lauren: Mommy, do you have Cinderella panties?
Me: No, do you feel sorry for me?
Lauren: Yes, I do! But, don't give up, Mommy...just ask Santa to bring you some!

Benny Logic

2009-08-21T08:30:00.002-05:00

Ben: I don't want to go back to the eye doctor.
Me: Why not?
Ben: I don't want to get another broken head.
Me: Well, we have to go back to the eye doctor to pick up your glasses.
Ben: This time I am going to let Jack sit on the chair so he can get the bloody head!

Another First...

2009-08-20T15:13:00.002-05:00

Jack has been playing T-ball for a couple of years now. He has officially aged-up and is in coach pitch with a harder ball. I got an email from the coach stating that it was "imperative" for the boys to wear a cup. Hmmm, where do I start? I asked Travis if buying your first cup is something that a boy does with his father. I was hoping Travis would take this task off my plate, but he didn't. I giggled like a schoolgirl when Travis told me to take him to Dick's. Jack also needed new baseball pants; black socks and a black belt so I headed to the little embroidery shop around the corner that has that stuff super cheap. I had a nice high school boy helping us and noticed that they sold cups, so when Jack went into the fitting room trying on the pants I took the opportunity to learn more...

Me: While he is in the fitting room can you help me get a...(lowering my voice to a whisper) cup and jock strap?
High school girl: I don't know anything about that...(pointing to the high school boy) he can help you...giggle, giggle, giggle.
High school boy: (walking me over to the wall of different colored and sized cups) they are over here. (He handed me the first cup he could get his hands on)
Me: This looks a little big...as a matter of fact this would fit me! (Holding it over my privates)
HSB: Yeah, that one is a little big, let's see...(he handed me a smaller cup that didn't include the jock) this is just the cup, you will need to buy the jock or the briefs separate.
Me: Briefs?
HSB: Yeah, they have briefs now that you can slip the cup in. I wear them; they are a lot more comfortable.
Me: Okay, do you have any of those in his size?
HSB: No, we don't, you can go to Sports Authority.
Me: Okay, Sports Authority sounds better, my husband suggested Dick's and that just felt wrong!
HSB: I don't blame you!
Me: Okay, so on these underwear; do you wear your boxers over the top of them?
HSB: NO! His junk will get too hot! You wash the briefs like underwear.
Me: Got it! (Reading the package) This says to wipe clean with a damp cloth with a mild detergent. Do people really do that? Why don't they just buy a new one? Cleaning the cup is not in my job description!
HSB: I don't clean mine.
Me: Does your mom?
HSB: I hope not.
Me: Okay, I need the cup, pants, socks and belt.
High school girl: Do you want a bag?
Me: Yes! Isn't this like buying tampons or something? I think I need a bag!
HSG: Good point!

By the time Jack got out of the dressing room I had all of the stuff paid for and in the bag. I handed Jack the bag and told him to put the pants in so we could go. Jack sifted through the bag and pulled out the cup...

Jack: What's this?
Me: It is a cup.
Jack: Whose is it?
Me: Yours.
Jack: What is it for?

The giggles from the high school kids were getting louder by the second.

Me: It is to protect you and my future grandchildren.
Jack: (scratching his head) What are you talking about?
Me: It is so the ball doesn't hurt you if it hits you in the penis.
Jack: (tossing the cup back in the bag) Oh, okay.

At this point the high school kids were laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes.

Me: (addressing the employees on my way out) Think twice before you have kids...this will be you in 20 years!

What A Day!

2009-08-20T10:49:00.003-05:00

I am so behind on my blogging. We took a fabulous family vacation to Destin, FL that I need to post pictures and stories about and I still haven't written my tribute to Ben and Lauren. But, I had to get this story down before I block it out of my memory as I have done with so many other bad mothering days...

I started the day as mother of the year. Ben and Lauren had an eye doctor appointment at 10:30 and I had a lunch date with my grandma and mom at 12:30 so I knew I had to get some stuff done early. I cut the boys hair in the backyard, gave baths, and then headed out the door at 9am. I took Lauren to get her hair trimmed (I am too chicken to cut her hair) then went to Target to exchange a pair of shoes I bought for Lauren when she wasn't with me. I got everything done in record time and we arrived at the eye doctor 10 minutes early! Ben and Lauren failed the eye test at their 4-year appointments so I just wanted to take them in for a quick check. I assumed that the appointment would end similar to Jack's appointment a week earlier, with the doctor telling me that he was a little far sided, but not enough to correct with glasses. The eye doctor dilated their eyes and much to my surprise, Ben and Lauren both need glasses with really strong prescriptions. I called my mom to come help me pick out the glasses. My brother-in-law pointed out that she might not have been the best choice after seeing the glasses I wore as a child. But nonetheless, I wasn't confident with my abilities so I called in the most willing reinforcement. My mom had a 30-minute drive to get to the eye doctor so I started the process without her. Ben's were fairly easy as they didn't have many to choose from for little, little boys.

I was trying to pay close attention to the saleswoman so I was sure to order the right thing. I was feeling pretty lucky that there was nobody else at the store and that my kids were quietly playing at the desk next to me. I know, I should have told them to stay right by me, but it was much easier for me to get my ordering done without them under foot. The next thing I knew Ben was crying and the receptionist was springing out of her chair leaving her post at the desk. I turned a bit annoyed as everyone was asking me if he was okay. I picked him up without looking at him and said, "yes, he's fine, he does this kind of thing all the time". Then, I looked at Jack who was white as a ghost and starting to cry.

Me: What's wrong buddy? I am not mad, just settle down so I can get this done.
Jack: Mom, he is really hurt!
Me: He is going to be fine.
Jack: Look at him, mom! He is getting blood all over your dress!

This is when I finally woke up and pulled him off my shoulder to take a look. I quickly glanced at the gash and had to look away just as fast. I don't think of myself as one of those squeamish mothers, but it was so deep and nasty that it turned my stomach. Luckily, the receptionist is a friend of mine from MOPS years ago.

Me: Brittany (the receptionist), I can't look, is it as bad as I think it is?
Brittany: It's bad, the nurse is getting ice and a towel and the saleswoman is getting the eye doctor to take a look.
Me: Do I need to take him to the hospital?
Brittany: Probably.

The doctor left another patient and came out in a flash. He took one look and said that he needed stitches and I should take him to the ER. I pieced the eye-witnesses' (the kids, Brittany and the other receptionist) accounts together and to the best of my knowledge, this is what happened; Jack kicked/nudged (the force depends on which story you believe) Lauren in the bottom who lost her balance easily because her eyes were dilated. Lauren fell into Ben who was sitting on the spinning doctor chair. The chair spun throwing Ben, who was also easily caught off balance due to the dilation, into the pointy corner of the desk. My friend Cinda's husband is a doctor in the ER that was less than a mile away. I called her at home, no answer. I called her cell phone, no answer. I called her husband's cell phone, Cinda picked up knowing that it must be an emergency if I went though all of the numbers that quick. Her husband, Kevin, was not at work (bummer) but he called ahead to the ER to let them know we were coming. I asked him if I should take him to a plastic surgeon, but he assured me that he would take his own kids to the guy that would stitch up Ben. I tried to call my mom (who was on her way to the eye doctor) to let her know that we were headed to the ER, but her phone went directly to voicemail. Crap, where was my mother when I needed her? When we arrived the Triage nurse greeted us knowing exactly who we were and took us back to a room right away. Meanwhile, my mom arrived at the eye doctor. Brittany quickly told her what had happened and gave her directions to the hospital. My mom arrived in time to be with us while the doctor did his initial exam. Her cell phone had died and she didn't have her car charger with her. At first I thought that they would get Ben stitched up and we would still be able to make lunch with my grandma. But, when the nurse came in and put a topical anesthetic on his cut and told us that it would have to sit for 30 minutes before they could start working I had my mom call grandma to reschedule. Shortly there after the stitcher came in, looked at the wound and said that he wanted to take his time in order to minimize scaring. We agreed and watched him walk out of the room. Who knew he wouldn't be back for over 2 hours? Apparently, there was a much larger emergency that took precedence. I guess that is to be expected when you go to the ER! Luckily, Ben took a nice long nap while we waited. Jack and Lauren weren't as lucky. They kept saying how bored they were which gave me ample opportunity to tell them that this is the kind of thing that happens when you mess around! If there is one silver lining to this entire story it is that I will be able to remind the kids of this for years to come when they aren't behaving! Three hours and 5 stitches later we left the ER. My mom was still with me, so I wasn't about to miss the opportunity to have help picking out glasses, so we went back to the eye doctor and finalized the glasses order. I will post pictures when they come in!

He didn't want me to take his picture, so I had to hold his head still with one hand and snap the picture with the other. Maybe I will be able to get a better shot when daddy gets home tonight!

My Future Daughter-in-law

2009-08-05T22:52:00.002-05:00

Jack: When I get married, my wife is going to have blond hair like Lauren's.
Me: Why blond hair?
Jack: Because I like it.
Me: I see, what else?
Jack: She is going to have green eyes, a face like yours, skin like Benny's and she will be skinny just like you.
Me: Is that all?
Jack: And, when I meet her she will be wearing a blue dress with white polka dots.

Happy Birthday Benny and Lolo!

2009-08-03T18:22:00.004-05:00

Me: Good morning! Happy birthday Benny!
Ben: Is I'm four?
Me: You sure are!
Ben: YESSSS!!!

I can't believe my babies are 4 years old today! We just got home from the lake late this afternoon. My parents arrive in Texas tomorrow; we have a repeat of the 4-year-old fire truck birthday party Friday and a family party Sunday. I will make time to write something sappy between fire truck frames in the next few days!

Are We Going To Keeping Him Around?

2009-07-26T20:01:00.004-05:00

Travis and I have been helping...wait, who am I kidding, we have been doing it...Travis' dad remodel his new (to him) house. He was evicted (again) so we helped him get a house bought and we have been fixing it up for the last two months. Travis' dad didn't want to spend a lot of money on his house, so let's just say it is literally and figuratively on the wrong side of the tracks. Travis went to pick his dad and a load of his stuff up yesterday. While Travis was gone, we went over to his dad's house to clean the bathroom, put on doorknobs, etc. As we were leaving the kids and I ran into a hood rat I have met in the neighborhood before.

Hood Rat: You look NICE!
Me: Thanks (trying to hurry the kids into the car)
Hood Rat: How you doing?
Me: Good, thanks.
Hood Rat: Where you from?
Me: The other side of town.
Hood Rat: Do you have a number so I can call you sometime?
Me: I have a number, but you can't call me, I am married.

I finally got the kids buckled in so we could get back to suburbia where we belong. I am thinking the hood rat was more interested in Travis' BMW (that I was driving) than how "nice" I looked. He was trying to get himself a sugar mama, and I wasn't biting!

Jack: Why did you tell that guy you were married?
Me: Because I am.
Jack: Did he want to be your husband?
Me: I don't know what he wanted, he wanted to call me and I don't want him to call me because I am married to daddy.
Jack: And, you don't want him to be your husband?
Me: No, I don't want him to be my husband!
Jack: Good, I like daddy.
Me: Me too.
Jack: So, are we going to keep daddy around awhile?
Me: Yeah.

Christmas in July

2009-07-25T15:32:00.003-05:00

Ben and Lauren's 4th birthday is a week from Monday. I took them to Target to look at the toys so they could make a birthday wish list. Jack is feeling a little left out since he isn't choosing gifts. So, he has started thinking about Christmas gifts already.

Jack: What do you think I should ask Santa to bring me for Christmas?
Me: Why don't you ask him for a tube, skis and a new life jacket since mom and dad are going to buy the family a boat for Christmas?
Jack: How much does the boat cost?
Me: About $35,000.
Jack: I think I will just ask Santa for $35,000 and I can buy the boat.
Me: Santa makes toys, not money.
Jack: Well, $35,000 is probably too much to ask for, I probably wouldn't get any other toys if Santa brought me $35,000.
Me: You are probably right.
Jack: I think I will ask for two Nintendo DSs, three Power Wheels and just $1000.

Wow, I hope Santa hasn't been affected by the economy!

Climbing The Ladder

2009-07-08T20:50:00.003-05:00

Jack has tried a few of the rock climbing walls that you see at carnivals and festivals and we have noticed that he has some talent for climbing. But most importantly, he really likes it, so I signed him up for rock climbing camp at a local climbing gym. From the moment we walked into the gym he was in love! The walls looked menacing to me, but he looked at them with lust in his heart! I asked his instructor after his first session of camp about the rock climbing team. Apparently the rock climbing team is not like signing your 6 year old up for T-ball. It is not as simple as signing a release and paying your money like I had anticipated. The instructor told me that if he liked camp then he should join Kids Climb which is once a week and similar to a camp type atmosphere. Being at Kids Climb will make him more likely to be noticed by the coaches of the team. If the coaches think he is good enough he will eventually be invited to be on the Junior Team. My understanding of the Junior Team is that the kids go to 'practice' but they don't compete. From there he would need to qualify to be on Team Canyon, which goes to competitions. When I went to pick Jack up on day 2 of camp the instructor pulled me aside and told me that the coach "noticed" Jack and would like to invite him to be on the team. Do not pass go, do not collect $200...he is on the team if we want him to be. I don't know if the coach needs to make a boat payment and is looking for one more sucker to pay $75/month for their kid to climb or what. But, I do know Jack is stoked! And, Travis and I are really proud of him. I am so happy that he has found something that he is good at and enjoys! When I was about his age I started competitive swimming and I loved always being a member of a team! This is a great sport, just like swimming, because he is a part of something bigger, but he is always trying to better himself! When I went to pick Jack up today I wanted to take some pictures of him on the wall. When I turned around Ben was gone. I found Ben on the other side of the rock wall about 6 feet off the ground with a huge smile on his face, but without a harness. I plucked him off the wall waiting for CPS to pop out from behind the corner and take him into custody. The thing I found most alarming were the teenagers who work at the gym who were working on the ropes didn't do a dang thing. They must have been thinking, "Wow, I hope that little dude doesn't fall"! In a couple years Ben can give rock climbing a try, until then I would prefer him to keep his fat little feet on the floor!

He's A Keeper!

2009-06-30T20:36:00.004-05:00

The kid, not the fish!

I took all three kids fishing Sunday afternoon. We were only there a few minutes without catching a fish when Ben and Lauren started complaining about being hot, thirsty, bored, tired, you name it! I finally couldn't take it and we left. Jack was really bummed out that we didn't stay long enough to catch a fish. I promised him that we would put Ben and Lauren to bed early and go out by ourselves. We caught four fish in an hour. They weren't big fish, but it didn't matter to us!

Worth Every Cent

2009-06-30T20:08:00.005-05:00

Today I received the sappy forward counting the costs of raising a child to age 18. The grand total is $160,140 not including college. That is $8896.66 per year, $741.38 per month, $171.08 per week, $24.24 per day or $1.01 per hour. I am sure you have seen the email before; it talks about everything you get for the money and how kids are worth the cost. It reminded me that I needed to post the note Jack gave me yesterday. This kid is worth every cent!

Mommy,
I love you. Thank you for everything you have done this summer.
From,
Jack

He knows just the right thing to say! I am so glad to know that all of my effort is being appreciated. He has bought himself at least another week of summer fun!

Six Flags, More Flags, More Fun!

2009-06-26T16:03:00.004-05:00

Jack asked for a trip to Six Flags for his birthday back in March. We normally go over Spring Break when it is nice and cool. But, on the day that we had planned to go Jack woke up in the morning not feeling well. I got him to eat some breakfast, assuming he would feel better. It was only moments after he finished breakfast that he hurled all over the kitchen floor. So, our Six Flags trip was postponed. We decided to wait until school was out so we wouldn't have to fight the crowds on the weekend. When I received the email announcing Dora would be at Six Flags for one day only I knew that was the perfect day to go! When we scheduled the day we had no idea it would be 105 degrees out. We spent a few hours going on all sorts of rides. Travis and I took turns going on the roller coasters with Jack while the other one would take Ben and Lauren on a nearby kiddie ride. We were one of the few that thought going to Six Flags in 105 degree heat on a Thursday so we didn't have to wait in any lines! We were able to stay on most rides for two turns because there wasn't anyone waiting. The longest line we waited in was to see Dora. Travis took Jack on a ride while Lauren, Ben and I waited on Dora. When we finally got to the front of the line I got my camera out to document the moment. It was so hot that my camera wasn't functioning. As I was trying to get my camera to work Dora's security guard started pushing my stroller out of the way and ushering us through the line. I felt like Ralphie on The Christmas Story when the elf threw him down the slide and he still had more to tell Santa. There was a Six Flags representative there taking pictures, but I couldn't bring myself to buy it after spending $15 for parking, $175 for tickets and $65 for lunch. I can only hope that meeting Dora will be etched in their little memories! I was able to get the camera to work at the end of the day when the kids were nearing heat stroke. Lauren's hair started in braids; by the time the photo was taken she has one braid and one crimped ponytail. A good time was had by all!

The New Dating Rules

2009-06-23T20:40:00.003-05:00

I have many friends that have gotten divorced in the last few years. I was saddened to watch Jon and Kate split up last night. All of these women have something in common; they are learning the 'new dating rules'. I do not envy these women and I am pretty sure that if Travis and I split up I would end up living a life of celibacy. I had to chuckle as my kids explained the dating rules to me from their point of view.

Ben: When I get bigger can we go on a date?
Me: Sure.
Jack: I will take you on a date to McAllister's!
Lauren: I want to go on a date with you too!
Jack: You can't go on a date with mom!
Me: Why not?
Lauren: Yes, I can!
Jack: No, you can't because you are a girl. Only boys can go on dates with girls and since you are a girl you can't go on a date wit mom because she is a girl. Ben and I are boys, so we can go on dates with mom.
Me: Can moms go on dates with her sons?
Jack: Sure, why not?

Kooky Cookie Cook-off

2009-06-23T17:15:00.008-05:00

The 'lazy days of summer' are a farce! I don't know who is relaxing, but it sure isn't me! I have been running myself ragged trying to make positive summer vacation memories for my kids. Now that I am working I have decided to spend a couple hours a day on real estate, one hour at the gym and remainder of the day creating 'fun' for my kids. Since we are not made of money we will only do one thing that costs money (that isn't already spent like the pool or zoo membership) per week, the rest of the week we will do activities at home, the splash park, the pool or the zoo. The pay activities are things like Six Flags, the movies, roller-skating, Chuck E. Cheese, etc. We have scheduled our fun on the dry erase calendar so Jack can read it to the little ones and they can look forward to the next day’s fun. The calendar does leave room for spontaneity because we can easily push the activity later in the month if a play date or better offer comes along. I am not creative when it comes to entertaining children so I read a book "Fun House" by Karol Ladd. I read her book "The Power of a Positive Mom" and loved it so I figured this book couldn't be bad. A lot of the ideas are for older kids, but I did find several that the kids are excited about.

Today we had a Kooky Cookie Cook-off. I made a batch of cookie base and divided it into three equal portions. The kids made their own 'recipe' by choosing from chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, peanut butter cups, Oreos, cereal, cocoa, chocolate pudding, candy bars, Skittles, M&Ms, sprinkles, etc. The kids had a fabulous time making their cookies, then delivered them with pride to our neighbor. You have to love Mr. Paul, he looked at the cookies and without missing a beat told the kids how excited he was to try them.

Bible Camp Beads

2009-06-19T08:06:00.003-05:00

The kids have been in Vacation Bible Camp all week and have had a fabulous time. I love picking the kids up. They are so uplifted and excited to see me, especially Ben. The second he sees me he goes into an all out sprint and jumps into my arms! Yesterday after jumping into my arms he presented me with a hand strung bead necklace with a small wooden cross in the middle. "I made it for you mama! ...because I love you!" Man, I love this kid with all my heart! When I looked at Lauren I saw her balling up her necklace trying to fit it into her tiny fist.

Me: Are you ready Lolo?
Lauren: (says nothing because she is still concentrating on getting her necklace hidden in her hand)
Me: What are you doing love?
Lauren: Nothing
Me: What are you doing with your necklace?
Lauren: (sheepishly avoiding eye contact) I made my necklace for me.
Me: Honey, that's okay...If you want it you should keep it!

Sink or Swim

2009-06-16T20:52:00.004-05:00

In attempts to avoid the awful swimming lesson experience Jack has had in the past I am giving the kids private lessons. I am more than qualified, I was on swim team for 10+ years, taught group and private lessons for 8+ years, coached a kids (6-16 year olds) swim team for 5 years and coached a masters swim team (adults) for 3 or 4 years. If I were looking for the perfect teacher for my kids I would hire me...just to toot my own horn!

Last night was Lauren's turn. When we arrived at the pool she announced that she would rather swim in the baby pool. I calmly explained that we swim in the big pool for swimming lessons. That is when she told me she wanted to go home. What? You have to be kidding me! All I have ever hoped for in a kid is someone to follow in my swimming footsteps. I know you aren't supposed to put that much pressure on your kids, but I can't help it. Some people hope for beautiful kids, some hope for smart kids...I hoped for a swimmer...and I ended up with beautiful, smart kids! I talked her into the pool, but then she clung to my neck in attempts to drown me. When that didn't work she started crying, drawing the attention of all of the other children who love to swim. I tried a few more minutes to no avail, so I pulled her out of the pool, dried her off and walked her to the car without speaking. She followed in shock. When we got home I sent her to bed. Strike one.

Tonight was Jack's turn. I could tell he was a little nervous, no doubt it stemmed from Lauren's unsuccessful experience. When we first got into the pool he started acting skittish, but a quick mention of going home to bed snapped him out of it. He did a great job! By the end of our lesson he was jumping in and swimming 15 yards to me. And, best of all he was proud of himself!

Jack: Next time I have a lesson I am going to swim more than 15 yards!
Me: That is great you are working really hard.
Jack: What if I swim 25 yards next time?
Me: I will be really proud of you!
Jack: Will I still get to have swimming lessons?
Me: Absolutely, there is always room for improvement. Do you want to keep having swimming lessons? Are you having fun?
Jack: Yes, I am having lots of fun! Can we keep doing swimming lessons until I am 25?
Me: We can do lessons as long as you want!
Jack: How old will you be when I am 25?
Me: I will be 52.
Jack: Will you still know how to swim when you are 52?
Me: Of course!
Jack: Well, Grammy is old and she doesn't know how to swim.
Me: Sure

Tomorrow, Ben. Here's hoping it goes as well as this evening went!

Tiller The Baby Killer

2009-06-01T07:14:00.004-05:00

Up until yesterday Dr. Tiller performed late term abortions in Wichita, KS. Yesterday, he was gunned down on as he was serving as an usher at his church. Dr. Tiller performed these abortions for women who met certain criteria, the mother and or baby needed to be in danger. When I was younger and more naive I would have categorized myself as pro-life under any circumstance. Through life experiences my views have changed, I am still pro-life, but I do understand there are women who may need Dr. Tiller's services.

When I was 16 weeks pregnant with my first set of twins, Nate & Spence, I had a bright red gush in the middle of the night. Travis and I went directly to the emergency room to discover that my water had broken. The twins were fraternal, so Nate had no amniotic fluid, but Spence was still okay. In the morning a specialist that did his best to explain what had happened visited me. After he told me the outcome would most likely be negative he told me that I had one week to decide if we wanted to end the pregnancy. In Nebraska, abortion is only legal up to 17 weeks. I was so happy to have Travis by my side. Travis is pro-choice, but he knows and understands my beliefs. So, when the doctor asked us if we wanted to schedule an abortion, I froze up, but Travis was able to say "NO!” We put our babies lives in God's hands and hoped and prayed for the best. I went another 10 weeks on bed rest trying to maintain the pregnancy. When I was nearly 26 weeks, Spence's water broke. We were told that the babies wouldn't benefit from being inside anymore. However, in the state of Nebraska they could not induce labor at 26 weeks because it would be considered abortion, therefore illegal. The doctor suggested I discontinue my bed rest in hopes of inducing labor. I walked around for a day, but labor didn't happen. My doctor then told me about a clinic in Kansas that would be able to help me. I don't know if it was Dr. Tiller's clinic, but if it wasn't him it was someone similar. I called the clinic in hopes that they would induce labor and we could hand the babies over to the NICU to nurse the babies back to health. But, that was not the service the clinic provided. The clinic explained that they would give me some medicine to kill the babies so they wouldn't feel pain, then they would break the babies up and pull them out piece by piece. Needless to say, this is not what I had in mind! I got off the phone with the clinic and called Travis to tell him that we weren't doing that. After explaining the process Travis agreed with me! I called my doctor to tell him that wouldn't be happening. The doctor suggested I return to bed rest until my body naturally went into labor. I spent another couple of days on the recliner in front of the television until I went into labor. The babies were born premature and only lived a few hours each.

Through this experience my beliefs changed. I am still pro-life for myself, but I now understand this is not a black and white issue. I think columnist Toby Harnden said it best when he wrote "To be bitterly opposed to such abortions - or, indeed, any abortions - is a completely respectable moral and political position. To regard abortion as murder and to regard the likes of George Tiller as "baby killers" is also legitimate. But to murder Tiller, to appoint oneself as judge and executioner, to take a life as retribution for other lives that have been taken is another matter entirely. To do so while Tiller was inside his church only adds to the twisted evil of the act."

Best Food In Town

2009-05-31T11:14:00.003-05:00

We have been so busy lately between baseball, work, end of school activities and fixing up my father-in-laws house we haven't gotten to eat at home. For the first time in what seemed like weeks I made dinner with Ben by my side as my faithful sous chef. I knew Ben was feeling the same way I was when he said "Mom, this is so fun, can we eat here every night?" I guess it has been a long time!

Let The Beach Towel Washing Begin!

2009-05-30T16:43:00.002-05:00

Just when I was thinking I couldn't put one more thing on my plate the summer beach towel washing has begun. The kids and I spent the afternoon outside on the slip and slide in the backyard. (This body isn't ready for the neighborhood pool yet.) When we came inside I was saddled with four dirty beach towels and swimsuits. The kids are all crashed out on the floor sleeping off their over indulgence in the sun. I am soaking up the sweet smell of sweaty kids with a hint of water and sunscreen. It is a smell that will turn my stomach by the end of the summer, but for now it is bringing the fond memories of summers past flooding back.

Stuck On Kangaroos

2009-05-29T11:08:00.003-05:00

Ben: (crying) I need a band-aid!
Me: What do you need a band-aid for?
Ben: My kangaroo.
Me: Your kangaroo?
Ben: Yes
Me: What are you talking about?
Ben: (crying harder) MY KANGAROO!
Me: Where is your kangaroo?
Ben: Right here in my mouth!

Poor Benny, he hates when I don't understand what he is trying to tell me. Come to find out, he has coined a new term for canker sores, kangaroo...okay. FYI, Band-Aid’s jingle "I am stuck on Band-Aid brand 'cause Band-Aid’s stuck on you" doesn't hold true when attempting to apply to the inside of one's mouth.

Graduation Again Already?

2009-05-28T14:29:00.004-05:00

Jack graduated for the second time today in his 6 short years of life. He graduated from preschool last year, which I get; he was at least changing schools. But, today he 'graduated' from Kindergarten. He is going to go to the same elementary school next year. Jack even asked me this morning why his friend Derek (who is in 1st grade) wouldn't be graduating today, he actually thought they would both be in 1st grade next year since Derek didn't "graduate". How can you blame the kid? I am thinking this graduation craziness is along the same lines as not keeping score in baseball and always telling our kids how great they are. When are we going to welcome our kids to the world of reality by letting them know you only graduate from high school and college, someone loses in every baseball game and sometimes you aren't all that great?

The kids had their pictures taken in cap and gown a couple of weeks ago, that's right another marginal photo that I felt obligated to buy. I just hope that he has one of those photo videos at his wedding so everyone will see these pictures someday! So, I assumed that the kids would be wearing the cap and gown in the graduation ceremony. I talked to another friend with a Kindergartener who thought the same thing. I figured he would wear a white shirt, shorts and a decent pair of shoes. But, this morning about 30 minutes before we needed to leave for school Jack informed me that they were not wearing the cap and gown and they couldn't wear jeans or shorts. These words put me into a mad scramble. The kid has grown like crazy and I can't remember the last time I bought him a pair of slacks. I found a pair of khakis that didn't look too short as long as he wore them on his hips. I pulled out a white shirt so his black shoes (the only dress shoes he has that still fit) wouldn't look so bad. When I was nearly done ironing the shirt I found a big spot on the front. Shit! I grabbed a blue shirt and told Jack that he would need to wear his brown cowboy boots. He started melting down! "I can't wear these, we are lined up by height and these boots mess everything up because they make me taller and they itch and they make me walk funny”. Okay, let me see if I can get the spot out of your white shirt so you can wear your black shoes. I got the spot most of the way out of the front, as my mother would say "on a galloping horse nobody will notice". He put the shirt back on and as he walked away I saw another spot on the back of the shirt. Double shit! Now we are running late. I took the shirt off and put the blue shirt back on him. He was now crying again about not wanting to wear the boots. I told him to just put on the black shoes and I would stop and get him a pair of brown shoes to put on before graduation. I dropped him off at school at 8:35 and I could already see the annoying over-achieving parents lining up to get a good seat for the 9:30 graduation. I sped off to Walmart to find the best pair of brown shoes money could buy. They didn't have a thing! All they had were sandals; flip-flops and ugly character tennis shoes for boys. They had an entire aisle of different colors and styles for girls. By the time I got out of Walmart there was no time to get to another store so I headed to the graduation. He ended up looking fine and being better dressed than most of the kids.

Burn Notice

2009-05-27T21:15:00.002-05:00

Jack and I had a playdate this afternoon after school. I picked Jack and his friend Finn up from school, then Finn's mom and sister came over shortly after we got home. It was a beautiful afternoon so we decided to play outside. After playing outside for only about 30 minutes the 'big boys' decided they wanted to go inside to play. The three 3-year-olds wanted to stay outside so we let the boys go inside and play in Jack's room. I told Finn's mom that there wasn't anything in the house they could hurt, so no worries. Lauren went inside to go potty; when she came back outside she reported, "The boys were cooking her ball in the toaster". It seemed extremely far-fetched so the other mother and I brushed her off. We continued to chat about the crazy things kids dream up and say. Suddenly the door burst open and two crying 6-year-olds came running out.

Jack: (through tears) I told him not to do it, but he did it anyway!
Me: What are you talking about?
Jack: We put Lauren's ball on top if the toaster and it almost started on fire and I burned my hand.

I went running into the house to assess the damage. The toaster was on, the splash ball was on the floor with a burn hole and the house smelled of melted nylon. I went back outside to report to the boys and the other mother that there was no harm, no foul. The boys were still hysterical and Jack was mad at me for not giving his burn enough attention.

After the other family left I talked to Jack about what a poor decision he had made. He agreed and we left it at that. Thirty minutes later on our way to Jack's baseball game he was still thinking about the incident.

Jack: Mom, I think that I should have to buy Lauren a new ball and I think I should lose a privilege.
Me: I think you are right, what privilege do you think you should lose?
Jack: Hmmm...I think I should lose cartoons.
Me: How long do you think you should go without cartoons?
Jack: I think I should go without cartoons for the rest of the year.
Me: Wow that is a really long time. Do you know how long that is?
Jack: Yeah, it is 6 days.
Me: Oh, you mean the end of the school year!
Jack: Yeah.
Me: Okay that works.

Wow, I don't know what I did right, but I sure made this parenting gig look easy today! Jack is such a great kid. Sure, he tried to burn the house down, but how many kids come up with their own punishment without being told?

Baseball Boy

2009-05-27T21:11:00.002-05:00

Jack: Did you here that little kid call me a baseball man?
Me: No, I didn't. Did you tell him that you are a boy, not a man?
Jack: No, I just went with it!

Lesson Learned...Again.

2009-05-22T18:26:00.003-05:00

This morning before Travis went to work he asked me if I could take his pants to the dry cleaners. When I responded, "I don't know, I'll try" he got a little testy. "What are you doing today, either you can or you can't, if you can't just tell me and I'll do it myself!" I explained that I was leaving for my infusion at 8:30 this morning right after I drop Jack off at school and wouldn't get back until 2pm. I told him that I had to be home from 4-7 waiting for the pest control people to launch their 3rd attack on my ants. He seemed perplexed as to what I was doing between 2 and 4. I pointed out that the clinic is frequently running behind and with 3-year-old twins you never know what could come up. I didn't know at the time what if anything was going to come up.

When I went to Lucinda's to pick up Ben and Lauren I found everyone in the yard planting flowers. Lucinda and I stood in the yard chatting and enjoying the beautiful weather. Ben was getting restless and wanted to hold my car key. I should have known that was a bad idea. I kept Ben and my key in the corner of my eye. I noticed right away when he was no longer carrying my key.

Me: Where is my car key?
Ben: I put it in the car, where it belongs!

He had tossed it through the open window of my locked car. I breathed a sigh of relief figuring that the key was in a last in a safe place. When I went to leave I poked my head in the window, but I couldn't find my key. I opened the door assuming the key would fall out onto my feet. Not only did I not find the key, I set off the car alarm. Without the key you can't turn the alarm off. I frantically tried hitting the internal lock and unlock button with no success. The neighbors in the swanky neighborhood were coming to the windows to see what all the commotion was about. I was panicked and running my hand under the seats and floor mats without results. I shut the door in hopes that the alarm would cease. I was falsely relieved when the alarm stopped. I had no idea it was just taking a break. That's right, it started up again only moments later and I still didn't have the key. It was hot out, I was wearing jeans because it is cold in the infusion room and I was loosing my cool both literally and figuratively. My mind was flashing back to the conversation that Travis and I had just hours before. Once the doors were shut the alarm finally took mercy on my and stopped the headache inducing honk. I still couldn't find the key. When Lucinda came over to help I stopped her from opening the door for fear that the alarm would start up again. We must have been quite a sight with our butts hanging out of the car as we searched the floorboards for the teeny tiny key. We weren't finding it and decided to try opening all of the doors rather than just the one Ben said he put the key in. When we opened the other door the key dropped out onto the ground just like I had expected it to do nearly 30 minutes before when I opened the first door.

So, boys and girls the moral of the story is that anything can come up when you have two 3-year-olds in tow. Is it really a lesson if you have already learned? I think this lesson was wasted on me. Ben, please remember that I am already familiar with this lesson and the next time you decide to be cute save it for your father.

Trapped!

2009-05-14T18:27:00.003-05:00

I have been bringing Ben and Lauren along when I show homes to clients that I have good relationships with. When it is a buyer that I have worked with for a long time I don't mind bringing them with me. They have been really good in the past; I guess I just got cocky. Today I took them along to show some town homes not far from my house. My buyer was a little late so we sat outside while we waited so we could enjoy the beautiful weather. Ben and Lauren were running up and down the sidewalk. Lauren tripped on her flip-flop and scrapped her knee. She whined as we went through the first two houses. In the third town home we stepped outside onto the balcony to check out the golf course view. Ben and Lauren followed us onto the balcony and Ben swung the door shut. When we turned to go inside we realized the door was locked! There were not any stairs to the ground from this second story balcony; we were trapped like rats! I called the owner of the town home to see if he could come unlock the door. The owner was at a closing and wouldn't be able to rescue us for at least a couple hours. Crap! I make a habit of leaving the front door open as a safety precaution when I show houses, so I called Trisha hoping that she was not in the middle of something. She rushed right over and was able to rescue us within about 3 minutes. It wasn't the disaster that is could have been, but it was certainly embarrassing!! Needless to say, Ben and Lauren won't be coming the next time I show that buyer a home!

Unconditional Love

2009-05-13T21:01:00.004-05:00

My parents closed on their TX house on Monday! The kids and I have been helping...I mean, I have been helping and the kids have been tagging along...make decisions on flooring, laying sod, etc. Tonight they went to my sister's house to spend Thursday, Friday and Saturday. My kids were distraught. They gave hugs and kisses to Grammy and Grandpa when we left dinner, then we had to chase them down in the parking lot for one last hug. As I was giving them hugs and kisses goodnight they wanted to call Grammy and tell her that they love her one last time. After everyone had said their 'goodnights' and 'I love yous' Jack told me "I love Grammy as much as I love Jesus...and that is a lot!"

Foul Three!

2009-05-08T07:06:00.005-05:00

Last night at baseball practice the kids were doing a drill where they swing the bat, put it down and run to first base. Several kids went through the drill with no incident, then it was Jack's turn. Jack swung the bat and rather than dropping the bat to the ground he flung the bat behind him. Right into the nose of a boy that was standing too close. The victim was no other than the son of the woman with the gap in her teeth and the older brother of the girl that "always wears the same clothes". What are the odds? Lauren starts the attack, then Jack kicks them while they are down! The little boy's nose swelled and gushed with blood. His parents rushed him to the hospital where they gave him a CAT Scan. Jack came home from practice distraught. Travis was too upset about the incident to tell me what happened so I talked to Jack. My mind kept flashing forward to 16 year old Jack making a careless mistake and hurting someone else. I sat down and told Jack that I will always be on his side and I will always love him no matter what. I explained that I needed to know exactly what happened so I can help him deal with his mistake. I want Jack to know that he can always come to me no matter what the situation is. I hope that I layed the groundwork for that yesterday. I love this kid with all my heart and I hate to see him feeling bad. I am happy to report that the little boy is okay, thank goodness!

You Can't Fix Stupid!

2009-05-05T17:00:00.003-05:00

As a realtor I am associated with a broker. Basically, I pay my broker to 'sponsor' me, which is required by law. My broker charges relatively low fees, but I have officially decided you get what you pay for! We have exchanged words in the past; we are trying to repair our rocky relationship. He is beginning to understand that I need to be 'stroked' when I make a sale. I like to be rewarded financially when I make a sale, but I also expect to be told how fabulous I am. So, my mentor has explained this to my broker and I think he is trying, but at this point I think he would be better off not to talk. Today in a meeting of our small office, consisting of 10 men and me, we were talking about simple things you need to do everyday to be successful in real estate. My broker went on to say, "You don't need to be Einstein or Brad Pitt to be successful. Look at Kelli, she is JUST A HOUSEWIFE and she has been wildly successful." Just a housewife? I am so much more than a housewife! But, being a housewife is not something I am ashamed of. I am proud of the HARDWORK I have put in as a 'housewife' over the last five years. My children are well-behaved, smart, funny and an all around joy to be around. This is much more than I can say for his son, Damien. I am not changing his name to protect the innocent because 1) he isn't innocent and 2) I think it important to know his devilish name is relevant! I am mad at myself. I didn't say anything. I still don't know what I wish I would have said, but saying anything would have been better than sitting there in shock like I did.

I Love New York

2009-05-05T08:27:00.001-05:00

Jack: Mom, I know why J is brown.
Me: Why?
Jack: Because he moved here.
Me: Where did he move from?
Jack: New York

I Have Heard It All!

2009-05-04T21:09:00.002-05:00

Ben has been trying out all sorts of ways to prolong bedtime. I am usually able to nip it pretty easily, because I can see them coming a mile away.

"I need a drink"
"I'm still hungry"
"Can we have one more book?"
"I need one more hug"
"I need one more kiss"
"I want a night light"
"I want it dark"
"Leave the door open"
"Shut the door"
"It's too hot"
"It's too cold"
"I need to say goodnight to Lauren"
"I forgot to hug daddy"
"Will you scratch my back?"
"I need to tell you something"
"I love you soooo much, do you love me soooo much"
"I can't find my puppy"
"Where's my blanket?"

You get the picture, right? I thought I had heard it all, but tonight he said,

"Wait Mommy, I forgot to pick up all of my toys"

"We Didn't Realize How Perfect Our Lives Were..."

2009-05-04T16:18:00.004-05:00

Madeline McCann's parents were on Oprah today. This story hit me so hard two years ago as it was happening. Jack and Madeline are only a couple of months apart and their boy/girl twins are very close in age to Ben and Lauren. We went to San Antonio with two other families a couple of years ago and did almost the same thing the McCann's did. We had three suites in a row. We put the kids to sleep in two rooms and the adults played cards in the third room. Not exactly the same, not the 100 yards away that Kate and Gerry were, but too similar, eerie really. The McCann's had trouble getting pregnant, then were blessed with three kids right on top of each other just like us. Kate really struck a cord with me when she said, "I never took our kids for granted because of what we went through to get them, but we didn't realize how perfect our lives were." Wow. I need to be reminded every now and then that even though the economy is bad, swine flu is on the loose, Travis' job isn't as stable as we wish it was, we are overwhelmed with remodeling my father-in-law's house, my house is infested with ants, the kids are crying and my MS is acting up our lives are PERFECT!

Who Needs A Dog?

2009-05-03T21:52:00.003-05:00

The pest guy came on Thursday, I scrubbed the kitchen floor and it seemed like the ant population thinned down for about a minute. Then, just when I started to relax it got worse again. Those darn pest people are going to have to come back out tomorrow! It seems like the second the kids drop a crumb on the floor the ants come running to gobble it up, just like a dog! The kids are even playing with them. They try to count them and get them to crawl onto their hands. I guess I should just accept them as part of the family. They are like gray hairs, every time I suck one of the little bastards up 10 come in its place. One of the symptoms of my MS is little tingling sensations that feel just like an ant crawling on you. I am pretty sure this is worse torture than water boarding!

Swine Flu Who?

2009-05-03T21:24:00.004-05:00

I just don't know what to make of this Swine Flu madness! The Tysabri that I take for my MS is designed to suppress my immune system so it doesn't attack my brain. That is a really simplified way of putting it, but that is how I try to get Jack to understand it. So, my immune system is the equivalent to a baby's or an HIV patient. I have a friend that is a doctor in the local emergency room. He called last week to tell me that I need to be really careful and take the kids clothes off and give them baths when we get home from school or a shopping trip. The kids have loved taking bubble baths together in mom's tub.

I got a text Friday morning from my friend saying that they had seen the first probable case of swine flu in the ER the night before. Travis and I talked and decided to keep Jack home from school. It may have been a huge over-reaction, but I would rather error on the side of caution. My friend kept his kids home and he isn't the kind of doctor that over-reacts! I haven't heard anything about whether the probable case has come back positive or not, but that will determine whether Jack goes to school tomorrow or not.

Ant Bully

2009-04-29T17:59:00.002-05:00

Ben: (with his face an eighth of an inch from the floor) Mommy! There are ants on the floor!
Me: I know. The pest control guy is coming tomorrow.
Ben: Why did they come in here?
Me: Because you and your brother and sister drop food on the floor ALL the time and mommy can't clean it up fast enough.
Ben: (turning his attention back to the ants) Silly ants, don't go on the carpet, we aren't allowed to have food in there. Go toward the table!

More Bennyisms

2009-04-22T19:23:00.005-05:00

Ben has been so funny lately. The funniest part is that he isn't trying to be funny!

Yesterday I opened a Capri Sun for Ben while we were outside playing. As soon as I handed it back to him he took off to play again.
Me: clearing my throat as a subtle reminder to say thank you
Ben: Still walking away from me
Me: Clearing my throat louder
Ben: Turning around. Mom, are you trying to say something?

Tonight after bath time before he had his pajamas on he picked up the basketball and started dribbling trying to show off. He was doing a pretty good job when he lost control and the basketball hit him right in his naked privates. Then Ben says "Ohhhh, game over, that hurt my penis!” When I got out his underwear he said, "Stop! I need my Spiderman underpants, my penis needs a superhero!”

"Kiss me mama, I love kissing girls!"

Too Big For Naps?

2009-04-17T14:47:00.004-05:00

Ben and Lauren are in the horrible transition between needing a nap and not needing one. Poor Benny is like his mommy; he needs his sleep. But, he wants to be big like his sister and not take a nap. Most days he ends up falling asleep on the couch between 4:30 and 5:00. He gets to the point where he is crying and doesn't know why or how to stop; when he finally stops it is because he has fallen asleep. I wish I could help him understand that he could avoid this out of control feeling by simply taking a nap. Today he didn't make it to the couch before he fell asleep.

Innocence Lost

2009-04-16T08:40:00.003-05:00

Travis' dad is moving here from Austin. He closed on his house Monday. We didn't get the keys to the house when he closed; the sellers lost it. So, the seller's agent had to call a locksmith and have them get into the house. When they got in, they discovered the house had been burglarized, the other agent called the police. I was at Jack's school doing my monthly lunch duty when the police officer called. Anyone who has ever pulled lunch duty knows how loud that cafeteria can get. The kids were just getting settled so it was at deafening decibels. I only caught every other word from the police officer. It went something like this; "Mrs. ______ ____ ____ Officer ______ from the ______ Police Department, _______ father-in-law's house _______ _______ burglarized, _______ need to ______ a report now." I told the officer that I would be there as soon as I could. I arranged for the other lunch duty moms to watch my table then told Jack that I had to leave.

Me: I have to go buddy.
Jack: Where?
Me: Grandpa's house.
Jack: Which Grandpa?
Me: Grandpa Doug.
Jack: Why?
Me: There is an issue at his house.
Jack: What kind of issue?
Me: Someone broke into his house.
Jack: Who?
Me: I don't know.
Jack: A bad person?
Me: Yes.

When I went to pick Jack up from school he seemed really surprised.

Jack: I thought you went to grandpa Doug’s.
Me: I did.
Jack: How did you get back from Austin so fast?
Me: I was at his house in town.
Jack: Someone broke into his house here?
Me: Yes.
Jack: I thought we lived in a happy town!
Me: We do!
Jack: Why did someone do that?
Me: There are bad people in every town.
Jack: That makes me sad.
Me: Me too buddy.
Jack: Why does God make bad people?
Me: I don't know.
Ben: God makes rain!

Foul Two!

2009-04-13T20:28:00.003-05:00

Jack had another baseball game today. Based on our last faux pas I found a place on the bleachers off by ourselves. However, our new friend and her daughter, Scarlet, came to sit by us. I said a quick silent prayer in hopes that we wouldn't have to discuss the mother's teeth again. I guess I shouldn't have made my prayer so specific. Thank God, Lauren didn't mention the teeth again. But, apparently she didn't think this family had endured enough humiliation and greeted the little girl by saying "Hi Skirt, why do you always wear the same clothes?" They must think she is a mini mean girl.

Foul!

2009-04-04T13:54:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was Jack's second baseball game on his new team. My parents went to the first game so I didn't try to get to know the other parents. I know one parent on the team because her son is in Jack's Kindergarten class, but I was trying to 'mingle' while watching the game. I met one parent who I didn't have a lot of common with, but she was nice enough. The next thing I know Lauren decided to strike up a conversation with my new acquaintance.

Lauren: (pointing at the rotting gap in her front teeth) Look, you loosed a tooth, just like my brother!

We both pretended that we didn't understand what she said. There was a long awkward pause in our conversation while Lauren looked around wondering who put the turd in the punch bowl. When we finally started chatting again she was doing a weird thing with her upper lip trying not to show her teeth.

After the game I told Travis about the unfortunate exchange in the stands. Overhearing Jack gave me his take on it.

Jack: That mom probably thinks you are a bad mom!
Me: Why?
Jack: Because you taught your daughter to be rude!
Me: I didn't teach her to be rude! She wasn't trying to be rude, she just didn't know.
Jack: Why didn't she know that adults don't lose teeth?
Me: I don't know, she is only 3 years old.
Jack: Well, she probably thinks you are a bad mom because your daughter isn't very smart!

Wow, life was better before my kids could talk!

Jack-O-Lantern

2009-03-28T12:54:00.003-05:00

Jack lost his first tooth! He technically didn't lose it; I tricked him into letting me pull it. I tried to pull it with a piece of dental floss a week or so ago, but Travis told him it would hurt so he wouldn't let me. Today I finally got him to open his mouth by telling him I was just going to look at it. It only took a little tug to get it out. Jack was so excited to put his tooth under his pillow for the tooth fairy. When he woke up in the morning he was so disappointed because he thought the tooth fairy just took his tooth without leaving any money. I took him back up to his bed and helped him find the dollar that the tooth fairy at left. Jack looked a little disappointed.

Me: What's wrong?
Jack: This is only a dollar. I can't buy anything with just a dollar!
Me: Why don't you save it? When you lose more teeth you can put all of your money together and buy something. You have a lot of teeth!
Jack: When am I going to lose more teeth?
Me: Do you want me to pull another one?
Jack: NO!

Todd Bless Benny!

2009-03-25T18:36:00.003-05:00

Ben: Mommy, who makes the rain?
Me: God.
Ben: Why?
Me: So the flowers will grow, the grass will get green and the lakes will fill up.
Ben: Is this rain filling up the lake that Grammy is going to live at?
Me: Yep.
Ben: Will we have a rainbow after it rains?
Me: If the sun comes out right after the rain we will get lucky and see a rainbow.
Ben: Who makes rainbows?
Me: God.
Ben: Who is Todd? Is he nice like God?

Stinky Hog

2009-03-23T20:23:00.002-05:00

My father-in-law is in town looking for a house. He is going to move closer so Travis and I can help him. He lives alone and can use some extra help. He bathes daily, but unfortunately he doesn't wash his clothes as frequently. The nicest way I can say it is his clothes smell like B.O. When he arrived yesterday he was RIPE! We drove around town house hunting. It was a lot of smell in a small space! This morning while Jack was getting ready for school Doug decided to get ready for the day too. Like I said, he is used to living alone. Jack needed to get in the bathroom to brush his teeth, but Doug was busy taking a bath, shaving, brushing his teeth, etc. He was in the bathroom for over an hour! I told Jack to go wait by the door because we needed to get to school. Jack got to the bathroom only to discover that grandpa was still hogging the bathroom. Jack yelled down to me "Grandpa is STILL in the bathroom, at least he won't stink anymore!"

Spring Has Sprung

2009-03-20T16:36:00.003-05:00

I am so happy to welcome spring! I love spring in Texas. We have already had several beautiful sunny days, and this is how I know...

Ben: Why is your face all dirty?
Me: My face isn't dirty.
Ben: Yes it is, look at all of those dots, what's up with that?
Me: Those dots are freckles.
Ben: Why do you have them?
Me: I get them when I am in the sun, just like Grammy.
Ben: Why don't you wash them off?
Me: I can't wash them off; they are part of my skin.
Ben: Why do you want dirty skin?
Me: My skin isn't dirty! Some people think freckles are cute.
Ben: Well, I don't, I think they are dirty.

Just when I start feeling comfortable in my skin I get busted down by a three year old!

Immanent Disaster

2009-03-19T21:02:00.004-05:00

I drug the kids around all morning while I took care of business. We had to take a sign out of one yard, put a lock box on another house, pick up a contract from another agent, etc. I promised the kids that if they behaved while I got my work done we would go to Taco Bell for lunch. While I was filling our drinks the kids picked out a table. When I turned around I discovered the kids at a high-top table. They seemed so proud of their choice that I didn't want to burst their little bubbles by making them move. But, I knew disaster was immanent. I assumed the disaster would include someone falling out of a chair and crying hysterically, but alas I was wrong. We unpacked our food and started eating; everything was coming off without a hitch. Just when I started to relax the bell on the door rang announcing that we no longer had the restaurant to ourselves. When I saw it was two midgets (I know that is not the politically correct term, but it makes the story better) I quickly diverted my attention back to my taco so I couldn't be accused of staring. Unfortunately, Ben didn't look away. Not only did he not look away, he announced "Those little people can't get us up here!"

Call Me!

2009-03-18T22:08:00.003-05:00

The kids overheard me leaving a phone message...

Hey mom, give me a call back when you get a chance

Jack: Why are you calling your mom?
Me: Because I wanted to catch up with her.
Jack: Why?
Me: I like to talk to my mom, won't you want to talk to me when you are a grown up?
Jack: Yeah, but I won't be able to call you all the time.
Me: Why not?
Jack: Because I am going to be an astronaut, I won't be able to call you when I am in space.
Me: Okay, I understand, as long as you call me all the time when you are on Earth.
Jack: Of course I will!
Ben: I am not going to call you when I grow up!
Me: Why not?
Ben: Because I am going to be a dog when I grow up and dogs can't talk!

Happy Birthday Lexie!

2009-03-14T21:28:00.003-05:00

My niece was born today. We took the whole family to the hospital to meet her. Ben and Lauren have Bronchitis so they didn't get to see Lexie. Travis sat in the waiting room with Ben and Lauren while Jack and I got to know Lexie. Then I traded places with Travis and he went to see the baby. Since Lauren didn't get to see Lexie in the flesh I showed her a picture.

Lauren: I like that baby, can we bring her home?
Me: No, that is your cousin Lexie, she is going to live with Aunt Nicole.
Lauren: Why?
Me: Because Aunt Nicole is her mommy.
Lauren: Why?
Me: (knowing this conversation was going no where fast I decided to change the subject) What do you like about the baby?
Lauren: She is pink and a little bit black.

Happy Birthday Jack!

2009-03-13T21:41:00.003-05:00

My big boy turned six years old today. Six years ago today I didn't think it was possible to love him anymore than I did the day he was born, but I do! He continues to amaze me everyday. He is so smart and tests me daily with his curiosity. Today he wanted to know where the sun goes when it sets. And, the great thing is he actually wants to know. He listens intently and asks follow up questions when you give him an explanation. He has a great sense of humor and gets sarcasm like no other six year old. Don't get me wrong, he is still a six-year-old boy who finds toots and burps hysterical, but you can't win them all! He is so sweet and caring when he wants to be. He knows just when to give me a hug and a kiss. He is hardworking, helpful and an all around great kid! I am so lucky to be his mom.

His birthday party at Peter Piper Pizza was a huge success. Thirty-two of his closest friends joined us to celebrate. The kids played games and ate pizza while the adults drank beer and wine. It was a huge success!

It's Real

2009-03-11T19:26:00.003-05:00

I mentioned a week ago that Jack's sixth birthday wasn't feeling real to me because I hadn't done the massive amounts of planning that I normally do. The party is tomorrow, so today was cake day. My friend Trisha came over to decorate the cake as she always does (God love her!) as I stood in the kitchen giving her moral support. The cake looks fabulous, don't you think?

After Trisha left I started on the cupcakes for school. I decided that Jack was old enough to give me some input on what he wanted.
Me: What kind of cupcakes do you want me to make for school? Jack: Why don't you put green frosting for grass, then put a football on it?
Me: I was wanting to know what flavor you wanted, not how you wanted it decorated.
Jack: I don't care about the flavor, just about the decorating. I want it to have a football on top.
Me: Well, you are not allowed to have things that are not edible on the cupcakes at school.
Jack: Then I guess you will have to make the football out of icing!
Here is what I came up with. I am not one to toot my own horn (well, maybe I am), but I think they turned out pretty darn cute!

Party Of One

2009-03-08T17:04:00.005-05:00

This weekend we have been working on putting Lauren's big girl room together. Travis is painting the walls 'pleasing pink' and I was washed her bedding and put it on her new (former guest) bed.

Lauren: Mommy, are you going to share this bed with me?
Me: No, I already have my own big girl bed.
Lauren: Then who is going to share with me?
Me: Nobody, you get your OWN room!
Lauren: But Ben and Jack get to share.
Me: Yes, they are boys and since you are the only girl you GET your OWN room!
Lauren: Why?
Me: Because when you get BIG, boys and girls don't share rooms.
Lauren: But, you and daddy share a room.
Me: You are right we do, but you don't get to share a room with a boy until you are married.

Now that I think about it, I should have used this moment to list all of the things she can't do with a boy until she is married. It is never too early to start, right?

Six Minus Six Days

2009-03-07T15:46:00.003-06:00

Jack is turning six on Friday. It hasn't really hit me yet. I think it is because I haven't done the party planning that I am a custom too. Last year Jack had a big superhero bash in the backyard complete with a full-sized bounce house and homemade capes for each of his friends. The year before Travis and I spent the six weeks before his birthday working on wooden frames shaped like a fire truck for his party at the fire station. When he turned 3 we rented two horses and had handlers give rides to all of his guests. This year Jack is having a joint party with another boy in his class at Peter Piper Pizza, picture Chuck E. Cheese with beer and wine. Rather than goodie bags the kids will go home with a certificate for an ice cream cone from Baskin Robins. The boys decided on a football theme so I am going to pick up a couple of football balloon bouquets and make a 3-D football cake. And, that is it. It is really boring to me, but it is what Jack wants. I guess he is outgrowing mommy's babyish birthday parties. It makes me a little sad my boy is growing up. When did this happen?

Picture Heaven

2009-02-27T13:50:00.003-06:00

Jack: Mommy, look at my picture! Guess who is in the middle. I will give you two clues, he is a man and he is on a cross.
Me: Is it Jesus?
Jack: Yes!
Me: Who are the other people?
Jack: The boy with the NH over his head is my brother Nate. The boy with the SH over his head is my brother Spencer. The boy with the BK over his head is grandpa's brother. You know, grandpa and I have something in common. We both have a brother in heaven. I bet our brothers are playing together!
Me: Jack that is a great picture, tell me about the rest.
Jack: They are in heaven; I drew flowers and trees because heaven is beautiful.

It is times like this that I am impressed with my parenting. I hate to toot my own horn, but I MUST be doing something right to have a great kid like this!

Playdate At The Duck Pond

2009-02-27T09:11:00.012-06:00

Yesterday my sister and I took the kids to feed the ducks. I have some really cute pictures I wanted to share.

Taking the ducklings to the pond.

The boys kept eating the duck food.

Lauren was too busy posing to eat.

The big ugly ducks got a little aggresive and came out of the water. One got a little nibble of Ben's thumb. I thought he was going to start crying and we would be done feeding the ducks. Instead, he suprised me by saying, "Silly duck, I'm not food!"

Holy Jeans, Batman!

2009-02-25T13:52:00.003-06:00

Last fall when school started I bought Jack 6 pairs of jeans. He didn't start wearing them until mid-October. By January he had holes in every last pair. Now, not only do I not have any jeans to pass down to Ben, but I had to buy more jeans to make it through the winter. I bought 2 more pairs assuming that would get him through to April when he would start wearing shorts again. We are not even through February and both of the new pairs of jeans have holes now too. The kid has gone through EIGHT pairs of jeans in 4.5 months. Travis told me to send him to school in the ripped jeans but I just can't. I think that he needs to dress nicely for school to show respect for his teacher and school. I know some of you may be rolling your eyes right now. But, my grandma used to say, "If you dress like a roughian, you will be treated like a roughian." Those are words to live by people! I bought two new pairs of Levi's today. I am done buying the expensive Ralph Lauren jeans even though they are really cute! If he gets holes in these last two pairs before shorts weather I am going to buy the guaranteed Toughskins from Sears. I don't care if the other kids make fun of him. At least if he gets holes in those they will give me a new pair.

Secret Recipe

2009-02-24T18:38:00.002-06:00

Jack: When these Girl Scout cookies are gone will you make some more?
Me: No.
Jack: Why not?
Me: Because you buy them, you don't make them, we still have another box coming.
Jack: Don't you have the recipe?
Me: No, I don't have the recipe.
Jack: I thought you said you were a Girl Scout. If you were really a Girl Scout you would have the recipe!
Me: The Girl Scouts don't make them they just sell them.
Jack: Then who makes them?
Me: The manufacturer.
Jack: Can we get the recipe from them?

Snack Time

2009-02-24T15:10:00.002-06:00

Ben: Mommy, can I have another snack?
Me: No, you have had enough snacks today.
Ben: Please Mommy, I want my tummy to get big like Daddy's. Please mommy, please, please

Go To Girl

2009-02-21T19:45:00.004-06:00

My girlfriend Trisha used to be my go to girl, but now her kids are in school fulltime. So, I don't feel like I can ask her anymore. Yes, she would do it if I asked, but I don't like to ask unless I can reciprocate. My new go to girl is Lucinda, she is perfect her oldest is Jack's age, her middle is Ben and Lauren's age and she has a baby. We watch each other's kids on average once a week. I love watching her kids, the big kids play great together and I get my baby fix! This week when I had her kids I was sitting on the couch feeding the baby as Lauren looked longingly at her.

Lauren: Mommy, can we get a baby?
Me: Where do you think we should get another baby?
Lauren: Why don't we just ask Ms. Cinda to make us another one?

Shhhh...

2009-02-19T19:25:00.004-06:00

Travis took Jack to the auto show tonight so I told Ben and Lauren we would do something special. So, we went to Sonic followed up with a fun filled trip to Walmart to pick up a prescription and some soda. While we were waiting for my prescription to be filled we sat at the in-store McDonalds and had an ice cream cone. We had 40 minutes to kill so we had a chance to chat about our day. Ben and Lauren had a hard time using their inside voices, I had to keep reminding them that I was sitting right next to them. The woman sitting at the table next to us butted into our conversation and asked if they were twins. We had a short conversation about how old they are and what not. When we finished our ice cream we cleaned our table and threw away the drippy remains of Ben and Lauren's ice cream cones. Ben loudly announced "Good-bye ice cream!” as we walked away from the trashcan he loudly said "Good-bye McDonalds!” Then as we walked past the table he looked at the woman we had chatted with, waved and shouted "Good-bye ugly lady!” I assumed I had heard him wrong and asked him what he said. And, he pointed as he shouted, "I said good-bye to that ugly lady". Wow.

Close Only Counts in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

2009-02-17T20:39:00.005-06:00

So, Ben is using the potty for peepee and stinky 100% of the time. I honestly can't remember the last time he had an accident. The problem is that he strips from the waste down. He removes his boots and takes his underwear and jeans completely off no matter where he is. The problem really doesn't occur until it comes to redressing himself. He only gets his underwear and jeans back on about half the time and of that half they are only on the right direction 50% of the time. Which leaves me helping him get dressed 3 out of 4 times. It kind of takes away from the pleasure of an independent pottier. We have been working hard on getting him to put his pants on (right or wrong) before he leaves the bathroom because it proves embarrassing when he walks out of the bathroom at the gym or at McDonald's naked from the waist down. Both of which have actually happened. So today when he walked out of the bathroom with his underwear and jeans in hand he asked,

Ben: Mommy, will you help me put my pants back on?
Me: No, you need to go back into the bathroom and put them on by yourself.
Ben: Oh, damn it.

I chose to ignore that little comment because I didn't want him to think he could get a rise out of me by saying it again. He walked back to the bathroom with his underwear in one hand, his jeans in the other and his head hung low. When he finally immerged from the bathroom for the second time he had his jeans pulled on, but not buttoned.

Ben: Mommy, my love, will you please help me button my jeans?
Me: Yes, my love, I will!

I really can't say no to a kid that is so charming...and he knows it!

Mortality

2009-02-16T21:11:00.004-06:00

Last night our 38-year-old pediatrician and neighbor had a major heart attack. From what I am told it was just one step below instantly fatal. He lived through the heart attack, but will still be in the hospital for at least three days. His wife is a nurse so when he started feeling sick they were trying to handle it at home. Until his arm started hurting, that’s when he knew he was having a heart attack. They called 911, and then he looked at his wife and told her he was going to die and said he loved her. Thank goodness he made it through, he has a two-year-old daughter that needs him. Not to mention Benny (he doesn't know anything about the heart attack) who told me this afternoon that he needed me to call the doctor because his "breath hurt". I didn't bother to mention that the doctor had bigger problems right now. It really makes me think about how old we are getting. People our age are actually dying of things other than accidents like they did when we were in our 20s. Our attorney who was "our" age passed away less than a year ago and now the kids’ doctor nearly died. It makes me worry about Travis, he doesn't exercise like he should and he is a giant ball of tension 95% of the time. I am really not prepared to do this three-kid thing without him. Not to mention, I kind of like to have him around!

Valentine Competition

2009-02-13T14:53:00.004-06:00

I have been noticing a boy in Jack's class for the last few months. His mother never comes to anything at school, with the exception of when his college-aged sister came to the Christmas party; he is always by himself while the other kids have one or both parents with them. The kids were suppose to bring a 100% disposable lunch on the field trip, everyone but his little boy had their lunch. I volunteer in the computer lab once a week and this little boy is frequently corrected by the teacher for talking and not staying on task. I know I am making assumptions but I get the feeling that school isn't very important to his parents. Last Tuesday the kids were doing an assignment on the number 100. The teacher didn't expect all of the kids to finish the assignment, so at the end of the class she asked the kids that completed their assignment to stand up behind their chair. Unfortunately, every child stood up except this little boy. What made matters worse another child shouted out "Everyone but that little boy got the assignment done!” It made me so sad, this poor little boy is just being set up for failure, and he doesn't have a chance. I have treated him like all of the other children in the class; I haven't given him any special attention, though I have thought I should. Yesterday at the Valentine party the kids made Valentines for their moms. Jack made a very cute card then delivered it with a kiss, it was very sweet. Shortly after Jack delivered his card the little boy came over and handed me a nice Valentine. I said, "Oh, that's really nice, is this for your mom?" and he responded, "No, it's for you!” It was very sweet of him, but at the same time I feel terrible that he didn't make a Valentine for his mother. I mentioned it to the teacher and she said that he was the youngest (significantly younger) of four kids and his parents were really busy with the older kids. I feel so sad for him and so sad for his mother that she is missing out on her sweet youngest son because she is overwhelmed. As we were walking out of the party Jack noticed that I had two Valentines in my hand.

Jack: Why do you have two Valentines?
Me: One is from you and one is from the child who will remain nameless.
Jack: Why did he give it to you, you are MY mom?
Me: He was trying to be nice.
Jack: But, you love me more, right?
Me: Absolutely!!!!

Button, Button, Who Has The Button?

2009-02-08T18:40:00.003-06:00

I received the following note home from school last week.

"Wear 100 Things. On Monday February 9th, we will be celebrating the 100th day of school and we want the school to know it. Please help your child select 100 items that he/she can glue, paint, sew, stick or attach to a piece of clothing. You can attach 100 items to a shirt, hat, pants, socks, scarf, or any piece of clothing. Some ideas include: 100 pom-poms, 100 feathers, 100 buttons, 100 stickers, or 100 safety pins. You can use these ideas or you can be as creative as you like. Please allow your child to help by selecting the item and counting out 100 of them. They will wear their creation to school on Monday in honor of the 100th day of school. Thanks in advance for your help because we know the kids will love what they create! Thanks! The Kindergarten Team"

I made the mistake of reading the note to Jack and asking what he wanted to do. He chose 100 buttons on a hat. I went to Michaels and bought a bucket hat and a grab bag of buttons. Jack had a great time picking out the 100 random buttons. 90% of the buttons he chose are the kind with the loop on the back (aka not the flat kind you can hot glue). I started out really gung ho, but after an hour I only had 11 buttons sewn on. I spent the entire day sewing buttons to the bucket hat. My fingers were bloody from self-inflicted needle wounds. I seriously considered using the needle to poke my eyes out. I am saving that hat for when Ben and Lauren are in Kindergarten. One of them is going to wear the hat and the other is going to wear something with 100 hot-glued items!

Luck O' The Irish

2009-02-07T19:03:00.004-06:00

We didn't have any plans tonight so we took a family trip to the grocery store to buy dinner supplies. Since it was a special family occasion we even went to the expensive grocery store! Ben and Lauren each got their own mini grocery cart to push through the store and Jack helped me find each of the vegetables on our list. It was an exciting treasure hunt through the produce department to find each item on our list. When we got home Travis and I turned on the music and poured a glass of wine, the kids danced, Travis chopped and I stir fried the veggies. We had a great relaxing evening as a family. I was hoping that Jack would want to eat his veggies since he helped pick them out, but no such luck, I still had to talk him into it.

Me: Jack, do you remember what that is called?
Jack: What?
Me: The purple one.
Jack: Ummm...
Me: Remember, it has a confusing name...
Jack: Oh yeah, it's red cabbage, even though it is purple!
Me: Right! Eat it!
Jack: Why?
Me: It will give you the luck of the Irish.
Jack: What?
Travis: If you eat your cabbage you will be lucky!

Believe it or not, that convinced Jack to eat all of the cabbage on his plate and ask for more. We continued our dinner chit chatting and enjoying each other when Lauren's constant fidgeting caused her to fall off her chair onto the floor.

Jack: This cabbage IS LUCKY, that was FUNNY!

Jack was right, it was funny and him pointing it out made it even funnier to Travis and I. We spent the rest of the dinner pointing out why cabbage was lucky and encouraging each other to eat more.

I hope these are the nights our kids remember for the rest of their lives.

Where Is Your Father Part II

2009-02-03T20:35:00.002-06:00

Travis had to go to one of the rental properties to have a heart to heart with our soon-to-be former tenant after dinner tonight. He wasn't out the door two minutes when I heard Jack yelling from the bathroom.

Jack: MOM, I need HELP!
Me: (Running to the rescue) What's wrong?
Jack: My penis hurts!
Me: What's wrong?
Jack: Look, it is sticking straight out!
Me: Don't worry about it; just finish pooping and stop touching your penis.
Jack: Why does that happen?
Me: Ummm...I'll be right back Benny is calling me.

Why does Travis always disappear at the most inopportune times? When do you need to have "the talk" with boys?

Jeff And The Jammer

2009-02-03T15:35:00.007-06:00

Me: Okay buddy, get your shoes on it is time for school!
Jack: WAIT! I have something in my bag that I HAVE to turn in today.
Me: Grab it quick and we will take a look.
Jack: Here it is, magazine subscription fundraiser.
Me: It says that we can turn it in today or tomorrow.
Jack: I want to turn it in today! If I do 7 postcards I get a remote control jammer.
Me: What on Earth is a remote control jammer?
Jack: Well, let's say that you are watching your fat show and daddy wants to change it, I can use my remote control jammer so he can't change the channel. Will you help me do the postcards?
Me: Okay, let's hurry!
Jack: Who should I send them to?
Me: Well, who in your family would you like to send them to?
Jack: Uncle Jeff!
Me: Uncle Jeff isn't in our family.
Jack: Yes, he is, listen, UNCLE Jeff.
Me: We just call him Uncle Jeff because he is a friend that we love a lot; he is not really your uncle.
Jack: YES HE IS!!!
Me: Okay, let's send the first one to Uncle Jeff. Who else in your family?
Jack: Auntie Ronda.
Me: Auntie Ronda will see it when we send it to Uncle Jeff they don't need another one.
Jack: Can you call Uncle Jeff and make sure he shows it to Auntie Ronda?

I am not sure what part of this conversation is better the "fat show jammer" or "UNCLE Jeff". I am so proud of his natural sales ability, he is already using features and benefits to get "the sale" AND I love that he thinks of Jeff and Ronda as family, so do I!

Busy But Boring

2009-02-02T22:08:00.003-06:00

I have been adjusting to my life as a partial working mother. I think it would actually be easier to work full-time, at least that way I would have some sort of full-time childcare. However, I want it all. I don't want someone else taking care of my kids full-time; I want to remain the primary caregiver!

Our schedule today:
8:25 Drop Jack and James off at school.
8:25-8:40 Drive to the gym.
8:40-9:40 Workout
9:40-10:10 get ready at the gym.
10:10-10:30 Drive to the office.
10:30-1:00 Meeting at the office (Ben and Lauren came with, Benny slept in my lap a good portion of the time)
1:10-1:40 Go to the association of realtors to pay dues.
1:40-2:00 Drive home.
2:00-2:30 Vacuum the lower level.
2:30-3:45 Prepared our tax documents for personal and the business.
3:45-4:15 Welcome Jack home, go through his backpack.
4:15-4:45 Work on the books for the business.
4:45-5:15 Start dinner.
5:15-6:00 Go to our personal bank, the business bank then back to our personal bank.
6:00-6:30 Finish dinner.
6:30-7:00 Take car to the shop.
7:00-7:30 Eat dinner.
7:30-8:30 Learn about how to evict my deadbeat tenant.
8:30 kiss the kids good night.
8:30-9:30 Research REMAX website.
9:30-10:00 Blog
10:00 Bedtime

Tomorrow, more of the same. I like working; it makes me feel more like myself. I love being a mom; it helps me discover new things about myself everyday. I think this can be the best of both worlds; I just need to figure out how to make them coexist peacefully!

Winter Wonderland

2009-01-28T10:18:00.004-06:00

School was cancelled today due to the "worst ice storm since 1980". The kids and I took this excellent opportunity to try out the new sled Jack got for Christmas. Having a golf course in the backyard provides excellent hills, just watch out for the sand traps!

What's That Tat?

2009-01-28T07:25:00.003-06:00

Ben and Lauren were playing so nice together this morning while we waited for Jack to get up. Then I heard...

Lauren: Do you want a tatoo?
Ben: Yes!
Lauren: What do you want?
Ben: A dinosaur!

At this point I decided to investigate.

Me: Ben, what is on your forehead?
Ben: A dinosaur!

Where Is Your Father?

2009-01-27T07:56:00.003-06:00

This morning as I was getting dressed, Jack came into my room with his footed pajamas that are at least a size too small unzipped.

Jack: Mom, my penis hurts.
Me: Is it because your pajamas are too small?
Jack: No, I can't go potty.
Me: Why not?
Jack: My penis is too big, look. (Before I could stop him he was showing me his erect penis)
Me: Oh, you don't need to worry about that. That happens sometimes when you sleep. Just don't touch it for a while and it will go down.

Stop Thief!

2009-01-23T17:35:00.003-06:00

I have been robbed. I innocently took Lauren to the pediatric ophthalmologist this morning based on a referral from our pediatrician. She failed her eye exam in both eyes at her 3-year check up. We waited until we could get on the vision plan at Travis' company so that the visit would be covered. Well, come to find out the vision plan does not cover ophthalmologists, only optometrists. When Travis asked his HR department about the plan he was told that ophthalmologists were covered under our medical plan. In actuality, our medical plan only covers the appointment if there is something medical wrong with her eyes. Just needing glasses doesn't count. At the appointment today the doctor told us that Lauren is far sided, but not so far sided that he wants to give her glasses. So, he just stole $195 for the office visit and an hour and a half of our time. But, to make matters worse he actually suggested that we come back in four months so he can check her again. Look buddy, either she has a problem or she doesn't. I am not going to fall for this $200 waste of time again! Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me! If she fails her eye exam at her 4-year check up we will be seeing the local optometrist for a $25 co-pay.

Am I A Bitch?

2009-01-22T21:09:00.003-06:00

It was a beautiful 79-degree day today. I took Ben and Lauren to the zoo with my sister and nephew. When we got home I promised Ben and Lauren if they laid down for an hour while I made some phone calls we would play outside when Jack got home from school. My plan was to sit outside with my neighbor with a glass of wine, but when she dropped Jack off she looked terrible. My poor neighbor said that she had a sinus infection and was getting a migraine. I told her that I had promised the kids that they could play outside and I would be happy to watch her kids while she lay down. We were only outside for about 15 minutes when the negative neighbor with her two naughty boys (5yrs and 8yrs) came home. The nasty neighbor didn't ask if I would watch her kids, she didn't even give me a friendly wave. She just sent them over to play. I try to be neighborly, I'll watch your kids, you watch mine, but the thing is she has never watched mine nor has she watched anyone else’s. I don't blame her for not wanting to be around her kids, they really are terrible. They are disrespectful, negative (just like her), rude and just plain unpleasant to be around. Jack and Ben were riding around in their Power Wheels Jeep which I usually don't let them get out when a lot of kids are out, but who knew that the negative neighbor would stick me with her kids. I set the ground rules early. There are only two seats in the Jeep, so only two can ride at a time and you need to sit properly. When Jack came driving by with the oldest naughty boy in the passenger seat sitting sidesaddle I explained that you have to sit properly. The kid proceeded to tell me that he didn't fit sitting forward. I very calmly explained that he must be too big to play with that toy. The next thing I know he crammed himself into the seat facing forward. Okay kid, you won that round. The second lap around Jack stopped and told me that the Jeep wasn't going as fast as it usually does. I explained to the boys that it was because there was too much weight in the Jeep and told the big kid to get out. I didn't tell him that he couldn't play outside, I simply told him that he couldn't ride in my kids' $400 toy that I know his mother would NEVER replace if he broke it. Shortly after I told him to find something else to do he said he was going inside because I wouldn't let him play. Should I feel bad about that? I don't.

A Day Of Firsts

2009-01-21T19:46:00.004-06:00

Today was an emotional, exciting, exhilarating, electrifying, eerie and many other 'E' adjectives day. As you know I got my real estate license. It started as a way to learn more and save money when we buy investment properties. Then as I got further and further into it I became more and more interested in pursuing real estate as a career. My hope is to work part-time for the next two years, then have a thriving full time career when Ben and Lauren start Kindergarten. I already have a listing and two more listing leads! Today I took buyers from CA around so they could get a better idea of what they wanted and what they could get for their money in TX. I had to take Ben and Lauren to Adventure Kids Playcare while I was working. I didn't mentally prepare myself for this day. After all, what's the big deal? I have left them with babysitters in my home countless times, Jack went to daycare the first year of his life, this is only a few hours at a time and this place came highly recommended from several reliable sources. As a matter of fact, the owner is from Nebraska and personally knows one of my best friends. I built this place up like no other. Ben and Lauren were so excited. They couldn't wait to take their lunches in their Dora and Diego lunch bags and play with the other kids. When we arrived the director took the kids and I on a tour of the facility. Before we were through the whole place Ben and Lauren were climbing through the giant indoor jungle gym. I finished the tour without them, and then stopped by to let them know that I was leaving. They each gave me quick kisses and hugs then ran back to the jungle gym. Lauren must have sensed that I was upset (after all she will be a woman someday) and came running after me for one last hug, kiss and a "see ya soon mommy, I love you!” When I got to my car I really thought I could throw up and I had to fight back tears. I don't know why this hit me so hard! I called Travis and got his voicemail. In retrospect it was better that I got his voicemail he wouldn't have gotten it. I called my girlfriend Trisha who was able to talk me off the ledge. Thank God for girlfriends!

Not Scary Fairy

2009-01-21T18:54:00.005-06:00

Jack: Mom, is the tooth fairy real?
Me: What do you mean?
Jack: I think the tooth fairy is a myth.
Me: Why do you think that?
Jack: Well, I don't think fairies are real.
Me: Then where do you think the money comes from?
Jack: I think some guy breaks in through my window, takes my tooth and leaves the money, but it isn't scary.
Me: I see. Just because he is called the "tooth fairy" doesn't mean that he is like Tinkerbell.
Jack: Oh, I get it; his name is "The Tooth Fairy" just like my name is Jack.
Me: Exactly...

Moral of this story, never answer a question until you know exactly what they are asking!

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

2009-01-17T15:55:00.003-06:00

It has been so cold lately that I have been reminded why we wanted to move from Nebraska to Texas. Jack had the day off school so we went to the gym early before heading to my office to prepare for my first listing appointment.

Me: Come on babies, let's hurry in!
Jack: Why are we hurrying?
Me: It's freezing!
Jack: Look mom, I am breathing fire!
Ben: I am a monster!
Jack: I am a dragon!
Lauren: I'm a princess.
Me: I'm freezing, that's not fire, that is the condensation of the water vapor in your breath.

Stay Alive, Don't Drink and Drive

2009-01-10T12:55:00.003-06:00

Jack: Mom, what are you doing?
Me: Driving.
Jack: I know that, but what is in your cup holder?
Me: Diet Mountain Dew
Jack: You are breaking the law!
Me: What? No, I'm not.
Jack: Yes you are!
Me: What law am I breaking?
Jack: You aren't suppose to drink and drive!
Me: You can drink soda; you just can't drink wine or beer.
Jack: Then, they need to be more specific.

When I Grow Up...

2009-01-07T19:45:00.002-06:00

Jack: When I grow up I want to be a stay-at-home dad.
Me: That's great, why?
Jack: So I can watch TV all day.
Me: Well, you know if you are a stay-at-home dad you have to clean the house, do the laundry, cook the dinner and take care of the kids.
Jack: Then, I guess I will just be a fireman instead.

Gym Etiquette

2009-01-06T20:58:00.003-06:00

To the elderly overweight gentleman in the orange tank top, red running shorts and knee high tube socks at the gym this morning. I appreciate your efforts to make a New Years resolution, really I do. I don't know what diet plan you are following that recommends you eat 12 pounds of garlic for dinner. But, you have to understand that the smell of your sweat and breath is unbearable the morning after. Now that I have made you aware of your odor I hope that you won't be offended when I ask you to never come within 2 machines of me again. I nearly passed out from your odor. I had to lean away from you just to catch a breath of fresh air. I know you are new so you are unaware of gym etiquette. Rule number one; if there are other machines available, leave at least one machine between you and someone you don't know. Rule number two; the gym is not a fashion show, but tank tops are reserved for the men and women who are in good shape, all others should stick to a T-shirt. Rule number three; after you have sweat all over a machine please wipe it down, that is just plain nasty! If you implement these three basic rules the next time you come to the gym you will be less likely to be chased out by the meatheads that were staring at you with distain.

Brotherly Love

2009-01-03T19:45:00.003-06:00

Ben: Wanna pway wace? (translation: Want to play race?)
Jack: No
Ben: Wanna pway caws? (translation: Want to play cars?)
Jack: No
Ben: Den whadda ya wanna pway, it's your choice! (translation: Then what do you want to play? It’s your choice!)
Jack: (laying on his stomach ignoring him and watching TV)
Ben: (jumping on Jack's back) Wanna pway sandwich? (translation: Want to play sandwich?)

I just love that Benny, so persistent. He is going to be a great sales person someday, make them give you at least three rejections before you give up!

Benny and the Chocolate Pancake

2009-01-03T18:46:00.004-06:00

We took the kids to a local cafe for lunch this afternoon. It is one of those places you can order breakfast all day. Everyone ordered lunch, except Ben. Benny wanted pancakes.

Ben: I want pancakes!
Me: Okay, do you want chocolate chip pancakes or plain pancakes?
Ben: CHOCOLATE chip!

When the pancakes arrived I asked Ben if he wanted me to cut up his pancake or fold it in half so he could eat it like a sandwich. He chose sandwich style so I folded the pancake. Suddenly the kid flipped out. He wanted no part of the pancake. He wouldn't even take a bite. We patiently explained that if he didn't eat his pancake that we would take it home for dinner. By the end of the meal the pancake was still untouched so we packed it into the environmentally incorrect styrofoam box. The kid didn't have anything for lunch. When dinner rolled around I warmed up the pancake and presented it on Ben's favorite plastic plate. Again he flipped out. Travis asked him to look at him so he could explain the benefits of eating his pancake. Ben refused to look at Travis, shutting his eyes and covering his face. Let the standoff begin. Ben is the most stubborn person in this house; unfortunately for him he picked a fight with a close second on the stubborn scale. After several minutes on the steps for disrespecting his dad he was invited to come back to the table to try his pancake. Travis convinced him to try a bite of his pancake. Upon taking an ant sized bite he gagged and spit it out into his napkin.

Ben: I'm full.
Travis: Do you want me to save your pancake for breakfast?
Ben: Yes.

As soon as the pancake was safely in the refrigerator Ben asked me for a bite of my chicken chili. Ben hates the chicken chili, but for some reason that was better than his favorite food with chocolate on it. I had to hold my ground and deny his request. He even tried to eat the crust of Lauren's grilled cheese on wheat bread. I stopped him in his tracks. He will not be eating until he eats the pancake that he ASKED for. This kid is just stubborn enough to starve himself. To be continued...

Under My Umbrella

2009-01-02T20:55:00.003-06:00

Lauren: Mom, where is my game?
Me: I don't have it, ask Grammy.
Grammy: I don't have it.
Me: Seriously? I asked you to make sure the kids had their games when they got in the car.
Grammy: I didn't hear you.
Me: Lauren, you need to be responsible for your own game, where is it?
Lauren: I left it at Walmart.
Me: Are you kidding? It is probably gone forever.

Hauling ass to Walmart to see if the game is still there. We checked for the cart we used, but it was already gone. We went to customer service and it wasn't in the lost and found. As we walked away Lauren was crying and I was adding the cost of the $70 Leapster 2 and the $20 Diego game that was in it then dividing it by the two days she played with it. I loaded her back in the car and we continued with our errands. I was hacked.

Lauren: Am I ever going to have a Leapster again?
Me: I can't afford to replace it Lauren it is gone.
Lauren: I am so sad.
Me: Me too.
Lauren: Are you angry with me?
Me: Yes, let's stop talking about it.
Lauren: Well, at least I still have my umbrella.
Me: I could have bought you a new umbrella for $5.96. I think you should be quiet for a while.
Lauren: Why?
Me: Because mommy is really angry.
Lauren: Yes ma'am.

When we got home her Leaapster was sitting on the sofa. What a relief. But, I can't stop thinking that the $5.96 princess umbrella is equivalent to the $70 Leapster in her mind. Why don't I ever learn?

Bun In The Oven

2008-12-30T19:53:00.003-06:00

Lauren got one of the Cuddle 'N Coo dolls for Christmas. My mom ordered it shortly after all of the "Islam is the light" controversy so that Lauren would be sure to get one before they were pulled from shelves. Lauren took to this doll time and time again when we were perusing the toy aisles before Christmas. Lauren loves the doll and for the first time has given the baby a real name. Her name is Sally Baby compared to her other dolls Potty Girl, Naked Baby, Pink Baby and so on. The talking has started to bother her, but she won't admit it. I have caught her covering the baby's face so she won't have to hear her and tonight she searched and searched for Sally Baby before she went to bed. When she found her, she brought her to her bedroom, opened the door to her play oven, put Sally Baby in, closed the door and climbed into her bed. When I questioned her about Sally Baby sleeping in the oven she said it was so the baby wouldn't wake her up.